Let Me be with You
by Megami no Hikari1
Summary: Two years after the quest for the shards of the Shikon no Tama began, emotions are at an all time high and the tension btw Inu Yasha and Kagome has grown. As the end draws near, Inu Yasha deliberately pushes Kagome away, breaking her heart and his own.
1. Of Arguments and Aching Backs

"Stupid… stupid… stupid… girl…" came a groan of pain from a lone figure clad in red lying face down on a forest floor.  

His silver white hair fanned across his back, tangled and "decorated" with small leaves and twigs.  The figure twitched just a bit, but remained almost lifeless.  For what seemed like hours, he laid still, his face covered by his silken locks.  Finally, he rolled onto his back, emitting a groan and couple of colorful curses in the process.  Piercing amber eyes stare up at the forest canopy; rays of sunshine peeked through tree limbs onto his dirt smudged and slightly abused face.  At the moment, that face was twisted into a pained grimace, yet, despite his expression, his visage shined with the light of youth and vigor, a handsome face and also a very dirty face.  Two furry, white ears peeked out amongst his silver-white hair, twitching atop his head.  Although he seemed helpless at the moment, he remained alert ready and willing to take action if his sharp hearing detected any threat.  A growl erupted in his throat but soon mutated into a groan as he struggled up on his elbows, feeling each of his vertebrae creak in protest to his movement.  Every joint in his body screamed in pain, reminders of his last encounter with a frustrated and belligerent miko.  

"Damn her," he growled again to no one in particular, wiping some excess dirt off of his hikama, "She didn't have to say it 15 times…"

_Whether I deserved it or not…_

His clawed hand ran over his body lightly, checking for any broken bones then fell to the ground beneath him.  It was dented.  He then realized that he was slightly below ground level as well.  

"Stupid prayer beads…  Stupid Kaede!!!  Stupid Kagome!!!  I hate her so much!!!" he semi yelled as the realization that his torture had left an impression of his prone body in the ground.  Grumbling to himself, he continued to complain to no one in particular, "Why couldn't she just stay like I told her to..?   Why does she always have some excuse to go back..?  I mean, what is really that important that she has to keep goin' there?  Isn't this mission important? Aren't I important?"

His angry expression drooped.  He knew the answers to all his questions.  He was just too stubborn to admit that he was often in the wrong.  He sat in the now stone silent forest, an introspective look on his battered face.  Only minutes ago, neither he nor the forest had been as calm…  

***Flashback***

"What do you mean I can't go?!" 

Birds fled from their resting places amongst the ancient trees, some squawking in ire for being disturbed on such a beautiful morning.  The songbirds had long ceased their singing in the wake of what promised to be a horrid argument and small animals scattered for cover in fear.  Two figures stood facing each other, each in a stance comparable to that of rams ready to lock horns in battle.  In the tree-lined cove, a girl stood, clad in a green and white school uniform, her hands balled into fists at her hips, her legs slightly apart.  On her back a heavy, yellow and slightly worn book bag sat, it seemed a bit too heavy for the girl to handle on her own but she gave no indication of noticing its weight at the moment.  Her stance was rigid save for the wind blowing blue-black hair about her shoulders.  Anger almost visibly radiated off her body, her brown eyes narrowed and flashed fire.  This sailor fuku suited opponent was not one to take lightly if her glare was any indication.  

Before her stood a silver haired young boy donning red from head to toe.  His amber eyes were also narrowed, glaring daggers at the young girl.  He wore an enraged expression on his face and his arms crossed his chest.  To any spectator he would appear quite intimidating, being a full head taller than girl and obviously not fully human.  His ears were flattened back against his head and his mouth was set in a sneer, showing razor sharp canines.  His growl punctured the silence following the young girl's explosion.  

"What do ya' mean, '_What do I mean'?  I said you can't go home!  It's final!  Get over it and march your ass back to camp, you stupid girl," Inu Yasha yelled back in response.   _

"I will not let you do this to me again…  I will come and go as I please!  I have sacrificed too much of my life just to be here.  I refuse to stand here and let you tell me I can't even go home for two days.   On the other side of that well, I have a life, a life that is steadily being ruined while I get dragged from countryside to countryside almost getting killed in the process.  I have friends who I hardly know anymore because I never get to see them…  I have a family who loves me and worries that one day I won't come home and, to add to that they have to constantly lie to everyone to cover for me.  I have school.  But, that's about to be ruined too.  My grades are slipping.  When I get your "permission" to even go to school, I have no idea what's going on," tears of frustration welled up in the eyes of the girl.  It seemed that she wanted to say more but she bit her lip to hold it back.  Her fists were still balled tightly, her nails pricking her palm.

The hanyou's jaw dropped, taken aback by the young girl standing before him; the tears always hurt him and now her words were even more painful.  Pride steeled his expression once again, and he growled harshly, "Kagome, every damn time you decide you want to run off to your world, we miss a chance to complete the jewel.  Always complaining about you grades!  Keh!!!  Who cares about them!   Besides, you can't even protect yourself in your own world.  I always have to come and save your ass.  You should stay put like I tell you to.  Then, we could get this mission over, instead of me chasing after you between worlds to make sure no one kills you before the Shikon no Tama is finally complete."   

Kagome jerked back as if the boy had slapped her.  Unshed tears began to stream down her cheeks and her face flushed a deep shade of red.  Several emotions flickered across her face in that moment, sorrow, anger, shock, and hatred.  Then her vision slid slowly to ground beneath her, her blue-black bangs shadowed her face.  There was a heavy silence and though the miko made no sound, her shoulders shook with sobs, crystal tears raining down to the ground.

In that silence, the young boy's expression transformed to that of pain.  It seemed as if he were fighting something from within.  His stance became rigid, teeth gritting and fangs visible.  His eyes were pleading, almost hoping that Kagome was not as hurt as she seemed.  This was not the first argument like this they'd had.  However, today, the young miko's reaction to his words was definitely different.  Usually, she would have screamed "Inu Yasha, Sit!!!"  He could sense that not all was well. He lost the battle with himself and slid forward hesitantly seeking to comfort her, "Kag…"

His progress was interrupted by the sound of Kagome's voice, a voice devoid of all emotion, "Inu Yasha… You may say that what's important to me is insignificant, but that's all because nothing I care about matters to you.  In the end, when it's all said and done, you will have everything you want.  And I, well I… will be discarded.  I will be sent back to a world that I feel almost completely disconnected from.  I fight so hard to go back because I need to at least make sure my life there won't be ruined when the time comes and there is nothing left here for me."

"Kagome..?   What the hell are you saying?" Inu Yasha yelled.  He appeared to be confused tremendously.

The girl continued to stare at the ground, her voice cold, "It's never enough.  Nothing I do is ever enough.  Even if you don't even realize it, you compare me to "her"; the way I walk, the way I talk, what I wear, how I fight.  In the end, you will be with her.  And yet, I promised to stay here with you, to be where you are.  I am willing to trust you with my life and follow you to the ends of the earth. I ask for very little from you and what I do ask for you never give me without a fight.  Whatever she would ask of you, I am sure you would give.  You are willing to give your life for her, whether or not she deserves it."

Inu Yasha stood speechless for a moment.  Then, frustration overrode his good judgment, "Why are you so fucking jealous of Kikyo!  You and I both know it's my duty to fulfill the promise I made to her.  Furthermore, I don't compare you to Kikyo, she's way stronger than you and she knows how to use the powers she has.  Half of the time, you're so stupid you can't even shoot straight or defend yourself.  That's why I am obligated to protect you. I have to keep you alive so we can get all the jewel shards and finish this damn mission.  Can't you get that through your thick skull?!"

"…  I see…" The girl walked up to Inu Yasha, her head still downcast.  Abruptly she lifted her head and stared directly into the molten amber eyes of the dog demon standing before her.  Inu Yasha recoiled from the immense pain present in those bottomless brown eyes.  He recognized that look.  Kagome often tried to hide it, but he always saw.  Anytime the topic of Kikyo popped up, her eyes would cloud over.  Now that repressed sorrow and pain welled up to the surface, overpowering all other emotions in her.  Then, just as quickly, she swung at the hanyou, slapping him across the face with enough power to make him stumble back.  

"I am not your obligation!!!  Just leave me alone!!!"  She yelled her voice raw and strained.   Making a beeline for the Bone Eater's Well, she ran full speed past the startled half demon.  Her face was set in grim determination as she sprinted the 100-meter distance to her only means of escaping the age of Sengoku Jidai. 

Wide-eyed and speechless, the young boy stood; his hand gingerly touching his slightly reddened and blood smudged cheek.   However, the girl had not struck him hard enough to draw blood; it was the blood of the young priestess, blood surfacing from welts in her palms where she fisted her hands too tightly in her rage.  Recovering from his shock, Inu Yasha lightning quick reflexes kicked in. His face twisted in outrage at being struck and having to chase the disobedient miko.   As Kagome reached out to touch the lip of Bone Eater's Well, her hold body jerked to a stop as the angry half youkai latched on to her elbow with strong clawed hand.  

"What the fuck is your problem!" Inu Yasha barked, "I told you to stay put!"

"And I told you to…" Kagome body began emanating a purple glow. Her miko energy, fueled by her emotions, pulsed all about her before she screamed, "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Then she let loose a short blast of energy strong enough to knock Inu Yasha flat on his back.  The young girl stood there for a moment shocked at her own actions.  It was obvious that she hadn't meant to cause the dog demon any harm.  Her previous anger drained from her face and was replaced by fear.  Kagome had not used her miko power so impulsively since her first encounter with Mistress Centipede.

"In…  Inu Yasha?" Kagome shuffled toward the prone and smoking figure of her companion, "Are you…"

Her words were cut short as Inu Yasha pushed himself up on his elbows, glaring all the while.

"Kagome, you stupid bitch!" He snarled, casting an accusatory glance in her direction.

Kagome's face was once again livid, her control finally snapped, "That does it!  Inu Yasha! Sit! Sit! SIT! SIT!  SIT! SIT! SIT…"  

***End of Flashback***


	2. Thoughts of a Hanyou

Inu Yasha sat before the well pondering what he should do.  His amber eyes bore in to the vine covered rock wall, while his mind ran a mile a minute, thinking of recent events.  Had Shippou been present, the little kitsune would have had a grand time making fun of the dog demon's thoughtful expression.  The little youkai would never willingly miss chance to annoy Inu Yasha and usually be clobbered in the process.  However, Shippou and Miroku had left for a neighboring town hours ago upon realizing that Kagome and the hanyou's "discussion" would take forever to conclude.  Only Sango and Kirara stayed behind to gather extra supplies and any juicy details from warring couple's argument.

The dog demon's left eye began to twitch as he thought of all the comments he would hear later on. The group never hesitated to give their advice and/ or badger the bewildered half demon about his relationship with Kagome, especially Miroku, who, in Inu Yasha's opinion, needed to take his own advice when it came to women.  Shippou would probably call him all kinds of names, until Inu Yasha hit him and Sango would glare disapprovingly at him as usual.   

_"Kami-sama, this is just peachy. I don't need anyone's advice.  I just want to be left alone."_

_"You will be alone if you continue to be a jackass…"_

_"How dare you… I mean me…  I mean...  Just who the hell are you!?"_

_"Stupid, this is your conscience.  Something you refrain from using…"_

_"…"_

_"Baka…  Just as I thought, if you used me more often, you and Kagome might just be getting along much better."_

_"It's too late now.  She probably hates my guts." Inu Yasha sighed deeply as he thought Kagome.  Thinking of her hating him, made the hanyou hurt deep down inside.__  "Half the time, I don't want to even argue.  It's just when I open my mouth, I put my foot right in.  The words just never come out right."_

_"Now that's an understatement." _

_"I mean, cut me some slack here.  I have been alone most of my life.  Everything is still new to me.  Having friends, looking out for anyone other than myself, caring about someone…  I am still not sure how to go about it.  It's not really that easy…"_

_"It could be easy… only if you stop pushing people away."_

Inu Yasha's brow furrowed as he chewed on that piece of information, _"What do you mean I push people away!  I do not…"_

_"Yes you do!  BAKA!!!  You hide behind anger.  When you think someone is getting to close to finding out your true nature, you act like an asshole.  You hardly ever say what you really feel. You let pride and fear rule your tongue.  Stop being such a coward!"_

_"I am not a coward…" Inu Yasha's eyes glazed over with unshed tears, he was frustrated beyond belief__, "What about Kikyo?  I can't go on with something new knowing I haven't avenged her death. Naraku hurt Kikyo and I wasn't there to save her.   I made a promise to her; a promise cannot be broken."_

_"What about Kagome?  She loves you.  Can you honestly deny that you have feelings for her?  Why don't you just tell her the truth?"_

"Kagome…" her name escaped his lips in a heartfelt sigh.  How did he really feel about Kagome?  Was he in love with her?  Was she a replacement for Kikyo or something more than that?  He already knew the answers and yet, he still questioned himself.  His thoughts drifted to his current love triangle, _"I never wanted to love her.  From the moment I met her, I vowed to hate her guts.  How could I not?  I spent 50 years in limbo dreaming of revenge against Kikyo and woke up to find a Kikyo look-alike sprawled out in front of me. I guess life is funny like that.  I didn't know what she would mean to me back then.   She was clumsy, loud, bitchy, weird, and the reincarnation of Kikyo, my first love and executioner, to top it off. Yet, she was so different from the dead miko that there's now way I could mistake the two.   Kikyo killed me.  Kagome resurrected me. While they do share one soul, they are opposites._

_ In the beginning, I thought she was a weakling because I was trying to compare her to my first love.  Kikyo was always so strong and in control.  I never once saw her flustered.  Kikyo had always been inverted, quiet and regal.  Our moments together had always been in secret, our conversations quiet.  Sometimes we would just embrace.  I knew that she was as lonely as I was.  There was always such sadness and desperation in her eyes when she came to me, as if she yearned for something she could not have.  I gave her all the attention I could but in the end, she would push me away, shame and disgust evident in her features.  She was ashamed of our love, only accepting me because I cared about who she was not what she was.  The villagers revered her for being a powerful miko and the keeper of the Shikon no Tama.  She dedicated her life to her people but yearned for love.  I guess I gave her that. Still, she could not accept that I was half demon.  Not that I blame her, I couldn't even accept myself.  I was an outcast amongst humans and demons alike. I attached myself to Kikyo like a lovelorn pup hoping that we might be together forever.  How naïve was I? How could anyone really love a half-breed? Kikyo wanted me to use the Shikon no Tama to become human so she could finally love me fully and be free of her duties as protector of the jewel.  I almost did.  If Naraku had not tricked Kikyo and me, we would have been together.  _

_I really don't know if Kagome would ask me to become human. I am not even sure if it matters to her at all. I have never seen her cringe from me even when I'm at my worst.  I could be a human, crazed youkai, or hanyou and she never backs down.  We could be fighting the most intimidating foe and she will be right beside me even when I tell her to run. She is a baka…  But I can't help but be amazed at her inner strength.  I know I never say it aloud but I am. Her aura glows and becomes stronger with each day.  She has this potential to be so powerful and yet she doesn't know it.  I still wonder how in seven hells she managed to pull Tetsusaiga out when neither my brother nor I could do it. It has been many occasions where I could have met my maker and Kagome somehow saved the day, though I never admit it.  I remember the day we fought Yura of the Demon Hair.  I saw her strength then.  She was so focused and determined to defeat Yura, despite the fact that we were both getting our ass kicked.  And that time with Sesshoumaru…  Kami-sama, how many times has Kagome almost lost her life trying to save mine?  I don't even know.      _

_  The first day I met her even I tried to kill her. Well, not really kill her...  I just wanted to rough her up a little to make her fork over the Shikon no Tama. I don't know if the prayer beads gave her confidence or just her trust in me, I can't really recall a time when Kagome looked at me with fear.  When I transformed into a full youkai, I could sense the fear in her but it was not fear for her life.  She feared for mine.  She knew I would fight until I eventually destroyed myself and she was scared.  Kami, she even tried to console me afterwards, after I mindlessly shed so much blood right before her eyes.  _

_"I understand…" (Anime 52, Manga)_

_Kagome is so trusting and empathetic, no matter what form I may be in.  I know now that I could never intentionally hurt her.  I do it enough without trying.  The words I say… the things I do; I know it hurts her but I can't help myself. I don't want her to love me because in the end I will probably hurt her the most. I made my vow to Kikyo and I refuse to break it.  I know she understands that.  Kagome has never really demanded that I stay away from Kikyo.  She gets upset but she never says a thing, or at least tries not to.  She is so much stronger than I am when it comes to emotions.  She deserves more than I give her but, I won't let her be with anyone else.  I can't help it.  Thinking of someone other than me touching Kagome, holding her, protecting her, makes me crazy.  _

_When that stupid prick Kouga comes around, I want to break his face.  He has no right to be near her.  He's too stupid to know how to handle the girl.  What am in the seven hells am I saying!  I am such a fucking hypocrite.  I don't even know how to handle her.  At least he has the balls to say how he feels about her.   _

_ Inu Yasha's amber stare was intense although he was looking at nothing in particular.  His facial expression shifted every once in awhile depending on his thoughts.  To an outsider it would seem that the dog demon was experiencing facial spasms, as his expressions shifted from stern, to irritated, and then softened.  A hint of a smile would grace his lips and amber eyes would glow softly as if reliving some fond memory. His cheeks were starting to flush red as his thoughts began to wonder into uncharted and dangerous territory.  ___

_I don't want her to give her love to someone new.  I want to be with her. I want to love Kagome.  I dream about her at night and daydream about how it would feel to make her mine, how she would react to my touch.  I know it's not right but that doesn't keep my imagination from running wild.   Sometimes, I just wish I could go to her and take her in my arms the way I did before I tried to send her back to her world, except this time I would kiss her, run my hands through her hair and never let her go. The youkai blood in me boils when she is near.      _

_Her scent drives me beyond what I can bear and yet somehow I manage to resist temptation.  I cannot act on what I feel because I am scared that she may reject me or if we become too close, I will hurt her more in the end.  It becomes harder each day to put aside my feelings for her.  I believe that youkai in me chose Kagome, even though she is human. When I was a full-blooded demon and all I wanted to do was kill, my youkai blood recognized Kagome (*Manga 16, Chapter 157).  It wanted to take her its right then and there.  If I hadn't been fighting to control myself, I am sure I would have "attacked" the wench.  Kami, that wouldn't have been a good situation.  I can tell Kagome has never been with anyone.  Her scent is too pure. I most likely would have torn her apart with the state of mind that I had back then.  I still feel the animalistic need, I want her so badly sometimes that I am afraid to be near her. _

_Thinking about it some more, I also remember desiring Kikyo.  I don't think what I feel for Kagome is the same as what I feel for Kikyo. I think the human side of me chose her first.   My desire for her had not been as primal as it now is with Kagome.  My Kikyo was too pure and untouchable.  I wanted her love to cleanse me, to make me more than a dirty hanyou.  I was willing to forsake my demon side to be with her.  The dead miko was my first love because of this; I am reluctant to let go of her memory.  I know I feel more than lust for Kagome though.  I care about her a great deal.  When she's close by, I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach almost as if I swallowed butterflies.  When she is by my side, I am stronger.  I feel like I can take on the world.      _

_  The humanity in me causes turmoil in my heart because it loves the two of them.  Go figure.  My human emotions would have to include indecisiveness. I hate it.  Am I wrong for loving them both?  I mean... it's not that simple to choose between them.  When Kikyo pinned me to the Goshinboku, I still loved her.  I felt betrayed and hurt but my heart still cried out for her for fifty years.  I had no time to come to terms with her death or our relationship because she was resurrected from the very earth she'd become part of half a century ago.  If the Gods didn't enjoy plot twists, Kikyo would still be dead and I would have been able to love Kagome wholeheartedly instead of running back and forth between the two, making pledges of love to one and longing for the other.  Thinking of it now, if things were simple would I have met Kagome?  Would Kikyo have died at all?  To think that I would never see her smiling face or smell her entrancing scent does not sit well with me.  Could I have been complete without knowing she existed?  I just can't imagine my life without her now.  It's hard enough being without her when she goes home for a couple of days.  I don't know what comes over me.  It's like I feel empty and anxious.  When I can't sense her presence or smell her anywhere near me, I get this growing sense of dread that at that moment, she needs me to protect her and I am not there.  It's happened before.  The first time the Noh mask of flesh attacked her in her time and I was sitting in Sengoku Jidai sulking. _

_I know that in time, I won't be able to be there for her anymore.  Once this mission is done, I will be gone.  No more adventures, no Sango, no Miroku, no Shippou, or Kirara…  Sometimes, I hope this mission never ends just so I can be by Kagome's side.  She said she would be there for me until the end but now I am not so sure.  I treat her like shit a lot of the time.  I wouldn't blame her if she got fed up and never came back. I can't help it.  I get so fucking frustrated at my situation, knowing that I want to take her in my arms and tell her, no…  show her what she does to me and also knowing that I can't say a word lest things become more complicated than it already is.  I want to love her but instead, I choose to hurt her.  Perhaps, it's all for the best to have this distance between us.  She is from the future, a time I know nothing about. She has friends, family, and a life I know nothing about.     In the end, she will go back there to stay.  She knows that I haven't changed my mind about keeping my word to Kikyo. Kikyo… Though our circumstances now hold us apart, we will be together in death.  I vowed to follow her to the underworld so that her soul can finally find peace.   I must fulfill my promise or I will not be able to live happily knowing that I have dishonored both Kikyo's memory and myself.  I mean even half-breeds have honor.  _

Inu Yasha's red clad shoulders slumped forward a bit as he came finally to a conclusion, a decision that cut him to his very soul._  I know she chooses to stay but I love her too much to allow her to hurt herself because of me.  There have been times when I almost didn't make it to save her.  She could have died right before my eyes.  I tried to keep her away.  I honestly tried. I took the shards and pushed her into the well.  She wasn't supposed to be able to return but when I was on my last leg, she came to me. She is like my guardian angel.  She sees to me when I am injured, comforts me when I am conflicted, supports me when I am embattled, cries for me when I am endangered… She is there when I need her the most whether or not I admit it.  But who is supposed to protect her?  I am…and I do a shitty job.     _

_ So where does that leave Kagome and me? Nowhere…  We can't have a future together, no matter how much I would want to. It just can't work. I am no good for her.  She deserves someone who will never make her cry and will be by her side always.  I can't be that one.  Not in this lifetime.  Still, I will protect her, even if it's from her own self.        ___

His piercing amber eyes clouded over with unshed tears.  He knew that he had to let Kagome go.  He wasn't sure how he was going to go about it but it had to be done.  He loved Kagome and was sure she shared those feelings although she never said it.  He could see it in the way she looked at him, stuck by his side, and took care of him whether or not it was necessary.   He remembered the day that she returned to him even after he physically barred her from Sengoku Jidai.  He remembered the time she'd come back even after realizing that his feelings for Kikyo would not fade (*Vol. 18... chapter 176). 

_"May I be with you …?"_

Inu Yasha's ears flattened against his silver mane, a lone tear trickled down his cheek before being roughly wiped away by the sleeve of his haori.  "No Kagome…   Gomen…  It's the only way…" the hanyou's voice was rough with emotion.  He sat up abruptly, securing the sheathed Tetsusaiga at his hip and sped off toward the village.  

Airborne, his hot tears went unchecked, free to fly into wind.  He ran and leaped with reckless abandon, willing himself to forget anything but the quest he had ahead of him: to defeat Naraku and complete the Shikon no Tama.  He arrived at the village and headed straight for Kaede's hut knowing that Sango probably was there waiting.    

***Back at the Village***

Kirara stood transformed and purring softly as Sango rubbed her back.  The youkai had been in desperate need of grooming and the taiji-ya decided to stay behind to tend to her friend and companion.  She bit down a little on her bottom lip as she spotted Inu Yasha's approach.  Kagome was not with him and she knew exactly why.  _Inu Yasha...  You idiot…  Why can't you just be nice to Kagome-chan? You two always fight.  I have half a mind to hit you over the head with Hiraikotsu for all the times that you make her cry.  She loves you and you know that have feelings for her too._

Sango's thoughts ended as the half demon brushed by her.  His face was shadowed by his silver bangs.  She could feel that something was not quiet right and it worried her.  Inu Yasha had not uttered a word or even acknowledged her presence.  Usually, he would glare at her in the aftermath of a fight with Kagome, daring her to say anything so he could yell and let off some steam.  His silence was unsettling and so she decided she would prompt him a bit.

"Did she say when she was coming back?" Sango asked almost nonchalantly as she placed some supplies on Kirara's back.  

Inu Yasha visibly stiffened at the mention of the young miko's name but did not raise his head, "No, she didn't"

"She'll be back soon I'm sure…" Sango replied, becoming more worried at the inu hanyou's uncharacteristic quietness.  "You know you shouldn't fight with her so much."  

"Keh…" was Inu Yasha's only reply before entering the healer's home.

Sango stared after him perplexed, but decided not push her luck with too many questions.  She would allow Miroku to do that; the houshi seemed to be more aggressive when conversing with the irate hanyou.  He would find out what was wrong, even if he got a few bumps on the head in the process.  Perhaps if Miroku found out what was wrong, he would tell the demon exterminator.  _I hope he doesn't try to grope me in the process…  _Sango's fist clenched almost out of habit and her right eyebrow twitched a bit.  The houshi seemed to have habit of letting his hand wander at the most inappropriate times, not that there was a good time for grabbing on someone's extremities.  Sango exhaled loudly, trying to shake her head clean of the monk who seemed to occupy her thoughts more and more nowadays.  A small smile unconsciously tugged at her lips as she remembered how she and Miroku conversed earlier in the day.  He'd been a perfect gentleman.  That memory would stick with her always.  Her smile faded as she came back to the present.  

_Inu Yasha and Kagome have been fighting way too much lately.  If they keep this up, we will never be able to finish this mission.  If only the two weren't so stubborn…  Even Miroku and I managed to get our acts together a bit… though we are far from a perfect couple, not by a long shot.  Sango shrugged off her thoughts and continued to tend to Kirara, who was shuffling a bit.  The cat youkai seemingly picked up on the hanyou's negative vibes as well. _

"Just let him sulk, Kirara.  He'll snap out of it eventually, I hope."  

Unbeknownst to the young demon exterminator, Inu Yasha heard her statement clearly from inside the hut.  A growl erupted in his throat but he refrained from yelling.  In truth, he had come to speak to Kaede about advice on the hunt for jewel shards.  He was hoping that she could give him advice on how to better detect jewel shards without a miko being present.  Upon entering her home, he realized Kaede was not there although her scent was strong in the air.  He was not in the mood to track her down.  In fact, he was not in the mood to do anything really except brood.    He would not wait for the old healer knowing she would lecture him too.  

_I got enough to deal with as it is.  Kaede ba-ba's chattering about what I should be doing when it concerns Kagome will do me no good now.  I have made up my mind for the last time.  No more debating or deliberating.  _

His eyes hardened to amber ice.  Rigidly he turned and made his way out the door almost bumping into Kaede.  So deep in his thoughts was he, that he had not even detected the old priestess' approach.

"Inu Yasha, ye seem to be having difficulties with Kagome.  Do ye not remember?  In the beginning I told ye two to work together. Together ye will defeat Naraku.  Arguing and fighting will help ye little for time grows short."

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah… Kaede ba-ba…  I have heard this all before and with all this "time being short"; I don't have time to waste on lectures.  I gotta' get goin' if you don't mind."  He then turned to Sango who was trying her best to seem oblivious but failing, "Are you ready?  Let's get the hell out of here."

"What about Kagome?  Would it be wise to try and…." Sango's protest was cut short.

Inu Yasha dismissed her doubts with a growl, "She is where she belongs and we belong on the road, NOW.   So, either you get a move on or meet me in the next village."  He began walking off towards the woods, not looking back.

Sango huffed indignantly, "That boy…  How rude can he get?!"

Kaede looked after the disappearing hanyou, "He has much conflict in his soul.  Ye'd be better off not tempting him to anger.  His attitude is a bit too volatile, I see."

Sango nodded in agreement and then mounted Kirara, taking to the skies.  

"Ye need not worry about Kagome.  When she returns, I will inform her of which way ye have headed," the healer yelled out Sango.


	3. Reflections of a Miko

On the other side of the well, Kagome sat on its rim gasping as hot tears spilled down her flushed cheeks, her knuckles whitened as she gripped the hard stone edge.  She sat in darkness, not sure if she wanted to face the light of day, not with the mood she was in.  

_Why do I always let Inu Yasha do this to me?  We could be arguing over something little and it eventually blows up into an all out war.  I don't know what comes over me or him for that manner.  He pushes me away then won't allow me to leave him alone.  Who am I kidding?  I don't want to leave him alone either.  I think it's starting to wear on me.  I know we can't be a real couple ever but it hurts because I want to so much.  _

Kagome slipped down from Bone Eater's well to the ground waiting below.  Pressing her cheek to the cold stone, she sobbed.  _I hurt deep down inside because I know no matter how long I wait, he won't turn to me and say that he chooses to stay with me.  I don't want him to die.  I don't want to him to leave me alone.  It's not fair.  I guess it is true that I can't compete with Kikyo because I'm alive.  Does he not see that just because I'm alive doesn't mean I don't suffer too?  Nowadays, I can't even get him to look me straight in the eyes.  It seems as if he almost flinches from my touch.  _

_Here I am… a 17-year-old schoolgirl with a dual life as a warrior miko in feudal Japan.  I am in love with a half demon whose heart belongs to a zombie.  I am quite pitiful; I have never been kissed, I been almost killed, kicked, choked, and damn near everything else.  Now here I am crying, as usual, over a stupid argument with a pig headed hanyou.  Why do I do this to myself?  Why do I complicate my life more than necessary?  I should be studying for entrance exams to college but instead I go running through ancient times trying to recover shards of the Shikon no Tama, a jewel that will sever me completely from my first and only love when it is complete. I should walk away from this well and never come back, cut my losses a bit.  I should do so many things… but in the end, I know will be by his side until the very end.  My heart is on the other side of that well and no matter how beaten and battered it gets I want to be there.  I cannot help myself.  _

Kagome straightened up a bit and wiped her eyes hastily.  She then noticed that her hands were sore and tingling.  Sighing, she pushed herself off the ground and walked out of the well house.  She was shocked to see tinges of pink in the sky, signifying the beginning of a sunset.  

"Just how long was I in there?" Kagome questioned herself before looking down at her hands once more.  They were bloody and more than a bit raw.  At first sight, she panicked.  _Whose blood is this?  Is it Inu Yasha's?  No, it couldn't be…  I didn't draw blood when I hit him.  At least, I don't think I did.  _

Kagome's chocolate brown eyes widened, "I hit him.  I hit him in the face and then I…  I forgot I could do that…  I haven't used that kind of power since I first got dragged through the well by Mistress Centipede."  Tears filled Kagome's reddened eyes once again, "It'll be a wonder if he doesn't hate me forever for that.  I didn't mean to… I was just so angry and… the words I said.  I was so harsh…  After that I know he won't come for me."

Kagome looked back in the direction of the well, "I just know he won't come…" that hurt her even more.   To think that Inu Yasha wouldn't even come to yell at her made her heart sink in her chest.  Her tear-blurred eyes strained to see if anyone would come through the doors of the shed housing the well.  She stood for what seemed like hours.  By the time she moved, the setting sun illuminated the shrine grounds in hues of deep pink and gold.  Even as the tears spilled, she tried to shrug it off.  _I will just go back in a few days and apologize to him.  He can't stay mad forever and perhaps I won't even have to go back and apologize.  Maybe he's being his usual stubborn self.  Perhaps he will drop by later… probably not.  I__

Her thoughts stopped short as she heard something shuffle behind her.  She turned abruptly at the sound; tears glittered in her wake, she was ready to bolt into the arms of her beloved hanyou.  Had Inu Yasha seen her face of ecstatic joy, his resolve would have melted instantly.  

"Inu_!" Kagome's cry ended as she realized that there was no half demon waiting behind her.  It was Buyo, her beloved housecat.  She face faulted and then her lips sagged into a frown.  The cat wrapped about her legs, purring softly. 

 "Oh Buyo… at least you love me."  Kagome scooped the housecat into her arms and snuggled into its warm fur, wiping her tears as she did so. Buyo playfully swatted at Kagome's bedraggled obsidian locks and purr of content rumbled in her chest, as if to comfort her master. The girl's tears were half from self-deprecating laughter at her own folly and the other half sorrow because the one she wished to see the most was nowhere to be found.  Kagome sighed deeply as she proceeded towards her house with a heavy and troubled heart. 

"Hello!   Is anyone home?" Kagome stepped through the front door hoping to be greeted by her family. "Jii-chan...?  Souta...?"  There was no answer to her call.  After taking off her shoes and dropping her yellow bag, the young miko walked into her kitchen searching for some sign of life or explanation for her family's disappearance.  There she found a note on the refrigerator door addressed to her.

Kagome dearest,

I knew you were supposed to return this morning and we waited as long as we could.  I am not even sure you will get this note and probably am just rambling on to myself.  I am sure you're off in Sengoku Jidai fighting some force of evil or another.  Anyways, my daughter, if you do get this message please call me at your Auntie Aya's house at the hot springs.  There are pickled vegetables in the refrigerator and some leftovers from a hotpot I made yesterday for dinner.  As usual, the cupboards are stocked to the brim with ramen for your cute eared demon friend, Inu Yasha.  I made a point to go get more supplies for your med kit and I think there is some chocolate in the cupboard as well.  I know how much your friends like it.  Remember that Souta and I will be back in four days.  Your jii-chan is off on his journey to visit shrines.  Who knows how long he will be away.  I am hoping that he will return long before I do just in case you are home.  Souta says he misses you.

Love,

Mama

_I wanted to go to the hot springs…  If I hadn't spent most of the day fighting with Inu Yasha, I would have made it back in time. What can I do it about now?  It would have been nice though…  Now, I'm stuck here by myself.  Mama, I wanted to talk to you so badly.  Maybe you could have given me advice.   I need it so much now…  Kagome crumpled the note in her hand as a wave of anguish overtook her.  __I'm alone… always so alone…  _

 Kagome straightened as sudden rush of disgust at her own weakness came over her, "Shape up Higurashi!  When have you ever been this pitiful!  Never, that's when!   I refuse to mope around like a big baby.   No, not this girl…  What I need is a long hot bath and then a nice long bout of studying.  Nothing like math to take my mind off my sorrows…  Umm yeah…  I think I will take a nap after that bath and then study.  Tomorrow is a school day and I fully plan on attending.  Mama and Souta should be back by Sunday.  That gives me plenty of time to get my life and my head together."   With that having been said, the young girl marched into the bathroom, Buyo in tow.  

Kagome stared into slightly foggy bathroom mirror as her bath water ran.  Her eyes were red and had shadows underneath them.  She saw a haggard and sad face, topped off with the most horrible hair she'd ever seen.  Shaking her head, she smeared the condensation on the mirror, distorting the image.  _I need to take better care of myself.  Crying so much does no good for me.  I look like an undead zombie.  If I were, perhaps Inu Yasha would like me better.  Where the heck did that come from?!  I will not think of him now.  I have more important things to do right now.  Jewel Shards are the last things on my mind. This is perfect time to relax without that hanyou down my throat.  _Kagome frowned unconsciously; her brain would not purge her thoughts of the half dog demon.  _ I hope he comes for me. He's probably really pissed at me right now.  I hope we can work through this.  I really don't mean to be jealous; it isn't something I can help.  Well, maybe I can suppress it most of the time.  He just makes me so mad and then all the feelings I hold in slip out.  I guess I shouldn't be holding them in.  The results are never pretty.  I could seriously hurt someone if I am not careful. I guess I should talk to Kaede about that before I get out of control or something.  Enough thinking for now, it is bath time.  _

She shed all her clothes except for a necklace consisting of Shikon shards she and the gang collected in their travels, she frequently wore the shards about her neck nowadays because in the past she often ended leaving her bag in random and unsafe places.  Kagome gingerly stepped into the hot bath water.  After her body properly adjusted to the temperature, she sank down into the water, letting her thoughts drift off into pleasant nothingness.  

"Ahhhh… the things you just can't get in feudal Japan." Kagome sighed softly, before her lids lowered until her long sable eyelashes kissed her heat flushed cheeks.  Beside the bathtub, Buyo curled into a fuzzy ball, the calico cat decided it would take its mistress' lead and rest.    

A half an hour later, Kagome awoke in lukewarm water, "I guess I am really tired.  Let me hurry up and get out of here before I mistakenly drown myself."  With that being said, she proceeded to wash her hair and dumped almost a whole bottle of conditioner in it.  _My hair has suffered too much abuse since I started traveling to Sengoku Jidai. I haven't been able to treat it properly for at least a month.  _Kagome reached up to touch her slimy,_ conditioner covered locks.  _Perhaps I went a little crazy with the conditioner.  __

Rinsing clean, she got out of the tub, pulled on a robe, and toweled her hair dry.  _I feel a little better now.  What a difference a bath makes. Now I think I really need to take a nap before I collapse.  That little catnap in the bathroom was no way near enough sleep.  _

She walked upstairs to room, closing the door behind her but reopened it once she heard the mewling and scratching of her faithful Buyo.  

"Oh Buyo," Kagome sighed.  "Why can't Inu Yasha be as sweet as you?  You never complain or raise hell.  Then again, you are just a cat.  I bet if you could talk, you'd have a million things to complain about."

After changing into a blue tank top and matching pajama shorts, Kagome flopped down unto her pink bedspread.  Her body wanted desperately to rest but her mind still reeled.  Looking down at her chest she gripped the Shikon necklace that lie on her bosom, it twinkled a little despite the lack of light.  _To think it all began with this.  Because of this jewel I met Inu Yasha and the gang.  Oh, Inu Yasha… I wish I could just stop thinking about him, but I can't.  She flipped onto her back, her eyes focused on the ceiling above her.  __What is it about him that I like so much, anyway?  He is pigheaded, rude, obnoxious, violent, oblivious, blockheaded, and a jerk…  I swear the first time I met him; he insulted me and then later on tried to kill me.  What kind of girl in her right mind likes a guy like that?  A crazy one that's who…  Well, I guess I am insulting myself now… Then again, I am sure I am crazy because I really do love him despite his flaws.  It's those times when he smiles at me.  Though they are rare, his smiles are special because I know they are genuine.  It's the way he gets all flustered when I cry and then at the same time can face down a powerful demon without so much as blinking. I know that under that layer of roughness is his true nature, a nature he doesn't want anyone to see.  Sometimes, he can be a compassionate, shy, and caring guy. I love him because I know that deep down inside he means well.  At least, I used to think he meant well.  Nowadays, I'm not so certain.  He says such hurtful things and while I usually can give back as good or bad as I get, I can't help but take his words to heart. _

_ It gets worse because some of my hurt stems from my jealousy at his feelings for Kikyo.  When he's with her, there is this aura around them like they just want to embrace. It's hard to accept because I wish it were me he looks at like that.   Why do I always have to witness these events? I watched him make vows of love to her for kami's sake. I would be much better off if I was oblivious to what was going on. Maybe I would be able to believe I have half a chance with him. Of course, I always have to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I feel like a fool sometimes because I chose this path.  I should have backed off when I realized that he was still very much in love with Kikyo.  I can't really blame myself.  I didn't even understand what I was feeling until the first time I saw them together.  It felt like my heart was being ripped out and I was powerless to control it.  I can't stop myself from loving and my heart is set on loving Inu Yasha. My first love…  It had to be him.        _

_Before Inu Yasha, I never even thought of falling in love.  I was in junior high school.  All that mattered back then was my family, my friends, and school.  I was oblivious to boys.  I mean I talked about them with my friends and even had a little crush once or twice, but nothing serious.  Guys go for the super pretty and popular girls. I had no reason to believe even if I did really like some guy, he would notice.  I'm just a regular girl, no glitz or glamour.  Well at least I thought I was regular girl until I fell into a well, ended up in feudal Japan, and found out I was the reincarnation of a dead miko. That's when my life became a complicated tangled mess.  If someone had told me from the beginning that I would fall in love with a hanyou, I would have laughed my head straight off.  In the beginning, it seemed impossible.  After spending so much time with him, I began to see him in a new light.  As we traveled together, I found out so much about his mysterious past and his true feelings.  While he often pretended not to care about anything, I could tell when his heart or his mind was afflicted. I knew then that he wasn't just a baka… I learned that Inu Yasha was an orphaned boy who had to grow up fast in a harsh world that could not accept him for being a hanyou. He lost everyone important to him:  his mother, his father, and Kikyo.  I wanted to befriend him; I didn't want him to be alone anymore.  I don't think I could ever just turn my back on Inu Yasha.  What kind of friend would I be to him if I did?  He needs someone to trust.  So here I am.  Forever trying to be the best friend I can be and pretend like I am not in love with him.  _

_I do not want to argue but he can be so callous.  Today was the worst argument I ever had with him.  He called me weak and clumsy.  He basically implied that I was nothing compared to Kikyo.  How could he say that?  It's no wonder I didn't pick up a bow and arrow and shoot him right in his head. I'm glad I didn't. My temper can get the best of me sometimes.  I am not sure if he was serious or just being mean, but when he said those things my heart just stopped beating.  I felt like someone had just slapped me in the face or dumped cold water straight on my head.  It took all my strength not to cry like a big baby.  If words could kill, I am sure I would have dropped dead on the spot.  Kagome sighed heavily; her eyelids were beginning to droop from fatigue.  _I understand that Inu Yasha still loves Kikyo.  It's something I learned to accept if I want to hang around and complete this mission but why must things between us be so painful?  Why can't we just laugh and smile. The circumstances that bind us together are dark and heavy enough.  We do get along sometimes and then, we eventually end up arguing.  Usually, we fight about nothing important.  It's just manifestations of the complications that we have in our 'relationship'.  I never said that I love him because I'm scared he will reject me. While I have come to terms my own emotions, I still don't have the faintest idea of what he's feeling. I wonder when he looks at me; does he see who I am?  Does he see me at all or does he imagine I'm Kikyo until I say or do something that Kikyo wouldn't do? I know how he feels about Kikyo though.  I remember the day Kikyo's remains were taken by the demon Urasue.  He looked at me like he was looking straight into my soul, his eyes so sad and serious.  I think he was trying to find a trace of her.  My heart leapt into my chest when I thought he was going to kiss me as he drew closer, still staring deeply into my eyes.  I don't even think he realized what he was doing or what effect he was having on me.  I believed he hated the dead priestess until that moment.  I envy her because he will never look at me that way.  There are times when I wish I could be Kikyo for just a moment so that I could know what it feels like to have his love. __

_Nevertheless, I am not Kikyo and will never be her; it's as simple as that.  I hope Inu Yasha can see that.   I hope one day he realizes that I will be beside him come what may…  Our fates… Our lives have been intertwined since the day we first met.  I refuse to fight what I feel and will play out my part until the very end.  In time, maybe Inu Yasha will stop fighting too… With that, Kagome succumbed to the nagging tiredness she was fighting.  _

"Inu Yasha…" his name slipped from her lips unconsciously and a single tear ran down her soft cheek.  Even in sleep, she could not escape her torrid emotions.  


	4. Lonely Days

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  I can't believe I slept so long," Kagome exclaimed as she jolted upright in bed, disturbing Buyo, who was sleeping beside her.  Just minutes before, she awoke feeling refreshed that is until she looked at her clock.  It was 2:00 am.  "How am I going to get any studying done?  Now I have to pull an all nighter.  This is just great.  I will be lucky if I can stay awake in class."

Kagome slid out her bed and headed back downstairs to retrieve her yellow bag.  As she pulled all of her books and study materials were inside the almost bottomless and much abused bag.  Once downstairs, Kagome decide it was best to study at the short table her family reserved for eating.  "If I try study upstairs, I will probably end up falling asleep again."  

Kagome mulled over math problems and other study materials until the sun rose.  She refused to lose her focus, stopping only momentarily to stretch or pet Buyo.  The housecat crept downstairs hours ago to be close to her master.  When the light of dawn began to shine in the living room, the young girl rose gracefully despite every muscle in her body protesting and aching from being forced to sit on the ground for so long.  "You've been gone from Sengoku Jidai for one day and you're already growing soft," Kagome chided herself.  _I had to sleep on ground for weeks; I should be used to this by now. _

Her stomach also began to growl in protest, blushing a bit in embarrassment Kagome headed for the kitchen.  "I guess I am hungry.  I haven't eaten since the night before last.  Are you hungry too, Buyo?"

Buyo mewled in agreement and trotted after her.  Kagome poured Buyo a bowl of cream and then searched the refrigerator for something to eat.  _I guess I'll have leftovers.  It looks really good.  _Dipping her finger into the plastic container full of the remains of her mother's cooking, she sampled it.  

"Mmmmm…  This is good even cold.  I guess I should heat it up, though.  I am not a complete pig, unlike one person I know…" Upon thinking of the ramen-loving hanyou, she shook her head and sighed.  _He didn't come for me last night or at least I don't think he did. I guess he really is pissed at me. It doesn't matter.  I will return after finishing this week in school and patch things up like the good friend that I am.  It's a new day anyways; I have schoolwork to think about not that silly dog-boy. _

Kagome's face shined with resolve.  _Things will be fine.  When I go back, it will be like nothing happened.  I just know it.  _Kagome popped the leftovers in the microwave and put some tea on for herself.  Once both were done, she went back to the table and ate in silence.  The house was so quiet.  _I miss Mama, Jii-chan, and Souta.  The house is way too dead when they aren't here.  I'm so lonely now.  _Kagome frowned a little but then sighed, "Here I go again.  I need to stop being such a wuss.  I was never like this before and this attitude is not something I want to hold on to."

After chastising herself for the last time, she finished her meal and she decided she would walk to school early.  The fresh morning air would clear her mind and the idea of seeing her friends,Yuka, Eri, and Ayumi**,** gave her an instant boost of energy.  After cleaning up and donning a new uniform, Kagome walked into the fresh spring air, taking in the scent of cherry blossoms.  

"Buyo…" She called out to her cat, "Be a good kitty while I'm gone."  With that said, Kagome skipped off into the courtyard and into the streets of Tokyo.  The cool morning breeze blew her shining obsidian locks about her face as she walked.  _I probably won't run into anyone now because it's way too early to be out.  I guess I'll just sit beneath one of the cherry trees in the schoolyard and study a bit more.  Being in high school requires a lot more studying than junior high.  I don't even know how I survive it and get the grades I do.  _

Upon her arrival at school, Kagome sat at one of the benches lining the concrete walkway to the entrance but decided that the grass would be more comfortable.  She chose a spot under a large cherry blossom tree and rested her back against its smooth trunk. "Now to study," Kagome reached into her backpack for her books and then looked into the schoolbag noticing that she forgot something, "Oh no!  I forgot to pack a lunch!  Ugh…  Now I have to go a whole day being hungry and tired.  Oh well, what am I going to do about it now?"  Sighing she picked up her English book and read, sometimes saying words in English just hear how they sounded rolling off her tongue.  

"Higurashi!!!"

Kagome jumped in surprise, looking up to see Hojo heading in her direction.  _I wasn't expecting to see him.  Oh dear… what do I say to him?  She had little time to think as Hojo now stood before, blocking her light.  "Hey…  Hojo.  How are you?"_

"I feel fine.  How are you, Higurashi?  I heard you were supposed to get some surgery or something like that.  Should you be at school so soon after the operation?"

_Operation..?  Oh Kami-sama, has no one ever heard of a common cold at all? It's been two years and jii-chan has diagnosed me with every disease medically known to man except the ones that make sense.  "Oh yeah… the umm "operation" went fine.  I feel great and decided I should come to school.  I don't want to get any further behind."  Kagome began to rise from her sitting position; her neck was beginning to ache from looking up.  As she did so, Hojo grabbed her hand attempting to help her up.  It had to be that moment when her friends, Ayumi, Yuka, and Eri, marched over._

"Kagome!  Oh… uhh…  We see you're busy.  We'll be over there."  Ayumi snickered as she dragged Yuka and snickering Eri away.  They all bustled off to position optimum for watching the two "lovebirds" converse.

"Ugh," Kagome sighed as she pulled her hand away from Hojo's.  It seemed like they had been standing like that for an eternity.  _Geez, they caught me in the act of doing nothing and Hojo's not helping.  He's just grinning and blushing like an idiot.  Oh Kami, is he blushing?  This isn't good.  "I am sorry.  My friends always jump to conclusion.  Umm, thank you for helping me up."  _

"It's okay… Kagome."  Hojo spoke her name softly.

Kagome ceased wiping grass and dirt of her uniform to look up at Hojo.  _He's never said my name like that before.  I don't know what's going on._

Hojo rubbed the back of head nervously and grinned, "I didn't mind at all.  You know, Kagome, that you and I have been well… dating for a while…"

_Dating?_

"I know you have been sick a lot so we haven't gotten to talk much but, I like you a lot and…"

_What do I say?  He's not asking what I think he is…  Is he?_

"I think you and I should be closer than we are.  That's why I think we should go steady.  I want to be there for you now but I know it would be inappropriate to hang around without making our relationship concrete."

For all Kagome knew, the world had just stopped moving.  She stood silent and stunned.  _Hojo-kun…  What do I say?  I don't like him like that… or at least I don't think I do…  This is not the time.  Inu Yasha…  My heart still belongs to Inu Yasha.  If things were different, maybe I would consider it.  I don't want to hurt Hojo-kun's feelings.  I do still like the boy after all, but as a friend.  Kagome took a deep breath before opening her mouth to speak.  She hoped that the words came out right, "Hojo…  I…"_

_  "You don't have to tell me now, Higurashi.  I just want you to think about it, okay.  We can talk it over later like at dinner.  I was thinking we could go out to eat this Friday at 8.   I can take you to this great place I know.  I checked it out to make sure the food there doesn't irritate your allergies."_

"Uhh…  Umm… sure…" Kagome stuttered. 

"Great!  Well, I will see ya' at 8 on Friday." With that Hojo smiled brightly and walked away.

Ayumi, Eri, and Yuka immediately came running over, their faces jubilant and anxious.  They bombarded Kagome with a million questions she didn't even know how to answer."

"What were you two talking about?  And holding hands… I guess you and that jealous boyfriend of yours are through, right?" Yuka spoke a mile a minute.

"Uh, you guys!  We were not holding hands.  Hojo was trying to help me up from the ground." Kagome felt her cheeks begin to glow red.  Her friends could be so embarrassing.

"Well, that's not what it looked like.  Did he ask you out?" Eri asked.

"Yea.  But I don't know if I can go…  I have other things to do." Kagome sighed.  She hated lying to them but it was the only way to get them to pipe down.  "He was just surprised to see me at school so soon after my … ummm… surgery or whatever.  He wanted to make sure I was okay."

The trio responded collectively, "Oh…"

"I still think he has the hots for you.  You didn't say anything about your boyfriend either."

_If you only knew…__ Inu Yasha is far from being my boyfriend.  _"He is still around." Kagome replied evasively.  She wanted to drop this whole conversation, "So what I have I missed in my absence?  Who is dating who?"

                If there was one thing the trio knew, it had to be gossip.  They set the young girl's mind whirling with the latest gossip and scandals.  Kagome found herself alternating between gasping and holding her sides in laughter by the time they had filled her in.   _No matter how many changes I go through in Sengoku Jidai, here everything seems to remain the same. _Kagome mentally sighed as she followed her friend's to homeroom.  

                The day was uneventful.  Most of her classes were boring but this did not surprise Kagome. However, she was shocked to find that she was ahead of the class especially in history.  In her frenzy to not fall behind her classes, Kagome studied more than was necessary and overcompensated for her frequent absences.  The teachers were impressed as well, so impressed that most commented on it.  

                After taking her calculus test, a test she dreaded for weeks, Kagome was beaming.  _That was not so bad.  I knew almost everything.  If I keep this up, I just might get into __Tokyo__University__._  Class had been dismissed for the day and she fully planned on escaping to the school courtyard.  It was her lunch period now and since she did not bring lunch she didn't want to be around people eating.  Her happy thoughts were interrupted by her teacher's voice.

"Higurashi Kagome?"  

                Kagome turned to face her math teacher, a tall woman.  Her hair was dark brown and pulled back in a severe bun.  She was a young woman, no older than 25 by Kagome's estimation. Even so, Sae Hakibi was a stern and often intimidating teacher.  She expected the best from her students and would accept no less.  

Kagome's stomach began to flutter in nervousness as she spoke, "Yes Hakibi-sama?"

                "May I speak with you?" the older woman's voice was calm, her expression unreadable.   

"Yes Hakibi-sama…" Kagome conceded.  She had nowhere else to be and curiosity also prompted her to stay.  _She's never even spoken to me since I started this class.  What could she want from me?  _

The older woman seated herself at her desk, shuffling through some of her papers and consulting lingering students who had questions about their test.  Kagome stood in silence at first.  As time waned on she partially sat on one of the empty desks in the front row of the class.  The teacher had not yet addressed her.  All that could be heard in the classroom was the shuffle of papers and muted conversations.  Once the last student left the classroom, Hakibi-sama looked up at Kagome.  

"Miss Higurashi?" the math teacher rose from her desk and came to stand in front of it, mimicking Kagome's position. 

   Kagome's attention snapped back to her teacher.

"I apologize for keeping you waiting.  Discretion is of great importance to me and I did not want this conversation to be overheard by your fellow classmates."

"Don't worry about it, Hakibi-sama.  I have nowhere important to be, it's my lunch period, after all." Kagome interjected nervously.

 "Please call me Sae.  Being called Hakibi-sama all the time makes me feel like an old doddering woman."  Sae smiled reassuringly. 

Kagome was shocked at her statement.  _She asked me to call her by her first name and I never saw her smile before.  She seems familiar to me, like someone I know but I can't put my finger on exactly who.  _ __

"I know you're probably wondering why I asked you stay after class.  I just wanted to talk to you about your progress in my class."

Upon hearing this, Kagome visibly paled.  _Am I doing badly?  Oh no!  Am I failing Hakibi-sama's class?_

Noticing the younger girl's pallor, the young teacher quickly interjected, "Ms. Higurashi please don't get yourself all worked up.  I know that your health is not the best and I don't want you ill on my account.  I am just very impressed with your efforts so far.  Even though you have been very ill since you stepped foot in this high school and from what I have been told in the office, middle school too, you have never fallen too far behind the other students.  In fact, you have been ahead these last couple of weeks.  At first, I thought you would not make it very far.  I assumed you would use your illness as an excuse not to excel…"

Kagome finally exhaled.  _Oh Kami.  I think I almost had a heart attack.  What is she saying?  She still hasn't said anything about my grades.  I still understand what she wants…_

"I even thought you were cheating."  Sae Hakibi looked away from her student to hide her look of shame.

Kagome began to hyperventilate again.  _Oh Kami!  Am I going to get kicked out?  I never cheated.  I hope she doesn't think I would do something like that.  What do I say? What do I do?  I think I am going to really be sick.  _Kagome opened her mouth to speak, though she was not sure what to say.  Her mouth quickly snapped shut because the words were all jumbled in her throat.  She could hear her heartbeat in her ears.  

Hakibi-sama sighed and looked back at Kagome.  "I went to all of your teachers and discussed your progress with them.  I was surprised to find that you were doing well in all your classes as well.  I admit now that I am ashamed to have doubted your integrity.  You see, even when your instructors told me how well you were doing, I still had my doubts.  I didn't realize my unspoken accusations were false until I noticed that you were using methods and techniques I had yet to teach.  It could not have been possible for you to cheat using material from a fellow student when you are ahead of them."

_I'm ahead?  I guess I overcompensated a bit for going to Sengoku Jidai so much.  High school is tough enough without me being a time traveler.  Every minute of free time I get, I study.  I never want to be behind again like in middle school.  I can't blame Hakibi-sama… I mean Sae-sama, for being suspicious._

"Kagome, you are an excellent student.  I honestly believe that you are the best student I have had so far despite your frequent illnesses.  I hope that you can forgive me for trying to rouse suspicion amongst the other teachers."

Kagome smiled brilliantly, "Don't worry about it Sae-sama.  If I were in your position, I would have done the same thing.  Cheating is never a good thing to do."

The math teacher smiled again.  Seeing the young teacher smile sent a spark of recognition flying through Kagome's mind.  _She looks so much like Sango.  She might be Sango-chan's reincarnation although; I never pegged the taiji-ya for a mathematician.  _

Kagome wished to test her theory, "Do you have a cat?"

Sae's eyes widened a bit, "How did you know?  Do I have cat hair on my sweater?  Kirara does not shed much."

Kagome smiled a bit, "It's not that.  I just could tell.  Your cat's name is Kirara?  That sounds so kawaii."  _Could that be Kirara..?   Has she survived until this era?_

The older woman laughed, "She is the most darling kitten in the world.  Would you like to see a picture?  I keep it on my desk."

"May I?" Kagome asked as she reached for a gold gilt framed picture on the teacher's desk.

"Go ahead…"

Kagome looked at the picture and smiled again.  In it were Sae and her cat Kirara.  Sae's hair was caught up in a single ponytail, not the tight bun she usually wore.  She looked much younger there.  Her resemblance to Kagome's friend was uncanny and Kirara, a dainty kitten with tan and black fur, was the Kirara's exact replica.  "Kirara is adorable." Kagome sighed.  

"Do you have a cat?" Sae asked quietly.

"Yes, I have a calico cat named Buyo.  She is so spoiled and fat but I couldn't fathom living without her."  Kagome smiled wistfully.  _I can't believe I didn't notice the resemblance before.  She has to be Sango's reincarnation; I can feel it.  _

"I know how you feel.  Kirara has been my constant companion since I found her almost 3 years ago.  Well, I think she actually found me.  When I moved into my very first apartment, she was sitting outside my apartment mewling.  I loved her the moment I saw her and I didn't even want a pet.  I never really thought of having one."

"I have had Buyo since I was little girl.  She was a present from my otousan," Kagome spoke softly.  Her expression was shuttered.   _Dad…  I haven't spoken about him in so long…_

"Did your father die?  I should not ask you such things.  Gomen nasai.  I don't wish to pry." The young teacher rebuffed herself.

"Do not be sorry, Hakibi-sama… I mean Sae-sama.  It's just that he died when I was very young.  I didn't know him very well." Kagome sighed. 

Sae's expression saddened as well.  She looked toward the window, "I understand.  I didn't know either of my parents very well.  They along with my younger brother died when I was a little girl.  I really don't know the details or don't want to remember.  I have been a ward of the state since I was six."  Looking back at the young sighed disapprovingly, "This is quite unprofessional to be telling you all this." 

Kagome responded earnestly, "My condolences.  I know your life must have been hard." _Your life reminds me so much of Sango's.  I am glad that you are letting me get to know you again, my friend.  "I don't mind talking to you.  I think it's cool that we have things in common."_

The teacher was silent for a moment.  Her intense brown eyes searched Kagome's as if looking for something.  When she finally spoke, her voice was still a bit subdued, "I am a loner.  I have spent most of my life keeping to myself, even though I was raised amongst a group of orphan children.  My closest companions were my books.  Education was my savior, my best friend, and my only way to make myself more than just an unfortunate orphan girl.  Even though I began working at a very young age, I was so far ahead of my schoolmates I was allowed to take entrance exams for college early.  I got accepted to quite a few universities and settled for Tokyo University.  This is why I am not really that much older than you.  Being a bookworm and working does not allow for much of a social life and I don't really have friends.  I have no want or need to open up to anyone, and yet, here I am… talking to you.  I do not know what it is about you…  For some reason, it's easy to talk to you and I do not know you well."

Kagome smiled knowingly, "It's no biggie.  I like to talk.  You won't have to worry about the things you say being circulated through the school either.  I am not much for gossiping.  I leave that for others to do."

Sae nodded, understanding that she had just made a new friend.  A stern frown creased her smooth brow as she spoke, "Just because we have become acquaintances, please do not think that I will be impartial towards you.  I am still a teacher first."

"Perish the thought," Kagome said just as sternly, "I am not a teacher's pet."

Sae chuckled, "Now that we have that out of the way…"

Kagome was surprised at how different Sae could be when she wasn't teaching.  The young teacher chattered with such energy, just like Sango.  She was not surprised to find Sae Hakibi was also a fighter.  

"From what I can remember of my father, I know he owned a dojo in our old neighborhood.  He used to teach me… until the day he and my family died.  I wanted to honor their memory by continuing my study in the martial arts.  I have been a member of the same dojo since I was 9.  The owner took me in one day, after he saw me hanging around and pressing my face to the glass for a week straight…  I told him I didn't have any money to pay, so he put me to work.  I have been working there ever since.  If you weren't so sick, I would ask you come…  I don't want to be responsible for any injuries you may get."

Kagome laughed a little nervously at this, "I would love to come.  It's no fun being an invalid.  Sick people need to exercise too."

Sae looked a little worried, "But…"

"Don't worry about it.  I want to come learn at your dojo.  I am such a weakling.  I think it would be cool to learn some hand-to-hand techniques.  They do come in handy."   

Sae blushed as she spoke, "It's true.  My sensei's son, Mishiro, has been on the receiving end of quite a few of those techniques.  He is a nice guy most of the times and a good sparring partner.  He just doesn't know when to keep his hands to himself.  He's also an incorrigible flirt and playboy.  He brings in all the women…"

Kagome muffled a laugh behind her hand, "Do you like him?"

Sae Hakibi's blush deepened "Oh Kami, no!  We are childhood friends nothing more."  

  _Wow… That has to be Miroku.  I can't believe it.  I guess love can't even be thwarted by time, at least in their case.  I think I might have to play matchmaker in the future.  Kagome sighed; _I haven't seen anyone who remotely resembles Inu Yasha… __

"Are you thinking of your boyfriend?" 

Kagome blushed from head to toe, "No…  I don't have a boyfriend at all."

The math teacher smiled a little knowingly, "Okay…  I will not pry.  Besides I have a few papers to grade.  You are welcome to stay if you like.  I have enjoyed our talk greatly and we should do this again sometime. "

Suppressing her blush, the younger woman responded, "I agree.  We will have to do this more often.  Hey, I am going to take a little walk on campus before my next class.  I will see you tomorrow."

"Okay, Ms. Higurashi.  Have a nice day."  Sae smiled up at her student, looking away from some papers she was holding.

Kagome picked up her discarded books and left the room silently.  Her thoughts were jumbled and just a little bit confusing.  _Will everybody be resurrected in this time?  I wonder…_

After her unexpected chat with her math teacher, Kagome's day was uneventful.  She walked home without the company of her friends.  It was not that she disliked hanging with them, but she desired time to think.   There were so many things she could not share with them and it made her feel a bit guilty.  _It's not easy living a double life…  _

When she arrived at the Higurashi shrine, the young miko skipped to her front door.  As soon as she opened it, Buyo jumped out at her.  Laughing, Kagome reached down and picked up in her arms.

"I guess you were lonely.  It's still so quiet.  Jii-chan must not have come back yet…  It's just you me again Buyo…" Kagome absentmindedly stroked the purring cat.  "I should call Mama and tell her I am here."  

Putting the cat down, Kagome walked over to kitchen to get the phone.  She dialed the number and waited for someone to pick up on the other line.

"Moshii, Moshii" an older woman's voice sounded on the other line.

"Hello Auntie Aya.  This is Kagome-chan."

"Oh Kagome…  I'm so glad you called.  I am most displeased that you could not come with your mother to visit me."

"I'm so sorry obasan.  I have so much schoolwork and stuff.  I promise to make it up to you."  Kagome was becoming flustered; she hadn't expected her aunt to be upset.

Auntie Aya sighed, "I know how important school is dear.  Just don't forget your family, ne.   You could call more.  Well, I am sure you were calling for your okaasan.  She is in the garden with Souta.  I will go get her."

Kagome heaved a heavy sigh of relief.  Her aunt could be really scary sometimes.  She instantly perked up when she heard her mother's voice.

"Kagome?"

"Mama, I miss you so much." Kagome nearly cried.  

"I know dear.  We haven't seen each other in weeks.  You're always off on some adventure of sorts." Her mother sighed a little sadly.

"I know mama.  You know my reasons…"

"Of course…  I just miss you is all.  Souta misses you too."  

Kagome could hear Souta yelling in the background.  She smiled even as a single tear slipped form her eyes.

"Did your cute eared demon friend come with you?"

"No Mama.  He didn't…" Kagome voice was barely a whisper.

"What's wrong Kagome?  Are you okay?  Did something happen?"

"No… nothing is wrong, mom." Kagome could not bring herself to say more.

"Did you two get into a fight again?  You can tell me, you know.  I am your mother and I know when something is wrong…"  

"Don't worry Mama.  It's really nothing.  We argued over something stupid.  Everything will be back to normal when I get back."

"Okay Kagome.  I won't press you on such issues.  Teenagers nowadays are so secretive.  Well I must go. Souta says he loves you.  I love you too."  

"I love you Mama.  Tell Souta I love him too."  Kagome took the receiver from her ear but stopped when she heard he mother speak again.

"… And Kagome?"

"Yes, mama?" 

"You and Inu Yasha will be fine, I hope.  You are remembering to take those pills I gave you, right?"

"Pills?" Kagome's cheeks reddened.

"Yes, I gave them to you for a reason.  I know you two are just friends and all but… running about in the wilderness all the time with a boy, especially a boy you have feelings for, can pose some issues.  I am by no means advocating that you and Inu Yasha should… well… You're almost a grown woman now… I can't watch over you all the time.  I just wanted to make sure you didn't make a mistake…"

Kagome wanted this conversation to end.  It was too embarrassing and she would rather not think about such things.  _We haven't even kissed yet.  I doubt things will get that far.  I sometimes think about it but… I'm not sure if … Oh Kami…  "Mommmmmmm….  Inu Yasha and I are just friends."_

"Just remember what I said.  I will let you go now dear.  Remember, I will be home on Sunday.  I love you." With that being said, Kagome's mom hung up the phone.

Kagome was left holding the receiver still in shock.  Her mother could be so embarrassing sometimes.  _I remember the day Mama gave me those birth control pills.  It was right after my seventeenth birthday.  She went on and on about how my future would be jeopardized if I made a "mistake" __while in Sengoku Jidai and I swear I felt like sinking through the floor.  I hadn't really thought of doing anymore than kissing Inu Yasha.  That's all I would allow myself to think.  I mean let's be serious; I haven't managed to get him to kiss me yet.  Not that I have tried…  I remember looking at those pills and having the word sex blaring in surround sound in my mind. My mom thought I was having a bit too many adventures in the past.  I don't blame her now although back then I never wanted to talk to her again.  She just wanted me to be safe.  I must admit that I take those stupid pills everyday without fail.  It's because of my newly overactive imagination… I know it's not possible but I am almost afraid I will end up getting pregnant from dreams alone.  My dreams have become so vivid that I tend to avoid Inu Yasha the day after.  He just thinks I'm being weird, but I know I won't be able to look straight at him without blushing.  I think I should really chill out on reading those romance novels I have been toting back and forth to the past.  They aren't good for me…    _

Kagome lightly patted her cheeks, willing the blush she developed only minutes ago to fade.  Heaving a frustrated and weary sigh, she trudged about the kitchen searching for a meal.  She found some ramen in one of the cabinets and decided that would be her dinner for the night.  Pulling a chair up to the kitchen island she ate her meal quietly.  So deep was she in her thoughts, that she didn't even taste the steamy noodles.  _I won't have to cook tomorrow.  Hojo is taking me out to dinner.  I guess I should be happy about that but I have this sinking sensation in my stomach.  I like Hojo-kun and all but, I feel as though I am leading him on.  I know he likes me a lot and I only like him as friend.  I have to tell him that tomorrow or I won't be able to live with myself.  I wish he weren't so naive.  He would have noticed ages ago that I wasn't interested in him like that.  I guess all boys are oblivious whether they are demon, human, or half demons.  Hojo-kun… Kouga-kun… Inu Yasha…  I think boys were put on this earth to make woman pull their hair out.  I really should be bald by now.  _

After finishing her meal, Kagome studied in her room for hours.  By the time she took a break, the sun was a long gone and night stars dimly shone in the night sky.  Kagome could not resist the temptation to stare up at them through her window and sigh.  _I guess I never noticed that the stars are so much dimmer in the present.  It must be all the light pollution from the buildings and lights in __Tokyo__ city.  It's odd to think that somewhere in the past Inu Yasha might be looking up at the same stars that I am.  That's one of his favorite hobbies.  He always finds the highest limb in the tallest tree so he can stare up at the night sky.  I know he goes up there to think without interruption. I often think about how it would feel to be up there with him, in his arms.  I am sure I'll never get the nerve to ask and I know he probably won't either.  There have been times when I fell asleep leaning on him.  Although he doesn't make the best of pillows, it was comforting to be close to the one I love.  I don't know how he felt about that.  He didn't push me away…  But, he didn't hold me either…  Oh well…  _

Kagome wrapped her arms about herself as chilly night air blew through the small opening in her window.  She stood in silence once again.  _This house is so quiet and empty.  I never knew it could be so lonely or maybe I didn't care to notice. I was never lonely before…  Kagome turned away from the open window and walked over to her desk.  She closed her open textbooks and stacked them away.  _

"I think I am done for the night," Kagome said aloud as she yawned and stretched.  "It's time for a bath and sleep.  Tomorrow I am going to have a good day…"

After returning form her bath, Kagome set her alarm clock and slid under her warm comforter.  Without thinking, she grabbed one of her fluffy pillows and wrapped her arms around it.  The young miko always had the little kitsune, Shippou, to cuddle with while she slept.  In his absence, she sought to fill the void she felt in her heart.  She quickly fell into dreamless slumber.  Some time in the night, Buyo hopped onto the bed and curled up beside the sleeping girl.         _                     _


	5. Sleepless Nights: Part One

"Kagome…" Inu Yasha sighed from his perch high in a tree close to the manor house of lord who allowed his companions to bed down there.  The sunset reflected in his weary amber eyes and cast a pinkish gold hue on his silver hair.

Miroku's exorcism scam always worked.  By the time he and Sango had arrived at the town that was rumored to be attacked by a youkai carrying jewel shards, Miroku had the frightened lord Tsukumo into eating out his hand.  Inu Yasha could only sigh and shake his head.  To this day, Miroku still stood as the oddest monk he had ever met, not that the hanyou had come across many monks in his travels.  

Shortly after his arrival, the dog demon and his traveling companions came face to face with a youkai that fit the description of the demon that terrorized the small town.  He could remember the townspeople running in terror like the cowards they were.  _I can't blame them for being scared though.  That demon was pretty tough.  It had to be one of Naraku's cast offs.  I could smell that bastard's presence all over that nasty beast.  _

***Flashback***

Inu Yasha followed Miroku and Shippou's trail all the way to small town of Jikoro that lie on the edge of the forest.  The pair set out hours ago and covered more distance than he anticipated.  

_I guess that bicycle thingy Kagome always travels on really makes a difference.  I wonder if they found anything yet.  _Inu Yasha stilled for a second sniffing the air.  He noticed the eerie stillness of the forest long ago and the stench of a youkai hung in the air.  Looking up through the trees, the inu hanyou searched for Sango and Kirara.  They duo were not far behind.  Upon confirming their location, Inu Yasha sped on to Jikoro, hoping that the youkai he sensed had yet to reach the village.  When he came upon his destination everything seemed calm.  Inu Yasha closely surveyed his surroundings, looking for any trace of abnormal activity.  There was none, but he could feel something in the air, it tugged at his senses and made him a bit antsy.  He waited for the demon exterminator and her fire-cat companion for he didn't want any danger to befall them upon arrival.  

 Sango and Kirara landed gracefully beside the hanyou.  Sango dismounted and walked over to the dog demon.  At first she thought to rebuff Inu Yasha for his prior rudeness but stopped when saw the agitation in his features.

"Do you feel it?" Inu Yasha asked his eyes darted this way and that.

"Yes, it is quiet here… almost too quiet…  Kirara sensed something a ways back.  Do you think it's that demon rumored to possess a piece of the jewel shard?"  Sango conceded.

"I don't know, Sango.  I do know we should locate Miroku and Shippou quickly.  Just in case there is some threat here…" 

"Where exactly could they be?"  Sango asked all the while petting an untransformed Kirara who perched herself on the taiji-ya's shoulder.

"If I know the monk like I think I do, that bouzu will be at the richest looking house or inn there is." the hanyou half sneered and half chuckled in amusement at Miroku's antics.   _That monk knows how to bullshit his way into anybody's home.  _

Sango shrugged, "Miroku will be Miroku…"

"Keh…" 

Their task was simple:  find the biggest house in town and there you will find the monk and the kitsune.   In only a few minutes of searching, Sango and Inu Yasha came upon a large manor house.  Its partially gated entranceway opened into a lush and incredibly lush garden.  Sitting within that garden chatting up a storm with a man dressed lavishly, was Miroku.  Shippou was off to the side admiring golden scaled fish in a perfectly manicured pond.  The young youkai sensed their presence right away greeted them.

"Inu Yasha!!!  Sango!!!  You guys are slow…  Hey, where is Kagome?" the kitsune's expression drooped a bit upon noticing the miko's absence.

"She's home…" Inu Yasha growled a bit unnecessarily, his amber glare directed at the young fox demon.  

Shippou got the point right away.  _I am not in the mood to have my head bashed in this afternoon.  _Shippou inwardly sighed.  _Inu Yasha is such a jerk…  It's no wonder Kagome yells at him all the time.  _Because Miroku was still talking, Shippou felt it was his duty to update Sango and Inu Yasha on their recent findings.  "It seems this town has been plagued by a demon for a couple of months.  Miroku convinced Lord Tsukumo to allow us to stay here.  He performed an 'exorcism' and put a bunch of those sutras he always puts up when he trying to con…  I mean convince people.  But there is more to it.  We sensed some presence in the forest, but didn't try to go after it without you two.  Miroku says that it's a powerful presence but it keeps it self cloaked by some strong magic."

"I felt it too.  It's like we walked into a brewing storm or something…" Inu Yasha agreed.

Shippou nodded and then looked in the monk's direction.  "Miroku must be laying it on thick.  I think the old lord has a pretty daughter or something."

Sango bristled a bit where she stood.  She had to force her hand from reaching for Hiraikotsu.  _Save that for later, Sango…  _

Upon noticing Sango's expression, Inu Yasha instinctively moved away, "Uh, Sango… are you okay?"

The taiji-ya's right brow ticked as she spoke through clenched teeth, "I'm fine…  Why wouldn't I be okay?"

_I don't know if I am hallucinating or not… is that flames surrounding Sango?  Okay, that's a bad sign…  Time to move as far away from her as possible… The hanyou crept over to Miroku, looking back at the furious taiji-ya warily.  Shippou followed his lead._

Lord Tsukumo, a tall man with black hair and a regal bearing, warmly greeted the newcomer's, "I see the companions you spoke of have finally arrived.  Welcome to Jikoro, I will be your host until your business here is at an end.  Please do make yourself welcome.  The monk, Miroku, has performed a much needed and much appreciated service here.  My gratitude is unending."

"You move fast…" Inu Yasha muttered to the houshi.

"I do what I can," Miroku humbly replied.  "Our task is not yet finished.  There is still a great evil that hangs over this town.  In order for peace to return, that evil must be exterminated."

"Ah yes… the demon that terrorizes this land.  It is of a powerful sort.  So powerful in fact, the townspeople have come to believe it may have aid from a shard of the Shikon jewel…"

"Shikon shard you say?" Inu Yasha's ears perked up at the mention of the Shikon no Tama.

"Yes, a shard… the beast is able to cloak itself so well that, no one can sense it until it is too late.  We know not how to approach this foulness.  It attacks mercilessly…" Lord Tsukumo shook his head sadly.  "Many of the townsfolk have met an untimely demise at its hands.  I fear my wife and daughter may be at risk."  

Miroku grinned roguishly at the mention of females, "Never fear.  Your lovely wife and daughter are safe in my…  I mean our hands."

Sango chose that moment to walk over and discreetly kick the grinning monk in the shin before bowing respectfully to the lord.  "Tsukumo-sama, we will do the best that we can."

"You wear the armor of a demon exterminator.  I heard a rumor that the village was destroyed, are you a taiji-ya?"

Sango's eyes saddened at the mention of her hometown "Yes, I am one of the last surv…"

Her sentence was cut short as a horrendous roar cut through the air.  A loud crashing could be heard and trees were shaken and torn from the ground as a large object came barreling through the forest.  

"It's here…" Inu Yasha growled as he pulled Tetsusaiga from its sheath.  "Damn it…  How could I not smell its stench?"

The demon crashed through the entryway, sending debris left and right.  Instinctively, Sango pushed Tsukumo-sama out of harms way.

"Please, get out of here.  Warn the villagers and keep them out of the way." She warned.

The old lord bolted away, determined to stay alive.  

When the smoke cleared the rampaging youkai could clearly be seen in afternoon sun.  The demon was a huge lizard creature with five eyes and huge venomousfangs. The lizard youkai stank of death and blood and with each breath it spat clouds of miasma.  One touch could have easily burned the skin off its victim.  It hissed threateningly at the group and lunged for anything moving.  Inu Yasha was mobile within seconds, ready and willing to sharpen Tetsusaiga on the beast's body.  The fang sword made contact with the demon's scaly hide but made no dent.  Inu Yasha leapt away in shock.  _His scales are almost impenetrable.  This battle is not going to be easy._

                 Turning to the monk, Inu Yasha yelled, "Miroku, do you sense any jewel shards in him?"

                The monk concentrated hard but sensed nothing, "No, Inu Yasha.  He carries nothing." 

Inu Yasha crouched low in a battle stance, ready to strike again. His sniffed the wind smelling the scent of miasma and Naraku on the lizard youkai.  "You're just one of Naraku's cast offs, aren't you? What do you want here, you piece of shit."

                The lizard youkai hissed his attention focused squarely on Inu Yasha at the moment, "I want jewel shardssssss…  You are rumored to posssssssess them… Where are they?  Where have you hidden them?"

                The inu hanyou sneered, "Out of your reach…"  

Miroku and Sango on Kirara chose that moment to try to attack the distracted youkai.   Sango threw Hiraikotsu and hit the lizard demon between the eyes but it had no effect.  The demon hissed in aggravation using its huge tail to bat her out of the sky.  Sango managed to leap from Kirara before the cat demon landed with a loud thud on the ground.  Sango was frantic as she hit the ground running to her companion's side to check how badly damaged the fire-cat was.  Determination lit Sango's eyes as she charged back into the heat of battle after making sure Kirara was at least breathing.   

Trying his best to defend himself without the support of his companions, Miroku tried to use the kazaana but stopped short as the youkai let loose a huge cloud of miasma.  Some the beast's noxious poison was sucked into the void in the young monk's hand.  The effects were immediate causing Miroku to double over in pain.  Sango was at his side in minutes.

"Houshi-sama!  Oh Kami, you're hurt." Sango cried out in alarm, gripping his shoulder tightly.

"Even in the heat of battle, you call me by that formality…" Miroku looked up at her with a lopsided grin.  Then grabbed her abruptly, pulling her aside as the lizard demon came rushing at them.  The monk successfully got Sango out of the way, but not before brushing against the scaled length of the demon with his shoulder.  The wound was instantly infected with poisonous residue from the youkai's skin.  The two lay momentarily unconscious.  Sango was the first to awaken.

"Oh…  Miroku… you are hurt because of me… please wake up… please… oh kami, this cannot be happening…" Sango cried franticly between sobs.  Her shaking hands skimmed over his injuries before clenching in the folds of his robe.

Miroku groaned as his eyes refocused.  Above him, Sango's dirt smudged visage was crying.  Even in the heat of battle with the possibility of death looming above him, Miroku smiled.  "You called me Miroku…"

Sango swatted at his chest as a teary chuckle erupted in her throat, "You baka… how can you think of things like this when you are so badly hurt?"

Miroku briefly caught Sango into his embrace before letting her loose, "I am never too hurt to answer my lady when she calls…"

A deep blush spread across the taiji-ya's cheeks as she sat back on her haunches.  _He called me his lady…_

Miroku never gave her chance to respond.  He pushed himself to his feet once more.  His eyes hardened, as he looked at Inu Yasha battle the large youkai, "That beast tried to cut my time shorter than it already is.  I will not find rest until Naraku is dead, regardless of the cost."  Turning to Sango he reached out to help her to her feet.

"Sango, we must do something to slow that thing down.  It is too fast for any of us to handle." 

The demon exterminator nodded in agreement.

Inu Yasha sprang again, trying to find the beast's weakness.  The youkai was fast… too fast in fact.  As the dog demon tried to recover from the recoil of Tetsusaiga against the rock hard skin of his opponent, the lizard jaws latched onto his shoulder.  The hanyou let out a cry of agony.  He could feel the poison burn through his body similar to the when he was bitten by the spider demon.  _I will not succumb to this.  I must live…  I have to live…  _Inu Yasha tried to fight the effects of the poison even as the lizard demon remained latched unto his body.  The half demon let loose another cry of agony.  Shippou riding on the back of the injured Kirara came charging into the midst of battle, determined to save his friends.  He urged the cat demon to charge head on, hoping to distract the fiendish youkai.   

"Go Kirara!  Inu Yasha needs us." Shippou cried.  _I just hope there is something I can do to help. The young kitsune's hands clenched tightly in Kirara's fur.  He had to gather all his strength into the attack he was about to execute.  Once close enough, Shippou let out a cry, "Fox Fire!!!!!"  Letting loose the biggest blast he'd ever created in his life.  It hit the lizard demon in its eyes, momentarily blinding the huge lizard.  It belted out another horrendous scream as Inu Yasha dropped from its jaws.  Shippou never saw the huge tail coming at him.  He and his demon companion were sent flying backwards.  An alarmed cry erupted from the young demon's lips as he hurtled at breakneck speed through the air.  He hit a tree with a sickening thud and all went black._

Inu Yasha lips formed the words but nothing came out.  He wanted to yell Shippou's name, to run to him, but he could not move.  His body was sluggish in his eyesight blurred in and out of focus.  _I need to fight it. I will not die.  Thank the gods Kagome isn't here.  She would have been hurt.  _Thoughts of the young girl made energy pulse through his veins.  _What if she had been here?  Would I have lain here helplessly while she was slain?  No…  I am not weak… I will not be weak now…  _Inu Yasha struggled to his feet using Tetsusaiga as a crutch.  He gasped as fire ran through the entire length of his body, but he tried to shrug it off.   He got up just in time to see Miroku and Sango rush back in.  The demon exterminator swung Hiraikotsu at the already distracted beast, hitting it in its damaged eyes.  The youkai roared and let forth a blast of miasma that knocked Sango back.  Miroku rushed forth pinning one of ofuda to the belly of the beast.  It immobilized the fiend momentarily, giving Inu Yasha enough time to get his bearing and strike.  

"The scar in the wind… I can see it now…" Inu Yasha growled through clenched teeth.  Leaping through high and raising Tetsusaiga above his head the hanyou let loose another cry, "Kaze no Kizu!!!!"

The lizard youkai's eyes widened as death flashed before its eyes.  As the power of the fang sword ripped him to shreds, it howled once more before disappearing in the wind.  Inu Yasha lowered his sword and then sheathed it.  He ran over to where Shippou lie unconscious.  

"You fucking brat!  You better be alive or I swear to the gods I will kill you!" Inu Yasha cried out as he picked up the fox child.  Shippou's breathing was labored but all that mattered to the hanyou was that he was breathing.

Sango and Miroku limped over leaning heavily against each other.  A look of worry crossed the demon exterminator's face as she limped over to Kirara and collapsed unto the fire cat.  Kirara lifted her large head a bit and mewled weakly.  Sango embraced Kirara tightly before turning to Inu Yasha who was holding Shippou, "Will he be okay?"

Inu Yasha looked at Sango.  In his eyes, everybody looked a little worse for wear, "I don't know…"  

At that moment, drones of people led by Lord Tsukumo flooded into the heavily damaged garden.  They surrounded the group and began to cheer loudly.  Sango, Miroku, Inu Yasha, and the barely conscious Kirara, looked around in utter surprise.

"You guys are heroes…" 

"You must be some kind of gods…"

"You avenged my family's death.  Domo Arigato…"

The yelling and cheering finally overwhelmed the injured and fatigued warriors.  They all lapsed into unconsciousness.      

***End of Flashback***

 _I thank the gods Kagome is not here.  That demon was tough, not that I haven't faced tougher. Even l didn't escape that nasty beast without a couple of injuries.  _Inu Yasha hissed as he pulled the collar of his haori to expose some of his injuries to the rapidly cooling night air.  His chest was red and raw where his skin had been melted away by miasma.  It was beginning to regenerate now but it hurt like hell.  His injuries were serious but not as bad as the others.  Kirara and Shippou sustained quite a few bumps and bruises when the demon used it tail to swipe them away.  Shippou hit a tree and was knocked unconscious for hours. Sango and Miroku both had a couple of wounds and burns to tend to.  __

_Those two are going to be out of commission for a couple of days.  I know they are going to be all right though.  If Sango hadn't distracted the beast with Hiraikotsu, Miroku wouldn't have been able to pin his ofuda on that thing.  Its skin was so hard I couldn't use Tetsusaiga on it or find its weak spot. The damn thing kept moving and shifting.  With Miorku's ofuda in place, the demon was bound long enough for me to find its weak spot and use the Kaze no Kizu on it.  I wish we had been able to get some information out of that piece of shit but it was too dangerous. The longer that lizard youkai was alive the more of a threat it became to everyone.  After all that shit we went through, the damn thing didn't even have a shard.  _

_Oh well…  It's not as important as the lives of my friends.  I will never tell them, but I was actually worried that someone was going to get killed.  I almost thought Shippou was dead when I found him on the ground not moving at all.  Myouga had to suck the poison out of one of Miroku's wounds because that bouzu managed to get himself wounded by that damn youkai. Now that all of us sustained injuries in that battle, we have to stay put. I could keep moving but no one would be able to travel with me.  Shippou's just a kid and the other two are just human.  Humans can't heal as fast as demons.  I know for a fact Kirara won't budge unless Sango is okay.  So here I am…  Stuck in Musashi country…  Naraku is out there somewhere and I have no idea what he's done with Kikyo.  At least I don't have to worry about Kagome… or do I?  What if she came through the well while I was gone?  I can't even be sure of what she's going to do.  That bitch is way too unpredictable.  What if she did come back?  She would be defenseless and demons would be drawn to her because of the jewel shards she possesses.    _

Fear began to well up in his heart, the same emotion that always made him stay close by the well until she returned.  Today, he tried to push aside his emotions and go on with his life without Kagome. For a while it worked because he had other things to on his mind, like a huge lizard youkai and his impending death.  Still, at the end of the day when all was calm and he could no longer sense any danger, he felt the growing emptiness that came along with the young miko's absence.Frustration began to well up in him.

_I have to forget about Kagome. I do not need her.  I can live without her…  I can…  Who am I kidding?  How can I make her understand that she cannot be a part of my life anymore when I can't even convince myself? I can't bar her from here; she always finds her way back. I somehow have to make her believe that I… that I… don't want to be with her anymore…  _

Inu Yasha flinched, not from the nagging pain in his shoulder, but the pain in his heart.  _I tried to go and break it off with her before.  I honestly would have but the words she said to me.  She said she wanted to be with me no matter what happened.  How can I let her do this?  How can I let her love me knowing in the end I have to walk away from her?  I can see it in her eyes; she still has some hope that I will change my mind. I don't have the heart to let us keep going on as we are…  I can't lead her on anymore.  She's too naïve…  I'd rather break her heart now…  I have to make her believe I'm not worth her time._

The dog demon heaved a great sigh and sniffed at the wind.  His thoughts made him restless and the urge to go to Bone Eater's Well began to overcome him.  He shifted on his tree limb, rotating his aching shoulder.  _My injuries aren't too serious.  I have been beaten up far worse than this.  Plus, I can't smell any nearby youkai.  I guess the threat has passed for the night.  If I run at top speed, I can make it to the well in no time flat.  I need to know if she returned here…  I need to know…  _Without another thought, Inu Yasha leapt from his perch and set back towards his forest with neck breaking speed.      

********

Miroku exited the manor house just in time to see the young hanyou dash into the forest.   He stopped and rubbed at his injured shoulder blade as he watched the half demons retreating back.  Beneath his robes, most of his upper body was bandaged.  Despite his injuries, the monk found the energy to walk out into the night.  After having a conversation with Sango about Inu Yasha's disposition, the houshi took it upon himself to come out and talk to him.  Miroku smirked for he knew fully where the young half demon was headed.  Looking off in the direction Inu Yasha disappeared to, Miroku lost himself in his thoughts.  _He can never stay away from her.  No matter how hard he tries to hide it, he loves Kagome.  They have a spiritual bond.  When I first met the group, I had not noticed.  I was too intent on flirting with Kagome-sama to recognize it.  I am not even sure they realize the extent to which their lives are intertwined. Neither Kagome nor Inu Yasha, from what I know, questions the fact that they are the only two able to travel between times. It seems to me that they were destined to meet.  If this were not true, then all of us could easily pass through the well.  But we cannot, I have even tried a few times upon seeing Inu Yasha sneak off to visit Kagome-sama after one of their fights.  I am curious to know what kind of world exists on Kagome's side of the well.  I wonder what the women are like…  Are they all like Kagome-sama?  Hmm…  That must be pleasant…  But I digress…           _

_Dear Kagome… She is willing to endure much to be with him...  I can't help but pity the guy…  He has the task of choosing between Kikyo and Kagome… two women he loves too much…  It is difficult watching Kagome-sama suffer at the hands Inu Yasha. The boy has no class when it comes to women and says and does things that are too callous.  Kagome-sama deserves to be treated with more care.  She is a naturally kind and loyal person.   There is an inner depth and strength to the young miko that holds our group together.  I'm not sure we can remain as a united front without her presence.  She keeps Inu Yasha under control most of the time and the advanced techniques and supplies she brings from her world help us greatly in our journey to defeat Naraku. She is also a very powerful priestess even though her powers are not as trained as Kikyo's.  I try to advise Inu Yasha in matters of the heart, but it is still his choice.  I just hope he makes the right choice…_

                "Miroku?" a childish voice called out from the dark doorway of the house.

                Miroku turned towards the door responded, "Yea, its me Shippou…  Why don't you come out and sit with me."

                The kitsune cub leaped with inherent grace onto the monk's shoulder.  Miroku winced a bit.

                "I'm sorry…  I didn't mean to hurt your back…" Shippou leapt down to sit beside the quiet monk.  The child youkai fidgeted a bit, hoping that he would not get yelled at.

                "How is your head?" Miroku asked quietly.  He did not feel like reprimanding the child for his transgression, everybody had already experienced a trying day.  

                Shippou looked up at Miroku and then back down at his hands, "It hurts like hell.  When I hit that stupid tree, I saw my life flash before my eyes.  I thought I was a goner for sure…"

                "You had everybody worried for a while.  I'm glad you're okay."

                Shippou smiled and then looked at the moon, "Inu Yasha isn't here is he?"

                The monk beside him shook his head, "No… he ran off, it seems…"

                "Probably off to see Kagome…  He thinks nobody notices when he does that…" the child youkai was very intuitive and perceptive.  "I wish they didn't fight so much.  I can't remember my mom and dad ever fighting.  I mean... I am sure they did but not so much as Kagome and Inu Yasha do…"

                "Well, things are much more complicated…" Miroku sighed.  _Shippou is affected by the fighting.  He's just a kid and his life has been so hard._

"I know…  I'm just afraid that baka Inu Yasha is going to say something to make Kagome go away forever.  He tried to make her leave before.   I don't know what I would if Kagome was gone.  She took me in and stood up for me… she cared when no one else would have…  She's the closest thing I've got to family…" tears began to pool in Shippou's emerald green eyes.  

                Miroku reached out and lightly patted the head of the young kitsune, "If I know Kagome-sama, she will be back.  She has many responsibilities, you know.  Everybody needs some time off especially when dealing with Inu Yasha."

                Shippou nodded and continued to look up at the night sky and the emerging stars.  _Otousan… Mama…  I miss you…  I wish you were here…  Kagome…  Please come back… I don't know what I will do if you don't…_

The pair sat in silence for what seemed like hours before finally retiring, the weight of their individual thoughts and the stress of the day finally bearing down on Shippou and Miroku's shoulders.  Once inside, Shippou curled up with the cat demon, Kirara, wishing that he could sleep in Kagome's arms and listen to her heartbeat.  Miroku bedded down in a spot close to Sango, he watched the demon exterminator sleep for some time before sleep finally claimed him.

*********

            Inu Yasha maneuvered through the forest with fluid grace and mobility, even with his injuries.  The red sleeves of his gi billowed out behind him in stark contrast to his long silver hair that moved with a life of its own.  If there were any youkai present deep with the forest to watch the inu hanyou leap and run across the forest floor, they remained hidden.  Perhaps, it was in their favor to let the young half demon be.  His amber eyes glinted and radiated a glow of determination bright enough to intimidate any foe.  In the moonlight, Inu Yasha's claws glinted, reflecting the wayward moonbeams that found their way through the forest canopy.  His whole aura held a silent threat to anyone who dare come between him and his destination and with Tetsusaiga at his side; he could make that unspoken threat a certain death.  While his body vaulted, dodged, sprinted, and glided over obstacles, his mind focused on one single minded purpose: to reach Kagome.  The anxiety that previously tugged at his heart now had full control of his body, spurring him to move faster.  The wind whipping across his face and through his hair did nothing to allay his tension or fear.  

                After hours of pushing as fast and as far as his half demon body would allow, Inu Yasha came to clearing where the Bone Eater's Well lie.  He landed on his haunches before the well with feline grace.  He was tired and the healing wounds on his chest burned where sweat seeped into it.  After catching his breath, he sniffed at the wind hoping to catch Kagome's scent.  It was there, but very faint and old.  Kagome had not returned since they argued.  His shoulders slumped.

"Damn it!  I ran out here for nothing.  That bitch…" Inu Yasha ranted in unreasonable anger.  He knew fully that Kagome had not requested his presence nor was she aware of his worries.  He sighed as he sat, "Keh!  It doesn't matter anyways.  If she was here, I would have to tell that baka I hate her guts…  She is such a nuisance… a pain in the ass… a burden… a…" His voice trailed off to silence as he stare at the cold stone well, "Why should I wait until she comes back to tell her this?  I should go do it now.  Go and get it over with.  She's probably awake and doing that home- work or whatever the hell she calls it.  The faster I get this over with, the faster she can get on with her life and I with mine…"

                His resolve faltered as his clawed hand reached out to touch the lip of the well.  _Do I really want to sever the ties that bind Kagome and I together?  What do I say to her when the time comes?  How am I supposed to go about this?  Is this really the right thing to do? _ Inu Yasha stood still for several moments, his hand poised over the well as his conscience attacked him.  His jaw clenched in frustration and hands balled into fists as he sought to gather the strength to block his own feelings.  "What the fuck is going on?  I am not a weakling…  I can do this…  Kagome means nothing to me… She is just a girl… a useless girl…"

_To complete this task I must be heartless.  I must be cold…  I must be cruel to be kind… _He chanted this mantra over and over in his head as hopped into the well and through time.  Once on the other side of the well, he caught traces of Kagome's scent along with some of her blood.  It had to be days old but it still worried him.  His heart raced as he sped towards the house and up to the window he usually used as an entrance.  Slipping cautiously through her bedroom window, he caught sight of Kagome sleeping soundly sprawled across her bed.  

                _I built up all this courage to come here and she's in bed.  I bet she isn't even thinking of me…  Not that it matters now…  Should I wake her up?  Should I try to tell her now?  _Inu Yasha unconsciously drew closer to the sleeping girl.  He snaked out a clawed hand to touch her but stopped.  His amber eyes glistened with the unshed tears and his white ears flattened against his head.  He drew his hand back as if he had been burned.  _This isn't right.  I am not that much of an asshole to wake her out of her sleep like that. _His heart dropped in his chest.He turned away, berating himself all the while.  _What made me think I could really do this?  _

Inu Yasha walked over to the window, ready to flee the scene. His body was growing increasingly weary and if he did not leave and get back to the group soon he might just drop wherever he stood.  He froze when his keen ears picked up a whimper from the bed.  _Oh shit!  I did wake her.   Now, I have to tell her…  No… I have…_

"No…  Kikyo… n… no…  Inu Yasha don't…   Don't die…" Kagome cried out in the grips of some nightmare.  Tears slid down her soft cheek as she whimpered.

"Kagome…" Inu Yasha was at her bedside in a flash.  His clawed hands gripped the edge of her bed and his amber eyes took in the sight of her.

His voice was not enough to comfort her as she continued her distressed cries.  

"Please don't… don't leave me…"

It hurt the hanyou to the depths of his soul to see Kagome like this.  _These are her true feelings.  The sadness and pain she hides behind a mask of smiles. It's my fault.  I led you to this. I hurt you even in your sleep.   I should have put an end to us long ago.  I am a coward… _Inu Yasha's clawed thumb ran lightly over her cheek, wiping away her salty tears.  His touch must have brought the young girl comfort for her whimpers decreased in volume.  The hanyou did not notice right away because he was busy reveling in the soft smoothness of Kagome's skin.  He never touched her bare skin so intimately before and now he was enraptured.  Berating himself for his weakness once again, the dog demon pulled his hand away.  A small shuddering sob welled in Kagome's throat and broke free.  Inu Yasha suddenly realized that his touch had the power to quiet her.  

_What should I do?  I can't spend the whole night like this.  If I don't get out of here soon she might wake up.  But…  I can't leave her like this… and I am too tired to make it back to the group.  I should leave…  I really should go now…  _Inu Yasha thought this even as he inched up onto Kagome's bed so that they were lying face to face.  He touched his forehead lightly to hers and his arms wrapped around her pajama-clad body, pulling her closer.  Kagome sighed and nuzzled into his warmth.  His body was too tired to go rigid in shock although a blush spread on his cheeks.  He sighed as well and nuzzled into soft obsidian locks.   _Just this once… I need to…  _

The young hanyou fell into light slumber, wanting to remember the feel of Kagome's body against his more than to rest.  As the sun began to rise, he disentangled himself from the sleeping girl and with one last look fled the scene.  He was fully aware that he could have stayed until she woke up.  However, he could not bring himself to sully the intimate moment he shared with Kagome with angry words and awkward situations.  His conflicted mind was still bent on breaking it off with the young miko but he decided to put it off until later.  What happened in Kagome's room would forever be apart of his memory, her scent, her warmth, her heartbeat, the steady rise and fall of her chest, the way she felt pressed so close to him.  He would never forget… even when he turned Kagome's feelings against him… all he needed to remember is that precious moment he shared in her arms… and just maybe that would be enough to keep him going…        

              

Inu Yasha sped towards the well and back to his companions.  He didn't know when he would return to finish the task he set out to do.  _I will be back sooner, rather than later.  This one thing I know.  _Inu Yasha found his way back to Jikoro and his slumbering companions in a short time.  


	6. Sleepless Nights: Part Two

Kagome awoke with the light of the sun shining directly into her eyes.  She squinted as she groggily looked around as if she was expecting something, someone to be there.  Her sleep softened face sagged into a frown as she took in her empty bedroom.  A dull ache spread through her chest.  _He's not here… He didn't come for me…  If he did… he would still be here… Why isn't he here?  Why?  _

A tear slid down her cheek followed by several more as she flopped back on her pillows.  During the night, she had several unsettling dreams; dreams that shook her to the very core of her soul.  The details of those nightmares she could not remember for they were fading back into her subconscious.  Yet, she was still a rattled for each vision involved her antagonist, Inu Yasha.  _Those stupid nightmares…  Why can't I have normal dreams?  Why can't I dream about anything but him?  For a moment, I actually thought he was here… but he's not…    _

Kagome flung her arm over her face as her other hand balled into a tight fist.  "I can start everyday like this," Kagome yelled at herself as she brought her fist down hard on bed.  With that she wiped her eyes and willed herself out of bed.  Somewhere tangled beneath a mass of covers Buyo came busting through with hackles raised, yowling angrily for being disturbed in such a violent manner.

"Oops… sorry Buyo…  Did I startle you?" Kagome stroked the frazzled calico cat, trying to comfort it.  

Kagome sighed as she picked up Buyo and rocked the cat like a child.   She hummed a tune she often heard Kaede sing while she gathered herbs.  She couldn't really remember the words at all but it didn't seem matter to Buyo.  Purring in content and swatting at one of Kagome's sleep mused locks, the housecat was appeased.  Putting the cat down, the young miko dragged about the house getting ready for school.  As she stood in front of the bathroom mirror brushing her teeth, her head began to spin.

_My body feels like lead…  Kagome placed her hand on her forehead lightly.  _I don't think I feel all that well…  How ironic... maybe I really am getting sick?  Running around in Sengoku Jidai all the time without resting probably took a toll on me, not to mention, stress from school and a certain half demon. Maybe I should stay home… __

_ Kagome shook her aching head, "I am going to school today whether I like it or not.  I'd rather not stay in this empty house all day.  That'll probably make me worse off.  I will just go to school and if I still don't feel so great, I won't go out with Hojo tonight.  It's not as if we were going to have a great date anyway."  _

After getting dressed, Kagome walked to school.  By the time she got there, she was definitely sure she wasn't well.  Her head was pounding a mile a minute and her stomach turned and twisted in knots.  She sat down heavily on one of the benches lining the concrete walkway to the school entrance and held her head.  Tears welled up in her eyes as her aching body betrayed her.

"I think I'm going to be sick…" Kagome groaned to herself.  If she had eaten anything for breakfast, she probably would have.  Taking a few deep breaths, the young girl tried to compose herself.  _I am going to make it.  I am not going home.  I don't need to miss anymore school.  If I just sit through a few classes, I will be as good as new and then during lunchtime, I will take a nap in the nurse's office.  _

Kagome stood up and realized her balance was not at all steady.  Stubbornly, she fought the waves of dizziness and walked straight into school.  There she ran into Yuka at her locker.

"Kagome!!!!  It's the big day!  You got a date with Hojo tonight aren't you excited!" Yuka jumped up and down excitedly.

Kagome inwardly groaned, "…"

Yuka stopped hopping immediately after she noticed her friend's pallor, "Kagome-chan, you don't look so hot.  You're all pale and clammy looking.  Should you be in school today?"

The young miko pasted on a vibrant smile and shook her head, "I'm fine Yuka… I-I… I think it's just because I was up studying late.  I will be okay…"

Yuka nodded reluctantly, "Well, I will walk with you to class just in case.  You look a little unsteady to me…"

Kagome spent the whole day wishing she never got out of bed.  Her head hurt so bad her vision started to blur and she could barely concentrate in class.  She tried her best to ignore it; her iron will supplied her with enough energy to get through the day.  

On her way to Calculus, the young girl stopped and leaned heavily against a locker.  _I wish I were at home.  Me and my stubborn self… I could be piled under some warm blankets right now.  Kagome straightened once again, _I only have math than lunch… Ugh... than two classes after that.  I can make it through the day.   I am almost done.__

For Kagome, Calculus was a blur.  She could barely comprehend anything that was going on.  Ms. Sae's voice distorted as soon as it hit the young girl's ears.  She had trouble just keeping her head upright the whole time.  Kagome wiped her clammy forehead and sighed in relief when the class ended.  _Now, I need to try to make it to the nurse's office.  I hope I don't collapse.  She was too tired and wrapped in her thoughts to notice Sae Hakibi's keen eyes._

"Kagome?"

Kagome snapped to attention when she heard her teacher call out her name, "Yes Sae-sama?"

"Kagome, are you okay?  I noticed that you weren't very attentive in my class… and you are so pale.  I think you should call home so someone can come pick you up." Sae Hakibi's expression was full of worry.

"No, no, don't worry about me.  I think I am just starting to get a cold or something. It's nothing serious," Kagome waved off the idea nervously.  _Besides there's no one home to come get me anyway…_

"Are you sure?  Your really don't look well…"

Kagome smiled her brightest smile, "I'm okay…  I was just going to take a walk and get some fresh air or something.  Nothing like fresh air to clear up any illness…"

"I don't see why you wouldn't want to go home…" Sae persisted.

"I'm always at home.  I need to be in school.  I miss way too much class, as it is "the young girl sighed dejectedly  

"Well… don't push yourself too hard.  Hopefully, this weekend coming up will revive you.  Get some rest okay…" The math teacher smiled softly at her student.  

"I will…" Kagome gathered her books and walked toward the door, "And Sae-sama?"

"Yes, Kagome…"

"Thank you for worrying…" with that she left the room.  

Kagome didn't see the soft smile on Sae's face.  The young teacher shook her and began grading some homework papers on her desk.  "Kids nowadays…"

******

Kagome spent the rest of her day in the nurse's office.  Kagome had only been to that place once before to pick up a bandage.  She had no idea what the nurse's name was and her unfocused eyes could not make out the name on the lady's nametag.  Upon seeing Kagome's pallor and glassy eyes, the nurse insisted that Kagome stay.  The woman was considerably older, with her graying hair pulled back from her face.  The woman was a little shorter than Kagome but carried herself with authority.  She wore a white lab coat with a blue sweater and brown skirt beneath it.  She also wore round glasses on her face.  The brown eyes showing behind them twinkled with wisdom. 

"I'll just get you excused from the rest of your classes, Ms. Higurashi.  What is the point of you running about from class to class in such a condition? Look at you… I bet you can't even concentrate.  I have half a mind to call your parents and have them pick you up…" the nurse gently pushed the girl towards one of the office beds.

Kagome shook her head and tried to explain that she was okay.

"Shush!  I don't need any of your explanations.  Students nowadays… all they care about now is getting the grade.  Just stay put and get some rest.  Lord knows you need it."

Kagome complied wearily and found herself deep in slumber in no time.  When she awoke, her head was still pounding but she didn't feel as dizzy as before.  Narrowing her eyes, she tried to focus on the clock on the wall before her.  _How long have I been sleeping?  Why is everything in doubles?  I can't deal with this…    _

"You have five minutes before the bell rings.  Some of your friends came down and brought you some notes form class while you were sleeping.  Such an overly excited bunch of girls they were.  Chatting so loudly, I thought they would wake you." The elder woman pointed to some papers on her desk.

Kagome rubbed her forehead and slipped gracefully off of the nurse's bed and on to her feet.  "Thank you for letting me stay for awhile…"

"Don't forget your notes." the nurse replied curtly.

"I won't ma'am.  Thank you…" Kagome grabbed her books and the notes and headed out into the hallway.

The school bell rang just as she stepped foot into the tiled hallway and she winced.  The shrill ringing aggravated her headache a bit.  She walked out into the afternoon sun, ducking and dodging the students spilling out of classrooms.  Caught in the sea of people, her dizziness began to return.  

"I need to get home…" Kagome mumbled but her feet were not carrying her fast enough.  The people were starting blur in just colors.  _I wish Inu Yasha were here to save me now.  I wish…  _Kagome didn't even realize she was swaying.

"Higurashi!"  

She heard her name being called by a familiar voice.

"Hojo?" she answered weakly.

Hojo came to a stop before Kagome, his enthusiasm dimming a bit as he took in the young girl's condition.  "Kagome, you don't look so good…"

"I don't feel so good either.  I don't think I can make it tonight…  I'm sorry." Kagome sighed.

"Don't worry about that now.  All that matters is that you get better.  I can give you a ride home on my bike."

"No… I think I can make it…" Kagome protested weakly.

"No, I insist." Hojo took Kagome's clammy hand and led her over to his bike.

She did not have resolve to protest any longer and the idea of walking home became less and less appealing as her head swirled faster and faster.  Hojo mounted his bike and she got on behind him.  Then they were off into Tokyo streets, the spring wind whipping in Kagome's hair.  The sickly girl held tight to Hojo, leaning her face a bit into his back.  _It's almost like riding on Inu Yasha's back…  _

At that thought she held on tighter, her mind filled with a certain silver haired hanyou.  The city slipped by street after street.  The sun shined on the two travelers and above them the sky shone blue without a trace of clouds.  Such beauty went unnoticed by Kagome at the moment.  She passed the time away deep in thought.  So deep was she in her thoughts that she barely noticed that Hojo had arrived at her home.  Quickly she released her tight hold on Hojo, who seemed not to mind at the moment, and slipped off his bike.   She then proceeded towards the shrine steps as if in a daze before realizing she had not thanked Hojo for his help.  _I am such a baka.  I didn't even tell Hojo thank you.  Sick or not, there is no need to a total jerk.      _

Turning, Kagome spoke softly to her companion, "Thank you, Hojo-kun."

The young boy smiled and rubbed the back of his head as a blush stained his cheeks.  "Anytime, Kagome… I will call you tomorrow to check up on you."  With that he rode away.      

 Kagome numbly proceeded up the stairs and into her house.  Once there, she went into her bedroom and collapsed on her bed.  She didn't even bother to change.  Her body was too weary to move.  Her eyelids drooped and her forehead beaded with perspiration.  _If Mama came home early, she could take care of me.  I don't know if I can take care of myself.  I feel too horrible to move. My head aches and I am so tired even though I slept in the nurse's office.  The young girl pulled her comforter about her, even as her body temperature rapidly increased.  _Maybe I can sleep it off…  _Kagome's eyes slid shut slowly, her dark eyelashes kissing her pale cheeks, her breathing slow and deep.  In her weary, sickly state, sleep claimed her body quickly.  The soft caress of wind blowing through her open bedroom window blew tendrils of her midnight black hair across her fever-heated cheeks.  Mere minutes into her slumber, her subconscious pulled her into a world of dreams, or one dream she had been having repeatedly for weeks._

****In Kagome's Dream****

Kagome stood on a smoky battlefield, dazed in confused.  She looked down at herself.  Her clothes were tattered and slightly burnt.  Cuts all over body welled with blood.  _Where am I?  Why am I here?  Wait a minute…  I'm can't be here now…  Did I fall asleep?  This is a dream…  _

The shouts of battle rang out, assaulting Kagome's ears.  _Everything sounds so real…  Is this a dream?  She began to run, not sure which way she was going and why.  It almost seemed as if her feet were carrying her forward without her consent.  Her mind was foggy and confused.  __Where is everyone?  Who is fighting?  Her legs moved faster toward a destination unknown.  She ran past countless unidentifiable charred bodies, some youkai and some human, until she came to a clearing where two figures were locked in battle.  _Is that Inu Yasha?  What… who is he fighting?  Where is the rest of the gang?  Where are they?  I can't sense them I can't…  _Kagome looked away from the hanyou valiantly fending off some foe.  Her eyes caught sight of Miroku lying unmoving on the ground.  Kagome quickly forgot that she was dreaming; her mind and emotions swept into her fictional dream world.  She ran to him, tears forming in her eyes._

"Miroku…  Miroku…  Oh Kami, please don't be dead…" Kagome sobbed uncontrollably.

The houshi groaned and opened his eyes slightly.  He began to cough, a deep rumbling sound that did not bode well for the injured monk.  "Ka… Kago… me… sa… ma…"

Kagome grabbed his hand and knelt beside him, "Miroku, are you okay?  What happened?  Where are the others?"

"Naraku…  Na…  Naraku…  Sango…  Shippou…" The monk's eyes darkened in pain then glazed over in tears as he spoke.  The words took too much effort for his battered body.  

Kagome understood what he meant to say.  _Sango and Shippou are dead?  Oh Kami…  Why?  Why…_  _I lost my friends… I cannot lose Miroku too…_

"Miroku…  Just hold on…  I can save you…  I can_" Kagome was cut short.

"No…  Leave me…" Miroku spoke sadly, the last once of his strength waning.  "I … am… finished… no… reason… to go… on….  Sango…" His last words were but a whisper as he closed his deep purple eyes for the last time.

"No!" Kagome cried out in anguish.  Rage filled her as she charged back into the midst of battle, wishing to seek vengeance for her fallen comrades.  _I will make Naraku pay for this…  By the gods, I will make him pay…   _She ran back to place where she saw Inu Yasha.  She found him striking down a very hideous beast; a haphazard patchwork creation of youkai parts powered by the Shikon no Tama, who presumably had to be Naraku.  She tried to reach the hanyou but was blocked by some barrier.  _What is going on?   I can't reach him…   I need Inu Yasha…  I need to reach him…  _

 "Inu Yasha!!!" Kagome cried out, her voice raw from crying and smoke.  

She saw the hanyou pick up the Shikon no Tama from the dying flesh of the evil demon before he looked up at her.  Inu Yasha's eyes seemed dull and cold even from the distance that separated them.  He didn't come forth to save Kagome; he just stood silent, staring into the teary eyes of the miko. 

_Inu Yasha?  What's wrong?  Why aren't you talking to me? Why can't I reach you?  _

"Inu Yasha!" Kagome cried out frantically.

The silver haired hanyou's grip tightened around the Shikon no Tama and a twisted sneer formed on his face.  He still hadn't spoken to her and seemingly did not intend to.  Instead, he turned away leaving the frantic and sobbing young girl to beat against the barrier.  Kagome was forced to watch as he turned away and straight into the waiting arms of Kikyo who was surrounded by her Shinidama-chuu.  

"My love…" Kikyo sighed as Inu Yasha embraced her tightly.  

Kagome could not move.  Her body was frozen in one spot, her eyes wind and shimmering with tears.  What should have been whispering between lovers, echoed unrealistically in her ears.  Every word spoken sent a knife twisting into her heart.

"I have come as I promised you, koibito…" Inu Yasha replied as he nuzzled Kikyo's cheek lovingly.

"What about the girl?" the miko asked directing her attention towards Kagome.

"What about her?" Inu Yasha growled seemingly annoyed.  "I have the Shikon no Tama and you…  What good is she to me?"

Kikyo looked at Kagome, a triumphant gleam radiating in her eyes, before she turned back to Inu Yasha.  The undead miko embraced him tighter as she smiled, "Well, it is settled…  It is time for us to depart, my love…"

Kagome's heart shattered into pieces, even as she struggled to make Inu Yasha hear her.  "No!  Don't do this Inu Yasha…  Don't leave me!"  

The half dog demon did not even spare the young girl a glance as he spoke, "I will follow you wherever you may lead me, Kikyo.  I love only you and no one else."

"Come with me, then…. Down to the underworld where we will both keep the Shikon no Tama forever…  Just you and I… forever in death…" Kikyo's voice became softer as she and Inu Yasha, engulfed in purple light, began to sink into the ground. 

"Forever Kikyo…  I will be with you, forever…" Inu Yasha sighed before he finally disappeared.

Kagome slid to the ground against the barrier that kept her away from the pair.  Her tears were unending, her sorrow immense.  Her only love left her alone in a world that was not her own.  He left her without regard to her well being, without a single word.  _He didn't love me…  If he did, he would not have left me here alone…  He never loved me…  He never cared…  _

Her body shook with sobs as she let loose a cry, "Inu Yasha!!!!!"

****End of Dream****__

Kagome jolted straight up in her bed, her body covered in sweat.  Her fever-brightened eyes searched her darkened bedroom.  _Inu Yasha isn't here…  But I can feel him…  I can feel his presence retreating from this place…  Kagome jumped out of bed, taking her comforter and pulling sheets away as she ran from her room and out of the house into the chilly spring night.  The petals of cherry blossoms, petals of numerous cherry trees that decorated the shrine, airborne in the night wind clung to her hair.  She ran as fast as her legs could take her even though her body was burning with fever. __He can't leave me this time…  I won't let him…  Inu Yasha…  _

                Her heart spoke his name with each beat.  With each shaky breath she took, she cried out his name.  _I feel you, Inu Yasha.  I know you're here… Why do you run from me?  Why?_

                "Inu Yasha!!!"  Kagome ran through the courtyard barefoot and stumbling as her legs caught on the comforter wrapped about her shoulders.  Her sweaty obsidian hair, whipped about even as wayward tendril stuck to her face and neck.  "Inu Yasha, please wait!!!!"

                Her legs carried her forth to the well house, the place where all her adventures began.  She stopped dead in her tracks a few feet away from the shed housing Bone Eater's Well.  She found him there, standing so still, his back to her, illuminated amongst the sakura blossoms by the moonlight.

                "Inu Yasha?" she gasped his name, her lungs depleted of oxygen by her haste.  She was confused by his silence.  _I haven't seen him in days…  Why doesn't he say something?  Didn't he know I was coming?  _ Kagome slid forward to close the distance between them.

                "Don't…"  

                His voice, a terse, growled command, bit through the night air.  Kagome drew back, confused and hurt by his tone.  

                "Inu Yasha…" _Why is he being so harsh?  Am I still asleep? This really can't be my Inu Yasha… Can it?  _


	7. Sleepless Nights: Part Three

If you hadn't realized it before, I still don't own Inu Yasha…  All I own is that cardboard box I use for shelter in Times Square and even that is questionable….  Anyways, all rights to Inu Yasha belong to Rumiko Takahashi...

Inu Yasha ran through the forest and over the rolling green terrain with fluid grace and agility.  In the wake of a rising sun, his hair glimmered in gold and his red garments shone with fiery brightness.  It seemed as if he was trying to outrun the wind.  A toothy grin graced his features as he leapt high into the air, letting his body glide on an air current, his injuries obviously forgotten or healed.  

_Wow…  I didn't get that much rest but I feel refreshed…  Seeing Kagome must a have put me back in business. Being near her always makes it easier to heal.   Kagome…  She looked like an angel sleeping.  If things were not so complicated, I would love to wake up like that every morning, if the gods willed it so.  But…  I know…  I can't…    _

Frustrated by his own thoughts, Inu Yasha furiously decimated a low hanging branch that hindered his progress.   _No more thinking about Kagome that way…  I have to put her behind me…  _The hanyou surged onward towards Jikoro.  _I hope everything is okay back at Jikoro.  If anything happened to the gang while I was out being a coward… I will never forgive myself.  What was I thinking?  None of those guys are any shape to defend that place if another demon decided to come crashing through.  _

The dog demon pushed faster arriving at the town of Jikoro within the hour.  Once at the entrance he paused, sniffing the morning air and listening closely for any sign of danger.  The smell of humans, the forest, and fresh morning dew clung to the air.  Nothing alerted his senses.  _Since when did I start worrying so much about those guys?  It's not like…  I need them or something…   _Inu Yasha shook his head and rebuffed his own prideful thoughts as he walked through the town to the manor house of Tsukumo-sama.  _Who am I kidding?  I wouldn't know how to carry myself without Sango, Miroku, Shippou, and Kirara around.  They've grown on me…  It's weird… Fifty-something years ago, I wouldn't have imagined I would be where I am today.  I figured I would always be alone.  Who could really want to be friends with a hanyou?  Back then I don't think I ever really thought of the future like that.  It was hard enough just trying to live in the present… Now… I have friends… friends… People I probably would have never gotten to know if it hadn't been for… her…    _

_ That thought stopped him where he stood.  Standing close to a fishpond in the garden of the gracious lord Tsukumo, Inu Yasha's expression grew solemn as looked back in the direction of the Bone Eater's well.  __Kagome…_

"Inu Yasha…"

Inu Yasha started at the sound of his name.   Recognizing the voice, the hanyou turned to yell in annoyance at the person who dare interrupt his thoughts, "Miroku?!  What the hell are you doing out here!  Shouldn't you be inside resting or something?  You damn humans are too fragile…"

"You certainly do have an odd way of saying things.  However, I am flattered that you would worry about me and the others…"

"Keh!  Worry?  What the hell are you talking about!?  You think I would waste my time worrying about you?  Spare me the bullshit, houshi.  All I'm worried about are the jewel shards…" Inu Yasha continued to yell all the while, silently thanking the monk for giving him a reprieve from his torturous thoughts of Kagome.  

Miroku quirked an eyebrow then flippantly dismissed Inu Yasha's ranting, "So…  How is Kagome?"

The inu hanyou turned nearly twelve shades of red.  _How does he know I went to see her?  He can't possibly know anything…  He's bluffing…  _"What are you talking about bouzu?  Kagome isn't here, remember stupid?  She went back to her own damn world…"

"Oh…" Miroku did his best to hide a smile, "Well, you disappeared last night.  Naturally, I assumed you went to check on the Kagome-sama.  Or could I be mistaken?"

Inu Yasha sat down by the pond, refusing to answer as he stared down at the fish swimming lazily in the clear water. With his stubborn will, he forced the fiery blush that stained his cheeks to dissipate.  _So he does know.  Damn it!  I never can get anything past that fucking houshi…_

 Miroku sat beside him and was silent for a moment.  He watched the hardheaded hanyou with amusement.  _You're so easy to pick with Inu Yasha and as readable as any scroll I've come across.  Let's see how long you can last before you finally tell me what's going on.  _ 

"What the fuck are YOU looking at Miroku!?  You keep staring and I will rip you a new one…" Inu Yasha growled in anger.

The monk shook his head and sighed, "Then, I must be mistaken…  Perhaps, you ran off to meet Kikyo in Kagome's absence.  I never thought you would be that sly…"

"Damn it, Miroku," Inu Yasha shook a clenched fist threateningly at the unfazed figure beside him.  "I did not go after Kikyo.  I'm a lecher like you.  Besides, why would I go slinking off like a thief in the night to see Kikyo?  If I want to go see her I will, whether or not Kagome is here."

"Right…  So you did go see Kagome-sama…" Miroku concluded.

"Yes…  No!  I mean… Damn it… You lech… You tricked me…" Inu Yasha growled.  _Miroku, you always have a way of making me talk.  _

"Heh… I did nothing of a sort.  Servants of Buddha do not resort to trickery.  The truth will always reveal itself.  So why is she not with you?  Do not tell me you chose to get into another argument with Kagome-sama…  Honestly, Inu Yasha… do you never learn_"

"No, Miroku.  We did not argue.  She's just not here.  That's all…" Inu Yasha's shoulder's slumped dejectedly as directed his gaze back to the pond.  "She is where she belongs…"

"What are you saying, Inu Yasha?  You want Kagome-sama to stay in her time?  What about this mission?  What about you?  You really think she will actually stay away?" Miroku asked incredulously.  _Inu Yasha, what do you have planned?  I do not have good feeling about this._

"She will stay in her world.  She will when I tell her…  It's final this time.  I am breaking it off with Kagome…" _What I am doing… what I will do… must be done.  I must spare her the hurt…_

Miroku shook his head doubtfully, "You were unable to break up with her last time.  You think your heart will allow you to do it now?  What has caused you to come to this decision?"

"It's not my heart that matters…  It's hers…" Inu Yasha heaved a sigh.

Miroku fixed his intense purple stare on the depressed hanyou before him.  _I can't understand you.  Kagome-sama is happy being with you.  Why would you want to ruin that?  So many thoughts ran through Miroku's head but he voiced none of them, allowing the dog demon before him to voice his own feelings first.  _

"It's best to break it off now.  We aren't really meant to be…"

"I am still not sure I understand what you're trying to say Inu Yasha…  If you are trying to look out for Kagome-sama's feelings, you must know that breaking up with her will hurt her very much.  She loves you.  I can tell."

Inu Yasha looked away from the pond into Miroku's eyes.  The hanyou's eyes flashed with anger and frustration.  "You think I am that dense that I can't see that!?  I know how she feels!  I know and it's fucking killing me…"

"Inu Yasha?"

"You don't get it, do you Miroku?  You say breaking up with her will hurt her but is it any better than the pain I cause her now.  Everybody thinks I'm that stupid that I don't notice how she looks when I go after Kikyo… when I say the things I say…  I know, damn it, but I can't and won't stop…"

"Why?  Why would you willingly hurt someone you obviously care for?" Miroku was puzzled by Inu Yasha's cryptic words.     _I know but I can't and won't stop…_

Anguish bled into the half demon's amber eyes, "Our meeting was ill fated from the start.  She came to me… a replica of the woman, who held my heart.  I was not supposed to love her…  She was not supposed to be here at all.  Kagome still does not belong here.  Her world, her school, her life…  She wouldn't leave all that behind to come and stay for good with me.  Even if she would, I can't allow it.  I can never give my heart totally to Kagome…  I made my choice the day I told Kikyo I would always protect her.  Always… means forever…  I made a vow that I would put her to rest.   I will not break that promise.  Don't you see, Miroku?  Leading Kagome on… making her believe that we have may have a future… will hurt her more when the end comes.   I see it in her eyes.  She wants me to live but I already chose to die."

"So you don't have feelings for Kagome-sama, then?"  _Help me understand Inu Yasha.  Are you sure this is the only way…_

"No, that's not it… I love Kagome more with each passing day…  I just can't stand to see that look of hurt on her face anymore.   To know that I am the one causing her pain hurts me.  Prolonging the inevitable will only make the situation more complicated…" Inu Yasha looked up at the sky, trying to blink back tears that were welling up in his eyes.  _I am not a wimp.  I will not sit here in front of this fucking monk and bawl like a baby.  _

 When Inu Yasha became silent, Miroku sighed, "I am sure Kagome-sama understands your history with Kikyo.  She chooses to stay.  Don't you think she should have the right to do as she pleases?  Besides, she is a part of our group.  Without her here we will have far more complications."

"Kagome is a baka.  She can't defend herself anyway.  Most of the time, I have to run off and save her ass.  She hinders this mission more than she helps.  We can do fine without her.  You see how well we did against that piece of shit that attacked Jikoro yesterday.  We don't need her here!" Inu Yasha spoke with an anger he did not feel.  His voice lost its edge as he continued, "She's far too naïve to know what's good for her and too stubborn to see the truth.  Kagome has too much hope sometimes.  Her trust in me is unfounded and half the time I don't deserve it.  I mean… she shouldn't put herself through so much pain at my expense.  I want her to live her life in her world.  It's for the best…"

"So, when do you plan on going through with it?  It's obvious that you have doubts if you haven't broken it off yet."

                "I went to tell her last night.  I wanted to get it over and done with so I could move on.  I got there and found her asleep.  Not only, was she asleep but also, Kagome was in the grips of some nightmare involving none other than Kikyo and myself.  So much pain…  Even in her sleep, I could tell she was in so much pain.  I couldn't wake her then and…  I couldn't bring myself to walk away.  I stayed there… to watch over her for the last time.  Tonight…  I must finish what I started." Inu Yasha clenched his fist at his side. Pain marred his handsome, exotic features.

                Miroku observed the hanyou, his own expression sad and thoughtful.  _I have often thought of what would happen to Inu Yasha and Kagome-sama once this journey ended.  I see now that Inu Yasha's thoughts have been similar.  I can't help but feel that there is more to his decision than he lets on or even understands.  I sense fear in him; fear of his own feelings for her, I think.  While it is still unclear to me how Kagome managed to come to this era, I know her presence here is no mistake. The time I spent traveling with the group has shown me much about Kagome.  Her strength and purity of heart will prove to be the key element in the war against Naraku. She is far more powerful than even I can fathom. .  I know Inu Yasha means to do the right thing.  I just don't believe that breaking up with Kagome-sama will solve the problem but this stubborn dog demon will do as he pleases.  He can be so narrow-minded sometimes.   _"Inu Yasha… if this is what you really want.   I will not argue.  But, I suggest you think it over a bit more before you finally go through your plans."

                "You think I haven't been thinking about this…  I have thought and thought for days, weeks, months, years…  I know what I am doing…" Inu Yasha snapped at the monk.  _Well, at least I think I do…_

                "Fine, Inu Yasha.  I won't press the issue anymore…" Miroku conceded.

                The hanyou heaved another sigh and changed the subject, "How are the other's doing?"

                "Everybody is healing.  I am sure no permanent damage has been done to anyone.  When I came out here, the gang was still asleep.  I seriously doubt that anyone developed any sicknesses in the night."  Miroku slowly rotated his bandaged shoulders, "That lizard youkai did a number on us…  Even Naraku's cast-offs are becoming much stronger.  The final battle is getting close.  He'd hiding like a coward, building his strength so that he strike.  I just know it…"

                "Keh!  When that day comes, I will be standing there waiting for him.  Full demon or not…   I will defeat that bastard Naraku once and for all…" Inu Yasha concluded triumphantly before standing up and walking away.

                "Can you Inu Yasha?  Can you do it without Kagome?" Miroku sighed as watched his friend's retreating back then stared deep into the pond.   

Inu Yasha went to check on his companions, peeking into the room Lord Tsukumo provided for them. _That conversation with Miroku put me on edge.  I need to think about something else for a while…_ Even in the darkened room, the hanyou could see everyone clearly.  No one stirred as he walked into, taking extra care to make no sound.  He took a seat close to a sleeping Shippou curled into the fur of Kirara.  He heard the kitsune mumble something about chocolate and could not help but to smile.  _You little brat, you're always thinking about sweets.  Shippou, you gave me a big scare yesterday.  I know we fight a lot and all but I want you know who the leader is.  You get a little too out of control sometimes…  You might think I am just picking fights but it's my way of training you.  You need to know how to how to defend yourself.  _Inu Yasha reached out and brushed a clawed hand over the kitsune's auburn mane.  _You almost gave me a heart attack pulling a stunt like you did yesterday.  Baka…  Kagome always coddles you…  You're too weak and young to go around being a hero.  You almost died…  Little bastard…  I'm the only one allowed to kill you.  When you get well enough, I am going to strangle you.  I'm proud of you though…  I won't say it to your face because that's a little wimpy for me but I am.  You're a strong kid, growing up without your mom and dad, like I did…  I know it's hard but you never say a word.  I apologize in advance for taking Kagome away.  I know how you think of her and all.  Hopefully, one day you'll understand.  _

Inu Yasha leaned against a wall, his legs crossed and his arms crossing his chest.  His body felt tired again.  Closing his amber eyes, he sought to catch up on missed sleep.  His ears still twitched atop his head, catching the lightest sound.  He did not reopen his eyes until he heard Sango rise and pull back the drapery covering the window to allow light to pour into the darkened room.  He could see that Sango's movement was a bit stiff.

"How do you feel, Sango?" Inu Yasha questioned.

Sango turned away from the window; slightly surprised that hanyou spoke to her at all after the sour mood he'd been in yesterday, "I'm okay.  I do not believe I sustained any serious damage."

"Next time, don't be so clumsy." Inu Yasha replied gruffly.

Sango bristled a bit but then sighed, "You weren't so lucky either, if my memory serves me correctly…"

"I'm a half demon.  I can heal faster.  We can't afford to lose another person, you know." Inu Yasha muttered.

"Another?" Sango's eyes widened.

The hanyou looked away, "It's nothing… don't worry about it…"

"Is Kagome-chan, okay?  Nothing happened to her, did it?" Sango could feel fear building in the pit of her stomach.

"No, she's okay.  Stop worrying.  Nothing is wrong…" Inu Yasha answered growling in irritation.

"Oh…  Will she be back soon?" the taiji-ya asked lightly.  _Something is not quite right and I intend on getting to the bottom of this.  _

"I doubt it…" Inu Yasha grumbled a bit.  

Sango's brow furrowed a bit, "Kagome wouldn't just abandon us…"

"She can and she will.  It's not like we need her.  You know as well as I do, Kagome can't defend herself.  She gets in the way of this mission…" the hanyou hardened voice cut through the air like a knife.

"Inu Yasha?  What are you getting at?  Do you not want Kagome here?" Sango asked incredulously.

Inu Yasha never got the chance to answer because Shippou awoke, rubbing his eyes with his tiny fists.  "Hey, you guys…  What's goin' on?   I got a hell of a headache.  What happened yesterday?"

"You tried to get yourself killed that's what happened!" Inu Yasha yelled at the fox youkai.

Shippou clapped his hands over his ears "Don't yell!  My head can't take it…"

"Serves you right…" the dog demon growled as he pulled Shippou to eye level.  

The kitsune's emerald eyes snapped opened.  He gulped nervously as he realized he was dangling in the air by his collar, which Inu Yasha gripped in his strong, clawed hand.

"Inu Yasha!  Unhand Shippou!  He is just a kid and he is injured." Sango rebuffed the hanyou.

He ignored Sango's request and continued to torment the little kitsune.  His amber eyes flashed in the late morning light "Don't ever try that shit again…  I swear to the gods, next time I will make you regret it."

Shippou gulped again and then spoke in his defense, "I wanted to help…"

"Good lot of help you are if you're dead!  Baka!"

The kitsune shut his eyes again waiting for Inu Yasha to strike him like he usually did.  _Why is he so mad anyways?  Why does he care if I die or not?  At least I would die fighting like my father…_

Inu Yasha sat the youkai down gently.  Shippou looked up warily at the much bigger hanyou in shock.  "You're not gonna hit me?  What is your problem?  Are you okay?"

The dog demon lightly ruffled Shippou's hair as he grinned, "Baka… you got battered enough already.  I will save that for later, when you're better."

He left the room after saying this, leaving Sango and Shippou to gape after him.

"What's up with him, Sango?" Shippou rubbed his aching head lightly.

"I do not know…" __

*****

Inu Yasha sat high up the tallest tree in Tsukumo-sama's courtyard for hours on end.  He only came down to eat in silence.  Sensing his solitary mood, none of his companions dare bother him, not even Shippou, who always felt unsettled when Inu Yasha was in deep thought.  The lord of the manor threw a great banquet in honor of the gang for delivering the town of Jikoro from the vicious lizard youkai. Others chatted on and on around the dog demon.  No one really attempted to speak directly to Inu Yasha anyway.  He was a half demon and still considered dangerous despite his heroics.  The hanyou shrugged it off.  He was accustomed to the cowering and foolish townspeople's attitudes.  _I don't really care.  Besides, I need to be alone…  I don't feel like talking to anyone right now…  I don't feel like thinking either.  _

The half dog demon just sat, staring into the sunlit sky until the sun waned and the horizon shimmered in the sea of pinks and golds of the oncoming sunset.  Only then did Inu Yasha move.  He launched himself of into the direction of the Bone Eater's well.  _It's now or never, Inu Yasha…  It is time to bring an end to something that should have never begun. _The conversation with Miroku repeated itself over and over in his head.  _The monk thinks I can't do it…_

That thought bothered him to no end, especially because he had his own nagging doubts.  Part of him never wanted to let Kagome go, to pretend that nothing was wrong, to ignore the obvious and be oblivious to all things except his own selfish need.  That part of him protested louder as he grew closer to the well.  The hanyou had to quell the strong urge to turn back.  _I can do this…  I can do this for myself… for Kikyo… for Kagome…  I must… do this…  _Inu Yasha chanted over and over in his head this mantra as he had several times since he finally made his decision.  Even so, he could not help the growing unease he felt deep inside.  

_"Why am I so unsure?"_

_Because I'm afraid… because I love her… because I'm not even sure what I am going to say…_

Before Inu Yasha knew it, he was standing before the well staring down its dark interior.  He gripped the rocky wall with strong hands as his furrowed forehead beaded slightly with sweat.  He hesitated in silence, his intense amber eyes staring down into the well.  _Can I do this?  _

Frustrated by his doubts, the inu hanyou growled out several self deprecating curse words before leaping into the dark pit.  A bluish purple light engulfed his body as he was dragged 500 years into the future.  Free falling through time always gave him a weird feeling.  He always wondered if he could get stuck or step out of the well into the wrong time period.  _I've never expressed that worry to anyone.  Kagome probably wouldn't know of anything like that.  Besides, I would look like a real coward whining to Kagome about something so trivial.  _

Inu Yasha gracefully landed at the bottom of the well, his silver locks fanning about him before settling onto his shoulders.  He looked up at the old wooden ceiling of the well house.  He smelled the air.  The little shack reeked of the smell of modern Tokyo, pollution, humans, waste, and a little bit of Kagome's scent lingered about the small space.  The scent was old and fading.  He could tell Kagome had not been near the well since she returned.  He was a bit miffed at that.  _That baka didn't even attempt to come back and apologize to me, or even see me, now that I think about it… not that it matters now.  _

His task was heavy on his head as exited the shack and proceeded towards Kagome home.  His heart was in his throat and his mind whirled with possible ways of breaking the news to his dear Kagome.  _What do I say?  _

_"What's up, Kagome!  Just stopped by to say I never want to see you again and, uhh, could you give me the shards of the Shikon no Tama…  I don't think you need it…"_

"Way to sound like a jerk…" Inu Yasha muttered to himself as he looked up at Kagome's bedroom window.

_ I'll just tell her that we can't see each other anymore.  That's simple enough.  If she asks why, I'll just say it's too dangerous for her in Sengoku Jidai.  Wait!  Didn't I try that before?  Maybe I should say something about Kikyo.  That will definitely tick her off… and she might 'sit' me a million times.  Shit…  What do I say?!  _

_You could try the truth…_

_Keh!  I'll sound like a babbling idiot…  _

_You'll sound no worse than you sound right now…_

_Arrgh… _

"Okay… whatever…  I need to just get this done." Inu Yasha sighed and then leap up into the tree beside Kagome's window.  He slipped into her room with practiced ease, only to find Kagome fast asleep in her dark room.  She lie sprawled out on her bed with a pink comforter wrapped haphazardly about her uniform clad body.   __

 "Damn it Kagome!" Inu Yasha whispered harshly.  _Why do you always have to be sleeping?  As if things aren't already complicated…  Inu Yasha paused sniffing at the air.  _

Kagome's scent permeated the night air, heavily laced with the salty tinge of her sweat, and something more…  There was something not quite right about Kagome's smell…  Inu Yasha breathed in again letting his acute sense of smell filter out all the smells wafting off of Kagome's body.  His instincts told him something was definitely wrong.  _What the hell…  What the hell is wrong with Kagome?  _

The young miko began to move restlessly, whimpering and muttering.  She cried out bits and pieces of sentences, words that would have seemed muffled and incoherent to any human's ears.  Inu Yasha was not human and his hearing surpassed that of any human alive.  His heart wrenched in his chest as he heard Kagome gasp.

"No…  Inu Yasha…  No…"

_                Do you do this every night, Kagome?  Do you have nightmares about… me?_

_                Her breathing was hoarse and painful, her words continued to twist the knife in his heart, "I need to… get to…. you…  Why won't… you… let me…"_

_Is this how you feel?  Do I hurt you that much… to make you suffer even in your sleep?  Inu Yasha wanted to comfort Kagome and make her hurting stop.  Yet, he stood frozen in one spot, hands clenching and unclenching.  _

"Inu Yasha… don't… please…"

He grimaced in disgust, baring his fangs.  His eyes were shut tightly trying to block out her words.  _It's my fault.  You feel this way because of me and I allow it.  Playing with your heart and hurting you.  I am supposed to protect you and all I do is cause you pain…  You always hide it but I knew there was more going on behind that façade then you led others to believe. I have been painfully aware of you since the day we first met, so I have no excuse.  I knew and let you go on hurting.  I don't deserve you…  I never have…  Please forgive me…  _

The hanyou stepped forward reaching out to caress the sweat Kagome's dampened tresses.  He wanted to quiet her whimpering and ease away those nightmares as he'd done the night before.

"NO! NO!!! NO!!!!" Kagome cried out, her head thrashed about on her pillow, away from Inu Yasha's descending hand.  

The inu hanyou froze mid-reach before pulling his hand away.  His amber eyes burned as he withdrew from the dreaming girl.  _I don't have the right to be near you.  I only cause you more pain with my presence.  The muscles in his throat constricted as he spoke, "I'm sorry, Kagome…"  Inu Yasha fled Kagome's room trying to make some distance between him and the slumbering miko.  He could still hear her pain stricken voice with crystal clarity inside his head.         _

  He found himself standing before the well house, staring blankly into oblivion.  All around him sakura blossoms danced on the night air.  Those little blossoms, illuminated in the moonlight, were such a beautiful sight to see, but Inu Yasha was blind as well as deaf, far too focused on self deprecating thoughts. ._Here I am running away from Kagome again.  I am such a fucking baka… an asshole… a bastard…  I hate myself… I am a lowly hanyou… a half breed… a…_

"Inu Yasha!!!"

He heard Kagome cry out to him a second too late.  Before the hanyou had time to prepare for her arrival or escape, she was standing behind him.  He could feel her presence, but refused to turn and look her in the eye.  He could hear her ragged gasps and smell the sharpness of her tears and sweat.  Standing rigid before the shack housing the Bone Eater's well, Inu Yasha could not find the words to say to Kagome.  He felt the sharp tugging at the back of his mind again; telling him something was not quite right with Kagome.  He assumed it was the nightmare that had the miko behind him smelling so oddly.   _Nightmares because of me…  Now is the time.  I have no choice but to finish what I started.   _

"Inu Yasha?" Kagome shuffled forward, perplexed by his silence.  _I need to be near him.  I need to know he is real…_

Inu Yasha's ears twitched atop his head even though he remained stiff and unmoving.  _No Kagome…  Don't come near me.  I don't deserve to be near you.  Self-disgust and anguish radiated though his voice as he ground out his words through clenched teeth, "Don't…"_

His harsh command stilled her progress.  

"Inu Yasha…" _Why is he being so harsh?  Am I still asleep? This really can't be my Inu Yasha… Can it?  _    

_                The hanyou mentally steeled himself against any emotion before turning towards the bewildered girl.  _I do this for you, Kagome.   I hope one day you will forgive me and understand.__

_                Kagome watched with disbelieving eyes as Inu Yasha angrily spun to face her.  The whole scene was too surreal for her fever weakened mind to grasp.  Sakura blossoms whirled about the pair, unaware of the storm brewing.  The light of the moon cast an eerie glow on all that its pale beams touched.  Strands of the half demon's silver hair flew about his face, caught in a chill night wind that made Kagome grip the tangled pink comforter closer.  Her chocolate brown eyes focused on Inu Yasha and she stepped forward once again.  Her need to be near him, overrode all else.  __Inu Yasha…_

_                "Didn't you hear me bitch?  I said don't come near me…" Inu Yasha snarled baring his white fangs.  __Forgive me…_


	8. Throwing Stones, Breaking Glass

**_I already informed you that I do not own the rights to anything involving Inu Yasha. _**

**_(Rumiko Takahashi has that glorious privilege…) _**

**_Now, I have to break some more sad news to you._**

**_I also don't have the rights to nor have any part in writing the song,_**

**_Hemorrhage by Fuel from the album, Something Like Human.   _**

**_*sigh*_**

****

********

****Memories are just where you laid them.  Dragging waters till the depths give up there dead…****

                "Didn't you hear me bitch?  I said don't come near me…"  Inu Yasha snarled baring his white fangs.  _Kagome…  _

_                Kagome stumbled back, almost tripping over the sheets tangled about her legs.   Her glassy brown eyes were wide with fright.  Her fever muddled mind raced, trying to discern dreams from reality.  _Is…  Is this real?  Am I still dreaming?  This cannot be the real Inu Yasha…  He would never…  He has called me a bitch many times before but I can't remember him ever being so cruel…  He's even yelled at me before but, never like this… never so harsh and hateful… His eyes are so cold… like in my dream… I don't understand… __

_ "What's wrong?"  The words slipped from her mouth unintentionally as she thought them.  Her already obscured vision blurred with tears that threatened spill down her pale cheeks.  __Tell me, Inu Yasha...  _

****What did you expect to find? Was it something you left behind? ****

Inu Yasha visibly stiffened, fighting the urge to either run or pull the trembling, obviously confused girl into his arms.  He growled in frustration at his cowardice.  _It would be so much so much easier if she got angry at me.   His eyes flashed with disgust as he continued, "You…  You're what's wrong with me."  The hanyou deliberately mocked Kagome, his voice liberally laced with contempt.  _

                The young girl swayed a bit in the wind.  Her hands twisted in her bed sheets until she could feel her nails biting into her palm.  "I don't understand…" Kagome's voice could have been mistaken for a frightened child.  She fought back the urge to cry as her mind tried to think of a reason why Inu Yasha would be so mad.  "Are you… are you angry because… of our argument?"  Looking up into the uncharacteristically cold amber eyes of Inu Yasha, Kagome continued, "Gomen…  I just…  I just wanted… to see my family…  I didn't mean to lose control…  I don't… I don't know what came over me… I shouldn't…"

                Inu Yasha looked away from Kagome, shutting his eyes and ears to her.  The sight of her was heart breaking enough, she seemed so fragile and pale that the petal laden wind would carry her off at any moment.  Her voice, so scared and lost, nearly sent him over the edge.  _ I can't take much more of this…  "Shut up!  I don't want your fucking apology!  I don't want to even hear you say another damned word!"_

The young miko gasped and hot tears slid down her cheeks.  Her body trembled, but not from the cold night.  _This isn't a dream…  I don't understand…  _

                "Why, Inu Yasha?" she could not trust herself to say more than that.  Fear clutched at her heart as she stood before her one and only love.  _Please, make me understand._

_**** Don't you remember anything I said when I said… ****_

                "Such a naïve bitch you are… You just don't get it do you, Kagome?" Inu Yasha cold voice cut through the air once again.  "You're so blind and gullible.  You think I came here for you…"  The hanyou stalked forward menacingly.  

                Kagome instinctively stepped back again.  Her brown eyes held Inu Yasha's.  She searched those amber globes, trying to find a trace of the half demon she once knew.   His shuttered expression, unreadable and cold, gave her no answers.  

                Inu Yasha sneered, throwing himself fully into the part he sought to play, "Look at you…  I can see it in your eyes…  You really want to believe I came here for you.  Pathetic…"

                In the midst of his verbal onslaught, Kagome whimpered and squeezed her eyes shut.  _This isn't happening…  _

_                "I bet you think I'm a dream, right?" the half youkai laughed sinisterly.  __Kagome…_

_                The young girl's eyes snapped wide open.  _How did he know?  __

_****Don't fall away and leave me to myself…  Don't fall away and leave love bleeding in my hands… **__**_

"You think I don't know how you dream at night.  I heard you whimpering like a fucking baby when I came to take the shards of the Shikon no Tama from you last night."  _Lies…  Why must I lie to you?_

_  _

                "Nani?!"  Kagome gripped her necklace defensively.  "You… you wouldn't…"  _You came here last night?  _

                Cracking his knuckles, his sharp claws shining in the light of the moon, "I could have last night…  I would have taken them if I didn't pity you so much…   I still could take them right now if I wanted to.  You're a weakling; even with that sit spell that old hag gave you…"

                "No…" Kagome choked.  Tears poured freely, each malice filled word the dog demon spoke tore at her heart.  _Inu Yasha, what are you doing?  What do you mean pity?  I thought we were friends…_

_                "Keh…  Like I said I could have taken them but, I didn't.  I figured you would have found way back to Sengoku Jidai, thinking some stupid good natured thoughts… like you always do.  Besides, I don't have to do a damn thing because you will give the shards to me."_

                Kagome shook her aching head vigorously in denial.  She wanted to flee from the pain he was causing her but, did not trust her legs to carry her very far.  

                "You really are as stupid as I thought you were… What?  Do you think you can defend those shards without my protection?" Inu Yasha growled angrily, his amber eyes flashing with cold fire as he spoke.

****In my hands again…  Leave love bleeding in my hands… in my hands…**       **

_Without your protection..?  Kagome could no longer stand his taunting and insults, "What the hell are you saying?  What do you mean Inu Yasha?  Why are you doing this?"  Her voice, raw with emotion, cracked as she spoke._

                "It's time to end this game…" Inu Yasha looked away as he spoke.  "I let it go on far too long…"  _Kami, give me strength to do this…_

_                "Game?  What do you mean?  You aren't making any sense…" Kagome felt the anxiety inside her building.  Deep down inside, she knew where this conversation was heading.  She became frantic, as her every fear and nightmare came to life before her eyes.  __No… not like this…  Kami-sama… Inu Yasha don't do it…  _

                "…" 

                Kagome stepped hesitantly forward, dropping the blanket.  _I won't let you do this…  I can't let you do this to me…  Putting one foot in front of the other, faster and faster, she closed the distance between her and Inu Yasha.  Her mind was frantic, her eyes pleading.   Without even thinking she gripped his red haori with trembling, clammy fingers.  "Inu Yasha… please… don't…"  Her watery chocolate-brown eyes met his.   _

****Love lies bleeding…****

                Inu Yasha stiffened.  He took in her scent, and that nagging sensation came back in full force.  He stared down into her pale, sweaty face.  Felt her trembling hands grip his gi.  She was so close, he could feel the heat radiating off her tense body in waves.  He could smell her sorrow, her tears, her sweat, her sickness.  It worried him but, he knew better than to show it.  He rationalized that her sickness could be cured easily as long as she stayed in her world.  He refused to drop his façade, despite his worries and instinctive need to comfort the crying girl.  _There is nothing I can do for you now, Kagome.  You'll be better off when I'm gone.  _The hanyou gripped Kagome's hands in his own and loosened her grip on his haori.

                In his silence, hope welled up in the young miko's heart.  When he covered her hands with his own, her heart beat erratically in her chest.  _Maybe, he changed his mind._

****Oh, hold me now I feel contagious … Am I the only place that you've left to go? ****

**                In those few seconds, an eternity passed.  What should have been only a passing moment, dragged by in slow motion.  The sakura blossoms whirled faster in sharp contrast to the couple's stillness.  In that fleeting moment, pain flickered across Inu Yasha's face before being replaced with anger.  His grip on Kagome's hands tightened painfully, a hateful sneer marring the hanyou's handsome features.  He pushed her away roughly with enough strength to propel Kagome backwards but not to make her fall.  The young girl gasped; first at having her hand captured in Inu Yasha's vice-like grip and then at being pushed. **

                _No…  Kagome stumbled further backwards as a wave of dizziness hit her.   _No…_   _

                "I said not to touch me…" Inu Yasha growled.  

                _No…  Kagome eyes focused on the ground, her face over shadowed by her bangs.  Silent sobs racked her body.  _Don't do this to me.__

_                "Heh…  You're so weak.  Thinking of all the time I spent pretending to be your friend disgusts me."  Inu Yasha pressed on relentlessly.  "I had you going for minute, didn't I Kagome?  You thought we really had something …"_

                _I feel like I'm dying inside…  "Please…" _

                "Please what, Kagome?" Inu Yasha spoke her name more insultingly than any curse, "You don't want hear the truth.  What is it, Kagome?  Would you rather live in your little dreamland?  You're more pitiful than I thought."

****She cries that life is like some movie in black and white…  Dead actors faking lines…****

**                "I kept you around this long because you could see the jewel shards better than Miroku.  But, you're such a damn nuisance.  You never defend yourself.  You can't fight and always end up in a situation where I have to save you.  To top it off, you're so soft hearted and stupid you'd probably help the enemy like you do Kouga.  You hinder this mission more than you help."**

                Kagome flinched, but did not look up.  His words washed over her painfully.  _Is this how you think of me, Inu Yasha?_

                "I'm getting tired of babysitting.  You wouldn't know half the shit I went through just forcing myself to be near you."  Inu Yasha's voice hardened to ice, "I had to pretend you were Kikyo most of the time just to stomach you.  But, you aren't Kikyo…  You are just a poor, faulty copy… "

                _No…  Kagome felt like she was either going to faint or get sick as her stomach lurched.  She shook her head in denial.  _

****Over and over and over again, she cries… ** **

                _She's not even fighting me.  Gods, Kagome…  Why are you taking this from me?  Get mad…  _Scream Osuwari… Do anything but let me run you over like this… _"How could you think I could ever love some one as weak and useless as you?  Are you serious?"_

                "…no…" Kagome whispered in a raw choked voice.  _How could you be so cruel?  I can't believe you could say these things to me…_

_                "I never loved you…  I never was your friend…  I took pity on you because I could see that you liked me.  I was kind of flattered at first."_

                "…No…"  Kagome spoke louder, trying to clear her fever muddled mind.  His words boomed in her ears in surround sound.  _"I never loved you…  I never was your friend…"_

****Don't fall away and leave me to myself…  Don't fall away and leave love bleeding in my hands…****

**                "Now, it's annoying.  The way you get all jealous of Kikyo.  You've got the gall to get mad at me when I go after her, as if you compare to her in some way…  You mean nothing to me… except for the jewel…  I thought you were a sure fire way to get the Shikon no Tama…  I was very wrong.  After all, you are the one who broke the damn jewel in the first place." Inu Yasha's voice was raw from yelling and his throat constricted painfully as he forced the hateful words from his mouth.  Looking at Kagome made him want to cry for her.  She was folding in on herself, as if in pain.  Her shoulders shook with sobs that she would not let escape her lips.  His hands reached out to her before he realized what he was doing.  He stopped his betraying limbs in midair cursing silently.  **

                Kagome stood, head bowed and shoulders slumped.  She had trouble remembering to breath.  _I knew I may lose you one day but I never thought it would be like this.  I never thought it would be you… never thought you would hurt me…  _

_                Inu Yasha exhaled a shuddering breath before he went on.  His whole spiel dragged more life from his body with each word.  "So that's why…  I think it's time to end this…"_

****In my hands again…  Leave love bleeding in my hands… in my hands…** **

                Kagome's head shot up as Inu Yasha spoke the words that would strike the final blow.  "no…  no…  no…" Her voice was but a mere whisper, her eyes and ears took it all in but her heart still could not believe.

The hanyou resisted the urge to flinch as he saw the wounded chocolate brown eyes of his beloved Kagome.  He closed his amber eyes tight as he continued, "I don't want to be near you anymore…"

"No… No… No…"  Kagome's pleas became more urgent.  She clapped her hands over her ears trying to drown him out.  

                "I don't want to see your face…  You got that, Kagome!  It's over…"  

                For Kagome, time did stop.  The wind, the cherry blossoms, Inu Yasha…  They all just froze.  The young girl's voice caught in her throat as her heart seemed to shatter in her chest.  

 ****Love lies bleeding …****

                Inu Yasha turned away from Kagome stiffly, his silver hair blowing in the wind.   He walked back toward the well house.  _It's done… I can't look back now…  _

_                She tried to go after him but fell hard on her knees in the grass, gasping painfully.  Her body would not move.  With her last ounce of strength Kagome let out raw, sob broken cry, "No…  Inu Yasha, please don't leave me!"  Her arms reached out to his retreating back.  _

                Inu Yasha refused to look, using the last of his willpower to open the door.  He spoke one last time, "When you're ready, bring the shards of the Shikon no Tama…  Don't make me wait to long…"  With he walked into the darkness of the small shack.  _Goodbye Kagome…_

_                Kagome Higurashi lay helpless and alone in the courtyard of her family shrine.   She whimpered as she felt the surge of energy pass through her body, signaling that Inu Yasha passed through the well to his era.  "Don't leave me alone…" she whimpered before her body was racked by violent sobs.  Folding in on herself completely, she sobbed as if there was no tomorrow.  _It doesn't matter if tomorrow comes.  I have no reason to go on…__

****And I watched as you turn away…  You don't remember but, I do…  You never even tried…****

                Amidst the falling sakura blossoms, Kagome gave in to her fever weakened body and let unconsciousness claim her.  Then, there was darkness…

**_MUAHAHAHA  I actually finished this chapter on time.  I am so not into putting author's notes at the end of my stories.. but what the hell.  I am sorry for the harshness of the situation.  What can I say?  Inu Yasha is blunt and he has never been much of  a poet… *sigh*  Please don't flame…(sniffle)    It was hard enough to write.  I am not sure if I am totally satisfied with this chapter, but I don't know if I could add anything else to make it more convincing. I don't know about anyone else, but I was convinced enough. Don't be surprised if I change or edit a bit.  I am picky like that.  As always, I am glad to know what you think.  The next chapter,  Picking up the Pieces, will be posted… someday…  LOL  I haven't even started it yet (blush) .   Anyways..   Oh yeah… *ahem*  THIS IS A KAGOME/ INUYASHA FANFICTION.  Just in case anyone was wondering.  Heh… I know it doesn't look like it right but , I promise I will make it up to you.  Just hang in there with me.  Every storm has a sunny or at least partly sunny day to follow.  I think I'm done ranting now…  _**

****

**_"I receive light therefore, I give light"_**

****

**_Megami_****_ no Akari_**

****

****

1


	9. Picking Up the Pieces: Part One

Morning light fell on the Higurashi shrine, washing the surrounding area in warmth.  Birds sang and the daily hustle and bustle of Tokyo could be heard.  This day radiated with energy and excitement in contrast to the windy, quiet night that fell before it.  Beneath a sea of sky blue, speckled with small clouds, and towering buildings paneled with glass reflecting rays of morning sun, an elderly Shinto priest slowly made his way up the steps of the Higurashi shrine.

"Ahhh, to be home again…" the old shrine keeper sighed as he reached the top step.  He stretched a bit and stroked his beard before picking up his suitcase and slowly making his way to the small house on the shrine grounds he called home.   He hummed a merry tune he'd learned long ago. "Being at that shrine in Okayama really refreshed my spirits.  The trees, the streams, the very air thrived with spiritual energy.  Katsuhito was also a very gracious host.  But, I can't help but to wonder about those weird explosions that kept happening close by…  Hmm…  very odd indeed…."  

                The old man continued on seemingly lost in his thoughts until something pink caught his eye, "Eh… what on earth is this?  This looks like…" The Shinto priest bent down to pick up the dirty comforter but stopped when he saw a huddled figure on the ground.  _What on earth…?  His heart leaped into his throat as he realized that the dirty figure on the ground appeared to be Kagome.  He ran as fast as his old legs would take him.  Dropping down on his knees at her side, he grasped her hand.  _There is no sign of bleeding or any wounds… _ "Kami-sama…  My granddaughter…  what happened to you?"_

                The young girl groaned but did not open her eyes.  Kagome's grandfather relaxed a bit upon seeing that she was definitely alive but anxiety quickly resurfaced as he bent down to take her slight figure in his arms.   "Kagome… child you're burning with fever…  What made you do this?"

                Feeling herself being lifted, Kagome groaned again.  _Inu Yasha…  did you come back for me?  Am I still dreaming?  So hot…  Why am I so hot?  She barely found the strength to open her eyes.  Although her sight was blurry, she knew instinctively that her hero was not Inu Yasha, "Jii-chan…?  I'm so…  I hurt…"_

                Her grandfather winced at her raw whisper, "Don't worry, Kagome.  I will take care of you.  I promise."

                Kagome could only give a slight nod before closing her eyes again.  Her thoughts were too fractured to make any sense of the words he spoke.  Her body was sore beyond belief and even trying to move her head sent stars of pain shooting straight to her eyes.  _How did it all come to this?  _

                The elderly priest opened his mouth to speak but quickly noticed that his granddaughter was no longer awake.  He heaved a sigh and carried her into the house.  _    _

*****

                The next time she awoke, Kagome found herself in her bed shrouded in a pink blanket.  She tried to move her wrist but winced when she felt something sharp prick her skin.  Groggily, she looked at her surroundings.  _Where am I?  This isn't home…  How did I get here…?  Alarms started going off in her aching head.  With much effort she pushed herself up into a sitting position.  _

                "Kagome…  don't move too much, you'll make the IV come out…" it was a woman's voice, a very familiar voice.

                "Mama…" Kagome croaked out, she turned to find her mother sitting at her side.  

                "Oh darling…  What did you do to yourself?" tears glistened in Mrs. Higurashi's gentle brown eyes.  "When your grandfather called, Souta and I caught the next train to Tokyo.  I was so worried."

                "Souta…" Kagome questioned confused beyond belief, "Mama, where am I?"

                "You're in the hospital, Kagome.  You have been burning with fever for two days.  Grandfather said he found you passed out in the courtyard."

                _He found me in the courtyard?  I passed out? I…  Inu Yasha…  Memories came flooding back to Kagome's brain.  __I was sick in school and came home to rest.  I woke up because Inu Yasha…  was…  he came to…  Oh God…  Tears streamed down her cheeks unchecked.  _He…  __

_                Noticing her daughter's distress, Mrs. Higurashi stood by Kagome's bedside and embraced her.  "Oh Kagome…"_

                Kagome sobbed uncontrollably, her heart and mind echoing with the cruel words spoken to her only nights before.  Her shoulders shook violently and her head pounded.  _How could he be so hateful…?  "Mama…"_

                "Please, my darling, don't cry.  You'll make yourself sick again."  Her mother's scolding was light yet, comforting.  _What happened to you, Kagome?  What has caused you such pain?_

_                After awhile, the young girl's sobs reduced to sniffles and hiccups.  Her mother sighed, rubbing her daughter's back and slightly rocking her to and fro.  They sat in silence, neither willing to initiate a conversation.  Kagome allowed her mother's comfort; it had been so long since she and her mother actually bonded.  This interaction calmed her a bit.  When Mrs. Higurashi pulled back slightly, Kagome looked up, her eyes silently pleading with her mother to hold her again.  __Mama… Please, make the hurt go away.  _

_                Her mother sighed again and wiped the tears from Kagome face, "You know that I will be there for you whenever you need me, right?  You're a strong, intelligent girl and destined for great things."  A wistful smile crossed her mother's kind face before continuing, "You've grown up so much.  Don't be afraid to talk to me if you need.  I'm here to listen."_

                Kagome nodded, her eyes glazing over in tears again before resting her head on her mother's bosom once again.  _I don't know if I can tell you, mom.  I just want to forget…  I want to forget everything right now…  Kagome didn't even notice when the door to her room opened and closed.  _

                "Kagome onee-chan!  What happened to you?  I was worried." Souta flung himself into her lap, startling Kagome.  

                _  For the first time since she awakened, a soft smile touched her lips, "I am okay, brat."  Pulling away from her mother, Kagome ruffled her younger brother's hair playfully.  _

                "Kagome, I thought you were going to die or something…"

                _The gods only know that I want to…_

_                "Hey," Souta's head popped up abruptly as a he had an epiphany, "Why are you in this time anyway?  And where's Inu Yasha?"_

                A shadow passed over Kagome's face and her shining brown eyes dulled at the mention of her antagonist's name.  She dropped her hands from Souta's head and clenched them in her lap.  Biting her lip in an effort not to cry in front of her younger brother and mother, Kagome looked down at her fisted hands.  _Inu Yasha…_

                Mrs. Higurashi stepped in to save the day, "Souta, your sister is still very ill.  Bothering her with millions of questions will not help her get better."

                "I'm sorry Mom, Kagome…" Souta looked thoroughly chastised.  _Big sister, I worry about you.  _

                "Don't worry about it, dear.  Go into the hallway and tell your grandfather that Kagome-chan is awake."  Mrs. Higurashi cast a worried glance back at Kagome before sitting down in her seat.  

                Kagome still gripped the sheets, trying to compose herself.  Feeling her mother's hand slide over her clenched fist, she relaxed a bit.  Falling back heavily on her hospital bed, the young girl released a wavering sigh and turned her to look at her mom, "When do I get to go home?"  _Being in a hospital bed all day is going to drive me crazy. I won't be able to go anywhere and it smells weird.   _

                  "The doctor will have to check on you to make sure you're well enough to go home.  Hopefully, you'll get to return by today or tomorrow.  Don't worry, I will stay here until you get released." Mrs. Higurashi smiled at her daughter.  _You are much too pale, daughter of mine.  And your eyes… they hold so much pain.  I wish you would tell me what you are going through.  _

_                A moment later, Kagome's grandfather entered her room followed by Souta.  He walked over to Kagome's bedside opposite her mother, "You've given me a lot of trouble, young lady.  You know as well as I, this old heart of mine can't take too much excitement."_

                Beneath his gruff scolding, Kagome could hear her grandfather's profound concern, "I apologize for scaring you, jii-chan."

                The old man grunted and then sighed a bit, "Youth these days… too rash and unthinking… not like in my day…"

                Kagome could not help but to roll her eyes a bit as her grandfather journeyed into nostalgia.  _Same old jii-chan...  Always babbling about nothing in particular.  _His spiel served as a pleasant distraction.  Listening to her grandfather's ramblings always provided Kagome with a bit of amusement.  She yawned, lulled into sleep by her grandfather's never-ending tale and the warmth of her mother's hand stroking her tangled hair.  _Thank you for being here with me.  I am going to need your support…  _She closed her eyes and sighed.

                "Uhhh, grandpa?" Souta tugged lightly on his grandfather's sleeve.  

                "What boy?  Can't you see I'm educating both of you?" his grandfather replied irately.  

                "Well, I don't think I mind all that much but, Kagome's asleep…" Souta rubbed the back his head.

                "Nani!?" The Shinto priest face faulted, "No one ever wants to listen to the old man."

                Mrs. Higurashi shook her head lightly, suppressing a girlish giggle.  She ran her fingers through Kagome's tangled mass of shiny black hair as she spoke, "She needs her sleep.  I have the feeling that she has had a very trying experience."

                The old man replied in hushed tones, "I'll say.  You know I'm not one to depend on all this modern medicine and newfangled ideas when old-fashioned remedies usually work, but I just couldn't seem to get Kagome's fever down.  Also, she seemed to be in the grips of some horrible nightmare.  I couldn't understand a word she said, crying and carrying on.  Such a terrible fever dream…"

                Kagome's mother could only nod.  Her brow furrowed slightly.

                Souta inched over to Kagome's bedside, "I wonder where Inu Yasha was?  Didn't he swear to protect her?"

                "I don't know, Souta.  I wish I knew…" his mother replied sadly, staring at her daughter's sleep smoothed face.  _Somehow, I just know that's a part of the problem.  A mother always knows…_

***Three days later***  

Kagome lie sleeping beneath amongst a mountain of pillows and sheets.  The young girl twisted and turned in her slumber; her brow furrowed with some unpleasant thought.  The hospital released her two days ago.  The doctor told her the same thing every doctor says to his/her patients.  Drink plenty of fluids, stay in bed, don't over exert yourself, and take this medication twice a day.  Being bed ridden and taking medication strong enough to knock an elephant out meant Kagome could do nothing more than sleep; something she was increasingly afraid to do.  Each time she closed her eyes, the nightmares would attack her.   Kagome even tried to fight the effects of the medicine, but her body sooner or later betrayed her.  

***

_Kagome stood alone in a void.  There was nothing but darkness.  Yet somehow, Kagome could clearly see herself as if standing in a spotlight.  Lost and confused, she cried out for help, "Hello, is anyone there?  Can somebody tell me where I am?"_

_                Fear clutched at heart when she received no answer.  "How did I get here?"_

_                Then a response came to her in the form of a bitter blast of wind that chilled not only her body, but also her very soul.  It whipped all about her, musing her hair and pressing her pajamas close to her body.  It was then that she heard the voices, taunting and cruel.  Like the wind, those voices assaulted her from all sides, growing stronger and stronger.     _

_I never loved you… _

_                You're pathetic…_

_                You mean nothing to me…_

_                You're weak and useless…_

_                Weak…_

_                Naïve…_

_                A fool…._

_                I only kept you around because you could see jewel shards…_

_                It's over…_

_                I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!!_

                ***

****

****Kagome jolted upright in her bed, sweating and gasping for breath causing her faithful housecat, Buyo, to scramble off the bed in fright.  The young girl looked around her room anxiously.  When her mind finally registered that she was no longer dreaming, Kagome dropped her face into her hands.  _I can't do this… I can't go on like this.  Kagome curled into the fetal position and did the one thing she been doing frequently for the last 4 days:  cry.  __Why can't I stop crying?  What kind of existence is this?  I sleep, have nightmares, wake up, cry, and then start all over again.  _

After she cried herself dry, she lay silent and unmoving in her bed.  Gripping her pillow tight and staring blankly out her bedroom window, Kagome's thoughts drifted away. _  My heart is hurting…  It feels like I'm dying inside.  I don't know if I want to go on… without Inu Yasha.  _Once again,tears pooled in her eyes and trailed down her cheeks.  _I thought I didn't have any tears left…  I guess I will never stop crying…  I just wish I could make the hurting stop…_  _I wish someone could tell me why this is happening to me because I don't understand…  What could make him say such horrible things?  What did I do wrong?  _

As Kagome remembered Inu Yasha's words, her body curled into itself.  _His eyes were so cold and hateful.  He mocked me…  He told me I was weak and useless…  that I was nothing compared to Kikyo…  It's still hard to believe that Inu Yasha could be so cruel and uncaring towards me.   I thought we had a bond…  I thought we were friends…  I see now that I was blind…  How can I deny the words that came straight from his lips?  Yet, after all he said, I still want to believe that it was all a joke…  I still have hope that Inu Yasha was just lying and that this whole situation will blow over…  or that it's all just a bad dream…  or that it wasn't him talking… or… I don't know…  I just…  I …  need some kind of explanation…  I want to understand._

_ I guess I am the fool he called me…   I still want to believe in Inu Yasha…  I cannot just turn off my heart…  I can't suddenly stop the way I feel…  _Kagome clutched at the shards of the Shikon no Tama hanging around her neck.  Through tear-blurred eyes, she saw the dim light of the two shards throbbing. _The Shikon no Tama…  The shards have been doing that a lot lately…  _ She sighed as she let the shards drop back down onto her bosom.  _What should I do now?  Should I hand over the shards?  Can I just turn away from everything that I came to know and love? _

_Love…_

_All I came to know and love…_

_Yet, there is no love for me…  It was all a farce…  False feelings…  false friendship…  _

_Can his words really be true?  Did he really mean what he said that night?  _

_And if he did…  How can I go back?  How can I look him in the eye knowing he hates me?  Knowing that every moment near him will make me hurt deep inside… _

Kagome sat up, suddenly angry. _That baka…  How could he be such a bastard to me?  I have always supported him…  I have always trusted him and this is what he does to me…_   _He betrayed my trust… my heart…  I can't believe I was so stupid._

_I could just go back to Sengoku Jidai and throw this stupid jewel in Inu Yasha's face…_

_Better yet…  I could seal the well so that he'll never complete his precious Shikon no Tama…_

Kagome drooped as her anger dissipated as quickly as it came.  _I am ashamed of my thoughts…  How horrible do I sound right now?  I know in my heart I could never be so cruel... so careless.  _Kagome unconsciously clutched the jewel around her neck.   _I can't keep the Shikon no Tama here.  Who knows what evil lurks in my time and I am not strong enough to fend for myself as I am now.  The Noh mask that attacked the shrine years ago, made me realize how dangerous these shards are…  So many lives have been lost in the past and here as well in our quest to complete the Shikon no Tama.  I can't risk my family's well being out of anger at Inu Yasha.  I can't bring myself to be so hateful…  Inu Yasha…    _

_So what do I do?_

_Can I just give back the jewel and leave this quest behind?  What about my real friends?  Sango…  Miroku…  Kaede…  Shippou…  What about them?  Can I just abandon them all? Or should I just leave them be?   Am I really a burden?  Are they really my friends?  Could they be keeping me around out of pity too?  _

_I know I can't fight as well as the others…  I know I am always in a bind…  Could I be causing them more trouble than necessary?  _

_Am I getting in the way?   _

_What should I do?_

_I made a vow to complete this quest…  but what if it's not meant to be…  What if this is just a sign that I belong in my time?    _

****

**_                What am I supposed to do?  _**__

Kagome's thoughts frustrated her beyond what she could bare.  Breaking down once again she sobbed, "I don't know…  I don't know what to do…"

                _I just don't know…_

****

****

****


	10. Picking Up the Pieces: Part Two

Beneath a starlit sky, Inu Yasha stood gripping the wall of the Bone Eater's well.  His frame was still as death and he had not so much as uttered a word.  His grip tightened and a piece of the rocky exterior of Bone Eater's well crumbled.  His clawed hands began to bleed as bits of shattered stone pierced his flesh.  Still, he stood silent his amber eyes focused on the inky blackness of the well's exterior.  With each passing moment, his breathing grew harsher and harsher.  

                "It is done…" Inu Yasha's voice, harsh and raw, cut through the silent night.  _It's over…  _

_                Tears clouded his amber eyes but in his stubbornness, he would not allow them to fall.  _

                "Why am I upset?  I should be happy…  I should be jubilant…  Damn it…  She was just a bother anyway, always in trouble, always yelling.  Besides, she is where she belongs…" the hanyou pounded his bloody fist on the much abused well.  "Damn it… I had to break up with Kagome…  I had to…  I had to…" Lifting his head he yelled at the star filled sky above him, "I had to do it…" In his mind a vision of Kagome's broken expression, an expression caused by his hateful words, held fast.  The tears… the pain… the disbelief…  All those emotions clearly visible on her face remained burned into his memory.  He folded in on himself, collapsing onto his knees before Bone Eater's well.  _It's too late to wonder if I did the right thing…  It's already done… _Inu Yasha closed his eyes tightly as tears slipped down his cheeks.  He didn't even bother to wipe them away in his grief.  

_I was so harsh…  The anger, the bitterness, the hate…  All those emotions that I feel for myself, I turned on Kagome.  I lied to her…  I intentionally hurt her and now I have lost her…  She probably hates me now.  I feel guilty…  I know I shouldn't because my intentions were good.  However, I know Kagome didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated her.  More proof that I don't deserve her.  I saved her from the pain I would have caused her later on…_

_So if all this was done with good intentions, why do I hurt so badly?  Why does my heart feel like it's twisting in my chest?  Why can't I see anything but her face? Why do I want to jump back through this fucking well and go to her?  What would I say now?  I would probably fuck up and make things worse.  It's no use…   _

_ I can't take my words back now.  I can't change… the past…_

_                 Inu Yasha stiffened as he came to a realization.  "I can't change past…" he sighed bitterly. _ The past is the reason I can't move on…  How ironic…   _Staring into the night sky, Inu Yasha stood.  The resolve that he'd lost in the wake of his confrontation with Kagome began to return.  _No…  It's not that I'm trying to change the past.  The fact remains that I made a promise to Kikyo and myself…  I made a vow to lay my past to rest and free Kikyo from her suffering…  I can never go on without avenging Kikyo's death.  Be it the past or not…   I must finish what I started…  Kagome is strong and she has her life ahead of her.  No point in her wasting her time with me…  __

Inu Yasha leapt into the air; letting the wind take him back to Jikoro… and away from Bone Eater's well.  

                _I know Kagome probably hates me now but I hope she doesn't try to do anything stupid like seal the well.  _That thought alarmed him so much he forgot to notice a low hanging branch until it hit him in the head.  After yelling a few very colorful curses and reducing the offending tree to saw dust, Inu Yasha continued on.  _Damn it… I am such a baka… Would Kagome do that?  No… I don't think she would.  Kagome doesn't have a spiteful bone in her body… She'll bring the Shikon no Tama here.  She knows that she can't defend it on her own strength…  Unfortunately, Kagome is still untrained and doesn't even know how to control her own power.  Not that it matters.  Soon she can go back to being an ordinary schoolgirl.  _

_                When he arrived at Jikoro, he caught wind of Miroku's scent in the courtyard.  The young monk was sitting by the pond meditating.  Inu Yasha grunted in annoyance and then walked over to the houshi.  _So much for time to myself…  Well, maybe I could talk to him about what happened.   __

                "So when the hell do you sleep?" Inu Yasha commented snidely as he stood over his meditating friend.

                Miroku took his time opening his eyes.  He was not at all ruffled by the hanyou's angry display, "I take it you went off again tonight to make things final.  Or am I assuming too much?"

                Inu Yasha growled but otherwise did not respond.  He sat down beside the monk in his usual position and remained silent.

                "I'll take that as a yes, then.  So how did it go?"  Miroku asked suspiciously, narrowing his violet eyes at his companion.  

                Inu Yasha looked down at the pond and sighed, "Not good."

                The monk almost toppled over at the half dog demon's uncharacteristically subdued reply.  _This has got to be bad if Inu Yasha isn't yelling…  Maybe I shouldn't question him right now…  I'll just__

_                Inu Yasha looked over at the monk and then snapped, "Aren't you gonna' be nosey and ask me what happened!  Geez bouzu, you're slipping…" _Usually he's bowling me over with all of his philosophical crap. __

                Miroku couldn't help but to smile a bit at his friend's irritation.  _So you want to talk, eh? "Well…  one does get tired of being told to butt out…  I figured you would want to brood and be moody…"_

                Inu Yasha growled in annoyance, "Feh…"  

                Unfazed by the hanyou's rising anger, Miroku remained silent for a moment.  _Something must really be wrong if Inu Yasha is actually coming to me for guidance.  I usually have to pester him to get a real conversation.  Now, he's practically begging me to talk to him._

_                Inu Yasha looked over at the silent monk and glared.  _Why isn't he asking me what happened?  Doesn't he want to know?  What's his deal?  Well, if he doesn't want to know that's just fucking peachy for me…  I didn't want to talk to that lecherous bastard anyway…  _Finally fed up with Miroku's continued silence, Inu Yasha yelled once more, "It's not like I give a flying fuck if you wanted to know or not!  I wasn't going to tell you anyway!"_

                The houshi smoothly interrupted the half dog demon's tirade, "So… what happened when you went to Kagome-sama's country?"

                Inu Yasha stopped in mid-sentence.  The courtyard fell silent once again.  Heaving a sigh, the half youkai continued, "I told her I didn't want to see her anymore…"

                Miroku looked over at Inu Yasha once again.  He felt sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he coaxed the hanyou beside him to continue, "Is that all you said?  Why do I have this feeling you didn't say it that way."

                Inu Yasha golden eyes darkened and then he snapped, "What!  You thought I was going to go to her like a wheedling idiot and be wimpy about it.  All that matters is that I did what must be done…" _Or at least I hope I did…_

_                Oh Kami…  "Inu Yasha… tell me what you said." Miroku demanded. _

                Inu Yasha stiffened, "I can't…"

                It was Miroku's turn to sigh, "It was that bad…"

                When the hanyou replied his voice was haggard and more than a little sad, "Yes…  I said a lot of thing I probably shouldn't have said and then left her there.  She was sick too.  I could smell it on her.  I couldn't comfort her… because I was the one hurting her..."

                "Why didn't you just tell her the truth?  Why didn't you tell her how you feel?"  _Inu Yasha, what have you done?_

_                The red clad boy grew angry, more with himself than the monk beside him, "I have never been one for words.  I told you already I'm all about action.  That's what I know best.  I know how to fight not spout love poems or talk about my feelings…" He pounded the ground once with his fist in frustration, forcing the already damaged hand to bleed again.  Realizing that he injured himself, Inu Yasha looked down at his bleeding palms, "I was way too harsh…  It was just hard to deal with everything I was feeling at that moment…  The sadness, guilt, anger, hate, regret…  I just latched onto the emotions I fully understood and blocked out everything else… and I hurt Kagome…  I didn't even give her an explanation.  I ran away, trying to escape the guilt.  She probably hates me right now."_

                Miroku sat speechless for the first time in his life.  _Inu Yasha… I wish there was something I could say…    _

_                "Kagome has nightmares at night… about me… about Kikyo…" Inu Yasha continued, "Two nights in a row, I came in on her sleeping and she was carrying on and babbling.  Tonight, I probably validated her worst fears.  I could see it her eyes…  She looked so fragile like she going to break.  I've never seen her that way…  I hope I never see it again…" Looking over at Miroku, he laughed bitterly, "No more indecisiveness…  You can't call me a two-timer anymore…  The confused hanyou finally made a decision and stuck with it…  You should be proud, Miroku."_

                "So what do we do now?  Will Kagome-sama bring back the Shikon shards?" Miroku questioned.  _I can't believe you would end it like this.  In my opinion it just doesn't feel right to me.  Kagome-sama's place is here with us… with you…  Miroku did not voice his opinion because he knew Inu Yasha would not change his mind.  _

_                Inu Yasha shrugged and stared up at the night sky before responding, "She will…  I know she will…" __I will get to see Kagome one last time…Regardless of the circumstances…_

                "Kagome-sama is kind-hearted…" Miroku fell silent when he noticed half dog demon friend was deep in thought_.  __Inu Yasha… you are hurting more than you let on. If you weren't afraid of your own emotions, you might not be in the predicament you're in.  But who am I to talk, it took me way too long to tell Sango how I felt about her.  Sango… Miroku deep violet eyes became almost wistful as he thoughts turned to his taiji-ya.  We are so close and yet…  She remains a bit too distant for my liking.  There's so much I still don't know about her. I try to get close.  However, our conversations of late have been more guarded, almost as if she's holding back from me.  I guess it's because she's still afraid of me.  I can't blame her really.  I never made much of a good first impression.  I still can't help my impulses… Well, I can somewhat…  I don't attempt to or even want to touch anyone besides her…  Maybe I could flirt a bit less, though… She still doubts how much I really do care about her.  It's hard knowing that it's my fault that she does not trust me.  I'm so set in my ways…  It's hard to break my habits… There are times when I just want to be near her and she shies away from me because she thinks that I'm trying to grope her.   That's my fault too.  I know I shouldn't but, once my hand is in motion… and those hips… and…  Not liking, for once, the train of his thinking the monk stopped and rebuffed his own lecherous thoughts_.  ___This is not the time to be thinking of Sango that way.  Those wayward thoughts are responsible for my problems as it is. Sango…  Hopefully, one day… we will grow old together…_

The houshi smiled a bit, but then his smile faded as his thoughts turn to the situation at hand.  _Sango will be really upset about Kagome-sama's departure form the group, as will Shippou…  They think of her as family… as do I.  Kagome has held a special place in my heart since I met her. If it had not been for Sango, I probably would have pursued her.  I am sure Inu Yasha would have broken me into bits if I had.  _

Miroku looked over at Inu Yasha once again.  He could not resist the teasing the emotionally battered hanyou again, "Now that you and Kagome-sama are no longer together…  That means she is single…  I just might try my hand at…"  

Miroku did not even get a chance to finish his sentence before Inu Yasha responded.  If the hanyou had hackles, they would have definitely been raised.  The anger was almost visibly seeping of the half youkai, "Don't ever touch Kagome," he growled, his white teeth bared in warning, "Don't even try to put a fucking finger on her or I will rip off both your arms."  

The houshi smothered a laugh at the overemotional reaction from his companion, "Pipe down, Inu Yasha…  I was only kidding.  Besides I love Sango, remember?  Well, if you react this way to me joking then I would hate to see how you'd react when Kagome-sama decides to start…  What is it she calls it?  Da-ting…?  Dating…  Yes, that's it…  She is a very pretty young lady and I am sure young men in her country will want to court her…"

Inu Yasha ceased his growling and frowned, "Well, I won't have to see it so I don't have to think about it either..."  

"How are you going to break the news to Sango and Shippou?" Miroku asked seriously, "You know how they feel about Kagome-sama."

"I don't know…  I have to think about what to say.  No matter what I tell them, I am sure I will be the enemy." The hanyou replied.   

"One day they will understand, I suppose…" Miroku answered a bit lamely.  _I hope…_

Inu Yasha snorted, "Right…" _I should tell them soon before they start asking all kinds of questions.  _"Tomorrow, we are returning to Kaede's village.  You guys have had enough time to rest; there is no point in staying here any longer."

"So, I guess you'll be telling them tomorrow then?" Miroku asked.

Inu Yasha only grunted, staring absently at the stars.  _Tomorrow…  Will Kagome be there when we return?_

"Well, if we are to travel tomorrow I should go get some rest." Miroku rose from his sitting position and rotated his shoulder a bit, "I still a little sore.  A good night's rest will do the trick."

"Weak human..." Inu Yasha grumbled without malice.

"Goodnight to you too…" Miroku replied a tinge of his customary amusement present in his voice.  

"Keh…" the hanyou snorted.

The houshi shrugged and walked away.  _Always the same old Inu Yasha…_

****

****

**_**** heh.. heh.. heh…  Did I say I was going to update on Monday?  Umm I meant… err today…  *Ducks as rocks and rotting fruit are thrown at her head****  Sorry everybody T-T.  I've been doing so much running around lately.  Stay tuned…  I have another chapter coming I won't say when. Just expect it ASAP.  _****_J_****_.  Oh yeah and this is for CandiRulZ, sure u can use my plot…  I am so sure someone else has done it before.  Besides, I don't own Inu Yasha, I can't tell you what to write. Just go for it ^_^. Thanks for the support you guys.  You are the best _****_J_****_!!!!!!!!!!!_**

****

**_"I receive light therefore, I give light…"_**

****

**_Megami_****_ no Akari_**

_     _


	11. Picking Up the Pieces: Part Three

**I don't own Inu Yasha … However, I do own a nifty pair of shoes … Yay, for me… ^_^…**

Kagome thrashed about in her bed in the grips of a nightmare.  Her furrowed brow glistened with a sheen of sweat and her nightclothes clung to her.  The shards of the Shikon no Tama hanging about her neck, flashed with an eerie purple glow, as if reacting to her emotions.  Finally breaking free of her torturous dream, the young girl lie awake and breathing heavily.  Outside her bedroom window, the night sky was slowly giving way to morning.  With glazed brown eyes, Kagome stared up at her ceiling trying to clear her mind.  _My nightmares are so frequent now; I cannot even remember what I dreamt about.  It is all just one scary blur.  _She placed her hand over her necklace of Shikon shards, sensing the weird fluctuations of power emanating from the shards of crystal.  _I think the Shikon no Tama is reacting to my nightmares.  I can feel it.  This has never happened before…  I don't understand…_

Kagome rose from her bed as the first rays of sunlight peeked through clouds and onto the streets of Tokyo.  Walking over to her bedroom window, she pressed her forehead against the cold unyielding glass.  Her chocolate brown eyes caught sight of her grandfather sweeping the shrine grounds as he did every morning. 

"It's Monday…" Kagome sighed to no one in particular.  She did not even have Buyo as an audience this early morning, for the lazy housecat opted to curl up next to her younger brother, Souta, rather than sleep next to Kagome, who nowadays was plagued with violent nightmares that scared or physically abused the poor animal.  _It's Monday…  I haven't been to school in over a week.  I have been well for a couple of days now but…  I can't bring myself to do much…  I am still not sure what it is I am supposed to do.  _

                Heaving another heartfelt sigh, Kagome turned away from the window and caught sight of herself in her bedroom mirror.  She barely recognized the person staring back at her.  The pale girl in the mirror watched Kagome with haunted, melancholy eyes, dark shadows marring her usually cheery face.  Her wrinkled pajamas engulfed her slim frame, making her seem more like a lost child than the budding woman she once was.  Kagome ran her hand through her black tresses, screwing up her face as she felt the many tangles impeding her fingers from combing through her thick black hair.  

_Is this what I have become?  _

The young miko had to quell the urge to break the offending mirror.  Instead, she walked out of the room, as if to flee.  

I cannot go on like this…  

                She found herself in the bathroom, once again face to face with her reflection.  She washed her face hoping that the cold water would somehow clear her vision.  Looking into the mirror once again, she frowned.  Her wet, pale skin seemed to grow paler; the shadows beneath her eyes more pronounced.  Kagome paused, looking deeply into her own eyes, eyes that had darkened to near black.

                _I once envied Kikyo because she was dead… because she had Inu Yasha's love… but… here I am…  I'm more dead than alive and I'm alone.  Unlike Kikyo, I have to choice to live now and instead, I am letting myself slowly waste away.  Is this what I want?  Do I not want to exist anymore?  _

Kagome looked away from the mirror, slowly placing her hand over her heart.  _I hurt inside…  I hurt so badly… but…  _Kagome frowned as tears, splashed onto her pale hand.  _I thought I had no tears left…  _She wiped roughly away her tears and she faced her reflection.  Her eyes began to glow faintly inner fire that she once lost.  _No matter how much it hurts…  I cannot go on like this.  Even if Inu Yasha hates me… even if I am the weakling he called me…  I am still here…  I am not Kikyo…. I am not dead…_

_                Unlike Kikyo, even though my heart is broken…  I choose to live…  That's all I know how to do…_

"And now is as good a time as any to start…" Kagome spoke her resolution aloud, hoping to garner the strength she did not feel.  With that she began the process of getting ready for school.  _I might as well make my appearance now.  There is no need to stay cloistered away in the house especially when I have school to deal with…  I bet I am so behind…  _

While washing her hair, Kagome mentally groaned as she thought of all the time she would need to make up for her missed work.  _I spent all my time wallowing in depression…  What a mess I have made of my life.  I'll probably never get into __Tokyo__University__ this way…  Well, there is no point in obsessing over it now…  All I can do is hope for the best…_

After washing thoroughly, Kagome stepped out the tub and into a fluffy towel.  She purposely avoided the foggy bathroom mirror and went up to her room to change into her uniform.  She discovered that her uniform hung a bit loosely on her frame.  Kagome frowned in disdain at this. _ I need to start eating better. _After fussing over her uniform, she sat down at her vanity and began the process of detangling and brushing her hair.  In the mirror, she could see her cheeks flushed from her bath and the shadows under her eyes fading ever so slightly.  _ Little by little, I will get through this.  I promise myself that.   I will just go about my daily life…  I am not in any rush to face Inu Yasha…  Not after our last meeting…_

Kagome froze.  _I can't continue to think about it… about him…  If I do I will surely go crazy…  I know I can't just forget everything but for now…  I will be a normal school girl, living a normal life.  No Inu Yasha…  No Miroku…  No Sango… No Shippou…  No anyone…  I need this time for myself…  Eventually I will deal with my problems… just not now…  _

With that she finished brushing her hair, grabbed her book bag and went downstairs.  The sound of someone in the kitchen caught her attention.  She peeked in to find her mother preparing breakfast.  Mrs. Higurashi turned at that moment as if she sensed Kagome's presence.

"Kagome-chan, you're up early…" Mrs. Higurashi's eyes widened a bit a she took in Kagome's state of dress, "Kagome are you going to school?  Are you sure you're ready?"

Kagome smiled sadly knowing that her mother was worried more about her mental state than her physical, "Yes Mama…  I am ready…  I have to go to school sometimes and staring at the walls all day is far from fun."

Kagome's mother put down a bowl of pickled turnips she was holding and walked over to Kagome side.  She embraced the young girl, "You don't have to force yourself to do anything until you are ready.  You know that, right?"

"Yes Mama…  I know…  Thank you for worrying and watching over me." She replied softly, leaning into her mother's warmth.  

"That's what mothers do…" Mrs. Higurashi sighed before releasing Kagome.  She stood back observing the young girl closely, "You are much too thin…  If you are going to school today make sure to eat breakfast first.  It is after all the most important meal of the day."  Tapping Kagome lightly on the forehead, she continued, "The mind is so much clearer when the stomach is full and happy…"

Kagome smiled genuinely, "I could eat… forever."

"Now… you are stretching it.  I can't roll you around everywhere…" Her mother quipped as she went back to her task.

"Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooommm…." Kagome sighed in exasperation then giggled a bit at the mental image conjured by her mother's words.

Unbeknownst to Kagome, her mother wiped an errant tear from her eyes as she turned away.  _My Kagome is back… finally…_ _She is so much stronger than she knows…  _

                "Mama?" Kagome noticed that her mother had become unnaturally silent.  "Mom, are you okay?"

                Mrs. Higurashi turned to smile at her daughter, "No, I am okay.  I was just trying to figure out what to make for dinner tonight…"

                "Okay, well I am going to take my breakfast to go so I can get an early start at school." Kagome replied as she packed away some food into containers and shoved it in her book bag.

                "But it's so early.  Souta hasn't even gotten up yet…"

                "I just need to get out into the fresh air.  I promise to stay out of trouble." Kagome sighed, sensing her mother's worry.__

                "Well, I won't hold you here if you wish to leave early." Mrs. Higurashi said.  "But please be safe."

                After slinging her backpack onto her shoulders, Kagome walked over to her mother's side and placed a light kiss on her cheek. "I will be alright."

                "I know… I know…" her mother sighed.  

                Kagome left her mother's presence and walked out into the shrine courtyard.  There she found her grandfather still tending to the shrine grounds.

                "Ohayo jii-chan!!!" Kagome greeted him.

                "Kagome…  What on earth are you doing out of bed?" the Shinto priest replied in shock.

                "What does it look like, jii-chan?  I am going to school…"

                The old man walked over to stand before his granddaughter, "Don't get prissy with me.  Are you sure you are okay?  I just thought of the most excellent disease to tell the school you have…"

                Kagome rolled her eyes, "Ohh jii-chan… Anyways…  I have to go.  I am trying to get an early start today…"

                Her grandfather huffed indignantly as he watched Kagome trot away, "Teenagers…  I just don't understand them…"   

                Kagome heard her grandfather's mumblings but she didn't acknowledge it.  _Jii-chan is always making a fuss about one thing or another.  He is awfully obsessed with making up weird illnesses.  Not once has he told my school that I had a common cold…  No, that would be too simple.  Instead, he goes off into some far-fetched tale.  I don't know how anyone believes him.  I think he needs a new hobby. _

Kagome walked across the courtyard purposefully avoiding the small shack housing the Bone Eater's well.  _If I don't see it, I don't have to think about it._  Kagome kept her eyes averted from the well house and walked down the long flight of stairs to the city streets below.  The sound of chirping birds and honking car horns assailed her ears as she headed towards her school.  Kagome walked slowly for there was no real rush to get to school, after all, she did leave home early.  Kagome observed her surrounding sadly before getting lost in her thoughts.  

_I should get used to seeing this everyday… soon…  I will be just a normal girl… or as normal as I can be without Sengoku Jidai…  There won't be any need for my powers, especially when I…  I…  I am not even sure I want to give the shards back…  _She felt the shards warm against her skin.  Holding the necklace up to the light, she could see the small flecks dancing within the small shards.  _How odd…  Once upon a time, I would have done anything to get rid of the Shikon no Tama.  I didn't even understand its power or its worth.  Even when it came out of my body, I didn't really think twice about it.  This jewel has been stolen so many times because of my negligence… because I didn't care about it… because I'm weak…  _Kagome's thoughts ended abruptly as she bumped into someone.  She had been so lost in her thoughts that she wasn't even paying attention to where she was going.

Embarrassed at her own clumsiness, Kagome quickly apologized.  "Ahhh…  Gomen nasai…  I'm so sorry I…"  Pink stained her cheeks, as she recognized her victim when they turned towards her, "Hakibi-sensei…  I am such a baka…  I didn't mean to…  I mean…"

  "Higurashi!!!"  Sae exclaimed in surprise, "I heard that you fell ill last week.  Are you okay?"

"Yes, I am fine, Hakibi-sensei…  I guess…  I think I just had the flu or something…" Kagome sighed a bit sadly.

"So I am guessing the flu gave you amnesia as well, Ms. Higurashi?" Sae replied, her face stern.

"Nani?  I… uhh…  I promise to make up any work I missed…  I mean…." Kagome stuttered nervously, not understanding.

"I am well aware that you will make up your work…" Sae continued as a hint of smile tugged at her mouth, "That is not an option…  However, I told you to call me Sae.  I feel like an old bag every time you call me Hakibi-sensei…  We are at least acquaintances now, are we not?"

Kagome smiled brightly, "Of course we are, Sae-sama."

"Now that we have that out of the way, help me pick up all these books you made me drop.  I assume you're heading towards school anyways." Sae spoke as she bent down to pick her books off of the sidewalk.

Kagome knelt besides her picking up as many books as she could carry, "Again, I am sorry.  I didn't mean to bump into you like that.  I was just so lost in thought."

Sae stood smiling as she went, "As long as you don't do that in class…  I will forgive you.  Now, let's get this stuff back to school shall we."

Kagome fell into step beside her teacher.   For a couple of blocks they walked in silence, neither in any particular hurry to spark up a conversation.   Kagome looked over at Sae as she walked.  _She's probably as strong as Sango.  Both of them are trained to fight.  Sae grew up without her family and managed to do things I can only dream of.  I wish I could be like her._

"Kagome-san?"

Kagome blinked as she came back to the real world, "Yes, Sae-sensei?"

"You are so quiet today.  Is there something wrong?  Are you feeling well?" Sae frowned in concern.  

"No…  No…  I am fine…  I was just wondering… if…" Kagome faltered.

"What is it, Kagome-san?" 

"Could… you… teach me to fight..?" Kagome ended awkwardly.  _Did I just ask her that?  What if she says no…_

"You want to learn how to fight?" the older woman sounded shocked.

_I knew it…  I knew she would say no…  _"I wanted to become stronger….  For awhile now, I've been considered the weak one… the burden…  I just want to be able to do things on my own….  I don't want to be a weakling anymore." Kagome spoke solemnly, her heart hurting with each word.

"You're health is so fragile, I wouldn't want to be responsible if you get hurt Kagome." The young teacher replied, doubt seeping into her voice. 

"You don't know how much I need this.  Anything that happens to me will be my own responsibility.  I am the one asking…" the young girl pressed onward.  _You don't know how much I really need this…_

Sae hesitated, "Well…"

"Please…  I promise you won't regret it…" Kagome pleaded.  

"But, you probably will…" Sae sighed, "Training at my dojo is not easy…"

Kagome smiled inwardly, "I will do my best."  

"Well, we should start immediately.  Are you free this afternoon?  My classes are from 6-9 Monday through Thursday and all day on Saturday." Sae replied.

"I can come…"

"Good… You can meet me at my classroom once school ends…"  The young teacher than turned to Kagome, her stern expression returning, "I must have you know I will not go easy on you…"

This time Kagome smiled brightly, "I wouldn't expect you to, Sae-sensei."  Kagome walked up the tree-lined pathway to the school alongside her teacher, "I can't wait to start."

"That's what you say now…" Sae snorted, but then laughed lightly, "You just might make a good student…."

Kagome looked up at the cherry blossoms petals falling like snow from the trees, "I hope so…'

***

The day went by uneventfully until Yuka, Eri, and Ayumi all rushed Kagome as soon as they saw her in the hallway, chattering loudly and bombarding her with questions.

"Are you okay?  I was worried sick…  You didn't even return my calls…  Or Eri's or Yuka's…" Ayumi lectured.  Her flunkies nodded sternly agreeing with Ayumi.

Kagome rubbed the back of her head nervously, a blush rising to her cheeks, "I was really sick.  I didn't get out of bed for a week…"

Eri eyed Kagome suspiciously, "Are you sure you were sick?  You didn't have a fight with your boyfriend, did you?

Kagome face faulted.  Frantically, she waved her hands in front of her trying to ward off the conversation she knew was coming, "No… No…  I was sick, honestly…"

The three friends exchanged glances before turning back to Kagome.

_Oh here they go…  This is just what I need right now… _Kagome inwardly sighed.  

Ayumi spoke first, "That jealous boyfriend of yours is nothing but trouble.  You need to just leave him be…"

Eri continued, "Besides, Hojo likes you a lot!"

Yuka finished it off, "He has been asking us about you everyday.  It seems you didn't return his calls either.  Not well done of you at all."

Kagome sighed again.  _ I really need to tell Hojo I don't like him like that...  or hook one of these girls up with him so they can stop bugging me about my social life and get one of their own._  "I told you guys I was sorry…"

The trio shrugged and then filled Kagome in on the latest gossip around school, as usual, causing Kagome to laugh all the way down the hallway.  At lunch, she opted to sit alone beneath one of the sakura trees, in hopes of having some time to herself.  

"Finally, I can eat breakfast…  I hope it hasn't gone bad…" Kagome said to herself as she pulled several containers out of her book bag.

"Can I join you?" 

Kagome froze, recognizing the voice right away, "Hojo-kun…" _Oh great…_

Hojo smiled charmingly and took a seat beside her, "Gomen ne…  Did I startle you?"

Kagome plastered on a smile, "No, not at all…  I was just having some lunch."  

Hojo's expression suddenly became very serious, "I was worried about you.  You didn't return anyone's call and I was wandering if you were doing all right."

"I was really sick…" Kagome sighed, "I am sorry if I worried you guys.  I am better now, though.  And, umm, thanks for bringing me home last Friday.  I was really out of it…"

"No problem…" Hojo smiled again but said nothing more.

_What is Hojo up to?  What does he want?  He is starting to give me the creeps.  _Kagome looked over at her companion wearily.  _Hojo is blushing again….  Oh no…._

The oblivious boy decided to speak at that moment, "Kagome-san…  Have you given any thought to what I asked you about last the time we talked?  I mean… I know we didn't get to talk about it much… and I was supposed to take you out to dinner first... but…  This seems likes just as good a time as any to talk... if you want to of course…"

_This is so not a good time for me…. However, I might as well tell him how I feel.  No sense in leading him on, like I was…  _Kagome took a deep breath before beginning; she fully planned on telling Hojo that she thought of him as just a friend in gentlest way possible.  _There is no need to hurt his feelings _ "Hojo-kun, I_"__

"Kagome-san… I really like you.  I have liked you for a very long time now." Hojo sighed, interrupting Kagome's whole spiel.  "However, I feel so disconnected form you lately.  It's like you are in another world. I really want to be with you but I am not sure if I can get past this."

                Kagome face-faulted, nearly tipping over in shock.  _Nani!?  Is he breaking up with me?  We aren't even together._

_                "_So I think we are better off as friends.  I don't know how you feel about that, but I am sure it for the best."  Hojo peered over at a bewildered Kagome nervously, "We can still be friends, right?"   

                Kagome nodded, "Uhhh… suree… Hojo-kun… friends are fine."

                At her response, Hojo pulled her into a bear hug, his smooth cheek pressed against her own, "I knew you would understand…"

                Kagome blushed at such intimate contact.  _If anyone sees us, they will automatically assume something is going on, especially Ayumi, Eri, and Yuka. Those girls sure do love to gossip.  The last thing I need right now is to be their hottest topic… again… _

Kagome cleared her throat uncomfortably, a blush rising to her cheeks, "Hojo-kun… Hojo… I don't think we should be like this in public…" 

                The young boy released his hold on her awkwardly and blushed, "Yea, we are supposed to be friends now and all."

                _When we ever more than that?  I am getting a headache...  This boy definitely reminds me of that boy Nobunaga we met two years ago.  Hojo-kun is either his descendant or his reincarnation.  Either way… they are both not all there._

Hojo inhaled deeply, "I feel like I got a huge weight off my chest.  I want thank you for being so understanding, Higurashi."

Kagome smiled, more than a little confused by the conversation that just took place, "Uhhh… anytime Hojo-kun… anytime…" 

Hojo stood up slowly, "I have to get going now.  I kind of lied to my teacher and skipped out with the hall pass.  I will talk you later."

She smiled in response and then looked down at her luke warm food, "I guess I'll start eating now.  I think… This food doesn't look so hot right now.  Probably doesn't taste so great either."  Kagome sighed, popping one her mom's special pickled vegetables in her mouth. After chewing it slowly, she came to a decision, "It will do for now.  I need some energy if I want to alert in Sae-sensei's class after school."  With that having been said to no one in particular, Kagome ate her breakfast slowly.  _I hope I don't make a total idiot of myself today.  What am I saying?  I will make a total idiot of myself today.  I don't know the first thing about fighting.  I should have paid more attention to the gang when they were fighting instead of trying to escape or be rescued for that matter…  What have I gotten myself into? _

Kagome leaned back against the tree.   "I think I lost my appetite…" she groaned, pushing the containers away from her.  Her stomach was doing flip-flops and her forehead was beading in sweat, "Maybe I can tell I don't feel well today…  Wait!  I can't do that…  If I back down now, Sae-sensei will think I am too weak to anything."  Kagome propped her chin up on her elbows, "I have no choice but to go today.  I guess I can try not to be too much of an embarrassment…."

_ I never was this unsure of myself.  Once long ago, I knew what I could and could not do.  I knew my strengths…   my weaknesses…  I thought I knew everything there was to know about me…  Now, I'm never sure of who and what I am from one minute to the next. I never fathomed that I would be this lost…   I don't know where I am heading and I am afraid of what lies before me.  I second guess my every decision now and am unsure of the things I once thought I did well.  Because of him, I doubt myself…   because I once put all my faith into him and had it broken.  It's hard to move past that point because ever since that day a part of me has been missing…  I lost it in that moment…   blown away with the wind… alongside my broken heart...  I don't know how to regain it and I am afraid to try because I may fail and lose it all again…_

Kagome looked up at the treetops with dull unseeing eyes.   _I cannot remain as I am; an emotional wreck and afraid of my own shadow.  Kagome lowered her head, eyes closed and her small hand fisted over her chest.  _Weak…  Afraid… alone… so alone…  I cannot remain as such.  I cannot cower from the world always…  There is too much that I wish to accomplish… I must get past this pain.  I must find the strength, wherever it might be, to keep going.  __

Kagome sighed and opened her eyes.  A soft breeze rustled the sakura blossoms above her causing some of the delicate petals to drift down.  She opened her hand a bit, catching several petals in her hand.  A smile tugged at the corner of her lips, "So pretty…"  

Kagome blew the petals from her palm, packed her things away, and left her spot by the cherry tree.  "It's time to get back to school."   The young miko stopped to stretch languorously and take a deep breath.  Another cool breeze brushed gently past her face as she turned back to look at the spot she just left.  Her obsidian tendrils fluttered, disturbed by the wind.  For some reason, Kagome could not tear her eyes away from that spot beneath the cherry blossom tree. 

"I feel…" she began to whisper, but fell silent.  _I can't put it into words…  I think I left something behind there but I know I have everything... Looking at her book bag slung loosely on her shoulder, she shook her head.  Her hand slid up to grip the jewel shards around her neck, the Shikon shards pulsed in answer.  The girl shrugged.  _I guess I am just being silly.  __

She turned away heading back into school.  


	12. Decisions and Deliberations: Part One

**_Sorry you guys…  I still don't own Inu Yasha…  ((sigh))  _**

                Kagome burst through her bedroom door, tossing her book bag aside and belly flopping onto her bed.  Her groan, muffled by her pink bed sheets, was loud and long.  For a moment she lay unmoving and spread eagle across her bed.   If she hadn't been breathing, she could have easily been mistaken for a corpse.  After a few minutes, she emitted another groan and rolled over onto her back, flinging her slim arm over her eyes.  Her silken black hair slid off her shoulder and pooled around her face.  

                "I'm so tired." She whined to no one in particular, "Sae-sensei is a monster…" _I never thought she would work me that hard. Now, I feel like I have lead running through my veins.  _

                Kagome made a failed attempt to get up and flopped back down on her back.  _I ache all over.  What day is it?  Everything has blurred together since I started attending Sae-sensei's classes.  How many days has it been?  I think it's been six or something like that…  Six days…  If it has been that long, today should be Saturday.  _That thought actually made Kagome sit up.  _ It's Saturday!!!  It's almost been a week now.  How did the time slip away from me so easily?  __It's almost like I started that class yesterday…_

***Six days ago***

                After classes ended for the day, Kagome stood outside Sae-sensei's door nervously trying to decide whether or not she wanted to go face her teacher.  After deliberating a bit, Kagome huffed and decide to face the music.  She rushed through the door, expecting to see her to see Sae waiting impatiently.

                "Gomen nasai, Sae-sensei.  I didn't mean to be so late.  I had to…" Kagome cut short her hurried explanation as she noticed the classroom was totally empty.  _Oh crap!  Did I take to long?  Did she leave me?  That's not possible because I have been standing outside the door since class ended.  She couldn't have slipped past me.  _Kagome leaned against an empty desk, "I might as well wait until she comes back."

                As the minutes slipped by, Kagome's anxiety grew until she was drumming her fingers, tapping her feet, humming nervously.  She's become an orchestra of nervous energy.  _What if she forgot I was even here?  Maybe I should just go.  I guess it's a sign that I shouldn't try and do something stupid.  _

                "I never was a fighter, anyway…" Kagome sighed and turned to walk out of the room only to find her missing teacher leaning against the doorframe.

                "I guess you are all fired up and ready to go then, eh?" Sae Hakibi asked; her voice liberally laced with amusement.

                Kagome blushed profusely, "Well…  I … uhh…"

                Sae smiled, dismissing her pupil's confusion, "Sorry to keep you waiting.  I had some business to attend to in the office.  I came back as soon as I could and I found you working yourself into a big mess, Kagome-san.  I love to see my students go through the first day jitters.  It's so cute.  But worry not…  I won't work you into the dust today.  I wish you to introduce you to the students and teachers at the dojo first.  Afterwards, we will do some basic stretching and techniques."

                Kagome nodded, her deep brown eyes wide as she took in all the information.  "I will be introduced to everyone?  Mishiro included?"

                Sae Hakibi's cheeks reddened, "Yes, even Mishiro.  I have a feeling he will introduce himself before I get the chance.  He's always that way with the new students who happen to be female…  He's such a…"  

                "Lecher?"  Kagome answered.  _That sounds like Miroku to me.  _

Sae-sensei's face reddened considerably and then her eyes narrowed in suspicion, "Have you met him before?"

                Kagome waved her hands before her frantically, "No, not at all.  I just heard you talk about him before.  That's all…" _How can I tell her that I am acquainted with his former self?  She'd think I'm a nut for sure…_

                Sae shrugged, "Be careful around him…"

Kagome nodded, "I will."

                "Well let's be off.  Do you have all your stuff with you?  Wouldn't want you leaving it at school or anything."  

                "I have everything I need but should I bring some gym clothes or something?" Kagome asked.  _I know I can't work out in my uniform._

                Sae-sensei smiled, "I will provide you with everything you need at the dojo."  The teacher packed away her papers and grabbed her purse.  "I'm ready now."

                The two young women walked out of the school and into the busy streets of Tokyo walking and talking like old friends.  Kagome observed Sae closely as they traveled.  While she already had conversations with her math teacher that had nothing to with school, she never got the chance to see Sae outside of school.  The older woman was a far cry from the stern and often serious schoolteacher she opted to be during school hours.  Sae even went so far as letting her hair down from her tight bun, letting the dark brown mass brush her slim shoulders.  She was much more animated, quick to smiles and laughter.  Kagome could not help but to think of Sango.  

_Sae-san reminds me so much of Sango it's uncanny.  She can just as scary and serious as Sango and at the same time smile and laugh.  Being here with Sae-san makes me miss Sango and Miroku so much.  Not to mention Shippou.  _

_I wonder how everyone is getting along without me.  I bet that they are probably relieved that I am out of their way for the moment.  I know I was a burden whether they said it or not.  Inu Yasha made sure to rub it in my face enough.  I'm afraid now to even face him or the others.  I know this effort to learn to fight is laughable.  I will probably just embarrass myself or something.  But… somehow I know deep down inside I need it.  I don't want to be weak anymore.  I am not sure this is the right way to go about it but I'm willing to try just so I won't anymore… or feel so damn hopeless.    _

                Kagome was so deep in her own inner turmoil she had not noticed that Sae Hakibi was now watching her with a very worried expression.  Upon noticing the younger girl's lack of participation in any of the conversation Sae was obviously having with herself, the young teacher looked over at Kagome poised to scold her for being so silent.  When she noticed Kagome's troubled, lost expression she paused.  _Whatever Kagome is thinking about, it must be affecting her greatly.  She didn't even notice I stopped talking.  It's almost like her body is moving on autopilot.  I wonder what has gotten into her.  I hope she isn't still ill.  _

"Kagome?" Sae-san questioned softly, "Are you okay?"

                Kagome blinked as her brown eyes riveting to her companion, "Huh?  Did you say something?  Gomen ne…  I was kind of lost in my own world."

                Sae-san sighed and looked ahead, "I see.  You haven't responded for the last five minutes.  I figured I'd lost you.  Are you still ill?  Do you wish to return home?  I would not want you to stay if you are still sick."

                The young schoolgirl shook her head, "No…  I am fine, I promise.  I just have a lot on my mind.  I'm sorry if I was inattentive.  I   will not do that in class."

                "If you wish to talk about it, I will listen."

                Kagome tried to plaster on a bright smile but failed, resulting in a half hearted and lopsided attempt at a smile.  "It's nothing really…   I am just being silly, that's all."             

The young teacher tried her best to console her lost student, though she did not really understand what was bothering Kagome... "I said before, all my students are nervous the first day.  They seem to think I am going to kill them or something," Sae-sensei looked over at Kagome and smiled.  "I can tell you are unsure of yourself.  Don't worry so much.  When the mind is clouded by doubt, goals are much harder to accomplish."

                Kagome sighed, "I know.  It's just…"  The young girl looked up at the buildings hovering tall and ominous above her and the blue sky dotted with clouds, "I hope I'm not making a fool of myself…  I am not even sure of what I am doing."  Kagome's words held so much meaning; meaning that her teacher could not begin to fathom.  _Will this make me stronger?  Will I be any better than I was before?  _

Sae frowned slightly at her pupil, "Take it one step at a time Kagome-san."

                Kagome shrugged and fell silent.  _I can do this.  I am strong.  I will prove myself…  Without thinking Kagome placed her hand over the spot where the shards of the Shikon no Tama lay against her breast.  The jewels pulsed in reaction to her touch.  __The Shikon no Tama…  I'm not sure what to do with this…  Keeping the shards here will hinder the gang from ever completing the mission to defeat Naraku.   I should go back and return these things… That way I will finally be able to be a normal girl…  A normal girl…  At that moment, a sharp surge of energy pulsed through the shards causing Kagome to gasp silently.  _The shards… it's almost as if they are protesting…__

Her teacher's voice broke through her thoughts, "We are here.  I present to you the Hinode Dojo."

                For the second time a row, her heart leaped into her chest.  Kagome found herself looking up at plain brown two-story building.  The buildings front had two large windows, one on each floor, allowing outsiders to see into its interior.  Inside there were many people donning training gear, some practiced with wooden swords, while others stretched.  _Well, it isn't much to look at.  I was picturing a dojo that would be more flamboyant and intimidating.  _

"My master values simplicity.  He has owned this building for years and doesn't see the need move or add anything to it." Sae responded, reading Kagome's expression.  "The most important element to this dojo is the teaching that goes on within.  That's what Shiyuki-sama always says.  Unfortunately, you will not get to meet him until much later.  He is off in the United States participating in an annual martial arts seminar they hold there."

                 Kagome nodded at that tidbit of information, her hand still clutching her necklace through her school blouse.  _I must be going mad.  _She shook her a bit and followed behind Sae-san.  _Here goes nothing.  _

As soon as they walked through the doors, the dojo's students took notice.  Some chattered amongst themselves, while others bowed reverently to Sae-san.

                "Good evening students.  I'm glad to see most of you are quite early." Sae spoke, her voice commanding immediate attention. 

"Konbanwa Hakibi-sensei" The students replied loudly.

                Sae-san smiled beckoning Kagome to come forth, "This is Higurashi Kagome.  She is a new student here."

                 Kagome received a warm, albeit very reserved welcome from her fellow students.  She could not help but to blush a bit in appreciation of the attention she was receiving.  

                Sae-san raised her hand, signaling to her students to quiet down, "As we all know, Shiyuki-sama is away on business in America.  Because I will be helping Higurashi-san through her first days at Hinode, I won't be able to instruct classes today.  Mishiro-sensei will be your instructor.  I am sure he has a lot planned for you students today.  Now get back to stretching.  I will still be observing you all."

                The students all hopped back to their former activity immediately.

                Sae turned back to Kagome, "Follow me.  I will introduce you to Mishiro."

                Kagome tried her best to weave through the gaggle of students, as Sae did with such grace and expertise but she soon got distracted and found herself stumbling over the leg of one student who was stretching on the workout mats.  She flailed a bit before crashing head-on into something warm and hard.  When Kagome looked up, an apology on the tip of her tongue, she was staring into the most violet eyes she had ever seen in her life.

                The person she knocked into was a tall and quite handsome man.  His dark eyes glinted in amusement, eyes set in a tanned face.  His brown black hair was stylishly cut and swept away from his face.  His lips were curled into a charming smile.

                Kagome's lips formed into a round o of surprise as her mind finally registered just who she was looking at, "Mi_"

                "Mishiro Shiyuki!  Unhand the poor girl.  She's only been her a few minutes and you're pouncing on her." Sae came towards them wearing a very irritated expression.

                 Mishiro did his best to look wounded although the smile would not completely leave his face, "Why ever would I do such a thing as pounce on this young lady?  I was merely saving a damsel in distress, Sae.  She was falling to her doom."

                Kagome moved away from the young man, still shocked that he bore an unnatural resemblance to houshi she left behind in Sengoku Jidai.  "I...  It's true.  I stumbled like the klutz I am and crashed right into him."  _This has got to be Miroku.  He doesn't have beads wrapped over his hand though._

Sae snorted, still disbelieving, "If I know you like I do, you would have tried something sooner or later.  Anyways, this is Higurashi Kagome.  I will be training her here."

                Mishiro placed his right hand over his heart and bowed deeply.  In doing so, a beaded rosary slipped from the sleeve of his training gi, dangling from his wrist.  "It is a pleasure to meet you Higurashi-san."  

                Kagome's brown eyes widened as she noticed the rosary.  _It has to be him.  "Likewise...  Please call me Kagome, Mishiro-sensei."_

                The young man looked down at her.  His violet eyes held an intense gleam as he stared down at Kagome, "Do I know you from somewhere?  Perhaps, we have met before."

                Kagome's heart pounded in her chest.  _Do you remember?  Could it be possible?  "I don't think so…"_

                Mishiro's eyes flashed once again, "I know where I have seen you?  You're a model right… perhaps TV?"

                Kagome face-faulted.  _He's just flirting with me…_

                Sae rolled her eyes, "Oh Mishiro, you never grow up.  You have a class to teach, quit harassing my pupil."

                He shrugged, "You always assume I'm hitting on every female that steps through Hinode's doors…"

                "You usually are…" Sae responded dryly.

                Mishiro grabbed both of Sae-san's hands as he spoke, "All of that would stop if you agreed to be my wife."

                Kagome watched as her teacher turned multiple shades of red.  Sae snatched her hands away abruptly, "You really have no shame!"

                "Only when it comes to you," he sighed and then he turned to Kagome, his violet eyes assessing her in one glance. "And as for you, Kagome-san, welcome to Hinode Dojo.  I hope that we will get to converse much longer than this at a later date."  With that he strode away.  

                Kagome just stood there speechless.  _If I didn't know any better I would have believed myself to be naked with the way he was staring at me.  He has really doesn't have any shame, just like Miroku.  At least he didn't go groping me or anything.  _

"That Mishiro…" Sae sighed, "He thinks the biggest playboy in Tokyo."

Kagome noticed that her teacher was still fighting down a blush, "I think he likes you."

                Sae's brown eyes widened and her blush returned, "No, he does not.  I'm just his friend and the only woman to refuse his advances.  That's why he pays me any mind at all.  You just be careful around him. "

                Kagome smiled a bit, "I have dealt with his kind before.  Don't worry."

                Sae-san looked around trying to find a space where she could work with Kagome uninterrupted.  When she could find nothing, she said, "Let us go up the upper room.  There are far too many people on this floor.   I wouldn't want you to be distracted." Sae-san led her to the back of the crowded room to a set of stairs.  "Go on up first.  I need to grab a uniform for you."

                Kagome walked up the well-lit staircase.  As she walked, she noticed that the staircase served a double purpose; it was also a trophy display.  Beautiful trophies, metals, newspaper articles, magazines, and pictures all lay untouched within glass cases that lined the wall of the stairwell.  Kagome peered in seeing Sae's name on quite a few trophies.  _I wish I could fight as well as she does.  What am I saying?  She's been doing this for years…  I will never learn that much.  I see a lot of medals for Mishiro too.  _There pictures of the Hinode's past classes and pictures of students sparring.  She looked on in awe as she walked. "So many achievements…"

                When Kagome finally reached the top of the stairs, she walked down a long corridor lined with many doors.  While she was curious to find out what lie behind those doors, she did not indulge it.  _The last thing I need is to be caught snooping around.  I might as well just take myself to the training room while I am still in one piece.  _She arrived to find the training room quiet, unlike the rooms below.  She could still here the yells of the students as they began their exercises together.  Kagome sighed and walked over to the huge window, and looked down at the street below.  The neighborhood below her was a quiet tree lined block.  Few cars passed by while she watched.   

                "That's another reason why Shiyuki-sama likes this place so much." Sae-san replied, jolting Kagome from her silent reverie.

                Kagome whirled to face her teacher, "Nani?"

                "I bet you noticed how quiet this neighborhood is, eh?  Master Shiyuki said he would rather have his students focusing on what goes on within Hinode and not what's going on outside.  Tokyo can be quite noisy, don't you agree?"  Sae was dressed in her training gear.  

                "Yes, it is.  Jii-chan often complains about Tokyo being so loud.  He threatens to move out into the country every other week.  It's all just talk though.  Jii-chan loves the shrine far too much to leave it behind." Kagome conceded.

                "Here, take this." Sae tossed a bundle at Kagome, who caught it immediately, "I see you have nice reflexes.  Hurry up and change.  We have much to do tonight.  There is a changing room down the hall, first door on your right.  Don't keep me waiting too long."

                Kagome hustled down the hallway and into the changing room.  She hurriedly removed her own clothes and fumbled to put on her training gi and pants.  When she finally managed to get everything on correctly, she pulled her hair up into a high ponytail.  "No need to have hair in my face while I'm tripping all over myself.  That'll will make things much worse."

                Kagome looked herself over in a small mirror by the door of the changing room.  The girl looking back at her was a little pale but her uniform fit her quite well.  _I look really nervous but why wouldn't I?  I think Sae-san is going to run me into the dust.  There isn't much point in worrying.  I am here now. I might as well suck it up and take what's coming to me.  After all, I did volunteer to be beaten within every inch of my life.  _Kagome audibly sighed, "Okay Kagome Higurashi.  Here goes nothing."

                That walk down the hallway of the dojo had to be the longest of Kagome's life.  Her heart was beating a mile a minute and her palms were slightly sweaty.  She finally shuffled back into the training room, avoiding the eyes of Sae.

                "That uniform fits you well, Kagome." Sae Hakibi grinned proudly.  Clapping her hands together, she went on, "Now is as good as any time to start.  Higurashi-san, please be seated."

                Kagome knelt before her teacher, her hands clenched tightly in her lap.  Looking up at her teacher and new friend, Kagome noticed the immediate change in her demeanor.  _She looks so very serious.  It's almost scary._

"From now on, you will address me as sensei when we train.  Is that understood?"  Sae's tone was commanding and stern.

                "Hai, sensei." Kagome conceded, her voice wavered in her nervousness.

                "Now, now, Higurashi-san.  There is no need to cower before me.  I, after all, am still human and I won't kill you.  Not yet at least…" the young teacher's brown eyes glinted with a mischievous light.

                Kagome almost swallowed her tongue.  Her nails began to bite into her palms.

                Sae knelt down before her student, "I wish to see how much you know about karate.  What is the most important element of learning karate, Higurashi-san?"

                Kagome's brow furrowed a bit as she thought about it, "Is it strength?"

                Sae shook her head, "Most people would say that.  In truth, the most important element is here."  She tapped Kagome's forehead lightly, "Focus and confidence…  Once you have that, all other things will fall into place.  Inner strength and resolve will win out against even the strongest of opponents."

                  The young girl nodded, absorbing her teacher's words.  

"Self doubt is your greatest enemy.  Remember that above all things…" Sae-san nodded, confident that she placated the nervous girl before her.  "Everyday you will meditate before class.  It helps to clear mind and body of negative emotions.  That way you will be more focused during each lesson.  After meditation, you will stretch and then we will go straight into the lessons.  Right now, I want to work on your form and endurance.  I know you are a novice to the martial arts, so we must start from the very beginning."

Kagome watched as Sae adjusted into the Lotus position, folding her hands into her lap.  Kagome mimicked the actions of Sae, resting her hands on her knees.  "Kagome…  I want you to close your eyes and take deep breaths.  Focus and relax.  Clear your mind of doubt and focus on what you wish to accomplish…"

Kagome's eyes eventually drifted shut, lulled by the sound of Sae's gentle and calm voice.  She was reluctant to close her eyes fearing that her monstrous nightmares would return to haunt her.  Upon lowering her eyelids, there was nothing but blissful darkness.  No sound, no light, just emptiness.  _She wants me to think positively and yet I can think of nothing. Then again, I guess thinking of nothing is better than what I usually have on my mind.  What positive thing has happened to me of late?   I can't recall one thing worth remembering.  I guess I should be glad I have my health.  I was pretty sick a week ago and I had Mom scared out her mind.  Mom…  I wish I were as strong as her.  Dad passed away many years ago and yet she still finds a reason to smile. I, on the other hand, lost my will to live for a minute, all because of him.  _A crystal clear image of the amber-eyed hanyou came unbidden to her mind's eye; an image that burned itself into her fevered mind the night he broke her heart. _I should not be thinking of Inu Yasha…  I really shouldn't and yet here I am as always… remembering the hurt he caused me. Am I destined to forever cry for him?_

Seated across from the meditating girl, Sae Hakibi watched the myriad of emotions wash over Kagome's once still face.  The young teacher was jolted from her mediation by an intense vision from her childhood.  She saw herself as a young girl sobbing as her family home burned to the ground.  Then in a flash, another vision replaced the morbid sight.  Kagome stood before her laughing in her school uniform with a huge yellow bag slung over her shoulder.  She was talking but Sae could here no sound and the place in which she stood was strange and foreign to Sae.  Yet, something deep inside her whispered that she should know.  She opened her eyes just then dazed and confused.  Sae rubbed her temple tiredly.  _I have thought about things like that in years.  I thought I outgrew such memories.  Memories of the fire… of my family...  The police concluded that a malfunctioning electrical socket caused the fire.  I knew then as I know now, that it wasn't true.  Being a top officer in __Tokyo__'s police force gained my father as many enemies as it did allies. I heard whispers and rumors as I grew about the true cause of my family's demise but nothing substantial.  That part of my life will always be shrouded in mystery. I know Mama and Papa would not want me to dwell on their deaths.         _

_                It's so odd…  And that vision of Kagome…  I don't know where that came from…  _Sae-san continued to watch Kagome.  _My imagination must be going wild but it doesn't feel that way…  Maybe I need a rest…  Maybe I…  _Sae's thoughts were cut short as she saw a dull lilac glow throbbing through Kagome's training gi.  "What on earth?" Sae whispered in awe.  "Is her necklace doing that?"

                 Kagome was completely lost her own thoughts, unaware of her teacher' shocked stare.  _No…  No more tears… I will not cry any longer.  I will not allow myself to be hurt again.  I will not wallow in the depression I have been stuck in these past weeks.  I will become stronger.  I will not fail again.  I will not fall again…  I will find the strength within myself and prove that I am not useless, weak, or foolish.  I… will… not… cry…_

A flash of purple light brightened the room and then, disappeared just as quickly as it came.  Kagome opened her dark brown eyes only to find Sae staring at her with her mouth hanging wide open.  "Hakibi-sensei?  Are you alright?" Kagome asked, worry seeping into her voice.  

                "Your necklace… it was glowing… it…" Sae-san stuttered in shock.

                The young girl inwardly gasped.  _Oh no…  The Shikon no Tama is reacting to me again.  This is just great now Sae-san is going to think I'm some kind of freak. What should I tell her?  _

Before Kagome could weave some elaborate and totally untrue tale about her "radioactive mood stone", Sae-san spoke, rubbing her head tiredly, "Never mind me…  I think I am just seeing things.  Being over worked and underpaid does a real number on your brain."

                Kagome's mouth snapped shut.  _Geez that was close._

The young miko did not have enough time to recoup when Sae-san stood up, requesting Kagome do the same.  From there she began teaching the inexperienced girl the appropriate stretches to do before practice.  Afterwards, Sae-san then proceeded to work Kagome into the dust.  She made her mimic and repeat stances, kicks, blocks and other techniques in an effort to gauge just how much work Kagome was going to need.  

****

                _With all the work she made me do, I should be dead.  My muscles are still protesting.  Kagome absently rubbed her sore muscles.  It was then that she felt something furry brush across her sore shoulder and she jumped in shock.  Sitting up she looked around to find Buyo curled close to her.  Kagome sighed in relief and then smiled.  "You little traitor.  So you finally decided to come back to my bed.  What is Souta torturing you again?"  _

                The lazy housecat just purred and moved closer to her body.  She laughed scooping Buyo into her arms and hugging her close.  After some playful teasing and more than one  good scratch behind the ear, she released the housecat and looked out of her bedroom window.  "The sun is setting…" she whispered to no one in particular especially not Buyo, who had decided a nap was in order.  Groaning once more Kagome slipped off of her bed and headed downstairs.  "I should go talk to my mom.  I made a bee line for my bedroom and didn't look back."

                Once downstairs, she could hear the sounds of Souta playing his video games in his room.  She walked into his room and stooped down beside him.  Souta remained oblivious to her presence, totally absorbed in winning defeating some monstrous foe on the TV screen.   

                "Hey, squirt.  Where's Mom?" Kagome said, ruffling Souta's short brown locks with her hand.

                Souta paused the game and put down his controller.  Looking over at her with narrowed eyes, he spoke, "I thought I told you not to call me squirt."

                Kagome grinned, "I'll call you whatever I want.  What are you goin to do about it, squirt?"

                Her younger brother launched himself at her.  Despite her aching body, Kagome laughed as she wrestled with Souta.  "You think you're so tough now, don't you?"

                In truth, Souta was much stronger than he was two years ago and taller.  However, Kagome had grown much stronger as well.  Biking everyday and fending off enemies for two years in Sengoku Jidai had given her body amazing endurance and strength she did not even realize she had.  Something her teacher, Sae Hakibi, commented on each day.  The young teacher was quite sure that with the proper training Kagome could give even her a run for her money in a sparring match.  After some squeals and more than enough laughter, Kagome had Souta pinned beneath her, tickling his ribs and reducing the cocky boy to a pile of giggling mush.   

                "It's no fair…" Souta cried out between bouts of laughter as he tried his best to escape his older sister's clutches, "You always manage to pin me down.  If Inu Yasha were here, you wouldn't be able to do that."

                _Inu Yasha… At the mention of his name, a name she refused to speak aloud or think about that whole week, she felt pang of hurt and a little something else she did not want to mention.Kagome slowly stopped tickling her brother and helped him up, smoothing his ruffled hair. _

                Souta watched her wearily.  For weeks he wondered why Kagome was still in the present and not with Inu Yasha.  _She looks so sad despite even though she's trying to hide it. I really wish she would tell me what's wrong.  I wonder what happened to Inu Yasha.  He usually is here causing a fuss when Kagome is away too long.  Nowadays, especially during the time when Onee-chan was sick, I can't even mention his name without her clamming up.  Souta gingerly placed his hand over Kagome's._

                Kagome looked over at her brother with sad brown eyes.  She tried to shake off her emotions, covering her sadness with a bright smile, "You never did answer my question.  Where did Mom run off to?"  
  


                Souta watched her wearily, knowing her smile was as false as his grandpa's teeth.  "She went to run some errands with jii-chan.  Who knows when they are coming back."  Souta paused and then decided in his head he would finally talk to Kagome about her troubles, "I know it's not any of my business really but… why aren't you in Sengoku Jidai with Inu Yasha?  The mission can't be finished, can it?"

                Kagome shook her head slowly.  She was trying her best to stem the flood of emotions she suppressed for that whole week.

                Souta rushed on, concern in his voice, "Well, why are you still here?  I know Inu Yasha usually is storming into the house by now.  And, when you came back you were really sick and passed out in our courtyard.  I don't know how you managed to get past him being that ill.  He notices stuff like that right away.  I don't think he would let you go home alone.  It just doesn't seem right to me."

                She smiled sadly at her brother's concern.  _Souta…  "It doesn't seem right does it…?  I…  I wish I could tell you all the things you want to know but, I don't understand myself."  Her soft voice was filled with pain and sorrow.      _

 

Souta could only nod, not wanting to press her any further.

                Kagome sighed and stood up, ruffling her brother's hair again as she did so.  "Tell Mom I went to bed early."  She walked away from her brother but then stopped.  Looking over her shoulder, she called out to her brother, "And, Souta?"

                Souta answered immediately, "Yea?"  His face still had a worried expression.

This time Kagome showed her brother a genuine smile, "I appreciate you worrying about me.  You're the best."

                Souta smiled softly, "That's what brothers are supposed to do.  Now stop with all the mushy stuff, okay?"

                "Squirt…"  Kagome laughed in reply and went up to her room.  

                The pang her chest did not subside although she managed to escape her brother's conversation.  _This past week, I have been so involved in everything that it was easy to forget my troubles…  I want to forget again.  I don't want to remember… not right now…_

Kagome took a shower and dressed for bed.  She collapsed into her bed but could not find refuge in dreamless slumber as she did so many nights before.  Her mind was still racing and her thoughts were of Inu Yasha.  Shifting for the millionth time, she tried to force her eyes to close and shut down her over active mind.  She failed miserably.  Instead, she lie awake staring out of the window into the cloudy night sky.  The ache in her chest increased as her thoughts whirled on.  _I hate this… I hate being without him… I hate knowing that the moment I go back he will send me away.  He doesn't need me anymore.  I hate it all...  I wish...   that I could hate him too… and yet despite it all…  I still love him…  I wanted to forget everything…  I wanted to pretend that he never existed… that I never fell through the well.  This jewel…  Kagome sat up gripping her necklace fiercely.  __The Shikon no Tama is the only thing he wants from me.  Well, that bastard can have it…  Then, I'll be normal…  I won't have to ever see him again…  I…_

The shards of the Shikon no Tama began to pulse furiously with light, illuminating Kagome's hand and then her face when her hand opened.  "What's going on?"  She stared at the jewels feeling the power flowing through them.  The glow pulsed faster and faster.   "I don't understand…  Why do they keep doing that?  Could Naraku be near?"   Kagome's heart lurched in alarm.  

Opening her senses she searched desperately for the source of the jewel's irritation but found nothing.  The jewels never ceased their mysterious glowing pulse, growing stronger and stronger.  Kagome gasped in shock as the shards of the Shikon no Tama levitated to eye level and flashed brightly.    

 

                 _    _

                " 


	13. Decisions and Deliberations: Part Two

**And the verdict is in….  I still don't own Inu Yasha.  It's a shame really…  Oh well, back to the drawing board.**

_"Is Kagome-chan, okay? Nothing happened to her, did it?" Sango could feel fear building in the pit of her stomach._

_                "No, she's okay. Stop worrying. Nothing is wrong…" Inu Yasha answered growling in irritation._

_                "Oh… Will she be back soon?" the taiji-ya asked lightly. Something is not quite right and I intend on getting to the bottom of this. _

_                "I doubt it…" Inu Yasha grumbled a bit. _

_                Sango's brow furrowed, "Kagome wouldn't just abandon us…"_

               _"She can and she will. It's not like we need her. You know as well as I do, Kagome can't defend herself. She gets in the way of this mission…" the hanyou's hardened voice cut through the air like a knife._

               Ever since that conversation with Inu Yasha, Sango frequently found herself thinking about it, trying to discern its meaning.  From her perch on the back of Kirara as they journeyed back to the village, Sango watched Inu Yasha closely.  _I wish I could have talked to him more about that whole thing but he's been so quiet lately.  __These last few days he's been keeping to himself or going off on his own.  I wonder if it has anything to do with Kagome.  He's been very sullen since she went home.  I tried to question Miroku but he has been as close lipped as Inu Yasha. Sango looked below her at the monk riding on Kagome's bike.  He chose that moment to look up at her and she looked away quickly, a blush rising to her cheeks.  Her lips curled into a smile.  ___

_ When we get back to the village I hope Kagome-chan will be there.  I never considered that she would leave us.  She vowed to complete this mission and Kagome is my close friend and sister that I never had.  I miss our conversations already.  I cannot blame her, however, if she wanted to leave.  She does have life on the other side of the well.  I also know that being here in Sengoku Jidai is a trial in itself, the constant fighting and death can wear on anyone's soul. If I know Kagome as I think I do, I know she would not leave without saying goodbye at least.  _

_                For my own selfish reasons, I hope that Kagome is not considering leaving the group even though Inu Yasha can be such a pain sometimes.  She befriended us all without question despite all the things that transpired before we joined her and Inu Yasha in the fight against Naraku.     _

               Sango turned slightly as she felt someone tap lightly on her back.  Shippou, who was seated directly behind her, was looking up at her with wide green eyes.  "What is it Shippou-chan?"  

               "Do you think Kagome will be with Kaede when we get back?" Shippou asked, yelling over the wind.

               Sango looked down at the young fox youkai.  _Shippou would be the most affected if Kagome did decide to leave.  They have grown so close over the years and I know he thinks of Kagome as his mother.  She's become such an important part of our lives without even trying.  "I am sure she will be.  I bet she just needed to cool off.  You know how she and Inu Yasha fight."_

               Shippou nodded, but Sango could tell that he was not pacified.  _Even Shippou notices that something is wrong.  He has always been a very perceptive child.  "Don't worry so much Shippou.  We'll be at the village in no time and then we'll see if Kagome is there waiting for us.  Who knows, she may have more candy for you too." _

               Sango knew that the sweets Kagome always brought with her from her land cheered Shippou up immensely.   Sango shifted her stare back to Inu Yasha.  He was dashing and gliding over the treetops in his usual fashion.  But, it seemed he was going a bit too fast, not even stopping to look back at the battle injured group.  _I bet he's anxious to see Kagome too.  That boy cannot seem to get it right when it comes to her.  I know he cares about her lot but even after all this time, he doesn't know how to show her.  I guess that's the way of youkai or men in general.  Miroku is no exception.  Being with him can be so nice and comforting sometimes and then he goes and ruins it by being a lecher.  I never quite figure that houshi out.  I don't know what could possess him to ruin almost every nice moment we have together.  Men…  Sango sighed and pet Kirara as the demon flew smoothly through the skies.  Kirara roared in response and surged forward.  _

               Far ahead of Sango, Inu Yasha sped over the trees, blazing a familiar path through the air, unaware of the taiji-ya's unwavering stare.  He traveled through this forest many times in the past few days and knew well the way back to the village.  His body moved with natural grace although his thoughts tumbled through his mind.  

               _I am going to have to tell Shippou and Sango about Kagome.  What should I say to them?  I've never been very good at long speeches or conversations.  I know Shippou is going to take it the hardest.  No matter what I say to them they will blame me, I already know that.  I wish I didn't have to tell them anything.  However, they'll eventually figure things out and come after me anyway.  Kagome better be in the village when I get back.  I need to see her one last time.  I need…  I mean we need the Shikon no Tama to complete this mission.  If that baka decides to be spiteful and not return the jewel shards then I will have to go after her and wring her neck.  Then again, I can't really blame her if she doesn't want to be near me.  I said some pretty harsh shit; harsher than necessary…  She looked so broken and I left her there.  Like a coward, I ran and didn't even look back. _

               _ I wonder what she thinks of me now. Inu Yasha shook his long, white mane in frustration, trying to clear his head of his forlorn thoughts.  I really shouldn't be thinking about this…  I did what I had to do, didn't I?  I saved her from wasting time hanging around me.  Besides, I showed her the real me, didn't I?  I'm harsh, I mean, I'm cruel, I'm self-centered, I'm selfish, I'm an all around bastard.  She's better off elsewhere.  I can't even take care of her.  I have nothing to give her and when this mission is done, I would have to walk away from her anyway.    Wouldn't it have been wrong of me to keep her around, loving me under false pretenses? _

               Inu Yasha blasted forward, moving so fast he would have been not but a blur to the human eye.  His red haori and hakama clung to his body and his silver-white hair whipped and tangled in the wind.  He wasn't really trying to put so much distance between him and the rest of the group although it may have seemed that way.  In truth, he was trying his best to escape himself, his thoughts, his emotions, and his conscience:  an impossible feat.  Even though he soared through the skies with reckless abandon, leaving his companions far behind, he could not escape the inevitable. 

_ I can't stop thinking about her…  Her smiles…  Her laughter…  The cute face she makes when she's pissed off…  The feel of her in my arms…  The way…  Hell, anything she does makes me want to pull her close and never let her go. But, it's not supposed to be like that, I wasn't supposed to feel about her the way I do now.  I wasn't supposed to love anybody at all.  Not after Kikyo…  Even now, Kikyo is out there alone and suffering because I failed her multiple times.  All that is left between us is bitterness, heartbreak and sadness.  It's hurts to be near her knowing that I am the cause of her pain.  _

               _And here I am again hurting Kagome.  I always do but this time around I'm trying to save her from a greater pain.  She's given up her life and all that she knows just to be by my side.  Yet, I can give her nothing except misery…  That's all I have…  That's all I know…_

               Inu Yasha sighed and slowed his pace, looking behind for him for any sight of Sango and the gang.  To the human eyes, they would have been small dots.  However, Inu Yasha's keen amber eyes picked them up clearly_.   I guess I was moving too fast for them.  I don't want to push them too hard or else they will be worse for wear when we get back to the village.  They are still trying to recover from that demon's attack a couple of days ago.  That whole ordeal worried me almost as much as the day everybody almost died at the hands of the Shichinin-tai* (Manga, Vol. 25) Inu Yasha felt a familiar lump in his throat.  __I don't even know why I get so emotional abut that shit.  Everybody is okay now.  I didn't lose any of my friends and Kagome wasn't present this time around.  It's just…  That day, seeing everybody lying on the ground so lifeless and cold, I thought that my heart was going to burst.  I failed them that day.  I failed them all…  And Kagome… seeing her so pale…  Even now, I wake up in cold sweats thinking about how close to death Kagome was.  Another reason why it's for the best that she stays put in her own world._

               Seeing that it would take some time for the rest of the group to catch up to him, Inu Yasha perched himself on a treetop and waited albeit a little impatiently for his friends.  When Kirara flew past, the hanyou followed keeping in stride with the transformed youkai and her mistress, Sango.  Shippou was the first to notice Inu Yasha's presence.

"Way to leave everybody, Inu Yasha."  Shippou yelled over the wind, leaning out from behind Sango.

               The hanyou, in true Inu Yasha fashion, yelled back belligerently, "Keh!  Pipe down brat!  If I left you behind, I wouldn't be right beside you now, would I?"

               Shippou turned his nose up at the half dog demon, "You are moving way too fast.  Everybody is injured you know."

               "Like I don't already know that.  It's the only thing keeping me from putting a couple more knots on your head." Inu Yasha growled loudly in response.

               Shippou squeaked, cowering behind Sango, "Help Sango!  Inu Yasha is trying to kill me again."

               Sango looked over at the hanyou striding swiftly from treetop to treetop close by, "Oi!  Calm down you two.  We still have a ways to go before we reach Kaede's village.  There is no need to reopen old wounds before we get there."   Sango then looked down at Miroku and back up at Inu Yasha, "I propose we make a rest stop.  We have been traveling for far too long in our condition."

               Inu Yasha looked over at Sango, seeing that she was still too pale and he could still smell the salty sweet tinge of blood wafting off of her.  He grumbled and dived to the ground below.  

               Sango sighed, "I guess that means okay…" She followed suit, guiding Kirara to the ground below.  Once there, Shippou leapt happily from Kirara's back while Sango slipped off of her loyal companion wearily and into the arms of a waiting houshi.  She froze in shock as it registered in her mind that Miroku was embracing her and that his hands were not anywhere inappropriate.  She looked up at him, her cheeks growing redder by the minute.

               Miroku merely smiled, "You looked like you were wilting.  I did not want you to collapse to the ground."  

               "You don't look so well yourself, houshi-sama." Sango replied concern seeping into her voice.

               The monk shrugged and then winced, "I may not be."  He released the taiji-ya slowly, his hands lingering on her waist.

               "Don't even think about it." Sango warned through clenched teeth.

               Miroku smiled again and sat down leaning heavily against the gnarled trunk of an ancient tree.  

               Sango turned away, tending to Kirara.  Shippou and Inu Yasha watched the whole exchange in amusement.  They both knew that the pair was growing closer to each other.  It was obvious enough but, they were waiting for something else, something they knew was coming.

               Sango carefully relieved Kirara of any supplies that the cat-like youkai bore and whispered to her, stroking her wind-ruffled fur.  The still transformed youkai purred in response, reveling in the attention she received.  The taiji-ya froze suddenly, ceasing her display of affection.   It was then that she realized that a hand was definitely moving over her backside in a wayward caress. 

               "Hentai!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sango yelled cuffing the offending monk on the head, "I turn my back for a minute and you're groping it.  I can't believe you!"

               Miroku rubbed his head a bit, a lopsided grin on his face, 'I couldn't help myself…  Your ummm… well it was so enticing…  I just…"

                 Sango whacked him again and stomped off to stand before Inu Yasha and Shippou, who were grinning ear to ear at the moment, obviously amused.  "What are you looking at?" Sango fumed, hands fisted at her hips.

               The hanyou and the fox youkai sobered immediately, replying in unison, "Nothing…"

               The taiji-ya huffed, stomping off in another direction to cool off, leaving everyone else to stare at her retreating back.

               "Still a lech, eh bouzu?" Inu Yasha toothily grinned.

               Miroku ignored his question, still rubbing his head; "It should not be long before we arrive at the village.  We should be back long before nightfall."

               "I can't wait to see Kagome.  I bet she has some candy waiting for me.  I miss her so much." Shippou exclaimed before sighing, "It's all your fault that she left, Inu Yasha.  You can be such a bastard sometimes."

               Inu Yasha growled swiping at the kit with his claws, "Little brat…"  

               Shippou deftly avoided his swing, moving close to Miroku.  "You won't always be able to beat up on me.  One day I will be big and strong, you know.  Then, I will be the one beating up on you.  Kagome said so."

               "Stop talking about Kagome!" Inu Yasha barked out unintentionally.

               The impromptu camp fell silent.  Tension permeated the air like a thick blanket.  Miroku watched Inu Yasha silently, knowing exactly what was about to come.  I guess he can't keep it a secret forever.

               Shippou's wide green eyes narrowed as he questioned Inu Yasha's outburst, "Why should I stop talking about Kagome?  She's my friend and a part of this team…"

               Inu Yasha exhaled deeply, trying to not to become angry, "Kagome is not a part of this team.  She doesn't even belong here.  I suggest you learn how to function without her…"

               Confusion and fear washed over the young kit's face, "What do you mean 'without Kagome'? Where is Kagome going?"

               Inu Yasha took another breath, "She isn't going to be around that's all.  It's better that she stay where she belongs.  In her world…  I...  I decided that it would be better for her.  I told her that and she…"

               Shippou interrupted, shaking his head in denial, "Kagome would agree to no such thing.  You're a liar.  I don't believe you…"

               "Shippou…" Inu Yasha could say nothing to comfort the young fox youkai.  

               "You probably forced her to go away again.  You bastard! I hate you!" Shippou yelled and ran into the forest leaving tears in his wake. 

               Inu Yasha rose to go after him but Miroku's voice stopped, "Let him be.  I doubt there is anything that you can do at this moment to make him feel better."  

               The hanyou sat back down with a grunt, "Keh!  It's not as if I care whether Shippou is hurt or not.  Kagome's job is done here and that's final."   He growled masking his own worry and self-doubt in anger.

               Miroku could only watch helplessly.  Inu Yasha fell silent, looking off into the direction that Shippou ran.  

****

The kitsune crashed through the bushes, his eyes blinded by salty tears.  

"I hate him…  I hate Inu Yasha…  Why does he always make Kagome go away…" he sobbed, still running through the forest blindly.  So absorbed was he in his grief that he was oblivious to his surroundings.  He could have easily been preyed upon by some wandering demon.  However, this was not to be his fate for instead of bumping into a hungry youkai, Shippou collided with a shocked taiji-ya.

"Shippou!" Sango exclaimed.  She frowned in confusion, "What's wrong?  Why are you out here by yourself?"

The little fox youkai hastily wiped the tears from his eyes but could not keep the sobs from erupting from his mouth while he spoke, "Inu Yasha sent Kagome away again.  He said she doesn't belong here.  He says she shouldn't come back."

Sango felt uneasy.  Kagome isn't coming back?  She knelt beside the sobbing child and embraced him, trying her best to bring him comfort.  "Shippou, are you sure that's what he said?"

Shippou clung to Sango and nodded.  His voice shuddered as he spoke, "He…  He said not to talk to about Ka… Kagome anymore.  But, how can I do that?  She's the closet th… thing to family I have…"

Sango lifted Shippou into her arms and sighed, "Well, we should go back to camp and figure things out.  There must be a reason for all this…"

The fox youkai's words were slightly muffled in Sango's kimono as he spoke, "There is nothing he can say to make me feel better.  I hate Inu Yasha…"

"Don't say that…  I know Inu Yasha has some kind of reasoning for this.  You know he does care about Kagome, even if he doesn't show it…"

Shippou remained quiet although his little body shuddered with sobs.  Sango sighed and walked back to the camp.  When she arrived, she found Inu Yasha sitting alone; he seemed to be lost in thought.  Miroku sat far from the hanyou coaxing a fire to life.  What a happy group we are…  Sango's thoughts dripped with sarcasm as she observed the solemn pair.  She felt Shippou little hands fist against her chest as she grew near Inu Yasha.  She spoke to neither Inu Yasha nor Miroku as she seated herself beside Kirara and leaned into the warmth of her companion.  For a moment, she sat in silence, stroking Shippou's back and watching the fire Miroku made.  The fox youkai fell into slumber eventually, obviously emotionally drained from the day's events and the battle that occurred several days before.  Sango lie Shippou beside down Kirara and he curled into her warmth.  Then, she moved over to the fire and sat.

"Once Shippou awakes, we should be on our way.  There's no point in waiting until tomorrow to keep moving.  The village is only a few more hours away." Sango spoke nonchalantly, giving no sign that she knew anything out of the ordinary.

Inu Yasha grunted in response and Miroku looked up from the fire.

"It would probably be for the best if we did leave this place.  We should be able to reach the village before nightfall." Miroku sighed.

An uncomfortable silence fell upon them once again.  Sango shifted slightly, questions about Kagome's departure from the group formed on her lips but she hesitated.  Inu Yasha is not being very talkative, not that he ever is and Miroku is being so aloof. I'm not used to him being this way. At least he's not grabbing any of my body parts…  Sango grimaced at the blush that was beginning to form on her cheeks.  Enough of these thoughts, I might as well ask Inu Yasha what's going on instead of asking myself because I have no clue.  

Composing herself, Sango spoke softly, not wishing to wake the kit sleeping close by, "When we arrive, perhaps Kagome-chan will be there.  I hope that she is safe."

Inu Yasha stiffened visibly at the mention of Kagome.  

"It worries me that she may have arrived ahead of us.  The power from the shards of the Shikon no Tama attract attention wherever we go and Kaede's village is not invulnerable to attacks especially if Naraku or his cohorts decide to pay her a visit.  Without our protection, I don't think Kagome will be able to properly defend herself if she should be attacked."  

"I agree… Kagome-sama is a very powerful miko, but she is still untrained…" Miroku added.

"Despite that…  she does quite well." Sango sighed.

"Except when she's always getting kidnapped… or almost killed…. or running headlong into traps…" Inu Yasha grumbled, wanting the conversation about Kagome to end immediately.  

"Did you say something, Inu Yasha?" Sango questioned, hearing the irritation in the hanyou's voice.  If I push him just a little bit more, he'll snap.

The inu youkai responded, "Kagome can't defend herself at all.  Half the time, she gets into more trouble than she helps…  That's why…"  He trailed off into silence.

"That's why what, Inu Yasha? What are you trying to say about Kagome-chan?" feigning innocence once again, Sango questioned his words, trying her best to push him over the edge.

Inu Yasha took the bait.  "She's a fucking baka is what I am saying.  I can't trust her to do anything on her own like you and Miroku can.  She's a burden.  It's best for her to stay in her world…" the hanyou snapped.  He realized his mistake soon enough.  

"I was waiting to see how long you were going to keep this to yourself." Sango replied knowingly.  

Inu Yasha grew angry. "You guys always manage to trick me into to talking."

"You honestly thought it would be a secret?" the taiji-ya asked.

"Keh!" he snorted in reply.

Miroku smirked, " A clever girl you are indeed, Sango."

"Shut up you two!" the hanyou barked angrily.

Shippou shifted next to Kirara, whimpering slightly.

"Quiet down Inu Yasha.  Shippou has had a trying time already, you know." Sango scolded.

"He'll get over it…" Inu Yasha grumbled, looking away from Sango and stubbornly crossing his arms over his red clad chest.

"Why Inu Yasha?  Why after all this time are you pushing Kagome away?" Sango asked sadly.  

"…" Inu Yasha refrained from answering.  _I really don't feel like going over all this again and I'm not going to sit here and pour out my heart like a wimp. _

The hanyou's silence did not deter Sango from questioning him.  "Is it Kikyo?  Did you finally choose?"

Inu Yasha's amber glare snapped back to Sango's face, "No…  No…  It's not …  Look I am not going to sit here and explain every decision I make to you guys.  Kagome doesn't belong here and that's that."

Sango's worry rapidly turned to anger, "The decisions you make don't only affect you, you know.  We are a team, just in case you didn't notice.  We all care about Kagome here.  Even if she isn't the strongest fighter, she's important.  And I, for once, would like to know what is going on between you two."

Inu Yasha found himself cowering before the angry taiji-ya.  He could clearly see that Sango was getting really pissed off.   I _didn't think she would react this way.  I never really stopped to think about how the rest of the group would feel about Kagome not being here._

"The only reason I became a part of this group is because of Kagome.  Even though I caused all of you so much trouble, Kagome never doubts my loyalty.  She's my friend and the closest thing to family that I have now.  I just want to know why I am going to say goodbye to someone I have become so close to." Sango's voice wavered slightly but her dark brown glare did not.

It's no use for it, I guess.  I am have to tell her eventually or Miroku will.  Inu Yasha's shoulders slumped as he spoke, "I just don't want to end up hurting Kagome in the end…"

Sango sat back on her heels after seeing the change in his demeanor.  "Hurt?"

"Yes… by me…  She doesn't deserve that…  When we finish this mission, I have to fulfill my promise to Kikyo…  It's a promise that I can't break.  Just the way I promised to protect Kagome, even if it's from myself…" Inu Yasha sighed heavily and stared into the crackling flames.

Sango sighed as well, "I will not stand in your way if this is what you really think is best…  But will she understand?  It shouldn't be your decision alone…"

"Maybe in time she will…" It doesn't matter now…  She can't possibly still care about me. Not after that night…  Inu Yasha shook his head slowly, causing his silver-white hair to fall over his shoulders.  

"Well, we should start getting ready to move out then…  The faster we get there…" Sango did not finish her sentence.  The faster we can get this whole ordeal over with. It just doesn't feel right to say such a thing.   I don't want to say goodbye.  I know he means well but…  I don't know if he is going about things right.  Wouldn't it be so much easier if he told Kagome-chan what he really feels? He shouldn't just be deciding things for her.

 "Well, it would be a shame to wake Shippou.  He was really distraught earlier." Miroku interjected.

"He'll just ride with me then.  Kirara glides smooth enough not to disturb him much." Sango replied as she stood.  She walked over to Kirara and picked up the sleeping kitsune, cradling the fox child in her arms.  Shippou whimpered and burrowed into her warmth.  _Sometimes it is easy to forget that Shippou-chan is only a child.  He's seen so many things a child his age, whether he is youkai or not, should not have to see.  Time and fate has forced him to grow up too fast.  His bravado and wise attitude is the only way he can compensate for his youth.  I guess not having anyone his age around keeps him from just being a kid.  It's sad…  but there is nothing that can be done for it now…_

Kirara nudged her mistress, sensing that all was not well.

"Don't worry Kirara…  Things will be okay, I hope…" Sango absently stroked the youkai fur with one hand.

Miroku helped Sango pack their supplies onto Kirara's back and then they were off.  Moving as fast as their bodies would allow; moving toward the village where their story began.  Each traveler moved with a single minded purpose.  They all wished to know what they would find waiting for them.  Anticipation, fear, sadness, bitterness, and anxiety lay heavy on all the weary travelers' backs, each person lost in thoughts of what the future held.  

Even when the young kitsune, Shippou, awoke from his troubled slumber, no one spoke.  He too refrained from voicing his thoughts, opting to internalize rather than announce the obvious or make things more difficult than they already were.  There was not but thick silence and the wind; wind brushing past faces, over clothes, and the treetops, both hurrying them along and other times impeding them from reaching their destination.  Soon enough they arrived at very familiar green clearing, home to the Bone Eater's well.  

Inu Yasha stopped abruptly.  He sniffed at the air and then at the well.  He gripped its wall, staring down into the black void, searching.  His companions came to a stop beside him, their expressions somber yet expectant.  They too hoped that he would discover something.  

His acute sense did not pick up any sign that Kagome traveled through the well since they last argued beside it.  Anger rushed through him, numbing his body.  _What kind of game is Kagome playing?  Is she openly defying me?  Does she not realize that she puts herself at risk as long as she has those shards?  _

Inu Yasha turned to them, his amber eyes dull and cold, "Kagome hasn't returned here… her scent is faint and old."

Sango let loose the breath she was holding, "Perhaps, it rained while we were away… it may have…"

The hanyou interrupted her with a growl, "No… she has not come to this place since we last saw her…."  The anger in his voice was startling, his eyes glinting with cold rage and something else his companions could not begin to decipher.  His hands clenched into fist.  

Miroku sensed his anger, but didn't hesitate to question him, "What will you do?  Are you going after her?"

"No…"

"Then how will get the shards back?"  Sango asked softly.

"She will bring them…  The bitch will bring them as I told her to…  If I have to go through that well….The Gods help me… I'll…" Inu Yasha's voice trailed off and his fists clenched tighter. 

Shippou dared not speak, fearing the repercussions.  He could smell the anger radiating off the inu hanyou in waves and he could smell salty tinge of blood wafting from Inu Yasha's tightly clenched fists.  _What did he really expect?  Did he think Kagome was just going to comply so easily?  Or is there something wrong?  What if something bad happened in Kagome's time?  Inu Yasha is a baka.  This is all his fault…_

"Go on to village without me….  I will wait here…" Inu Yasha barked out the command, turning his back to them all.

"But…" Miroku tried to reason with the seething hanyou.  If Kagome comes through the well with Inu Yasha this angry, things could definitely become ugly.  

"Go…" Inu Yasha's tersely growled a reply and his eyes flashed red as he turned to face them again.  

Everyone stepped away, fearing that Inu Yasha may lose control at any moment.

"Leave me alone…"

Miroku nodded, not wanting to enrage his friend further.  He gestured for the rest to follow and they did so hesitantly, casting backward glances at Inu Yasha.

"Are you sure if it's okay that we leave him there?" Sango whispered to Miroku.

"What would you prefer, go to the village as he asked or chance being ripped to shred in his anger?"

Sango could only sigh and then she paused when she heard an angry yell and something breaking.  Kirara's keen ears perked up and she stopped as well.  Sango turned to go back to the clearing  with Kirara in tow but was restrained by Miroku.

"Don't go.  Let him be…" Miroku warned.

 Shippou shuddered in fright, "He's really angry, I think…"

They all agreed and headed towards the village without another backwards glance.  

***

The minute they disappeared into the trees, Inu Yasha began breaking things in his rage.  He splintered a large boulder with his bare fists and shredded several unsuspecting trees to rubble.  Anger still coursed through him, fueled by the youkai blood bestowed upon him by his departed father.  His anger was unprecedented and perhaps a little irrational but he could not help himself.   All of his pent up emotions bubbled to the surface; self hatred, anxiety, sorrow, exhaustion, and anger all burst from him, resulting in this display.  

He was angry at Kagome, angry at himself, angry at the world, angry at his parents for creating him, angry at everything.   He felt more than a little betrayed by Kagome but he knew in truth that it was his fault.  The guilt and pain added to his explosion, culminating in a cry he let loose.  The anguished cry traveled through the air and could be heard for miles around.  It disturbed the forest animals, causing birds to flee and small animals and low level youkai to duck for cover.    It came deep from within his soul and drained him totally.  He collapsed in exhaustion by Bone Eater's well, the only object that had not been subjected to his wrath, raggedly taking in deep gulps of air.

_What do I do now? I can't go there to see her.  I can't look her in the eyes and say the things I said before.  It hurts too much and for all I know, she may have sealed the well to keep me away.    _

_There is nothing for me to do now but wait….   This must be my punishment…_

He put a little bit of distance between him and the well and sat in his usual position, his amber eyes boring into the rocky wall of the dismal pit.  

_I will not move from here until she comes…_

_I must be the first to see her one last time…_

_Kagome…_


	14. The Path Less Traveled

**The genius that is Rumiko Takahashi owns Inu Yasha…  I don't…  Heh…  Not a genius either… oh well and I don't own the rights to My Immortal by Evanescence…  When will my losing streak end?**

**_Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love time is eternity._**

**_-_ **_Henry Van Dyke_****

Kagome gasped in shock as the shards flashed before her eyes.  However, she didn't have long to ponder what was going on for she too was levitated into the air, her toes barely brushing the comforter on her bed.  Her eyes widened in increasing alarm as an invisible force lifted her into midair.  The steady pulse of the shards grew stronger and stronger until her eyes were blinded by its brilliant light.  

_Nani!  What is happening?  I'm afraid…  Kagome opened her mouth to emit a call for help but her cries were muted, the enormous energy given off by the Shikon shards silenced her pleas.  Suddenly, Kagome was enveloped in that very magical force which showered her liberally in its eerie lilac glow.  Kagome threw her head back in shock, sending her lilac tinged onyx tresses billowing behind her.  The power of the shards flowed through her, giving, taking, magnifying, and growing, overwhelming its recipient.  _

Her brown eyes, wide and unfocused, brightened to glowing white and she gasped as visions she could not comprehend passed before those very eyes; visions of demons, of humans, of bloodshed, of death, of power, of despair, of war… the clang of swords, the swipe of claws, fangs, yells, sobs, light, dark… all flashing before her at an awe inspiring speed.  

_Who is doing this to me?  Why are they showing me this? I don't want to see anymore! Please let it cease! _

 Kagome's mental cry must have reached someone's ears for the visions stopped abruptly.  The young girl gasped again and her whole body jerked before she went limp.  Her body was exhausted by the treatment she was receiving, but her mind still raced.  _I can't see…  My eyes…  It's so hard to focus…  Kagome blinked several times trying to clear her now foggy vision and slowly but surely, her sight returned to her.  When her brown eyes were able to focus once again, she could see globes of light and purple dance around her.  _

"What's going on here?" Kagome questioned, still thinking that her eyes were out of whack.  She blinked several more times, rubbing her hands over her face.  Her scenery remained the same.  She no longer lie in the comfort of her own bedroom.  Instead, she stood suspended, seemingly in midair, amongst a pulsing sea of lilac light, globes of purple and gold hues floating and swirling before her.  Kagome could hear her own heart beating hard and fast in her ears and her stomach roiled uncomfortably.     

"Where am I?" Kagome cried out.  _I don't understand.  How did I get here?  And where the hell is here?  Am I dreaming?  But wait…  I know I wasn't dreaming… I didn't even fall asleep yet._ _ The shards of the Shikon no Tama… they were…  Kagome reached out to grip her necklace but only grabbed a handful of her pajamas.  __Oh no… The shards were stolen…  It's my entire fault.  I should have just handed them over to Inu Yasha.  _

The orbs began to swirl furiously about her, causing wind produced by their frantic orbit to whip about her frazzled hair and clothing.  Kagome cried out in fright, wrapping her arms about her body in a futile attempt to protect herself.  Not knowing what else to do, she decided to plea with the unknown villain who held her captive.  

"Why are you doing this?  What is it that you want!?" Kagome screamed, her voice broken and ragged.

                Her question echoed over and over again, bouncing back at the young miko from all angles.  However, it was not her voice she heard when her words were repeated back to her. Each echoed question had a different voice, or at least it seemed to be.  Kagome recognized none of them.  She made an attempt to seek out the voices' owners, opening her miko senses and searching with her eyes, but she found nothing.  The overwhelming amount of magic in that sea of lilac light and odd floating globes made it difficult to separate one power from another.  

                Growing increasingly more frustrated than afraid, she yelled again, her voice liberally laced with anger, "Why are you hiding?!  You've got what you want from me!  Either let me go or just finish me off.  I am getting tired of you mocking me!"

                Everything grew still; even the dancing orbs ceased their movement, simply hanging in midair as they pulsed with inner light.  For a moment, there was silence save the sound of Kagome's ragged breathing.     The young girl surveyed her surroundings nervously, expecting some frightening foe to make its appearance.  However, no reply came nor did the culprit come forth to confront Kagome.  There was only disturbing stillness and a silence so thick it seemed impenetrable.  The silence soon became too much for the Kagome to bear and she opened her mouth to bellow another retort.  However, Kagome had no time to form a decent insult for her call was finally answered.

                "What is it that you think I want from you…?"  The odd question seemed to come from thin air.  But it was not the question in itself that shocked Kagome; it was the voice or voices that asked the question.  A chorus of voices, all different, all speaking in unison, spoke to her, causing the room to pulse with each word.  The orbs of light began to dance once more.

Kagome looked about again, trying in vain to find the source of the voices but to no avail.  The speakers remained hidden until they deemed her fit to see them.  "What do you mean what do you think I want from you?" Kagome shouted, "Haven't you taken the shards already?"

There was another moment of silence before a reply came, "Nothing has been taken from you…"

The young miko replied bitterly, "You expect me to believe that.  Don't toy with me.  If nothing has been taken, why don't I have the shards of the Shikon no Tama in my possession?"

"As I said before nothing has been taken from you…"  The voices were getting closer.

Kagome didn't even notice because those cryptic comments were pushing her temper to the limit, "You are a really bad liar… and a baka...  I'm not stupid you know.  I can see what's right in front of my face!"

"Can you now?"  The voices sounded almost amused.  

There was a pause and then her captors bombarded her with questions, one voice firing after another.

"What does the Shikon no Tama mean to you anyway?"

"Why do you want it?

"You'll just lose it again.  Why worry about it?"

"What is your purpose?"

Kagome whipped around several times, overwhelmed by all the questions.  _There are four of them….  There are four voices but I can't find their sources.  What the hell is going on?_

"What does the Shikon no Tama mean to you?"

"What does it mean!?"

                "WHAT DOES THE SHIKON NO TAMA MEAN TO YOU?!!"

Kagome's eyes darted frantically as she tried her best to form an answer.  Fear and confusion welled up in her as she tried to think of answers to the rapid questions all aimed at her, "I…  I don't know."  

                A gentle voice answered this time, a voice that held authority and strength, "You do not know?  I figured as much.  I didn't expect that you would, not yet…"

                The floating orbs around Kagome began to swirl and collide, forming a human sized column of light.

                The young girl watched in horrified awe as the column morphed before her eyes, taking on the shape of what seemed to be a human form.  "Nani?!  What's happening?"

                A huge flash illuminated the area, highlighting Kagome momentarily in dazzling white.  The light faded as quickly as it came leaving behind a trail of sparkling residue and magic.  

Kagome's eyes widened at the sight before her.  It was the image of a woman standing before her with long flowing black locks, and skin as pale as moonlight.  Upon her forehead were four glowing diamond shaped marks circling around a single point.  When the woman's eyes opened, Kagome saw that the color of her eyes continually changed.  The woman wore a kimono similar to that of Kikyo's but Kagome could tell that her garb was much older.  The woman's eyes focused upon the young girl and Kagome gasped silently.

"Kagome Higurashi…" The strange woman extended her hand, a smile gracing her features.

The young miko tried her best to move back and probably would have if she was not suspended in mid air, "How do you know my name?"

The woman smiled again, "How could I not?  I have been with you ever since you were first conceived and perhaps longer…"

Kagome shook her head in disbelief, "I don't understand."

The woman sighed, "I know.  You are still young and inexperienced.  You know nothing of your destiny…"

"My destiny…"

"Yes… you will soon understand…  You must …" the woman standing before her was serene, her voice soft and calm.

"I'm sorry…  I just…  I don't know what you mean…." Kagome could feel a lump forming in her throat, "Don't you have the jewel shards?  You stole them from me…  What more do you want from me…"

The woman floated towards her, stopping when there was barely a foot of space between them, "How can I steal that which has always been mine?"  

"Yours?"  Suddenly Kagome's mind revisited the cave of Midoriko and the somber figure intertwined with demons and encased in crystal for all eternity.  "Midoriko?"

The woman smiled, lifting her fingers to run them through Kagome's black tresses, "Now you are beginning to see…"  The glowing marks upon Mirdoriko's head pulsed with light.  "Time is growing much too short…  The Shikon no Tama is almost complete and I grow weary of fighting.  The influence of darkness is turning the tide in this battle…  Such powerful evil…   We… the four battling spirits of the jewel have all grown weary and wish to be free…"

"Free…  I don't understand…  Where are the jewel shards?" the young miko was still confused.

"I pulled you inside.  It took much power to do it and I grow tired…  Because of your influence, the shards you hold are completely unmarred by evil.  Because of your pure aura and strength, I was able to communicate with you."

"So it was you who kept making the shards flash…"

Midoriko stared deep into Kagome's eyes, seeing her thoughts, "I sensed that your dedication to this mission is waning… I could not allow you to give in."

Kagome faltered, "I…  I felt there was no need for me…"

"Oh… but there is…  You are the only one who can purify the shards…"

"Kikyo can do it…."

Midoriko's color-shifting eyes narrowed a bit, "She who came before you… once protector of the Shikon no Tama… she can not purify the jewel…"

                "That's not true.  I saw her do it." Kagome replied.

                The ancient priestess shook her head again, "She who came before you can not purify the jewel and free us.  Her time has long ended.  This she already knows."

                "But how can she…"

Midoriko placed a single over Kagome's lips to silence, "We are mikos, servants of the gods.  Our duty is to protect the human race and fight the youkai who use their power in malevolent manners.  We are human and yet we are not.  As mikos, we must be pure of spirit and strong in mind and body.  The path of a miko is a lonely one and at times, sacrifices must be made in order to ensure the well being of those we live to protect.  We live for others, not ourselves…  That is our purpose…."  Midoriko's features saddened as she continued, her iridescent eyes faded to midnight blue, "The one once called Kikyo knew her duty.  However… her heart craved the life of a regular woman…  A life she could never have….  She repressed those thoughts and therefore resigned her life to serving her village and those in need.  When the Shikon no Tama passed on to her, her burgeoning feelings would not allow her to fully purify the jewel.  No matter how hard she tried, her heart was never fully into her task.  She began to blame Shikon no Tama and even secretly bore it hatred.  The one once known as Kikyo continued to protect the jewel as duty commanded until she fell in love…  She found solace in a kindred spirit who knew loneliness as well as she did…"

"Inu Yasha…" Kagome's voice was not but a pained whisper.  __

"Yes… the hanyou, Inu Yasha… she fell in love with him.  Her duty bore too heavily on her shoulders then, and she abandoned it entirely. All for the sake of love… she grew blind to all things.   Because of her folly, the entity now known as Naraku was born.  The one once called Kikyo allowed her own wants and selfish desires to lead her astray and in the end she was destroyed by her own mistrust and inexperience in emotions. She knew she had failed in her duties… but she did not blame herself…  Her strong pride would not allow such a thing.  Instead, she begrudged her own lover, Inu Yasha, and the Shikon no Tama.  Had she embraced the power of the jewel with a pure heart, she would not have died and she would have finally been free of the very object she learned to hate.  She took her hatred to the grave…  When she rose from the underworld, she was Kikyo no longer.  Now she walks this earth as an empty, lifeless doll.  Her own pride sustains her…  Such pain and sadness she bears all for the sake of vengeance."

Kagome frowned sadly.  _Kikyo could have lived if she wanted to.  I remember Naraku's words that day so long ago.  He said that Kikyo's will was to die…  Naraku's words are twisted and tainted wit venom whenever he speaks therefore, it is hard to believe anything he says...  but Midoriko's words… to choose death over life…  _Kagome shuddered as memories came unbidden to her mind.  _I almost made the same choice…_

"I do not blame her…  It was my actions that lead to her sorrow.  I did what was necessary at that time but I still regret the consequences of my actions.  I had no other option.  The lives of many lay in my hands.  "   Midoriko closed her eyes, a pained expression marring her features, "In that moment, when I forced my soul from my body and trapped the souls of the three demons I battled, I saw the future.  I saw time pass, the bloodshed, the carnage… I saw Kikyo and I saw you…  I knew that you would come…"

"Me…?" Kagome questioned.  

"Yes…  Have you not ever wondered why the Shikon no Tama found a resting place within you?  Do you not question why you came through the well at all?" Midoriko asked as her intense eyes bore into Kagome's dark brown ones.

The young miko mulled the question over before answering, "I really never asked many questions…  It's weird…  I just guessed it was some odd circumstance…  I mean after all Kikyo's body was burned with the Shikon no Tama and I am her reincarnation."

"Your fate and the fate of the jewel are more closely tied than you know.  Soon you'll understand." Midoriko's image flickered and she stepped back from Kagome.  "Even without the missing pieces of your soul, you are strong.  Never question your power…  Time is of the essence and indecisiveness is not an option…"

"Wait!  I still don't understand." Kagome reached out to Midoriko's retreating figure. "What can I really do?"

"In time, we will meet again and all will come full circle….  You will see…"  Midoriko smiled one last time before being engulfed in a surge of blinding white light.

Kagome cried out and flung her arms over her face to shield her eyes.  When she uncovered her eyes, the young girl was sitting in the middle of her bed.  "Nani?  Did that really happen?" Kagome clutched at her pajamas and found the shards resting safely against her bosom and warm to the touch.  She fell backwards onto her bed sighing heavily, "If it's all true, I guess I have to go back to Sengoku Jidai.  But..."

_That means I'll have to see Inu Yasha again.  I'm not sure I can do this. I'm not sure I can face him and hear the cruel things he might say. It hurts far too much to think about all the things that have already transpired.  Kagome placed her hand over the shards as they pulsed insistently against her chest.  __But, it seems I don't have much of a choice in the matter.    I just need a little more time._

Kagome lifted her necklace to eye level, "Is it okay if I take a little time to think about things?  I need to prepare myself for what I must do…"__

She watched the shards for a moment, almost expecting some sort of response but nothing came, "I guess that's as good an answer as any…" 

                She released her hold on her necklace and stare up at the ceiling, watching as shadows danced slowly across the walls.  Her eye lids began to droop slightly and she yawned.   Kagome burrowed into her cool sheets, pressing her face into her pillow.  _I'm exhausted. Thinking too much drains my energy.  _The sound of something hitting her window caught her attention and she looked up tiredly.  

                "It's raining…" she mumbled before her eyes drifted shut and the gentle sound of rain lulled her to sleep.

***

Kagome spent her whole Sunday doing things that she had not been able to since she returned.    Ever since her fateful return to the present, she'd spent most of her time in solitude or working herself into a stupor.  Kagome knew that her family worried about her well being and she also knew deep down that her next excursion to Sengoku Jidai may be the longest she'd ever been away.  Instead of dwelling on the difficulties the future may hold and the problems that burdened her, she genuinely laughed and enjoyed the company of her family and friends.  

She spent quality time with her brother which meant beating up on him and playing video games.  She even told him about some of her adventures in the past some including Inu Yasha.  She did not falter when she spoke of him.  Kagome felt no need to sully this day with sadness or bring her family any undue stress by collapsing into a depressed heap.  Besides, her little brother was so enthusiastic and excited about hearing her stories that she could not help but to smile.  She cherished the fun times they had together, laughing and teasing each other.  In the course of their conversations and much to her surprise, Kagome discovered that Souta had a girlfriend.  

He'd admitted it blushing and stuttering all the while, "Kagome….  I sort of met this girl I really like….and I guess we are dating now…"  

Kagome had to suppress the urge to pinch his cheeks and tease him, "When did this happen?"

Souta twiddled his fingers nervously as he replied, "We have all the same classes together.  We did last year too.  I mean I noticed her then but, I was too chicken to ask her out.  By the time I got the courage too, it was the end of the year.  I remembered the advice you and Inu Yasha gave me last time I had a crush on a girl and I just went for it."  

Kagome smiled, "Well, who is this lucky girl?"

He affectionately described the girl to his sister.  Kagome again repressed the urge to tease him.  Instead, she gave him advice about girls as any big sister would do and prayed to any gods listening that he would not follow in the foot steps of a certain hanyou she knew.

Later that day, she talked with her mom over a cup of tea, listening to her words of advice about life and most importantly men.  While, Kagome never broached the subject of why she returned home, she already knew her mother had some idea of what transpired.  Mrs. Higurashi was a very perceptive woman and subtle as well.  It never was her way to directly interfere.  Kagome listened intently as her mother recounted tales of her youth especially the ones including the courtship of her now deceased father.  She loved the way her mother's eyes would light up any time she talked about him.   

"When your father and I began dating, he was such a stubborn boy.  We got into many petty arguments, if you can believe that I argue, just because he was so bull headed.  I loved him that way.  I miss him a lot but, I know that wherever he is, he's watching over us all." Mrs. Higurashi sighed and sipped her tea.

"I know." Kagome replied smiling softy.

Her mother put down her cup of tea and smiled, "You are so much like him, I think.  I know you have a stubborn will and you are so very strong.  I admire your strength."

Kagome blushed and sighed, "You are far stronger than I'll ever be."

"I'm just your run of the mill mom.  I do what all mothers are made to do."  Mrs. Higurashi looked down at her tea and then back up at Kagome, "You are leaving again, aren't you.  I can tell by the look in your eye."

"There's something I must do…" was Kagome's only reply.

Her mother nodded, "I know."  She reached across the table and patted Kagome's hand, "I know…"

Kagome smiled up at her mother.  _No one knows me as well as she does…_

That night when all were seated around the dinner table, Kagome listened to her grandfather's tales of lore with much amusement.  She took great joy in his blustering as she corrected him on some event that occurred in the past or ancient fact.  Souta and her mother thoroughly enjoyed Kagome and the old priest's argument although they never said for fear of a long spiel from the old man.  Kagome rolled her eyes several times as her grandfather went on to talk about the "old days" and how children respected their elders far more than they did now.  At the end of the meal, she hugged him, taking the Shinto priest by surprise and then excused herself from the table.  

"Such an odd child…" he grumbled as he watched her retreating back.

Mrs. Higurashi only smothered a laugh and continued to eat.  Souta snickered behind his had, trying to play it off as a cough.  

As soon as Kagome reached her bed, she flopped down upon it and fell into slumber.  She did not want to spoil the giddy high she felt while spending time with her family with sad thoughts.  She knew what had to be done.  _If for one day, I can be happy then that's all that matters.  Hard times will come and go but as long I keep this day in my memory I can look back on it when times grow stressful and laugh.    _

When Kagome awoke on that fateful Monday, she did nothing out of the ordinary.  She walked to school, chatted with her friends, and went to class.  As the day stretched on however, she became more reclusive and lost in thought, something her friends commented on immediately after school.

"What's going on Kagome?  You're being a total space cadet.  I've been talking to you for the last five minutes and you have yet to say a single word.  I might as well be talking to myself…" Eri huffed indignantly.

Yuka decided to add her two cents before Kagome could reply, "I bet you are thinking about "him" again."

Ayumi nodded in agreement.

"I just have a lot on my mind…" Kagome sighed, "Just thinking about the future and all…"  _Well not exactly the future…  It's the past really.  But, how can I tell you guys that without sounding like a nut.  _

Ayumi nudged her friend Eri as she spoke, "Kagome you are such a mystery.  You never really tell us anything at all."

Eri hovered over her, hands on hips, "Yeah!  When are you going to finally let us in?  We are always here to help you know."

The young miko sighed, "I know.  Don't worry so much you guys.  I'll tell you something when there is something to tell."

The trio all sighed and gave up their interrogation. 

"The girl is hopeless, utterly hopeless…" Ayumi sighed when Kagome dismissed herself.

                Kagome heard Ayumi's frustrated sigh.  _I probably am.   I should have asked them what I should say to Inu Yasha when I see him next…  But, I doubt they will be of any help.  They would probably lecture me for hours on end and the tell me to stay away from him. My friends can be such a pain sometimes.  I know they butt in with good intentions so I can't get too annoyed.  _

_                She looked down at her watch and sighed, "I'm running late."  __ I know Sae-san is going to be at Hinode waiting for me.  She's probably going to kill me when I get there.  With that Kagome took off running through Tokyo's streets, towards her dojo._

                When she arrived, winded and ragged, the students were still stretching and chatting amongst themselves.  Kagome bowed over trying to catch a decent breath.  After a few seconds of deep breathing, she realized she was staring down at feet that were not her own.  The young girl's heart rate spiked through the roof as she panicked.  _Is it Sae-san?  Oh crap!  I'm in trouble…_

_                Kagome clapped her hands together and bowed remorsefully as apologies spewed out of her mouth, "Gomen nasai!  I'm so sorry.   I got held up after school!  I did not mean to be tardy."  She bowed several times before finally meeting the eyes of her executioner.  She face faulted when her eyes met deep purple ones.  _

                Mishiro smiled brightly down at Kagome as he spoke, "And hello to you to, Higurashi-san."

                Kagome blushed deeply, "I'm sorry.  I panicked…"

                The karate instructor shrugged, "Heh…  Sae didn't tell you?  She had some business to take care of.  I guess it's top secret teacher's stuff.  I will be instructing all the classes for the evening."

                "Oh."  _Oh that's right…  I was so lost in thought I forgot that Sae-san told me she had a teacher's meeting after school…  I am way too flighty for my own good.  _

_                Mishiro frowned a bit, "You don't sound too excited about that…"_

Kagome waved her hands before her, "No, it isn't that I'm not excited, Shiyuki-san, I'm just used to Hakibi-sensei.  I've never been under your instruction before.  I am still a novice and will probably get in the way."

Mishiro's deep purple lit up with amusement as he rubbed his chin, "Good comeback.  Sae said you were a very clever girl.  She also said you will make an excellent fighter with the proper guidance."

Her deep brown eyes widened in surprise, "She really said that?"

He nodded and response and placed an arm around Kagome's shoulder, guiding her toward the dressing rooms, "Hurry and get dressed.  We spar today."

Kagome stood frozen, "Spar?!"

Mishiro was already walking away when he responded, "Don't worry…"  With that being said, her smiled charmingly at her, causing the young girl to blush slightly.

Kagome went into the dressing room and changed her clothes quickly with shaky fingers.  _I have to spar today?  Kami-sama, I'm going to get embarrassed.  That damn Mishiro… He knows that I'm new to all this and he's going to make me fight.  Ugh! _

_ She rushed back onto the floor and stretched as best she could before opening exercise began.  Her heart was pounding so hard in her ears; she could barely hear Mishiro keep count as they began._

Ich…

_I'm going to die…_

Ni…

_I'm going to embarrass myself in front of everyone…_

San…

_Ack!_

The beginning exercises were over far too quickly for Kagome although, she'd long ago resigned to failure.  Sweat beaded on her forehead and her stomach roiled uncomfortably.  She heard Mishiro announce sparring partners.  It soon came to her attention that she was the only one without a partner.  _I must have been forgotten about.  That's good luck for me then.  Now, if I could just stay out of sight…_

 Kagome smiled slyly and tried to inch her way to the back wall.  _I'm almost there…_

"Higurashi-san!" Mishiro's voice rang out, catching several students' attention and making Kagome freeze.

Kagome mentally cursed her bad luck, "Hai sensei?"  _I was so close…_

Mishiro smiled almost too knowingly, "Since everyone is paired up, you will spar with me."

_Nani!?  Kagome turned an interesting shade of blue, "H… Hai."_

Her instructor walked over to her and patted her back reassuringly, "Worry not, I like to test out all the new students.  My philosophy is there no better a way to judge a student's skill then to see them in action."

She nodded numbly and gulped, trying desperately not to choke on her heart which seemed to have lodged itself in her throat.  _This cannot in any way be good.  _

Mishiro Shiyuki stood tall, clapping his hands together loudly to command the attention of the chatting students, "You may begin today's practice, I will be watching every last one of you.  No goofing off.  And remember, Shiyuki-sama will be returning to Hinode on Wednesday, failure to advance will dishonor both yourselves and your instructors.  I don't take dishonor lightly…"  A heavy silence fell on the class as all the students observed Mishiro's very serious expression.  

Kagome quickly learned that although Mishiro Shiyuki was a light hearted and friendly person, he was just as stern a taskmaster as Sae.  

Mishiro smiled again and continued, "Well, let's get to it…"  All of the students responded immediately, taking stances and starting their workouts.  Her instructor's attention flickered back to her, his deep purple eyes flitting over her quickly before her spoke, "Are you ready?"

Kagome did not fail to notice his perusal of her body and her cheeks warmed in embarrassment.  _He may be more subtle than Miroku but, he's still a hentai.  "I'm ready as I'll ever be," she finally sighed._

"Don't sound so enthusiastic, Higurashi-san." He replied drolly as a he bowed before her.

Kagome followed suit and readied herself, taking on a fighting stance that Sae-san taught her.  She watched him wearily as they circled each other.  _Oh this is going to be bad.  He's really good and he knows it.  Why must he pick on an amateur like me?  Wait, I lower than an amateur.  I have no idea what to do.  _

"Focus, Higurashi-san…" Mishiro quiet, authoritative words were meant only for her ears, "When engaged in battle, you must focus on your opponent."

She nodded.  _Focus…  Should I make the first move?  I am not trying to end up on my back yet.  _

Her instructor smiled, "Good… I can tell that your mind is where it should be now.  However, I see hesitation.  Attack me…  I want to see how good your offensive technique is…"

_Attack?!  Kagome's mind was racing.  __Oh great, I'm going to get pounded for sure…  She circled one more trying to find a weakness in his defense.  When she couldn't find any, she just aimed a punch and prayed.  He dodged it, counterattacking with a well aimed punch of his own.  Kagome saw it coming in time and dodge, barely.  She felt the wind generated by his strike brush past her face and her brown eyes widened.  _He's not kidding at all.  _From then on Kagome was on the defense, blocking, dodging, circling,, and shifting._

"Your defense is good but, where is your offense?  Are you scared to throw a punch/?"  

Kagome's eyes narrowed, she could feel her temper flaring even though she knew her teacher was just teasing.  She threw another punch, without hesitation this time, aiming at his midsection.  He dodged it of course, smirking.  His smirk faded when he barely avoided another strike aimed at his shoulder.

"Feisty now are we?" Mishiro asked, "Don't let anger guide you in a fight.  You'll end up being blinded by it."

The young girl only nodded and focused all of her attention on him.  _He's got to have a weakness somewhere…  Every time I try to attack he blocks me __or dodges.  Kagome winced as she blocked another of his blows.  __At this rate, I'm going to get tired out.  Only time he's vulnerable is when he's attacking.  How do I manage to avoid his attack and strike him?  Will I be fast enough?  Kagome threw another punch and shifted out of harm's way as he counterattacked.  Seeing that his right side was open, she went in for the kill but… was swept straight off her feet and landed on her back.  _

"Ugggh…" Kagome muttered in disgust.  _So close…  I was so close…  _She came up on her elbows and groaned.  When she saw Mishiro reach out a hand to help her up, she grabbed it without hesitation.  Instead of looking him in the face, she brushed herself off and straightened her training gear.  _I really don't feel like hearing how bad I suck…_

"I'm impressed Higurashi-san…"

Kagome's head jolted it up, "Huh?  But, I got knocked down…"

Mishiro smiled, "Yes, I know.  It's not the most important thing, though.  I'm impressed by your defensive abilities.  That was a good attack too.  Only reason I knew you were planning something is because your face is so readable.  I figured you would take the bait if I handed it to you…"

She was far too dumfounded to form any coherent reply, "Oh…" 

"You could put a little bit more power behind your punch as well.  Not too much, though." Mishiro advised.

Kagome nodded.  _He doesn't think I'm bad at all.  I could actually get the hang of this.  _

Mishiro-san stroked his chin in thought as he spoke, "I see now that sparring with you would take more of my attention than I first believed and I have to a class to watch.  Come sit with me and help me observe the class."

She and her instructor sat down on one of training mats scattered on the floor of the dojo.  She listened closely as he critiqued the students' fighting styles and pointed out flaws and frequent mistakes.  He asked her to watch closely and observe any flaws that she observed.  Kagome noticed that some of the female students were giving her an evil eye.  She couldn't blame them.  Mishiro Shiyuki was quite the charming guy and handsome to boot.  They probably thought she and the young instructor were involved.  It didn't help that he would smile at her ever so often and make a comment that made her blush profusely.  

"You're a very beautiful young lady and a prodigy.  If I hadn't already pledged myself to Sae Hakibi, I would be asking your father for your hand in marriage…"  Mishiro's comment came out of nowhere, catching her completely off guard.  He hadn't even looked over at her, his violet gaze observing the class closely.

Kagome imagined that her face was as red as beet at that moment.  _No wonder Sae-san said to stay away from him.  If I were naïve enough I would probably be drooling over him right now.  He's a sly one.  I guess he's had plenty of time to perfect his craft.  Miroku has taken enough bumps over the head to learn his lesson for all eternity I guess.   _

                He looked over at her, his expression perplexed, "I just keep getting this feeling that have met before…"

                _Oh here he goes again with that line…_

_                "Perhaps, we met in another lifetime.  Sae scoffs whenever I say things like that.   She thinks it's a pile of nonsense." He frowned slightly._

Kagome smiled knowingly, "Are you talking about reincarnation?"

Mishiro grinned proudly, 'I did my thesis on it, with basis in religion and philosophy."

Kagome nodded.

"Do you believe in that sort of thing?  Excuse me if I am talking your ear off…"

Kagome replied, "It's not a bother Shiyuki-sensei.  I would be glad to answer.  I actually do believe in reincarnation.  There are a lot of things that just can't be explained away with science and reason.  I mean how much do we know about what happens to us when we die?"  _Well… I guess my circumstances are special.  _

Her instructor nodded his eyes focused back on his class, "I like you.  You're strong (for a novice), smart and cute, traits that will get you far in life.  Not to mention, you'll soon be able to thrash anyone who thinks otherwise.  Because you have won my favor, I appoint you my new conversation partner.  Our next topic will be existentialism.  Be prepared."

Kagome chuckled softly as she replied, "Hai sensei…"  She fell silent, her thoughts focused n the present and her future.  

_We'll just have to postpone that conversation until I come back….  If I come back…._

***

Her karate class soon ended and Kagome found herself standing in the courtyard of her family shrine far quicker than she intended.  She trudged into the house and up the stairs to her bedroom to get ready.  She took the world's longest shower, scrubbing every inch of her skin, trying her best to draw out her time as much as possible.  She finally gave up when her skin became puckered and wrinkly.  After drying off , she went back to her bedroom to get dressed and pack.  After tossing back on her school uniform, she began gathering items to take to Sengoku Jidai.   

She packed very slowly, stuffing that ragged yellow back backpack with all the essentials and then some.  She felt fear well up in her heart but she kept going, kneeling over her task and moving almost mechanically.  Part of her cried that she should just fling that yellow bag into the fire along with the shards.  She sighed, sitting back on her heels and stared at the impossibly full yellow bag.

_I don't think I can stuff another thing in there.  This distorted yellow bag has seen more than its share of abuse.  Maybe I can get one more thing…  Oh who am I kidding?  I'm just drawing out the inevitable.  I can't help it.  I'm afraid…  _

"There nothing for it now.  I have to do what I have to do…" Kagome lectured herself as she picked up the heavy yellow bag and slid it onto her shoulders.  

With one last glance at her bedroom, she flicked the light switch off and walked slowly down the stairs.  Each step felt like a mile in Kagome's mind.  Everything was exaggerated in slow motion as she moved towards her fate.  She heard the thud of each footstep pound in her head and her breath sounded harsh and loud to her ears.  When she finally reached the first floor, she looked longingly at her family.  They sat at the dining room table chatting and laughing.  Souta looked up at her and understanding dawned on his face.  He swiftly moved to her side embracing her tightly.

"You're leaving again, aren't you?" he asked sadly, although he knew full and well that she was.  

Kagome felt a lump in her throat as she replied, "Yes Souta, I have to go back."  _I swear to the gods, if I start crying I will beat myself up.  Crying is not allowed.  She swallowed hard, "I will be back.  I promise."_

Her younger brother nodded and released her.  When he stepped back, her mother took his place, holding Kagome close.  

Mrs. Higurashi had a sheen of unshed tears in her eyes when she finally let Kagome go, "Be safe…  I know how dangerous it can be in the past…"

                "Mama, don't cry.  I'll be fine.  It's not like I haven't gone back a million times before" Kagome smiled unconvincingly, trying her best to be lighthearted.  

                Her mother halfheartedly smiled back as she wiped the tears from her eyes, "I know…"

                "Jii-chan try not to make my illnesses so weird this time, okay…"  Kagome said to her grandfather before turning towards.  

                She walked out into the cool night air without another word, leaving behind her family.  She gripped the shoulder straps tightly as she walked across the courtyard, toward the well house.  The young miko could not quell the growing sense of dread that was pooling up inside her.   By the time she reached the little shack that housed the Bone Eater's Well, she was a ball of anxiety and apprehension.  Her sweaty palms slid down her shoulder straps.  Sweat beaded on her forehead and her chest heaved with each breath she took.        

_Here I am…  Standing on the threshold of my destiny. It only takes a few more steps and I will be back in Sengoku Jidai._

_Back with Miroku, Sango, Shippou, Kaede…  and Inu Yasha._

Kagome's foot slid forward as she took a hesitant step.  A gust of wind blew past her face, ruffling her black tresses.  She reached out to pull the handle on the door of the shack with shaking hands but paused.  Despite the coolness of the night air, a bead of sweat slid down her temple and she shuddered, not from cold but in fear.  She had not been to well since Inu Yasha left her there feverish and broken.  In her mind's eye, she relived the entire episode in vivid detail.  

_"Heh… You're so weak. Thinking of all the time I spent pretending to be your friend disgusts me." _

_"You don't want hear the truth. What is it, Kagome? Would you rather live in your little dreamland? You're more pitiful than I thought."_

_"I had to pretend you were Kikyo most of the time just to stomach you. But, you aren't Kikyo… You are just a poor, faulty copy… "_

_ "I never loved you… I never was your friend… I took pity on you because I could see that you liked me. I was kind of flattered at first."_

_"I don't want to be near you anymore…"_

_ "I don't want to see your face… You got that, Kagome! It's over…"_

Her wide brown eyes darkened as each hurtful word echoed in her head and pierced her heart.  Her shoulders slumped and the heavy yellow backpack she carried slid off unnoticed by the paralyzed young girl.   Kagome stumbled back from the well house, nearly tripping over the fallen bag.  Her heart was beating in her throat as her feet carried her away from the well .  Oddly enough, she didn't just run back to her house and lock the door.  Instead found herself standing before the towering Goshinboku tree.  It's limbs were cast silver in the moonlight and a breeze shook its leaves, causing the prayers attached to them to flutter in the breeze.  Beneath that huge tree, Kagome clutched at her chest, willing her heart rate to slow to normal.      

****I'm so tired of being here…  Suppressed by all my childish fears…****

She collapsed onto her knees before the majestic tree.  Her arms fell limp at her sides and she lowered her head causing her bangs to cast a shadow on her face.  

_I don't know if I can do this…  _

****If you have to leave I wish that you would just leave…  Because you presence still lingers here and won't leave me alone…****

_I don't if I will be strong enough to face Inu Yasha.  I don't even know what I will say… _

****These wounds won't seem heal…  This pain is just too real…****

_For awhile, I was able to pretend that I was okay, that things were normal.  I bottled up my emotions because I had to get on with my life but…_

****There's just too much that time can not erase…****

_Now the time has come for me to deal with the problems I left behind and I'm deathly afraid.  I didn't think the memories would be this fresh in my mind.  I fooled myself into believing that I at least healed a little…  It seems that the wounds are still open.  How can I look in the eyes knowing that everything I tried to build with him; trust, friendship, love… was all a lie?_

****When you cried I wiped away all your tears…  When you screamed I fight away all of your fears…****

Kagome looked down at her shaking hands and then up at the ancient tree looming high above her.  A soft breeze rustled through her hair and cooled her painfully dry eyes.  _It all began here so many years ago.  I never ceased to be amazed at how I ended up Sengoku Jidai, standing in this very spot.  Had I fallen in love with Inu Yasha from the moment I met him?  If I  knew then that I would be a faulty replacement for his true heart's desire, would I have still loved him the way I do now?  Probably…  Being the fool that I am would have still tried to find a way into his heart._

****I held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me…****

_My fate was signed, sealed, and delivered from the moment I set eyes on him, hanging lifelessly from the trunk of the Goshinboku tree by an arrow.  I can remember it so clearly…  I can almost feel his essence.  How was it that I trusted him so easily that fateful day?  Once long ago I would have said that a life or death situation will make a person create the most unlikely alliances.   Was I that afraid for my life or did my reincarnated soul and foolish heart recognize him immediately?  Did I love him before I even knew him?  _

****You used to captivate me by your resonating might…  Now I'm bound by the life you left behind****

_It's probably true…  How else can I really explain what drew me to him?  I trusted him without any premise, without a second thought.  He even tried to use me as a scratching post once.  I can't say I really banked so heavily upon that necklace he wears. Although it came in handy at times, couldn't he have just as easily slit my neck in my sleep?  It's not like I wasn't vulnerable…   I know now that he was just biding his time… while I foolishly began to believe a friendship was evolving between us. Friendship…  Just thinking about it makes my heart twist in my chest.  I thought the way he fiercely protected me, the way he was upset whenever I was injured or in trouble, or the way he would go out of his way to come get me from my time meant that he really wanted me around but...   I know the truth now.  It's too late though.  He stole my heart before I even got a chance to be on guard.  I was too young and inexperienced to know…  I still am…    _

****You face it halts my once pleasant dreams…  Your voice it chases away all the sanity me****

**                _Oh sure I denied it at first…  I even told my friends that I could only love someone who was the exact opposite of Inu Yasha.  However, that day when he looked to my eyes with such longing, searching for the person that I may have been so long ago I was lost…  I suddenly thought of what it would be like to have him look at me like that and not through me.  I remember his voice that day…  so soft and solemn.  I wondered what it would be like to have him to confess that he loved me, that he couldn't be without me….  _**

****These wounds won't seem heal…  This pain is just too real****

Kagome's face twisted into a frown as her thoughts floated on to darker territory.  _But of course he can't be without his 'shard detector'.  Gods forbid!  That's all I was good for then and now…  I am no longer necessary.  How it hurts to know I was used so easily, a victim of my own emotions.  _

****There's just too much that time can not erase…****

_I wish I could just hate him and be done with it…  _

****When you cried I wiped away all your tears…  When you screamed I fight away all of your fears…****

Kagome hand rested on the Shikon no Tama and she sighed.  _But I can't…  The happy times that we spent together or at least the times that seemed happy to me won't let my love die.  The times when he seemed so vulnerable and so alone pierced my heart far too deep.  I wanted to be there for him always…  I wanted to know what it was like to see Inu Yasha smile, to hear him laugh, to know his love… Emotions that strong just don't fade… _

****I held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me…****

Kagome rose from her kneeling position and looked beyond the ancient tree to the clouded night sky above her.   _So trying to run away will not solve the problem… My feelings will just fester…  _ 

****I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone…  But though you're still with me…****

_ I have to go back and finished what I started.  It's only right.  It doesn't matter whether it hurts or not…  The fate of many lies in my hands now and I will not fail this time…  I cannot turn away from this mission in good conscience. Being a normal girl will just have to wait.   _

**I've been alone all along…**

_Midoriko said the path of a miko is a lonely thing.  I guess I know that better now than even before…  _

_  Kagome strode away from the sacred tree and back to the well house.  She picked up her heavy yellow backpack and slid it onto her shoulders, ignoring the protests in her shoulders.  _

"Here goes nothing…" Kagome said to no one in particular.  Without another word, she slid the door to the wooden shack open and disappeared into the darkness.

_Back to Sengoku Jidai……___

**_Finalllllllllllyyy_****_!!!!!!!!!!!!   I finished this chapter.  It was a doozy to write.  I hope everything makes sense.  I hope there aren't a lot of mistakes either.  If it's any consolation I made this chapter extra long and the next chapter will have some major confrontation…  As always…I appreciate any reviews (if any) I'll get and I'll try to clarify any questions or concerns….  _**

****

**_Luv_****_ Ya…._**

****

**_Megami_****_ no Hikari…._**

.


	15. Moonlit Reunions

**_Ahhh!  I still don't own Inu Yasha…_**

****

****

                "How long is he going to sit like that?"  Shippou whispered to his cohort as he peeked through the trees at a very sullen hanyou.

                The violet-eyed perpetrator looked over at the kitsune and shook his head sadly, "He's waiting for Kagome…"

                Shippou sighed propping his chin on his little hand, "Why doesn't he just go after her?  Wouldn't that be easier?"

                Miroku shook his head once again, "Easier for who?  If Inu Yasha went to Kagome-sama's time, we would never see her again…"   _Besides I think he's afraid to go back as well…_

_                Shippou frowned, "I guess he wants us to have our final goodbyes… but, why does it have to be this way?  I don't understand.  I don't want Kagome to leave forever.  What are we supposed to do without her?  What am I supposed to do?"_

                Peeking through a growth of vegetation strategically downwind of Inu Yasha's strong sense of smell, Miroku and Shippou sat in silence.  If the hanyou was aware of their presence, which he probably was, he gave no indication.  The hanyou sat ramrod straight, arms and legs crossed, Tetsusaiga at his side.  His eyes remained locked on the well, never faltering.  

                The houshi placed a comforting hand on the kitsune's sandy brown locks but said nothing at all.  He sighed and kept his intense eyes locked on his hanyou friend.  _This is really hard for everyone especially Inu Yasha…  I know it has to be killing him inside to wait like this…  _

The group watched Inu Yasha in shifts day after day, both dreading and hoping that Kagome would climb through the well.  They even went so far as to try to coax Inu Yasha away from Bone Eater's well just to make sure that his volcanic temper wouldn't explode on the young miko.  Instead, the temperamental hanyou gave them all a taste of his vile temper.  His remarks were scathing and his amber eyes glowing threatening scarlet, belied his ever growing anger and making his companions fear that if they pushed him too far his youkai blood would fully take hold.   Now his overprotective friends resigned to keep vigil over Inu Yasha and pray to the gods for the best.  They brought his food in silence and watched as he barely touched a bit.  Watching the forlorn hanyou waste away was cause enough for everyone to worry including the young kitsune Shippou, who in the beginning had a grand time wishing Inu Yasha to the depths of hell for making his beloved Kagome leave forever.  After watching the hanyou odd and frightening behavior for days, the little fox demon begrudgingly admitted that he too worried about his bully and did not want to see him come to harm.  

"Things just don't seem right to me." Shippou whispered more to himself than to the monk beside him.  The fox child looked up at the sky, a sky tinged with the pinks and oranges of an oncoming sunset.  

"Well, this is the best we can do for now…" Miroku answered his tone grave and low.  "Seeing Inu Yasha like this worries me more than anything but there is nothing we can do.  He won't allow us to help…"

Shippou heaved a sigh, "Sango and Kirara will be here soon to take the night shift.  It's almost night time."

The houshi only nodded distractedly.  _The energy in this surrounding area has been charged with tension since we turned to Kaede-sama's village.  Today, it's nearly crackling all around us.  I can feel it.  Something is going to happen.   _

Shippou opened his mouth but closed it immediately when he noticed Miroku was lost in deep concentration.  He looked back at Inu Yasha and then plucked at an errant blade of grass near him.  The young kitsune was restless and uneasy.  _I don't think I can sit and stare at Inu Yasha much longer.  I'm starting to get the chills for some odd reason._

"Do you feel that?" Miroku's voice cut through the air and startled his companion.

Shippou looked up abruptly and stuttered a reply, "Nani?  Do… Do I feel what?"

"Can you feel the turbulent energy in the air?  It's almost like a storm is rolling in…" Miroku explained.

                "Yea…  I think so.  I've been feeling a little weird since we got here.  Do you think it's a youkai in the area or something?"  Shippou rubbed his little forearms, trying to will his fur to stop standing on end.

                "No… it's isn't a youkai…  I think something is going to happen tonight…  I am almost sure of it."

                "You think it's Kagome?" Shippou whispered his leaf green eyes wide.

                Miroku opened his mouth to answer but paused as Sango silently made her way over to them with Kirara perched primly on her shoulder. 

                "I came to relieve you.  I'm sure you're both tired and hungry by now." Sango spoke in subdued tones as she knelt beside Miroku. 

                Shippou looked all too happy to go back to the village but the houshi shook his head, a frown marring his handsome features, "I'm not leaving…"

                Sango eyed him suspiciously and shifted away from him slightly, "Houshi-sama?"

_                Miroku smiled softly at the wary taiji-ya; raising his hands in innocence, "Worry not Sango.  I'm not up to anything."_

                Sango shrugged, directing her stern gaze to Inu Yasha, "Do you think tonight…?"  Her voice trailed off.  She dared not hope that she would see Kagome again.

                "Miroku said that there's something strange in the air.  Whatever it is it's giving me the creeps." Shippou rubbed his arms again.

                "Well," Sango sighed as she pulled a small bag from behind her, "I guess it was a good idea to bring along some extra food…"

                The little kitsune almost cheered but slapped his small paw over his mouth upon realizing that Inu Yasha would probably hear his exclamation.  Instead, he grinned widely and enthusiastically took the food Sango offered.  

                "Kaede said that she felt something would happen to day.  I surveyed the perimeter around the village to make sure that something wouldn't be a youkai attack but found nothing." Sango continued.  "What do you think houshi-sama?"

                "I think you should endeavor to call me Miroku more often but that's a matter to be discussed in private." Miroku scolded lightly before shrugging, "It would seem that the very air around us is highly charged with energy.  I'm not sure what it means…"

                "I fear Inu Yasha's reaction should Kagome-chan come through the well.  He has not been of a most agreeable temperament nowadays.  I sometimes get the feeling he's hanging on by a thread."  Sango bit her lip in worry, "I do not wish to fight him.  Although he's rude and overbearing most of the time, I still consider him a friend.  If for some reason his youkai blood does take over, as it seems to be doing…."

                Miroku laid a hand on her shoulder.  He smiled inwardly upon seeing that she hadn't shaken his hand off or flinched.  "All that we can do now is wait and see…"

                Sango glanced at him and then back at Inu Yasha.  _If this waiting is killing me, I can't imagine how Inu Yasha is feeling right now. _

***

                The object of everyone's concern sat rigidly facing the Bone Eater's well as he had been doing for too many days to count.  Had anyone been allowed to come close enough to him, they would have noticed the dark shadows beneath his eyes marring his flawless complexion, his red rimmed and dulled amber eyes that stare lifeless and unfocused, and his red haori and hakama hanging lifeless from his thinning frame.  However stony and miserable he may have appeared while he continued his silent vigil close to the well, the group had learned as the days passed that it was best to leave him be because he became as feral and dangerous as a wild dog when even his closest companions ventured too close.    

He knew that his reactions were far too volatile and his own emotions were too unstable to communicate with anyone properly.  His human mentality had begun its retreat long ago, ridden with guilt and sorrow at Kagome's absence.  He was becoming a shell of his former self, driven by his demon emotions of fierce anger, hatred, and destruction.  It wouldn't take much to make the final string on sanity snap even with Tetsusaiga at his side and did not wish for his friends to be in harm's way if he did lose all control. Besides, Inu Yasha preferred solitude, wanting to sort his turbulent thoughts and brood in silence.  

_Solitude…  That's a fucking joke… They act like I don't know they are watching me like I'm some fucking freak of nature. Why won't they leave me the hell alone?  It's like they want to see me snap.  They all use the excuse that they are worried about me but…  I know the truth.  They want to see me act like a fucking maniac… like an animal…  That's what they think I really am…_

  __

_And why shouldn't they?  I bet Kagome thinks of me as less than a damn animal.  That's why she hasn't returned… or won't return.  Miroku, Sango, and Shippou should all hate me the way I hate myself right now.  I bet they do hate me and are plotting against me…_

Inu Yasha wiped his clawed hand over his face in frustration.  He completely ignored the fact that his hand was crusted in dried blood from one his rage fits earlier that week.  _Kami-sama…  Where are these damn thoughts coming from?  It's like I can't even control what's running through my head anymore.  One minute I'm a sulking mess and then the next I'm ready to tear someone's head off.  It gets worse by the day.  The longer I sit and wait, the more fractured my mind becomes.  I can't even sleep because the minute I close my eyes I have nightmares of Kagome.  Kagome…  I wonder where she is right now and why she hasn't returned.  It's been weeks since I last laid eyes on her… Not being able to see her and not knowing if she's okay is tearing me apart. I should go back and finish everything but I know that the gang want to say their goodbyes and there is no way in hell she'll want to go back with me after the way I treated her.  Besides, I hate to admit but I'm afraid of what she'll say or do… For all I know she might have sealed the well shut.  Everything is so frustrating… the fear… guilt… sadness… regret… and anger…   _

_                I have no one to blame for all this but myself…  Damn it…  Sometimes, I wish I never laid eyes on her.  I would still be pinned to the Goshinboku tree and unable to wreak havoc on her life or my own…  _

_                Inu Yasha lifted his amber eyes to heavens and sighed.  The once vibrant turquoise sky had already begun to darken to indigo, giving way to nightfall.  Pinks and purples still tinged the skyline as the sun slowly made its descent on the horizon.  The stars peeked shyly through the lengthening sheet of darkness.  The hanyou's sharp eyes narrowed as he watched this procession from day to night._

                _How many days and nights have passed?  I can't even be sure because I stopped counting so long ago.  Everything is so blurred in my mind and I hate trying to figure it out because it only makes me angry and then…  I'll probably lose it again.  I don't think I can go on doing this.  I never felt this close to madness before, not when I am not in danger or half dead.  It must be the waiting… anticipating the moment when everything will end…  What if she never comes back?  Shit! The not knowing is driving me nuts.  I can't even function correctly.  How the hell am I supposed to defeat Naraku if all I can think about is that damn girl?_

_                His confusion dissipated almost rapidly into frustration.  Inu Yasha clenched and unclenched his sharp claws is his red haori as he tried to keep himself under control.   __I shouldn't ever have let her in.  I shouldn't have fallen in love with her.  What a fucking baka I am.   I trusted another woman and now I am being led astray. My mission was supposed to be getting the damn Shikon no Tama so I could become a full youkai.  Things were simpler then… Back then that's all I cared about.  But now here I am…  I gave my heart to one woman and now I pledged my life to another.  How the hell did that happen?!  How the fuck did I go from relying on just myself to having people watch my every damn move day and night.  Why won't everyone just leave me alone!       _

_                Although the irate hanyou seemed to be staring intently up at the sky, he failed to notice that the last traces of daylight had escaped and left behind a thick sheet of night penetrated by diamond bright stars and the silvery light of the somber moon.  His was far too absorbed in his warring thoughts to notice any of his surroundings.  So in absorbed in fact, he missed the flare of magic emanating from the well. _

                However, the conflicted hanyou's friends did not miss that harbinger of Kagome's return through the well.  The group had already crept forward hours ago still downwind of Inu Yasha's keen senses.  Miroku had accurately guessed that his half-youkai friend would be far too distracted to take notice right away.  

                "Did you feel that?" Miroku whispered to his companions urgently.

                Shippou nodded but said nothing as he bit down on his bottom lip in nervousness.  _Kagome is here… but what's going to happen when Inu Yasha finally notices that she's here.  He hasn't been himself lately and I'm scared he might do something bad to Kagome…._  __

               Sango looked over at Miroku and both warriors nodded to each other.   A silent agreement was made between them; if they needed to defend Kagome from Inu Yasha, then so be it.  

                "Do you think this might turn ugly, houshi-sama?" Sango asked, trying to keep her voice level and calm as her hand reached for Hiraikotsu.

                Miroku shook his head in uncertainty as he replied, "Let's just hope it doesn't…"

                "Maybe we should go out there now…" Shippou whispered, yanking on Sango's kimono.

                "No… we can't interfere not unless we have to." Sango looked down at the worried kitsune beside her.  

                "But…" Shippou's voice quavered in fear as his gaze darted from Inu Yasha to the well.

                "I don't think he would do anything to harm Kagome." Miroku responded, trying his best to reassure the frightened kitsune.

                The fox child nodded jerkily acknowledging Miroku's attempt to pacify him but his little shoulders remained tense and ready to bravely leap into battle should Kagome need his help against the half crazed hanyou Inu Yasha may become.

**

                "I made it…" Kagome whispered as she peered up at the star speckled night sky visible from the bottom of the well.  The young miko's heart thundered in her ears and her palms were damp.  For the moment she stood frozen in fear at the bottom of the well, half wondering what would happen when she climbed to the top.  _Will he be waiting there?  Will he be angry?  What do I say?_

_                Kagome's hands fisted in frustration at her hesitation as she whispered to herself, "You are not weak, Kagome.  Just get this over with and stop wasting time…"  After wiping her damp hands off on the skirt of her uniform, she adjusted her heavy book bag on her shoulders and carefully climbed up the wall of Bone Eater's well.  _

                _This is it…  The showdown…  No matter what Inu Yasha says to me…  I won't back down.  There is more at stake here than my heart.   _

_                The young girl felt the shards throb against her chest in encouragement.  She paused placing her free hand over her chest, took a deep breath and then kept her slow ascent to the top.  By the time her hand touched the lip of the Bone Eater's well, Kagome was winded and more than a little sweaty.  Hefting herself into a sitting position on the cobbled wall of the well, she wiped the perspiration from her forehead.  "I think I really overdid the packing this ti…."_

                Kagome never got to finish her sentence for she was jerked from her sitting into the air.  She opened her mouth to scream in alarm but stopped short as she came face to face with a very irate hanyou with glowing red eyes.  

                Inu Yasha hadn't even thought of what he was doing.  The moment he saw Kagome exit the well he was at her side, ready to vent his worry, frustration, and confusion.  "Where the hell have you been?  Do you know how long I've been fucking waiting for you to get here?!  Oi bitch, aren't you going to speak?!  Say something damn it!"  He punctuated each growled word with a shake.

                Kagome barely heard a word he said due to his excessive shaking and the emotions pouring through her.  Her mind sent her reeling back to their last meeting, a moment in her life that had left her raw and heartbroken.  Every hurtful word he'd spoken rang through her head with the force of thunder and lightning aiming straight for her heart.  She could not see the present Inu Yasha's haggard expression nor she could she hear the obvious worry in his voice.  In his place there stood a hanyou with a face twisted in malice and amber eyes so cold that it froze her heart and shattered it to pieces.  Biting fury, sorrow, and hurt coursed through her veins wrapping around her heart in an act of self preservation, shielding herself from future harm at Inu Yasha's hands. 

                "Release me…" Kagome spoke in an icy tone dripping with anger.

                Upon hearing her words, Inu Yasha stopped his tirade but his muddled mind did not fully comprehend the tone of her voice.  "What?"

                "I said let me go…"  Kagome bit out again.  She refused to struggle in his grasp although his nails were beginning to bite into her skin and his touch burned through to the core of her soul.  

                He sat her down abruptly, his eyes flickering and then fading back to there normal amber tone.  As the adrenaline rush subsided and the tide of his demon blood waned, Inu Yasha's mind began to grasp the situation but not fully.  Not until Kagome rudely tore herself from his loose grip, her eyes cold and angry as she leveled them upon his.

                "Worry not, Inu Yasha…" Kagome hissed angrily as she glared and took a step back to put some much needed distance between them, "This _weak_ little girl didn't lose your damn Shikon shards…"

                Hearing his love's icy words, Inu Yasha had to quell the urge to grip his heart.  Having heard his own words tossed back in his face, sent shooting pains through him. _I got what I wanted didn't I? Kagome definitely hates me now…  I've never seen her like this before…  _Shaking his silver haired head to clear his thoughts, Inu Yasha once again assumed his role as the villain, "Well, give them to me and be on your way.  I've waited long enough."

                The young miko squared her shoulders, readying herself for battle.  _You bastard…  I won't give you anything…  I gave you my heart and didn't know what to do with that either…  "No…"_

                 "What the hell do you mean 'no'?  Don't make take those shards from you and throw your ass into the well…" Inu Yasha growled.  _What the hell?  Leave it to Kagome to make this more complicated than it already is…_

_                "Who do you think you are?!  I hate to tell you this but my father died long ago.  You can't tell me what to do…" Kagome yelled her fist clenching at her sides._

                "Kagome…" he growled as he stepped menacingly in her direction.  _Please Kagome… don't fight me now.  I'm doing this for you…  Don't make me say more things that I will regret.  I have enough laying heavily on my soul now…_

                The young miko stepped back in fear and hated herself for it.  _I won't let him intimidate me.  "If you come near me Inu Yasha I swear I will make you regret it.  If you try to send to me back to my time I will seal that well and you'll be stuck with me…."_

                The hanyou ceased his movement, "What is your problem?  Don't tell me you want to stay here with me…  What?  Do you think I'll suddenly see you different or something?  You think I'll fall in love with you?  Well you got another thing coming…"

                Upon hearing his taunting words Kagome lost all composure, "The only reason I'm staying is because I have to.  You won't be able to finish this mission without me being here no matter what you do."  

                Inu Yasha tried to absorb this bit of information and reply but never got the chance as Kagome's angry words raked over him.

"You think I want your love, you bastard?    I DON'T WANT YOU NEAR ME!  I HATE YOU!"  Kagome yelled her voice raw and filled with rage.

Silence fell on the two opponents.  A strong wind blew about them, ruffling the silk of Kagome's obsidian locks and blowing Inu Yasha's thick silver hair off his shoulder.

Kagome stood in silence, her fist still balled at her sides and her chest heaved in anger.  _ I should feel bad because I could never really hate him….  I won't take those words back…  I refuse… not after the way he hurt me and it probably doesn't matter to him anyway…  He never loved me or even cared about me._

 Standing frozen in shock, Inu Yasha had no ready reply for Kagome.  _I knew she would be angry and hurt.  I even knew that she would probably hate me too… but I never thought it would hurt this much to hear her say it…  Kami-sama it hurts…._

The silence lengthened as the two star crossed lovers stood before each other.  The young miko and a confused hanyou… torn by the roles they were made to play and so lost in thoughts that they were unaware of their onlookers.  

Miroku, Shippou, and Sango sat in silence in the cover of night holding their breath in fear of what would happen next.  They did not have long to wait because Inu Yasha snapped out of his trance suddenly.  The inu hanyou took several steps back as the full impact of Kagome's words finally took root.  

Inu Yasha felt his insides twist and something inside him screamed that he take Kagome in his arms and shake those hateful words from her.  Torn between hurt, anger and several other emotions he dare not recognize as he stared into her coldly glaring eyes, he grappled for words to say.   Inwardly, he was trying to push the hurt down and cling to the anger that would make it easier to respond to her hateful words in kind but there was another emotion making its presence known and dominant within his soul, an emotion so primal it could only be attributed to the youkai blood that flowed through his body.  This urge saw Kagome's words, her rigid stance, and even the way she glared him straight in the eyes, unflinching and unafraid, as a challenge and should be answered as such.  It made his blood pound in his ears and his heart race at such an alarming rate that he was sure his youkai counterpart would surely burst free.  

Inu Yasha took another step back, frantically fighting his own emotions.  Anger and frustration flashed in his eyes as he finally growled tersely, "I don't give a fuck how you feel… and I don't give a damn what you do…."  With that bit of untrue information spoken with way more emotion than necessary, Inu Yasha blasted off into a full run past Kagome and into the forest all the while damning his emotions and the situation he was in.

Kagome visibly slumped when she was sure he was gone.  Her anger dissipated into nothingness and tears stung the backs of her eyes but she would not allow herself to cry. _Well, it's official.  He can't stand me…  I wish that didn't have to be here… _ She stiffened when she heard the bushes rustle. Alarm pricked her mind as she reached down to pick up a stone and tossed it in the direction of the noise.  An anguished cry sounded as the missile made contact with amazing accuracy.  Kagome bent down to pick up another rock.  _Kami-sama, I don't have my arrows.  What am I going to do now?_

Three occupants burst from the foliage before Kagome could launch another rock in their direction, one happened to be rubbing his black haired head and near tears.

Kagome dropped her 'weapon' and nearly ran to them, "Shippou! Sango! Miroku! " A shadow passed over her beautiful face when she finally reached them and she spoke with difficulty, "Gomen ne…"

Miroku rubbed his head and laughed, "There's no need to apologize for that.  We shouldn't have been lurking in the bushes anyway.  I would have chucked a rock too." 

When Kagome looked up, the moonlight glinted off the sheen of unshed tears in her dark brown eyes.  Her expression of sorrow made her friends pause even Shippou who was the process of leaping into her arms and crying his joy for her return.  

"Kagome-chan…" Sango questioned walking toward the young woman.  Her progress was halted when Kagome held her hand up

"No…  I'm sorry…" Kagome began again, "I'm sorry for being a burden to you all.  I know how much strain I put on this group."

Miroku shook his head in denial, "What are you saying, Kagome-sama?"

Sango frowned sadly.  _Does she think we share in Inu Yasha's views?_

Shippou cried angrily, "That's not true!  You're important to us!"

Kagome slowly shook her head, 'There's no need to lie to me.  I know I can't fight and… I'm always in some kind of trouble.  I understand if you think I should turn back around and go home."

Sango's frown deepened.  Miroku placed a hand over Shippou's mouth.

"But if you'll let me…  I promise to do better.  If you'll teach me, I promise I will be the best student you'll ever have.  Sango… Miroku… Shippou…  In order for me to be useful to you guys…  You are going to have to help me…  I understand if you don't want to…"  Kagome tipped her head back rather than look at her friends.  She was trying unsuccessfully to blink back tears and their prolonged silence made the whole ordeal more difficult.  She jumped when she felt multiple arms surround her simultaneously.     

"Don't ever call yourself a burden again…" Sango whispered choked by her own emotions.  The taiji-ya held her closest friend as close as she could.

"I'm so glad your back. I didn't know what I was going to do without you!"  Shippou exclaimed nuzzling into her neck.

"We are here to help you, come what may.  You are important to us all, Kagome-sama…" Miroku smiled secretly content to have two women in his arms but knowing he shouldn't push his luck at a time like this.

Realizing that they hadn't wanted her to leave, Kagome choked back a sob.  "Arigato… Arigato my friends…"

_Things will be difficult... but…  I will see it through…_

**_Ah, nothing feels as good as getting another chapter done…  Sorry for taking so long.  I had an attack of sheer laziness and some other ideas whirling through my head for some other stories.  Watch out for my new story, _****Mystic Blue_…  I'll probably have a chapter or two done for that before the end of October.  That is..  if the laziness monster doesn't attack…  or life doesn't get in the way…  you know how that is..  While I have the soapbox and the ire to comment on it…(ahem) Speaking of authors who need to do some posting… Darn it will somebody pester Ookami-chan, Saro, and Nozomi88 need to get some chapters up for me to read… Geez, I am sitting on pins and needles here… (sigh) Anyways…I won't even promise that I will get the next chapter up ASAP.  All I know is that it will be posted.  It's starting to get heavy and other characters will make their appearance, so you know there will be drama. And who doesn't love that ^_^.  Your input is always welcome and you know I appreciate the reviews so much.  Ja ne…_**

****

**_Megami_****_ no Akari…_**

  __

_                 _


	16. Awakening of the Soul

"Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance…"

                                -Bruce Barton

                Amidst a clearing liberally scattered with leaves and forest debris, enshrouded in the shadow by tall, majestic trees, two figures were engaged in a graceful yet deadly dance.  They bobbed and weaved around each other, retreating and coming together.  One of the two figures, clad in a form-fitting suit of black and pink, never lost her momentum as she snapped several commands at her companion.  The other woman wore a dusty, gray karate uniform.  Her movements were graceful but reluctant and marred by uncertainty.  Her partner was well aware of this and did not hesitate to make it known.  

                "You're not being aggressive enough.  If I were your enemy, you'd be dead by now.  In a battle, you cannot second guess yourself because the enemy will surely will not…" Sango lectured with the stern voice of a general.  "There will come a time when all that you hold dear will be on the line…"

                Kagome did not reply but the stubborn set of her jaw and the determined gleam in her eye were proof enough that she heard and understood Sango's barked commands.  She ducked and dodged the taiji-ya's precise attacks.  Despite her best efforts to attack, she hesitated.  

                _I just can't attack her… I know I'm supposed to pretend that she's the enemy but…  Sango is my best friend…  How can I… _

The would-be warrior's thoughts came to an abrupt halt as she landed on her back for the third time that day.  White spots danced before her eyes when her body made contact with the hard forest floor.   When her vision cleared, Kagome looked up to see Sango looming over hand outstretched to haul her off of the ground and a look of exasperation clearly visible on the older girl's face.

                "Gomen nasai…" Kagome began lamely as she brushed debris off of her rumpled and dusty training gear.  

                Sango held her hand to stem the tide of apologies that were rushing her way, "Kagome-chan, you can't keep doing this.  We've been training for weeks now and you still haven't learned to focus.  Aren't you getting tired of getting knocked silly?"

                The miko responded with a comical wince of pain as she rubbed her much abused backside, "Itai…"

                An amused grin replaced the stern frown on Sango's face.  With a resigned sigh, she placed a comforting hand on the shoulder of her reluctant student, "After we finish training, we'll take a long soak in the hot springs nearby, get a little bit of rest and then I'll send you off to deal with Miroku…  How does that sound?"

                "The hot springs sounds heavenly…  However, Miroku does not…" Kagome replied.

                Her friend's rejoinder was a bout of musical laughter that the younger girl could not resist joining.  Two weeks had past into the realm of memory since Kagome genuinely laughed.  Two weeks ago, she returned to Sengoku Jidai to confront Inu Yasha and complete a mission that had become the center of her universe for two years.  Only a week and a half ago, Inu Yasha returned to Kaede's village from some unknown location, a place Kagome had a sneaking suspicion also included Kikyo, and curtly reported that he caught wind of a rumor that a horde of demons were terrorizing a village in the far east and that they should set out immediately because it was surely another attempt of Naraku's to lure the mysterious and ever allusive priestess Kikyo out into the open (Manga Volume 33 Chapter 327).  The horrendous entity known as Naraku and his cohorts seemed to find in amusement in blazing a bloody trail of destruction and chaos that seemed endless and almost unstoppable.   The urgency to end his villainous reign almost bubbled over within Kagome and her companions.  A battle was imminent, this Kagome was sure of, but, when and where was another question since Naraku tended to be as elusive as the undead priestess he was preying upon.  His actions were far too mysterious and twisted to preempt and his lackeys were just as capricious.

  For now that looming threat seemed far away as she dealt with the constant source of angst that was Inu Yasha.  Since his return to the village, the hanyou's mannerisms were cold, detached and so unlike the hot blooded Inu Yasha they once knew that the majority of the group worried about him.  Kagome, however, begrudged his cold attitude, the way he would not acknowledge her presence, the way his amber eyes would look straight through her when he happened to lay eyes on her, and his total aversion to any area that she happened to be in.  She hated his behavior and she hated even more the way it made her feel.  Kagome could not stem the tide of hurt and sorrow that flowed through her despite the barrier she attempted to erect around her already bruised heart.  Her pride and determination would not allow the forlorn emotions to bubble to the surface.  Instead, she focused her energy on keeping busy and absorbing all that her three mentors, Kaede, Sango, and Miroku happened to impart to her.  Over the years Kaede, had taught Kagome all she knew of herb lore and the healing arts so there was not much more in that area of expertise that the old miko could teach her younger counterpart.  While Kaede was knowledgeable in the ways of the miko, she could not teach Kagome very much about spiritual powers for hers were very weak.  Because Miroku had been taught in the way of the Buddhist priest and actually was a very good one albeit a little perverted, Kagome looked to him to teach her how to delve into her latent powers.  Kagome understood that being Kikyo's reincarnation meant she held powers within her that were untapped due her inexperience and utter dependency on her friends.  Now more than ever, she knew that she must come into her own.  Duty weighed heavily upon her shoulders now and she was no longer just a schoolgirl.     

And now, she stood laughing despite being dusty, achy, and far more stressed than a regular teenager should be.  This miko-in-training was so caught up in her own mirth that she had not even realized her sparring partner had quieted and merely stood watching with the softest of smiles on her face.  

_Kagome…  Against all odds you manage to find something to be happy about…  How do you do it?  How do you find light in the darkness?  How is it that you can make others see it as well?  Being here with you, seeing your determination, and the light of hope that never dims in your eyes, makes me want to believe that we will prevail…  _

Kagome sighed and wiped her teary eyes.  She looked over at Sango who was staring at her with an odd expression and turned red, "You must think I'm a psycho now… I guess I'm getting a little hysterical or something…"

Her friend smiled and shook her head, "There nothing wrong with laughter.  Seeing you happy in times such as these means that there is still some hope for us all, or at least I tend to think so…" Sango clapped Kagome over the back and continued, "Well… it's time to get back to work.  You still have much to learn…"

Kagome grimaced and then suppressed a groan, "Do I have to?"

Sango glared half-heartedly at the girl while trying to suppress a giggle at Kagome's comically distressed expression, "Yes… we have to…  How will you learn otherwise?"

Kagome assumed her fighting stance and practice began again.  Both girls shuffled around each other, their eyes locked, trying to predict the other's move.  Sango wore an expression of ease and she moved with smooth, lethal grace that had been ingrained in her since she was a child.  Kagome was the complete opposite.  She was visibly wary and tense, as if she was waiting for the moment Sango would strike and place her on her back.  

Sensing her discomfort, the seasoned taiji-ya decided to switch up her tactics, "We are going to play little game…"

"Game?" Kagome echoed, her brow furrowing slightly in confusion.  

"Yes… it's a rather simple one…" 

They shuffled about each other again.

"It's a mind game.  I'm going to exercise your mind as well as your body today…" 

Kagome only nodded, not knowing what else to do.  _I haven't the slightest idea of what Sango's talking about…_

"It's obvious that you're having some problems seeing me as an enemy so I wish to remedy that.   I am going to say a name and I want you to imagine, if you can, that I am whomever it is I say.  You think you can do that?"

Kagome answered hesitantly, "I guess so…"

"You think you could sound a little more enthusiastic when you answer…" Sango replied sarcastically.

"Ok, ok… No need to get snippy.  I will do the best I can…" Kagome retorted.

"Finally…" Sango muttered to herself and then turned her attention back to her pupil, "Now…  I want you to imagine that I am…  Naraku…"

Kagome's brown eyes narrowed as she tried to envision that her best friend was her ultimate enemy.  

"Imagine that it's the final battle and the world rest in your hands…  It's a life or death battle Kagome… and you'll have to choose…" Sango continued.

The young miko's mind was flooded with images of a desolate battlefield covered in blood and scattered bodies.  Fear welled up within her and then anger.  Standing before her was no longer the brave taiji-ya she knew and respected.  In her place was a fiend who had tortured and twisted the lives of many.  He smiled fiendishly and taunted her with his very presence.   

"What will you do Kagome?" 

She knew that it should be Sango's voice but instead she heard Naraku's deep, eerie voice, liberally laced with malice.  She hated his voice.  She hated everything about him and the pain and anguish he caused all he encountered.  She wanted to hurt him, hurt him the way he's hurt so many of his unsuspecting victims.  She threw a punch, wanting to wipe that ugly smirk off of his face.  He moved quickly, dodging her blow and countering with one of his own.  

                "Is that the best you can do?"

                Kagome leapt back, barely missing the well aimed kick.  Without warning, she was overwhelmed by a barrage of kicks and punches that had her leaping and blocking.  Sango taught her to utilize the gymnastic training she received in her early years of middle school before her sudden bouts of "illnesses" and now more than ever, Kagome was grateful.  Besides, years of being thrown about, running, and jumping out of the way of danger, had increased her dexterity            tenfold.  However, no matter how hard she tried, she could never do more than defend. 

                "You're not putting enough power behind your attacks.  How do you expect to win a battle if you always defending?" 

                "I'm doing the best I can…" Kagome yelled in frustration, trying once more to attack the phantom Naraku. 

                Sango noticed her partner's agitation and decided it was time to pull out the big guns, "Well…  Forget Naraku for the moment…  Imagine that I am…  Inu Yasha…"

                _Inu Yasha…_

_Inu Yasha…_

The name echoed and bounced through Kagome's mind with alarming speed.  Naraku's image began to slowly melt away even as he continued to attack and was replaced by that of hanyou with piercing amber eyes and cocky grin that begged to be slapped.  

Sango saw the young girl's expression shift from mere agitation to something so frightening she could have sworn that Kagome had become possessed.  Sango knew from the moment the name slipped off her lips that she might have made a mistake.  She saw the unrestrained fire of anger blazing in her friend's narrowed brown eyes and almost faltered.  The experienced taiji-ya soon found herself the subject of a ferocious assault.  Kagome lost all hesitation and moved with a grace born of anger and the need to pummel her antagonist to dust.  Sango found herself in awe of the young girl.

Kagome was running on autopilot, allowing the anger and hurt that she experienced over the weeks to rule her movements.  She felt neither fear nor indecision.  She refused to be bested again, not by one such as Inu Yasha.  

"Why so angry Kagome?  Why don't you just give up and go home?" the hanyou sneered as one of his punches grazed her shoulder.  

Kagome clenched her teeth but was not deterred in the least.  Instead, she dodged another punch and countered with a kick aimed at his midsection.  He leaped over it and she only had a split second to recover before he attempted bowl her over as he landed.  

"Do you think all this training is going to make you better, wench?  You'll never be better than Kikyo…"

Kagome was not sure if the phantom Inu Yasha actually said that or if it was her own subconscious speaking but it did not matter.  "I don't want be Kikyo!  I'm Kagome!  Say it damn it!"

"Ka…!" Kagome jumped and then rolled out of the way of another swipe.

"Go…!" She bounded to her feet and ran full force at her attacker.

"Me…!"  The young miko feinted as she were going to attempt a kick and then dropped to the ground, sweeping her attacker's legs out from under him.  

Kagome blasted to her feet once more, her chest heaving, and her lips ready to pour a fiery tirade over Inu Yasha's head when she realized that it was Sango she brought down, not the former.  She froze and several apologies began to form as she looked down at a very stunned taiji-ya.  

Reaching out a dirty hand, she hauled her friend to her feet and tried to explain, "Gomen nasai, Sango!!!  I didn't mean to…  I mean…  I'm so…"

Sango nonchalantly wiped away the dirt on her pink and black garb as she spoke, "I don't know who I should feel sorrier for…  Naraku or Inu Yasha…" Then she looked up Kagome with amused brown eyes, "It's a shame that you fight so much better when you're angry…"

"I…" Kagome blushed profusely.

"I want you tap into that more often, you know.  Not the anger… anger will only blind you in battle.  You have potential if you just reach for it.  I've never witnessed you move like that until today.  I want to see more effort coming out of you from now on.  I will accept nothing less." Sango lectured sternly and then smiled, "Kami-sama, you shocked me.  I thought you were going to attempt to rip me apart…"

"I wouldn't have done that…" Kagome mumbled.

"Right…  What say now and what you did a moment ago are definitely at odds with each other." Sango teased, "I thank the gods I'm not Inu Yasha…  Anyways, I think we've had enough for today.  I'm tired and I bet you are too."

"On to the hot springs." Kagome chimed in, more than ready to soak her weary muscles and wash away the grime and sweat that accumulated on her body.

The sun was setting when they arrived at camp to find Inu Yasha and Miroku talking quietly by a fire.  The kitsune child, Shippou, sat beside Kirara toying with some oak leaves he collected along the way.  Sango felt Kagome, who had been chatting energetically, tense and grow silent.  It seemed that the very air crackled with the intensity of some emotion Sango dared not name.  

Inu Yasha's amber eyes never left the fire but he tensed slightly, the fire cast an eerie flickering glow on his features.  Miroku directed his violet-eyed gaze toward the two approaching women he held dear to his heart.  The Buddhist monk smiled weakly and opened his mouth to say something he hoped would dissipate some of the overwhelming, uncomfortable air that settled over the camp but Shippou beat him to the punch.

"Kagome!!!" Shippou shouted as he vaulted himself headlong into the arms of his beloved miko.  "I missed you!  You and Sango have been gone all day.  I was so bored and Miroku and him…" The young fox child rolled his leaf green eyes at the silver haired hanyou of which he was speaking, "They just sat around all day talking.  They wouldn't even let me join in."

Kagome gave Shippou a lopsided grin, meant to hide the initial wince she'd made as Shippou's small body impacted with her bruised frame.  She ran her fingers over his shiny locks and sighed, "Next time I train, I'll take you with me."

Shippou's pout disappeared and his eyes sparkled in excitement, "Really?  You mean it?"

Kagome smiled genuinely at the kitsune's youthful exuberance, "I promise."

Shippou whooped loudly and then his nose wrinkled, "Smells like I mean… seems like you did enough training for one day."

The young miko laughed, even as she put the young boy down, "I think you're quite right even though it's rude to comment on a lady's errr… ummm…  natural smell.  I've been training a lot haven't I?"

Sango smiled, "Yes, it's true.  You should have seen Kagome, houshi-sama.  She was in rare form."

Inu Yasha snorted at this, "Keh…"

Miroku had to quell the urge to whack his disgruntled friend over the head with his staff.  Instead he directed all his comments to the two young girls, "Oh is that so?  I would like to sit in on one of your training sessions one day.  I must see Kagome's acquired skills for myself."

"Well, you might get to see them sooner.  I am sure the path we are traveling will get far more treacherous as we get closer to our destination." Kagome replied seriously, "Miroku, if it's alright with you, I'd like to train tonight…  If you have time…"

"Sure Kagome-sama…  I'd like nothing more than to spend an evening in your company." Miroku rejoined evenly.

Kagome sputtered and grew red with embarrassment.  

Sango's eyes narrowed and she reached to clout the monk over his head. Miroku waved his hands before him in an effort to ward off the taiji-ya's threatening advances.  But they all paused when Inu Yasha bit out an irritated remark.

"Why bother…" Inu Yasha rose as he spoke.

Kagome's head snapped in his direction in shock and she frowned. It was the first time he'd addressed any comment to her in days and his tone was none too gentle.  "Nani?"

Inu Yasha's eyes flashed as he growled, "I said why should you bother?"

Kagome paled at his tone and she searched for words with which to reply but came up short.

"Do you think you really are going to learn anything after all this time?" his words were as sharp and painful as his claws.

"I am learning…" Kagome replied a bit lamely, but she decided she would not back down this time.  _If I let him run over me this time, he'll continue to do it until he's run me flat over.  I knew things would be this way….  _

"Keh…  If you really wanted to learn bitch… you would have tried to do something about it a long time ago.  You're just fooling yourself.  You're not proving a damn thing, you know that."

"Inu Yasha, stop it right now…" Sango demanded angrily.  

Shippou bristled as he yelled, "You're being a real bastard!  Leave Kagome alone…"

Miroku looked on in silence.  Inwardly, he sighed.  _Inu Yasha is such a fool to think he can deter Kagome-sama from staying.  His words will only steel her resolve to stay._

Inu Yasha raked his amber eyes over all of them, "You know its true!!!  All of you know it!  When the final battle comes, she'll be the one to get in the way…  She always does…"

Sango and Shippou indignant words poured forth, interrupting the calm of the forest.  

"You really are a baka…  I can't believe you would talk so badly of Kagome-chan after all she's done for us." Sango snapped.

"He's such a jerk…" Shippou cried.

"You're just being biased.  Can't you see?  She's weak and useless.  She'll be the end of it all…" Inu Yasha yelled.

Sango and Shippou opened their mouths to set the silver haired hanyou's ear to ringing but were interrupted by Kagome's quiet yet steel laced command.

"Sango…  Shippou… Please don't defend me.  He's right you know.  People have been fighting for me for so long; I didn't get the chance to depend on my own strength."  Kagome smiled softly at them and then turned her icy-cold gaze on Inu Yasha.  "I'll never know what it is about me that made you hate me…  Unfortunately, circumstances require that I force my presence on you, knowing how much I offend you.  There's nothing I can do to stop it though.  No matter how weak and useless you think I am I have to be here.  Don't worry, as soon as it's over, you'll never have to see my face again."

Inu Yasha blinked momentarily, taken aback by her cold words. He growled in irritation at having lost his momentum, "You don't belong here.  You don't even have to be here.  I highly suggest you take your ass to the well and hop in it.  Do us all a favor.  That way this mission will get completed much faster.  I don't need you straggling along.  I don't need you to come crying to me when some demon comes and beats the shit out of you.  If you think I'm going to help you got another thing coming…."

Kagome's control snapped at Inu Yasha's insinuation that she would come crawling to him for anything, "Sit!!!!  You… You lowlife bastard… You baka… you lowborn ass…  Here you stand in front of me carrying on about what you don't need.  You know what I don't need? I don't need you!!! I don't need anything from you!  I especially don't need any more of you rude, obnoxious comments!"

Sango, Miroku, Shippou, and even Kirara cowered away from a very scary, furious Kagome.  Inu Yasha would have done the same if his face weren't kissing dirt and his ears ringing from Kagome's angry tirade.  

Kagome decided to quit the camp and get as far away from Inu Yasha as possible before she gave into the temptation to sit him into oblivion.  She gathered her supplies forcefully and stomped off in the direction of the hot springs.  "You know were to find me…" she bit out as she passed Sango.

The taiji-ya soon followed after her with Shippou trailing not far behind.  

Miroku stood beside his hanyou friend and plucked a leaf from his silver mane, "You were better off giving her the silent treatment.  At least you came out unscathed…"

Inu Yasha groaned, "Shut the hell up bouzu…  Kami-sama my back hurts…   I thought I would never hear her say that word again…." 

Miroku sat down and crossed his legs, "It wasn't anything you didn't deserve, you know…"

The inu hanyou slowly pushed himself into a sitting position, "I thought I told you to shut up…"

"It seems that you need to do more practicing of what you preach." Miroku replied evenly, even as he whacked his Buddhist staff over Inu Yasha's head.  

His companion yelped and clutched his abused head, "What the hell did you go and do that for?"

"That is for working up Kagome-sama.  It will be difficult to make her focus when we train tonight.  Thoughts of killing hanyous are not at all peaceful."  

"Ah… geez.  Bite me, bouzu.  I don't have the patience for your hypocritical spiritual talk." Inu Yasha muttered distastefully.

_I wonder if I hit him over the head again will it cause any damage to this staff I carry, Miroku thought as he inspected the tall slender cane.  "She really is powerful, you know.  I was blessed to see a glimpse of the depth of her true power in our last session together.  Miko energy was rolling off her in waves and the air was sparkling with it.  Quite amazing, if I must say so yourself…"_

"Keh…"

The monk frowned, "Why don't you just let things be?  Maybe she'll decide to go back home permanently on her own."

"Yeah right…" 

"Regardless, she believes she actually has some reason to be here.  I hate to say it but, I don't think her reasons include you.  She seems to have a growing aversion to you." Miroku continued nonchalantly.  

Inu Yasha did not honor that last statement from the Buddhist monk with a reply.  He decided to brood in silence.  

"So what harm can it do to keep her around?  She's determined to see this through and I admire that.  I am sure she'll endeavor to stay out of your way from here on out." Miroku continued, determined to force a conversation out of his hanyou friend.  

"You know as well as I do that no matter how powerful she may be, Kagome doesn't have enough experience.  She hasn't had the opportunity to truly fend for herself and now is not the time to start learning especially with times as they are now.  The final battle is getting closer, I can feel it.  Naraku is much stronger and even with the new techniques* I have, I am not sure we'll be able to beat him.  It's almost like he's invincible. Besides that, I…"

Miroku sat in silence.  _I know there is something he needs to get off his chest and if I just let him keep talking it will come out eventually._

Inu Yasha took a deep breath and released it, "I don't think she'll be safe…"

"Well, we are putting ourselves at risk in this fight.  Kagome's aware of that.  She knows the danger that lies ahead." Miroku countered.

The half demon looked down at the ground and began to pluck at an errant blade of grass, "Not all of it…"

"What…?"

 "I…" he faltered and then glared at Miroku, "It's none of your business…"

Miroku returned his glare with one of his own, "If this is something that may affect Kagome's health it is my business.  It's all of our business, we are a team…"

The houshi's words hung heavily in the air and it seemed nearly a lifetime before Inu Yasha replied.  

"Since the day I decided that Kagome is better off at home, a lot of things have been happening to me…" Inu Yasha began quietly.  "I know that's what is best and I wish things were not so difficult.  The more she fights me the more difficult it becomes…"

Miroku tensed at the sound of his friend's voice.  Inu Yasha's voice was raw and filled with a mixture of anger, disgust, and frustration.  

"Now more than I ever, I need her to be gone…  Ever since the day, we returned to the village and Kagome wasn't there…  No, it was before that…  It began the day my youkai blood took over…  I've felt things and thought things that…  It's like I can't really control my own thoughts anymore…"

"I thought Tetsusaiga keeps your demon blood at bay?" Miroku asked, realizing what Inu Yasha was trying to say.

The inu hanyou gripped the sword he inherited from his father and grimaced, "It is supposed to… At least, I thought it would…"  He heaved a painful sigh and continued, "Tetsusaiga is designed to hold back my youkai blood with the assistance of my human blood.  It should hold as long as my power never surpasses that of my father…"

 "Well, why didn't you transform after you defeated Ryuukossei (Manga Volume 20 Chapter 189).  Your father did die trying to defeat him after all."

"I only succeeded in balancing my strength with my father's, hence making Tetsusaiga useable.  Since then, I've become much stronger but…  I've been keeping Tetsusaiga strong as well if I hadn't gained the skill to use Bakuryuuha (Manga Volume 20 Chapter 192) and now Kongousouhua (Manga 33 Chapter 325) I probably would be on a rampage now."

"So..."

"Ugghhh… bouzu…  I'm getting to that…" Inu Yasha growled in frustration, "Do you remember when we returned to the village and Kagome wasn't there?  Do you remember the condition I was in?"

"Yes, we had to stay out of your way…" Miroku spoke gravely.

"Yes, my mentality was a little splintered.  I couldn't even put a thought together correctly.  I was filled with such anger and even after I calmed, my thoughts were just not right.  They weren't my own.  It was like something was taking over me, telling me things that weren't true.  I couldn't force them out of my head…"  Inu Yasha gripped Tetsusaiga tighter, "When Kagome came through that well, I didn't even think.  I just reacted…  I wasn't even sure of my own actions.  I gathered my wits enough to escape before any real damage could have been done."

"Yes, you did seem in quite a hurry. Where did you end up going?  Did you find Kikyo? You were gone for quite a few days." Miroku bawdily implied, trying to lighten the atmosphere. 

"You really are a pervert, you know that!  Why is it that everyone thinks I run off with Kikyo?  Can't I have a little time to myself!?" Inu Yasha nearly roared.

"Calm down Inu Yasha. I was merely joking…" Miroku sighed.

"Whatever…" the half youkai grumbled and then continued, "Anyways, I ended up running into Totousai…  He started bitching and moaning about how I treated Tetsusaiga, as usual.  I had to pommel him a bit to shut him up and then I asked what the hell was wrong with me."

***

_"You depend way too much on the power of Tetsusaiga to subdue the youkai blood within…" _Totousai muttered dispassionately as he nursed a growing lump on his balding skull.__

_"What the hell does that mean?  You're the one who told me keep Tetsusaiga around…" Inu Yasha growled angrily and poised his clawed fist to take another swipe at the old sword master. _

  


_"When your youkai blood first awakened, it was imperative that your father's sword be in your presence at all times.  At that time, you had no experience in dealing with the youkai blood that you taiyoukai father passed down to you.  I had hope that you try to harness that power and control it.  Instead, your human blood has become entirely dependent up that sword's power."_

_"Why the hell didn't you tell me all that!" Inu Yasha yelled as he shook the old man for emphasis._

_"Oh the woes of the weary…" Totousai looked heavenward, "Inutaisho never had a problem using his own brain.  It's a wonder you're his pup at all."_

_"Don't test me old man…" Inu Yasha ground out as his eyes flashed red, "or you'll get to see first hand how much of my father runs through my veins…"_

_The master sword maker waved off this threat nonchalantly, "Oh will you calm down…  Getting worked up for nothing…  Now what were we talking about…"_

_***_

 "It would seem that whenever my thoughts become conflicted, my human blood weakens and the youkai blood dominates." Inu Yasha said.  "After some more convincing, Totousai gave me a kind of solution.  I have to learn how to control the blood within me… or else…  Who knows what'll happen."

"Well, how are you going to go about doing that and why are you so conflicted in the first place?"

"I guess you could say that my decision to make Kagome go back to her own time can be the root of some confusion.  It's not easy for me, you know.  For selfish reasons, I want her to stay… the more she's around the more attached I become and then when it comes time I am not sure I will be able to fulfill my promise to Kikyo.  Besides that, I know that Kagome deserves much more than I can offer her but I still want…  I shouldn't though…  I should want what's best for her.  She needs to be where she belongs…  Guilt, anger, frustration, and many more emotions I don't even want to talk about boil inside me every time I think about this…  What makes it worse is that… my youkai blood has already made its decision about Kagome as well…"

"What I don't understand..?"  Miroku questioned, confused and overwhelmed by the deluge of information being pushed his way.

"After a certain age, full blooded inu youkai are forced by circumstance and environment to take mates.  Inu youkai mate for life it seems…  Once a male inu youkai finds a compatible mate, it is his job to protect and provide for her until she accepts the bond.  Because Kikyo could not accept me as a hanyou, my youkai blood did not recognize her as my mate but Kagome...  In essence, she fully accepted my protection and me in whatever form…"

"So your youkai blood sees her as your mate..." Miroku replied in astonishment.

"Yes… but because I am trying to separate myself from her my youkai blood is in a state of unrest, which could prove dangerous to her.  I don't know how to control it yet and it may try to claim her by force…  I may be guilty of many things but never that…  I'm afraid of what of I might be capable of now."    

"Well…" Miroku was at a loss for words, a condition he'd experienced more and more of late.

"I'm no good for her…  I'm a hanyou… and I promised my life to another.  What good can come of that?  And she hates me…  The very idea of me losing myself so much that I would force myself upon her scares me to death." Inu Yasha grimaced, "Every time I disappear, its because I have to be far away from her and all of you guys.  Totousai told me I have to tap into my demon counterpart and learn to control it but so far I've only succeeded in destroying the area around me in my blind rage.  It's really hard to focus when I'm like that."

"Maybe you should clear your head beforehand…"

"How can I?  There are so many things weighing on my shoulders now…  I can't help but to think of it.  Naraku's still out there and Kikyo is still in danger.  Almost everyday a new threat comes to take our lives.  How can I just relax?" he snapped at the monk.

"Frankly, you have no choice." The monk replied blandly.

Inu Yasha's tense shoulders slumped, "I know…  It's just that I'm afraid of myself.  I don't know what my demon half is really capable of and afraid that I might lose it.  The thought of hurting Kagome is driving me nuts…  Kagome is…"

"Stronger than you know…" Miroku interjected smoothly.  "You should give her more credit.  Besides, if you get too out of hand there is always the necklace."

"Yeah, there is that…" Inu Yasha fingered the beaded necklace that had become as familiar to him over the years as his haori.  He stood and stretched his lithe frame, "I think I better go check the perimeter of the camp and then…  Get as far away from you guys as I can until morning."

"When you say the perimeter of the camp, that wouldn't happen to include the hot spring would it?  In that case, I think I shall help you search." Miroku smiled.

"Not a chance, you little bastard.  If you start snooping around, I'll know it and then I'll come after you, half demon or not…" Inu Yasha growled his warning and blood red seeped into his normally amber eyes.

"Quit you're growling.  Gods, you are so selfish.  I know for a fact you probably peek in on the girls." Miroku nearly whined.

Inu Yasha turned away quickly before his monk companion could see his guilty blush, "Get a hobby, bouzu."

"I have one.  You just won't let me indulge." Miroku replied to his retreating back.  Once left alone, he sighed and resigned himself to wait until the girls returned from the hot spring so that Kagome's lessons could begin.  Then he reached into the folds of his purple and black robe and pulled out a deck of cards that Kagome had given him and taught him to use.  He shuffled deftly and laid the cards on the ground.  "Ahhh, solitaire…  That's a game I know better than anything else…"  

***

**_I know… I know… I'm way over due for another installment.  Life does have an annoying tendency to get in the way.  I promise to get another chapter up and running very soon. I just edited this chapter a bit and I'm working on the next installment tentatively titled, _Dances with Wolves_, right now.  I thank you for your reviews and patience.  You motivate me to keep writing.  _**

****

**_Sincerely_**

**_Megami_****_ no Hikari_**


	17. Burdens of Choice

_**So it has begun... a new chapter at last. I believe that from here on out things will not be moving as slowly. Enemies will rear their ugly heads and rivals will make the lives of our favorite Inu Yasha characters more difficult than it already is. Thank you so much to my readers who stuck it out with me and stayed patient while I went through the trials and tribulations that is life.**_

_**Well here we go…**_

_Megami no Hikari_

_Breathe deep… _

In a minute, sun speckled clearing beneath the quiet refuge of cherry blossom tree, a young woman dressed in the clothes of a warrior sat still and silent. Her sable lashes fluttered slightly against her lightly tanned cheeks and her usually smooth brow furrowed with concentration.

_Let the world slide away and just breathe... _

Her bosom rose and fell in steady rhythm. Around her sakura blossoms fall and swirl in a light yet persistent breeze. Some of the errant fragile petals leave their graceful dance on the wind to rest in stark relief on her dark, thick black tresses. The mild breeze continues to swirl about her, disturbing her hair and tangling the blossoms further into it, yet she remains still. Her small hands lay palm up on bent knees, hands that were once smooth and soft; hands that are now strong and calloused from frequent use of her bow.

_Find the strength that lies within… _

A soft sheen of sweat beads upon her brow as the mild breeze began to pick up force, causing a whirlwind of pink and white petals to move about her. Had there been a witness to this feat, they would have stood in awe of this display. Sitting amongst the storm of sakura blossoms, the young woman almost appears to be a fanciful deity or some woodland nymph.

_Focus on that energy and just breathe deep_…

Globes of iridescent light materialize in the air and begin an intricate dance of whirling, swirling revelry. These manifestations of the intense energy emanating from the diminutive woman child accompany the petal-laden breeze, pulsing periodically. The radiance of her power exudes from her body and grows stronger by the second. Yet, she is not even aware of her own doings. She is only attentive to that which lies within her own mind, a mind with thoughts that currently mimic the abnormal activity going on outside her body. Her lashes flutter again and again as she attempts to climb through the tangled webs of her thoughts and find peace within the chaos that is her mind.

_Focus…_

The wind evolves into a maelstrom of petals and flickering globes of light. The young woman's open hands become fists as images of the days past flash before her with crystal clarity. A bloodstained and gutted village lay wasted in a blackened valley. It is a true horror to all who would witness it as the grisly remains of villagers and livestock retell a bloody tale of wretchedness. Another image flashes before her, a young man with golden eyes and hair of silver white. His smooth, pale face is twisted in malice and disgust and his mouth moves as if shouting some sharp command. Red slashes across his image and is replaced with that of him walking away.

_Focus... Get past the negativity…_

The wind begins to settle and the whirling globes hang in the air. Gone is the rhythmic pulsing within their nearly celestial bodies, instead they flicker sporadically like fireflies. The young girl attempts to draw another deep, calming breath but all she manages is harsh and choppy gasps. A bead of sweat trickles down her temple to fall off the stubborn point of her chin. Her fists tighten and her full bottom lip finds itself imprisoned between her white teeth as she is assaulted by another disturbing image.

_Breathe…_

A cloud of black began to materialize and take shape. The face of a man becomes evident in its sinister presence, a face that the unknowing might consider handsome yet sickly pale. Eyes of blood red stand in sharp contrast to his ghostly white visage and his thin lips are twisted in an ever-present smile of sheer cruelty. His body begins to take shape and the unstructured black cloud dissipates to reveal a grotesque vision of muscle and spiked exoskeleton clad in black. His long fingers grip a jewel of darkness that pulsates almost convulsively with power and evil. It slowly begins to melt, mutating until it resembles a pulsing bloody heart.

_No…_

The young woman's eyes snap open to reveal dark brown eyes wide with alarm. The globes of light fade back into thin air from whence they were summoned and petals drift lazily to the ground about her. In complete contrast to the visual calm of her surroundings, the young woman is frazzled and her breathing is harsh and ragged as she wipes her hand across her damp forehead. Not a second after her awakening, a young fox demon burst into the clearing.

"Kagome!" Shippou cried as he launched himself into her arms.

She caught him on reflex and clutched him to her bosom in an effort to come to grips with her reality. The disturbing images she unearthed in her mind fade back into her subconscious slowly as she stared into the wide leaf green eyes of her beloved companion and friend. "Shippou-chan…" She began shakily in a voice liberally laced with relief.

The fox child searched Kagome's face with eyes far older that his years. "Are you okay, Kagome? I know I'm not supposed to disturb you while you're meditating but Inu Yasha is being a real jerk and Sango and Miroku are talking. They've been talking all day… all quiet and secretive…"

Kagome frowned at the mention of Inu Yasha and her eyes became unfocused as she recounted in her mind the events of the past week. The group discovered the village of Kito; a place they heard had been plagued with problems and demons, decimated and bloodied. They searched the town, burying the remains of villagers and scouting desperately for some clue or sign of life. However they found nothing. Not even Inu Yasha's strong sense of smell could discern the perpetrators even though everyone knew that it was likely some ploy of Naraku's. Tensions were at an all time high and silence had fallen thick on all especially Kagome. She made a conscious effort to avoid Inu Yasha but his amber glare was almost tangible when it fell upon her. It was unnerving and made her bristle in anger for such a glare usually would be accompanied by some taunt or ignorant comment towards Kagome.

_That bastard… He's being such an asshole and making it known to the world that he doesn't want to be near me. I don't get it… What did I do to him? Isn't it stressful enough that we can't find Naraku? It's been months since we last encountered him and it seems that monster is always one step ahead. We're running in circles now and I'm not even sure anymore why I'm supposed to be here._

Shippou tapped lightly on Kagome's forehead with his small, clawed fingers, "Earth to Kagome… Where did you go?"

The young woman blinked then grinned sheepishly, "Gomen ne, Shippou-chan. I didn't mean to space out on you. I just have a lot on my mind right now."

The kitsune child nodded and then laid his head on her bosom, "I can see how you could. Stupid Inu Yasha is being pretty hard on you for no reason at all. He's just mad because he's useless and you're getting more powerful by the day. It's not fair that he's taking all of his frustration out on you."

"I know Shippou… but what can we do?" Kagome sighed as she stroked his auburn locks.

"If I were bigger, I would tear him to shreds." Shippou growled and flexed his diminutive claws.

Kagome chuckled in response to his aggressive display, "There's no need to rush into growing up. Besides, I noticed that you've been getting much stronger and faster than when I first met you… I think you might even be taller…"

"Really?" he stood back from her and asked dubiously. "It seems like I'm going to be this size forever."

"No it's true, Shippou. Well, at least I think it is. If anything else, you most definitely are getting heavier. Maybe you should lay off the sweets…" Kagome giggled as she playfully mussed his locks and then stood.

"Hey! I'm not getting fat. It's all muscle!" the fox child cried and puffed up in indignation.

Kagome's musical laughter at Shippou's antics rang through the small clearing.

"Interrupting Kagome's meditation time again, Shippou?" Miroku's voice cut through the laughter, interrupting the pair's revelry.

The startled miko turned swiftly to find Miroku only a foot away. She opened her mouth to defend Shippou but the fox youkai was way ahead of her.

"Kagome just finished her meditating or whatever… Besides, I was bored and everyone was off doing something or other. What is a kid to do?"

"Perhaps it would be a good idea for you to meditate as well," the monk answered smoothly but amusement glinted in his violet eyes.

"Humph…" was Shippou's only reply as he turned and left the clearing in hopes of finding Kirara.

"Oh, the tempestuousness of youth…" Miroku sighed and then smiled at Kagome, "How are you feeling? You seem a bit on the pale side. You've been that way since we arrived in this area…"

"I… I'm fine…" she replied unconvincingly.

Miroku shook his head and chastised her lightly, "You aren't a good liar, you know?"

Kagome laughed halfheartedly and then sighed, "It's the visions… I've been having them off and on since we arrived in Kito… It makes it hard to concentrate with all these thoughts clamoring through my head. Whenever I try to get around them, I get clobbered instead. I… I don't know if I'm cut out to do this stuff…"

Her monk companion of two years totally disregarded her self-deprecating comments as he spoke, "Visions? Are they the same ones you had when we arrived here?"

"No... The last time I saw the village getting destroyed or at least I think it was Kito. I couldn't tell who was doing it but I just know deep down inside it was Naraku or maybe Hakudoushi. But why? Every time Naraku strikes, there is usually some ulterior motive for it. I can't figure it out at all and since he can now erase his youki (Manga Volume 34, Chapter 337) it makes it even harder to pinpoint him."

"Perhaps there may be some clue in the constant visions you've been having…" Miroku suggested as he sank down onto ground beneath the shelter of the sakura tree's shade.

"I don't know… I feel this sense of urgency nowadays. It's like we're running out of time… In my last vision Naraku had the whole Shikon no Tama in his possession and it was so polluted with evil…" Kagome shuddered and placed her slim hand over the place where the meager shards her team still possessed lay. "I know that I need to get stronger but I'm not sure of the role I really play in the big scheme of things. What is it that I can do that Kikyo could not? Aren't I just a copy of her? It's so hard to concentrate with everything that is happening now…"

Miroku patted her on the shoulder lightly, "I know how hard it must be for you in these troubled times…"

Kagome sighed and looked off into the distance as her thoughts overcame her. _Should I tell Miroku that Midoriko came to me? Would he believe? Why do I feel like this is something I should keep to myself…? Should I? _Kagome's thoughts stopped abruptly and she stiffened. "Would you mind moving your hand before I break it off Miroku?"

The monk chuckled sheepishly as he removed his hand quickly from her rear, "Heh… old habits… old habits…"

Kagome sniffed in disdain, "Well, if you want to live to see another day I suggest you keep those old habits to yourself… I mean really…"

"Well... it seems Sango is doing a grand job of toughening you up." Miroku remarked lightly and then cleared his throat as Kagome's glared threateningly at him, "Anyways, I believe that we are hot on Naraku's trail. Kito could not have been attacked more than a couple of days ago."

Kagome grew silent again and lifted her hand to catch a fallen petal. The errant blossom landed gracefully into her cupped palm. After staring a bit absently at the delicate flower petal, she closed her slim fingered hand around it. A minute of pregnant silence passed before the young miko sighed and spoke, "I must go home again… Is there anyway to do it without Inu Yasha's notice?"

"I highly doubt your absence would go unnoticed by him…" the monk sighed gravely.

Kagome's shoulders slumped as she mumbled, "He'll probably dance a jig."

"Jig..?" Miroku questioned.

The young girl shook her head in response, "It's just a dance or something. Anyways, I have a test to take and notes to grab. We are quite a ways away from the well though. I would need Kirara to take me back but that would inconvenience Sango. Besides if you guys start moving again or something happens, I wouldn't know where to find you…"

"If you have Kirara with you… She could track us down if we decide to move on. Do you think she could go through the well with you?" Miroku asked.

"I never tried to bring anyone through with me… It might work." Kagome's eyes widened as she had a sudden epiphany, "That would keep Inu Yasha from doing something stupid like closing the well. If Kirara is trapped on the other side with me, Sango would kill him."

"That is very true and very deviant… How long must you be gone?"

"Not more than a day…" Kagome sighed, "I should probably be on my way back before night falls and Inu Yasha comes back from God knows where…" With that being said, Kagome stood and brushed off her dirty, rumpled clothing. "Are you coming back to camp, Miroku?"

"I think I should just stay and enjoy this view for a little while longer." Miroku replied.

The young miko nodded and then turned to walk away. She paused a minute afterwards and turned to look back at Miroku. She caught him in the act of visually appreciating her backside. "Hentai…"

Miroku smiled again and waved his beaded palm. "Have a safe trip, Kagome-sama…"

Kagome shook her head and walked out of the small clearing and back to camp. It took no time at all to convince Sango to allow her access to Kirara and soon Kagome was flying through the air on the back of her cat-youkai companion.

"I promise not to keep you away for long, Kirara." Kagome shouted over the wind as she patted the youkai on her flank.

Kirara purred in response and surged forward through the sky.

"Where the hell is Kagome?" Inu Yasha nearly yelled after returning to camp after sun down.

His abrupt, irritated return momentarily halted the actions of his camp mates. Sango, having been in the act of tending to a budding campfire, paused long enough to spare a glance at the irate hanyou and then nonchalantly went back to her task. Shippou continued to play with one of his small tops, completely ignoring him. The prolonged silence perplexed Inu Yasha and set his already short temper to boiling. Inu Yasha was about to comment on their indifferent behavior but was thwarted when Miroku finally deemed him with a reply.

"She went home…" he replied curtly.

"It's about damn time…" Inu Yasha growled halfheartedly and then plopped down by the fire. His angry façade melted instantly as he stared into the rising flames of their campfire. _She finally left… I thought she would never get lost. Good riddance to her then. She'll be happier far away from this dangerous place and far away from me…_

"She'll be back by midday tomorrow…" Sango sighed.

The inu hanyou face faulted as his mind absorbed this tidbit of information, "She what… But I thought she was home for good!"

"No one said that…" Shippou teased.

Inu Yasha surged to his feet, "Like hell she will come back… I'll seal that damn we…" He had no chance to finish his sentence before Miroku struck him with his cane and paralyzed his body with a mantra that he'd stuck on Inu Yasha's forehead.

"That'll keep him from doing anything unnecessary for the night." Miroku sighed as he clapped his hands. "Kagome-sama may be the only one who can activate the sit spell but I have a few tricks of my own up my sleeve."

"Kagome had to go home for school. She'll be returning with Kirara in the morning…" Sango sighed once more to the cursing, red-eyed hanyou lying prostrate on the ground. "We wouldn't want you doing anything to crazy to effect her and my companion's return, now would we?"

Shippou snickered and stuck his tongue out at Inu Yasha. However, the kitsune's bravado soon dissipated when Inu Yasha's eyes flashed in his direction and fixed him with a glare of death.

"That spell will wear off at midmorning. For now, let us just relax and enjoy this beautiful night, shall we." Miroku smiled.

Inu Yasha answered with a string of curses that would have made even Naraku cringe.

Kagome found herself gliding through blue skies once again as she headed back in the direction of the camp. Her thoughts drifted far and away as Kirara swiftly flew through the air. _Darn it! I got an answer wrong on my math test! I would have had an A+… and Sae-san seemed more suspicious than ever. I know she knows I'm not ill… but what else can I do? I have so much to do here and in the present. I can't possibly turn my back on my life in the Feudal era until… Until what? I'm most likely going to get myself killed in this era… _

Kagome pushed a lock of her thick black hair out of her face and gripped Kirara tighter. _The shards are getting insistent… Those visions are pervading my thoughts and I barely slept a wink last night… It's so frustrating… What do they want me to do? _Kagome sighed and looked down at the ground far below. The remains of the village Kito could clearly be seen from her perch atop Kirara's back. _We're getting closer to camp. I bet Inu Yasha will make a fuss and I'm really not in the mood for it at all. Perhaps he'll just ignore me. At least, I hope that he does. _

"Here goes nothing…" Kagome muttered as they descended.

Shortly after they touched the ground, she jumped from the demon cat's back and unpacked some of the supplies she'd brought from home. Merely seconds after Kagome began unpacking; Inu Yasha came barging through the woods.

"I thought I told you to never come back! Not only do you disobey me but also you hold up the entire fucking group with your antics. You're useless! Nobody needs or wants you here. You should have stayed on the other side of damn well…" Inu Yasha growled in frustration. In truth, he was angrier at Miroku's betrayal, the fact that he's spent the night lying awkwardly on the ground, unable to move and that the whole time he lie there, he thought about Kagome's safety. _Don't you know I've been worried about you since you left? Damn it! You shouldn't be here at all… Why can't you just go home and be safe!_

Kagome continued to unpack, totally ignoring Inu Yasha's ranting. When her supplies were finally unloaded from Kirara's back she hefted them onto her shoulders and brushed past the irate hanyou. "If you're done now…" Kagome's icy voice cut through the air as she walked away, "We should pack up the camp and get moving before dark… There is no point in staying here any longer…"

Inu Yasha was left to watch Kagome's retreating back in shock. Kagome rarely, if ever, spoke to him in such a manner. The coldness in her voice shocked the hanyou to no end. He had no time to ponder this before a blur hurtled past him.

"Kouga-kun…" Inu Yasha growled under his breath as he pushed his silvery white hair out his face and mouth.

The speedy wolf youkai was to busy embracing Kagome affectionately and twirling her about to notice the Inu Yasha's chagrin. "Kagome! I was worried sick about you!"

"Why ever for Kouga-kun…" Kagome replied neutrally as she stepped out his arms and looked up at his face when he released her.

"Rumor has it that there's been a rash of villages being destroyed east of here. I think that bastard Hakudoushi is up to something. I ran into one of his mutants on the road here. I figured you might have had a brush with him too. I rushed to protect you because dog turd is the inept." Kouga cast a cerulean stare at his rival before taking Kagome's small hands in his.

The young miko smiled tolerantly, "We've had no trouble, Kouga. We were just about to take down camp and move out but we had no idea where to go…"

Inu Yasha gritted his teeth at the disgusting display before him but said nothing. Instead, he stalked past the two and into the woods.

"What's biting him?" the wolf youkai asked.

"Probably fleas…" Kagome muttered and politely pulled her hands out of Kouga's. She could not suppress the pang of hurt that bloomed in her bosom when Inu Yasha did not react to his former rival's presence. She hadn't meant to flaunt his presence and most certainly didn't want encourage Kouga but it would have been nice to see a familiar reaction from the young man she once called a friend. _I guess he really does hate me and want me gone… It must not matter to him what happens to me then…_

Kagome inwardly sighed and then directed a halfhearted smile in Kouga's direction; "I'm going back to camp now…"

The wolf demon grinned mischievously and hefted the protesting miko into his arms, "I'll take you…" With that he sprinted through the forest with Kagome clinging to him for dear life. They moved so quickly neither noticed the decimated, ragged trees that lie in their path.

When they arrived at camp, Kouga put her down and Kagome glared up at the handsome wolf demon. "I could have easily walked here, Kouga-kun."

"I didn't want you to trip on anything…" he replied softly all the while looking at her reverently.

Kagome rolled her eyes and directed her gaze to her companions who were all blatantly staring at her. Kagome felt her cheeks flare with color as she cleared her throat, "Kouga-kun has discovered that villages east of here are suffering the same fate as Kito."

"There must some pattern to all this…" Miroku replied rubbing his chin.

"I think that bastard is getting bold and trying to flush us out…" Kouga growled.

"Maybe… but somehow it seems Naraku has put us on the back burner. He still knows you have two shards and that we have shards as well, yet he has not made a direct attack against us. Kikyo remarked that Naraku has removed his heart from his body perhaps… We maybe closer to finding it," Sango responded.

"I still think it's a trap…" Kouga reiterated.

"Well, all we can do is follow what clues we have." Kagome finally stated.

"This is true…" Miroku agreed.

"I think we should be leaving soon but we can't move without Inu Yasha…" Sango said as she packed up the camp.

"I saw him hop in that tree over there a couple of minutes ago." Shippou offered.

"Then, he heard everything then…" Kagome replied nonchalantly. "We need to get moving now."

Kagome and her companions began dismantling their makeshift camp but were soon interrupted when two wolf youkai came running through the trees, gasping for breath and obviously fatigued.

"Kouga-kun! You left us again…" one of the wolf youkai gasped in between breaths.

Kouga shrugged in response, "You two were trailing behind. I had to make sure my woman was safe."

"Your… but Kouga-kun, Kagome-sama doesn't even…" the other replied perplexed by his leader's sheer ignorance of the young miko's true feelings.

Inu Yasha decided at the opportune moment to make his appearance. He'd spent most of his time brooding angrily in a tree near the campsite. The mere fact that Kouga-kun was close by put him on edge. With the addition of the leader of the wolf youkai being close to Kagome as well, the hanyou's already short temper was boiling. However, his anger was helpless for he could not vent his frustration in the gratuitously violent way he always did.

"Ahhh… So dog turd has finally made his presence known…" Kouga sneered as he drew close to his adversary.

"What's the matter wimpy wolf? Shouldn't you be off running away like a little bitch?" Inu Yasha bit out through clenched teeth.

The wolf youkai's azure eyes narrowed, "Shouldn't you be protecting my woman, dog face?"

Inu Yasha literally had to hold his demon blood in check and his amber eyes flashed red before he finally managed to reply, "Kagome's not…"

The two rivals were blissfully unaware of the complete silence of their surroundings as they faced off. The remainder of the group watched the exchange intently, waiting for the outcome. Kouga's faithful companions watched with an air of irritation about them for they knew that Kouga had no claim on Kagome's affection and that he was far too dense to recognize that. The others could not tear their eyes away for they were fully aware of the awful tension that had settled on the couple. If Inu Yasha for any reason denied Kouga's claim on Kagome, that could only mean he still had feelings for the young miko. Kagome's heart beat heavily in her chest and her breath stilled in her throat despite her lack of outward emotions.

_Could Inu Yasha still…?_

The next words out of his mouth dashed her hopes and replaced her anxiety with raw anger. "Kagome's not my fucking woman… If you want the bitch, take her and get the fuck out of here."

Kouga drew back with eyes wide in shock. His mouth fell slack and no words poured from his lips. Kagome strode forward and pushed between the two adversaries. Kouga stumbled back and his bright blue eyes widened further as took in the look of undeniable outrage on Kagome's face. Inu Yasha had no time to react as her hand delivered a crashing blow to his cheek. His head snapped sideways from the force of her strike.

"You idiots! I'm tired of your stupid fighting. I don't belong to either of you. As a matter of fact… I can't stand either of you!" Kagome turned on Kouga, her brown eyes flashing fire, "You assume that I want to be with you but you never ask me. I'm not your possession! I belong to no one!" Then, she turned on the shocked hanyou, who was cradling his reddened cheek, "You… Bastard! I hate you the most! Osuwari! You think you can just dump me off on whomever you want, huh? Well, I got news for you! I hope you…. I hope you fucking die! I'll be happy when the day comes that I never have to set eyes on you again! Osuwari! Osuwari! Osuwari…" Then she turned on the inhabitants of the camp, "What are you guys waiting for? Pack up the damn camp and let's get moving or I swear to the Gods of above I'll kill them both."

All of a sudden, there was a flurry of action; fires were doused, sleeping bags got tucked away. Kirara transformed and had all the supplies packed onto her back in record time. No one dared speak nor did anyone spare the enraged miko more than a sidelong glance and even those were hesitant. Sango need not ask if Kagome was going to ride alongside her, for she already knew that the young miko's emotional state was not steady enough to travel alongside Inu Yasha and Kouga. However, Sango dare not address the younger woman until they were ready to take to the air.

"Kagome-chan, are you okay?" Sango whispered before they took off.

Kagome made no attempt to hide the hurt that lurked behind her tear glazed eyes even as she smiled. "I'll be all right Sango." She replied a little brokenly, "I just want to get away from here…"

The taiji-ya nodded and urged Kirara into the sky. Everyone moved out quickly including Kouga's companions, everyone except Inu Yasha and Kouga.

Kouga shook off his stupefaction moments after everyone else had cleared the scene and then hissed at his hanyou companion, who was trying valiantly to remove himself from the ground. "Look what you've done, dog face! Now Kagome's angry and it's all your fault."

"Damn it, Kouga!" Inu Yasha groaned as he rubbed his sore back, "Bite me!"

"I have to catch up with my woman and make things better now. Way to go!" Kouga yelled as he blasted in the direction of the others, leaving Inu Yasha alone in the forest.

_You… Bastard! I hate you the most! _

Inu Yasha stood awkwardly and then rubbed his clawed hand over his eyes. _You got what you want didn't you? She hates you now and there's nothing you can do to change that… _

"Fuck…" he sighed in a pain edged whisper, "It wasn't supposed to be like this…. Fuck…"

Without another word, he burst into a full out run in the direction of the group. He moved quickly, almost outrunning the wind. But it wasn't enough. It would never be enough because no matter how hard or fast he ran; he could not outrun his own conscience. It took him very little time to catch up with the group but he said nothing as he fell into amongst them. He just kept going, highly aware of the stares and glares directed at him.

When they settled for the night, all were hesitant to pierce the tense silence that pervaded the atmosphere. Kagome had long retreated into an icy shell and would not acknowledge Inu Yasha's presence. Kouga wisely decided, for once, that he and his companions should keep some distance from the others. Inu Yasha had taken to a tree and remained there throughout the night. Sango, Shippou, and Miroku held their peace, although they glanced knowingly at each other from time to time. They were dying to make comments but realized silence was best route for now. No one wanted to risk being skewered by Kagome.

The young miko was fully aware of the fact that her companions were bursting at the seams as they tried to hold their peace and if she weren't feeling so humiliated and raw, she would have laughed at their comical efforts to keep quiet. Instead, she quietly excused herself and left the campfire so that her awful mood would not damper the conversation Miroku, Sango, and Shippou were dying to have. Kagome sighed as she rolled out her sleeping bag a good distance away from her companions so that she would not be privy to their muted whispers, and then she crawled inside determined to block out the events of the day. As she lay in the fetal position within the shelter of her bag, tears pricked the backs of her eyes, tears that the young miko stubbornly would not allow to fall.

_I will not cry… I will not let Inu Yasha make me cry ever again… I made myself a promise… I don't care if he doesn't want me… I won't care… I can't… I'm here for a reason and once it's over I can leave and I'll never have to see his face again._

Kagome was ill prepared for the pain that shot through her heart at the idea of never seeing Inu Yasha again.

_You can lie to anyone but you can't lie to yourself… _Kagome mentally reprimanded herself as her façade of anger crumbled, leaving her raw and vulnerable. _I still love him… I still love him and I hate myself because of it. If I didn't care at all, it wouldn't have hurt so badly when he pushed me off on Kouga. I have no one but myself to blame… _

Kagome winced as she remembered the harsh words that poured from her mouth earlier that day. _I'm not like this… I shouldn't have let him get me so riled up. I shouldn't have let him get to me… Now, I'm no better than him… _She clamped her eyes shut in an effort to force sleep to overcome her thoughts but her body would not allow her an easy reprieve. Annoyed, she rolled unto her back and listened to sounds of the night while staring up at the twinkling stars shining through the canopy of the forest. _That's it… No matter what he says… no matter what Inu Yasha does… I will not react… I will not let him see that he can hurt me again… _Having come to her own resolution, Kagome repressed her thoughts and stare blankly up at the sky until sleep overtook her.

The dam broke as soon as Kagome was out of earshot. The trio began whispering fiercely amongst themselves, fully aware that those with sensitive youkai hearing would be audience to their conversations.

"How could he say such cruel things in front of her?" Sango hissed angrily. "Kagome-chan was crushed."

Miroku shook his dark head sadly as he whispered his reply, "I do not approve either. He has been most harsh in his treatment of Kagome-sama…"

Shippou scratched his auburn head in confusion, "I just don't get it? Why is he being such a jerk to her? I mean, I know Inu Yasha is always a jerk but, this is just too extreme…"

Miroku averted his violet eyes to the smoldering twigs and leaves of their small campfire, "One can only wonder what goes on in the mind of that particular half demon."

Sango brown eyes narrowed in suspicion as she watched the monk's shifty behavior, "Yes, one can only wonder, Houshi-sama…"

Miroku stiffened at her tone but then shrugged nonchalantly, "I tried to pry information from the young man in question but he was being as tight as a vir… clam…"

Sango's blushed in shock and then covered Shippou's ears, "Miroku! How could you speak that way in front of a child!"

Shippou tried to shake off the taiji-ya's hands, "What? What did he say? What's a vir" Shippou's questions ceased when Sango indignantly placed her hand over his mouth.

The houshi only smiled roguishly, "I knew that would make you use my given name. I love how it sounds coming off of your lips. Besides, you know how much I hate it when you call me houshi-sama."

Although it shouldn't have been possible, Sango's blush deepened even as she reached across and cuffed the object of her affection, "You should still watch what you say… Miroku…"

Despite the stinging sensation on his left ear, Miroku smiled and rubbed his head before going back to their former conversation, "As I was saying, I'm not sure what we'll be able to do about Kagome and Inu Yasha. I just hope that we all will manage to keep things going smoothly until the final battle comes. You may not understand Inu Yasha's motives but I'm sure he has his reasons for what he does. Please, keep in mind that this is matter for those two to solve. Nothing good can come of you interfering."

"But…" Sango countered, ready to argue for the sake of her dearest friend.

Miroku's tone brooked no argument. "Do not interfere… Kagome's not asking you to and I highly doubt she would do such a thing. For the sake of our unity, let those two work things out."

The newly freed Shippou only huffed and crossed his small arms over his chest, "How come I don't get to hear any of the good stuff?"

"Perhaps, when you're older…" Miroku smiled and ruffled his hair and then leaned over slightly and whispered, "Or when Sango isn't around…"

"I heard that…" Sango warned darkly.

Miroku and Shippou only snickered derisively, which caused the taiji-ya to shake her head in distaste, "On that note, I'll retire so you two can have alone time."

"Actually, we all should probably retire… Tomorrow, we have a ways to travel and I, for one, find riding Kagome-sama's bi-cycle quite tiring…"

Shippou yawned profusely, interrupting Miroku's spiel. "I'm not really tired…", the kitsune child replied even as another huge yawn escaped his mouth. "But, I think I'll go join Kagome. She probably needs comfort right about now…"

Sango and Miroku lapsed into silence for a few moments after Shippou made his exit. The events of the past week put a damper on the pair's budding relationship as both tried to console their fighting friends. Now, this unexpected interlude left them feeling subconscious and shy. Sango stole a few glances at Miroku and then shuffled some twigs in the campfire. Miroku's intense violet gaze watched her nervous profile, seeing the slight blush forming on her cheeks that had nothing to do with the warmth of the fire. He waited, hoping Sango would speak first, hoping that he wouldn't have to gush his feelings. Seeing Sango shift awkwardly for the fourth time made him realize that she was no more willing to make the first move then he was.

_Why am I so hesitant now? It's usually not so hard… Why do I feel so self-conscious? _Miroku's musing ended as Sango stood up in obvious frustration. _Is she leaving? Sango can't just leave me here…_ The monk's mouth opened to call her back, but closed abruptly as she came to stop beside him and plunked down on the ground. She neither said a word nor looked at him as leaned her head on his robe clad shoulder. Despite his efforts to hide his surprise behind a veneer of nonchalance, a slight blush stole upon his smooth cheeks. This was the first time Sango initiated contact with him. In the past, it was he who coped a feel or pulled his hesitant lover into his embrace. Afterwards, the taiji-ya would respond with a punch or a reprimand at his forward behavior.

Ever since he confessed his true intent toward the demon slayer, Miroku decided that it was best to repress most of his perverse urges in hopes of gaining her trust. Instead of playfully patting her backside, he would just hug her close; letting his hands stray no further than her waist. When they could steal a private moment, he always sat close of enough that there shoulders would brush. Sometimes he would toy idly with her hand, clasping it in his while they talked about anything and everything. Sango gradually became less and less weary of his presence, however, she'd never made an attempt to touch him, until now.

I never knew how important it was to me to have Sango want to be near me… I guess I hadn't garnered much hope in her ever truly liking me in the first place. I've spent most of my life breezing by responsibility and indulging in whatever nonsense I could find. Now more than ever I realize how very significant and precious life is when you have people you care about close by. The time is winding down and I know that my days are indeed numbered. I just hope I don't end up failing Sango or myself…

Without saying a word, the young monk brushed a kiss over Sango's temple while sliding his fingers into hers. Then, he leaned close, letting his head rest atop her onyx tresses. Neither spoke, for fear of ruining such a perfect moment. High above them, another was observing the night of silence but not for the sake of romance. Black tresses flew about the lone figure's strong-featured face and his dark brows furrowed over his stormy violet eyes. High above him stars glistened in the velvety darkness of the night sky, casting an eerie glow over his red hakama and haori.

_I hate new moons… _

_I hate being human… _

_It makes me weak… it makes me helpless… _

_Worst of all it makes me think… _

If Inu Yasha could at that moment, he would have let loose a massive growl of frustration. Unfortunately, his growls often sounded ridiculous and much out of place when erupting from his very human lungs. Nights like this always seemed to end on a bad note, usually with a monster or two attacking. But there were no monsters this time… not ones visible to the eye. Not so long ago, on the night of the new moon, Inu Yasha would sit, hidden from the world, and think. Think of all the sins that weighed so heavily upon his soul… all that was lost to him… all the things he would never know… all the things he shouldn't have said… all the moments that passed him by. Such memories never faded but it was much easier to push them aside with his demon blood flowing freely through his veins. Then and only then could he purge the awful thoughts momentarily from his psyche. Now more than ever he wished for respite from his crippling thoughts. Not only did he have the weight of his past mistakes weighing upon him but also the present and ever looming darkness of the future to deal with.

_I made the decision to lay Kikyo to rest as she deserves… in doing so I tried to keep Kagome from suffering the same fate or some worse demise by putting her back in her own world and trying to make her stay there. I failed miserably it seems as I have failed so many times in the past. I couldn't protect Kikyo then and now Kagome would rather die than let me near her. It would have been easier had Kagome been the same girl she was two years ago. That girl would have turned tail and left me high and dry. I wouldn't hurt so badly knowing that she was safe even if she hated me. Unfortunately, I hadn't anticipated that I would have to come face to face with my mistakes, showing so clearly in her eyes. She hates me… she hates me and I can see it… I know how much I hurt her… and it's killing me. _

_I can't do anything right it seems… I failed Kikyo… I failed Kagome… I failed everyone. I see how they look at me now… I don't know why they haven't cast me out yet… It seems that Miroku is the only one who can look me in the eyes without disgust. They all see me as an enemy I'm sure. Fuck… even I'm against myself and there's no way to turn back now… _

_Shit… Where do you go after you've dug a ditch for yourself? Do you keep digging and hope that you'll get the other side or do you just wait for the walls to fall in on you? Kami-sama I don't know what I should do now… I swear to the gods if Kouga touches her one more time I'll… I'll… I'll do what? _

_Shit.. _

Inu Yasha knew without saying that he'd already put his foot in his mouth by basically giving Kagome away to Kouga. Now, he dreaded the moment when the wolf demon would attempt to collect on his hanyou rival's foolish gift. While Kagome didn't seem at all receptive given the circumstances, he could almost imagine her leaving with Kouga out of spite. The mere thought of Kouga laying a hand on Kagome made a feral growl rumble in Inu Yasha's chest. His blood was heating up to a fevered pitch. Somewhere in the back of his mind it was registering that this phenomenon should not be taking place, not this soon… not this quickly. However, Inu Yasha continued growl, his eyes flashing between red, gold, and darkness. His once blunt nailed fingers pierced the bark of tree limb on which he sat as his fingers gripped the branch tightly. His growl turned to gasp as he physically had to restrain his demon half from bursting forth and reaping havoc on the unknowing dreamers below. He doubled over, fighting wave after wave of pure animal rage. He was almost overwhelmed by the barrage of emotions and thoughts. Rage, Lust, Sadness, Anxiety, Confusion, and Need…

_It was just too much… _

By some fragile miracle Inu Yasha managed to restrain himself, but not without paying the price. He fell forward on his hands as his strong chest heaved for breath. His white hair stuck to his sweaty forehead and fell over his red clad shoulders. Tremors ran through his whole body as the shock of what had just taken place fell upon the half youkai. The full moon still shone above him, oblivious to the danger and the plight of mere mortals above.

At any other time, Inu Yasha would have been overjoyed to be free of his 'weak' human form on such a night but… having known what transpired only moments earlier sent a strong shaft of fear to his heart…

_What is happening to me? _

_Too much… _

_Shit… _

**_Aww crap…. I so meant to make this chapter 'Dances with Wolves' but I realized, as the chapter got longer and longer, that there would be no way and no real reason to shove two or three chapters into one. Besides, the more chapters the merrier! Also, I had the sudden epiphany! What the heck is Naraku and his troops doing? I wanted to know and I'm sure the readers want to know as well. So I decided somewhere along the way I would have to veer away from the main plot just so I could let the readers in on outside forces. Also it would help the story development greatly ya know! I have some plans for certain characters in this story… I just hope I orchestrate these events as smoothly as possible._**

_**I hope you guys enjoyed the bit of fluff I managed to push into this chapter. I know it's not Kagome/ Inu Yasha but what did you expect? If you know my writing like you should, you would know nothing good comes easy. There's definitely a storm brewing between those two and you know what they say… Where there's thunder... there will be lightning… Things are going to get complicated and more than a little shocking!**_

**_Stay tuned for 'Dances with Wolves' ! I promise not to keep you waiting too long. Thank you for sticking around…_**

_**Megami no Hikari**_


	18. Dances with Wolves

_**Gasp** I'm actually putting out another chapter! What a concept… I'm inspired it seems and I don't want to lose the energy so I might as well get this chapter, 'Dances with Wolves' out to the public. I'm getting just as antsy as my readers to see how the chips will fall…_

Kagome jerked awake with a startled gasp. Her ears were filled with the insistent and rhythmic pounding of her heart and her mind was muddled from sleep and some fading anxiety, a feeling of complete dread. She pressed her head against her pillow and took a deep breath, letting it out quickly in annoyance. For the life of her she couldn't recollect what occurred in her dream state that would cause her to panic, and thus wake at the break of day. Above her, the first pale rays of sunlight shyly peeked through the canopy of the forest and indigenous birds had already begun their morning chorus. The young miko forced her eyes to shut once more but could not find solace in sleep. Instead, she searched her thoughts hoping to grasp on to the feeling that had permeated her psyche only moments before and determine its source. There was nothing… Heaving a sigh, she let her eyes wander over the quiet camp. The fire had burn to naught but ashes and all were still in grasp of slumber, all except for herself. Beside Kagome, her young kitsune companion frowned in his asleep and muttered as if her distress had somehow permeated his dreams. Kagome stroked his auburn locks unconsciously, willing him                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 cerun: yes"> Quietly, she extracted herself from Shippou's hold, collected some supplies; her bow and arrows, a blue backpack containing some school supplies, a small battery operated radio with a cd player, blanket and books, her bathing supplies and a large towel.

"I might as well make the most of my early start." She muttered to herself and quickly left the campsite in search of clean water. She remembered clearly that there was a huge pond somewhere nearby and needed desperately to wash away the grime of the previous day's journey. Within minutes she was standing before the pond. It was a picturesque sight, the limbs of willowy trees hung over the shore casting shade upon its banks where lilies gracefully spun and glide on the surface. Sunlight reflected of the calm, clear surface of the water, exposing small fish darting to and fro in its depths.

Kagome inhaled the scent of the forest, unsullied by the pollution and progress that evaded her time. It was refreshing but also evoked sadness in her soul.

_It won't be long before I live all of this behind… I still don't belong here… I know it and everyone else knows it although not many dare say it… My days are indeed numbered if I manage to survive. I know I'll miss all of this… I'll miss the trees and the sweet air… I'll miss… Geez.. What am I getting all sentimental for? This journey is far from done and… Being home is great! I won't have to deal with sleeping on the hard ground any more and I'll have Mama's cooked meals. And, there won't be anymore overbearing jerks dogging my every move! It'll be great to be home… Great…_

Kagome squared her shoulders and nodded briefly as if to say she'd made up her mind. After scanning the area for a suitable place to put down her things, she set up her small camp, spreading out a blanket on a large, flat rock hanging over the shore. She stepped back and observed her handiwork while brushing debris from her hands. Without another moments thought, she relieved herself of clothing, grabbed her supplies, wrapped a towel about her body and ran for the shore. She squealed as the cool pond water rushed over her toes and ankles as she waded deeper. Kagome removed her towel and tossed it back to shore when she was deep enough to cover herself. She stooped in the water, shivering at first, in order to let her body adjust to the temperatures. She was sensually aware of the cool water against her bare skin and her mind was alert to the vulnerability of situation. Usually, she had Sango as companion on her bathing trips and they both wore a towel whilst they bathed maintaining their modesty and keeping clear of prying eyes. Today Kagome had the desperate need to feel clean and wash away the grime of travel and the something more, a kind of grime and muddy uncertainty that clung beneath her tanned skin and spread to her thoughts. She wanted to be clean of trouble … of pain… of doubt… Kagome hesitated, thinking of the possible situations that could arise if she were caught in her current state and almost waded back to get her towel.

After a second, she shrugged and submerged herself fully and began to swim.

_Why not abandon myself to the moment? Consequences be damned… Why can't I just enjoy a simple second in time? No worries... No fear… No thoughts, except that of joy… I can do that, can't I?_

Her mind cleared instantly as her lithely muscled body cut through the water in precise strokes. Wherever she swam, the water seemed to part at her command. She dipped into the water completely becoming one with the water. All that mattered in that moment was the feel of the water currents gliding over her skin and the bubbles of her breath escaping from her mouth and stirred by her underwater expedition. It was relaxing exercise, calling to mind memories of her childhood. Her older cousin Yue called her "mermaid girl" often because of her adeptness in the water. Kagome would spend hours at a time, diving and cavorting in the pool during the summer. A small smile touched her lips at those fond memories. Things were much simple back then.

_Not like now… _That single thought ended her revelry and then she realized that her new all natural shampoo and soap were floating away. She gasped and went after them in a flurry of motion that sent water flying everywhere. When the young girl finally caught up to her stuff, she hastily washed herself and left the pond to dry off. After returning to her blanket and changing back into her travel clothes, Kagome began some reading for one of her many classes.

"Homework never stops coming…" She reminded herself sternly even as she groaned inwardly. She was behind in her Western Cultures class and they were currently studying the Regency Era of England and its affects on Japanese society. There was so much to take in: the events of the age, the booming trade routes, war, and the grand and strange style of the Elite forces that reigned supreme during the time period.

Kagome sat back as she considered the influence of the Western powers on Meiji Era Japan and its government, music, technology, and even their style of dress. Kagome laughed as she considered a life without jeans and a comfy t-shirt. She was certainly glad that the English fashion of cumbersome gowns and corsets had long passed or in this case, not begun as of yet. Only recently had Kagome begun to adapt her style of dress to that of the Feudal Japan in the form of the garb of demon slayers, a handmade gift from Sango. The taiji-ya rewarded the young miko with this after a long, hard practice. She remembered her best friend's quiet, proud words as she handed them to her.

_"The ways of taiji-ya cannot die as long as there is someone to teach and someone willing to learn. You have gone above and beyond the limitations of your inexperience and I cannot say I could find anyone I would be more proud to see don the gear of a trained demon slayer."_

Kagome's eyes welled with tears when the light suit of armor touched hands and then she nearly laughed as she noticed that all the accents of the outfit were of the same colors as her school uniform. Sango had salvaged some material from her ruined skirts and shirts. The suit of armor consisted of a black jumpsuit of durable cloth that allowed her to move much easier than the miko garb she been forced to wear occasionally when her clothes got completely ruined, and accented with a green demon hide breastplate rimmed in white. A short, tunic-like garment rest beneath the breastplate and over the jumpsuit, it was white and rimmed in band of green that had a line of white shot through its center. She also had wrist, shoulder, and shin guards that matched her breastplate. A single tie of red was used to keep Kagome's long and thick black hair up in a high ponytail and out of her face. Sango assisted her in dressing for the first time and stood back from her handiwork, observing its effect on Kagome's features.

_"Well done…" _was all that Sango would say although that short phrase held a wealth of emotion that Kagome understood and did not question.

_Although, I can't help but to wonder how I would look wearing a gown from the Regency era… and waltzing… I've never really gotten to waltz before especially at a party. I'm sure I'd be branded as a weirdo for the rest of my life if I did… __Not that I'm considered very normal now… Not with the sicknesses grandpa concocts for me. Nowadays, people stare at me like I'm going to burst into flames or give everyone a strange incurable rash. Even Hojo split on me not that that's really important… _

Kagome sighed and put down her book. "What a loser I am…" she muttered in distaste and a wayward half giggle, half groan of despair escaped her lips, "and I got dumped by a guy who wasn't even my boyfriend…"

She shook her head sadly and then pulled her little radio from her bag. A cd was already inside waiting to be played. Despite her rush to return to Feudal Japan, Kagome remembered to place a cd, made by Ayumi, of the music she had to study for that aforementioned civilization class. It held music popular during the era in which she was now studying, some of Japanese composition and others from the west. Lying back on her blanket she let the sounds of the orchestra wash over her. Above her butterflies flit whimsically through rays of sunshine, they seemed to dance to delicate song of the flutes that flowed forth from her little radio. Violins weaved a path on the wind and the tinkling of a harp mimicked the light bouncing off the clear water of the pond.

_It's the times like these that I live for… _Kagome thought this even as her eyelids began to droop and warmth of the sun began to lull her into slumber. It was only moments later that she was jolted to full consciousness by a barrage of wind and the arrival of two shards and youkai… a youkai who could be none other than Kouga.

The young miko tensed for she did not want to deal with the wild wolf youkai at that moment or at all today if she could help it. For a split second, she wished that she could tell him that she didn't want to be bothered with his nonsense but she knew that she couldn't. In a fit of rage, she'd insulted and been mortifyingly rude to him the previous day. He deserved some sort of apology even though his unnecessary possessiveness grated on her already taunt nerves. She shaded her eyes as she looked up at the tall figure standing before her clad in the gear of his clan. However, it was disconcerting staring at him at such an angle so she hastily stood up and brushed her palms on the leg of her black jumpsuit.

_I might as well get this over with… _Kagome opened her mouth to speak but Kouga beat her to the punch.

"You look different. You're dressed like that other girl… What's her name…" Kouga stated.

"Sango... Oh yeah… she made it for me…" Kagome replied, a little off center because she had no idea where this conversation was going to go.

"Are you a taiji-ya now?"

"No… At least I don't think so. She's teaching me to fight though…" she answered, fully aware of the puzzlement seeping into her voice.

"Why the sudden need to learn to protect yourself?" Kouga asked bluntly.

Kagome could not shake the feeling of uneasiness that crept over as she conversed with her azure-eyed companion for while their conversation was quite mundane, there was a tinge of unwanted intimacy. The young priestess became more apprehensive with each trite question because she was well aware of the how very close the wolf demon, Kouga, was to her being. Her awareness increased even more as she realized that this particular wolf demon was very male and no longer hindered by resistance from Inu Yasha.

Kagome shifted as Kouga stepped a bit closer, "Huh? What was the last question you asked, Kouga-kun?"

"It wasn't a question really…" the wolf demon replied as his intense blue eyes slanted down upon her. "I said you don't really need to defend yourself anymore… With Inu Yasha out of the way, I will be here to make sure you're safe now. And, once this Naraku guy is out of the way, you can come back with me and help rebuild my clan. With you by my side, I just know that I can do it…"

Kagome's cheeks reddened in embarrassment as her mind conjured the full implications of Kouga's words. Kagura and Kanna's debut had all but wiped out Kouga's tribe. She rubbed her palms nervously on her pants as she struggled to find some suitable reply.

"Oh… Kouga-kun… I…" She stumbled and stuttered but no proper response would escape her lips.

_So what's so wrong with Kouga, eh? He's hot, right? And he seems to like you and all…_

_ Yes… yes, that's true… but... _

_ But what? _

_ I just don't… _

_ What are you hesitating for? He really wants you… Who cares about a rebound? What are you waiting on? Inu Yasha?_

_ No! _

_ He's not changing his mind you know… Don't be such a pitiful child… Sometimes, you just have to take what you can get…_

_ …_

_ It will be the perfect revenge!_

_ …_

_ What are you waiting for?_

Kagome shook her head as slightly to clear her thoughts. _What am I thinking? I can't simply run off with Kouga-kun out of spite. I mean I like Kouga and all, but… I've never felt anything more for him than that of a friend. I would be hurting him and me if I lead him on. I have got to stop this before it goes too far…_

"Don't you think it's about time that I actually did?" Kagome retorted, "I mean what have I been good for other than giving Inu Yasha and the rest a diversion. I'm always getting kidnapped or jumping into stupid situations without an actual defense. I think I should…"

The young miko was cut short as the wolf demon closed the space between them and wrapped her in a tight embrace. She let out a muffled squeak as her face made contact with his lightly armored chest. A growl rumbled in Kouga's chest and Kagome could feel the vibrations throughout her body. She was disconcerted and more than a little embarrassed by Kouga's sudden display of affection.

_Oh great… This is just what I didn't need to happen. I can't even get a moment's worth of peace around here. Now how do I get out of this situation with as little embarrassment as possible? _

Her cheeks flared with color as she tried to wriggle out of his muscular arms. Realizing that Kouga had not noticed her efforts to escape, Kagome prepared to struggle in earnest but paused as she heard him speak.

"That bastard…" he growled in anger.

"Nani?" Kagome replied, despite herself.

"I left you in his care because you weren't ready to accept me yet and he couldn't even protect you properly… The fuck up even forced you to fend for yourself…" Kouga said as his grip on her tightened.

"He didn't force me to… Kami-sama, I can barely breathe let alone reply to your ranting and raving if you don't release me." Kagome sputtered.

"Oh…" The wolf demon loosened his hold just a bit but did not release Kagome from the circle of his arms.

She splayed her fingers on his chest as she pushed back to eliminate some of the unnecessary contact as she spoke, "I'm learning to fight simply because I want to learn. I need to fend for myself. I can't always depend on everyone else to carry my responsibility. There will come a time when..." Kagome's dark brown eyes narrowed as she noticed that the blue-eyed wolf demon was distracted and therefore, not attentive to her lecture. "Kouga-kun," she snapped irately, "Are you even listening to me?"

Kouga shook his dark head, "I can't concentrate until I figure out what in the seven hells that sound is…"

The young miko ceased her simultaneous efforts to glare the young wolf demon out of continence and wedge some space between them, and listened. "Sound? What sound… Oh… my radio."

"Ray…di…oh… what the fuck is that?" Kouga growled in suspicion.

"I'll show you if you let me free…" Kagome said and then breathed a sigh of relief as his arms finally fell away from her person.

She spent the ten minutes or so demonstrating how her radio worked. The little device fascinated Kouga until he wished to operate for himself. However, that did not go over so well and the wolf youkai nearly broke the poor radio in his impatience. Kagome ended up confiscating the device and scolding Kouga for his unnecessary coarseness.

"Are you sure it's not an enchantment that makes that thing work?" Kouga asked for seemed like the thousandth time since he discovered the radio.

His companion sighed in resignation as she knelt down to put her radio back on the blanket, "Sure, Kouga-kun… It's magic, really special magic."

A roguish grim split his features as he crowed in triumph, "I knew it. Otherwise, it just doesn't make sense that it would keep going. And this music, it doesn't sound like any music I've heard. It's strange… I can't see myself being revved up for war listening to that."

Kagome straightened up and nearly slapped her forehead in frustration. Instead, she just settled for another irritated sigh, "I told you it's not a war song or for fighting at all. Women are supposed to dress in pretty gowns and the men wear nice suits. Then they all dance in halls filled with candlelight."

Kouga scratched his head puzzlement, "Sounds pretty useless to me…"

"Guys from the feudal era are completely un-romantic… Believe it or not, there is more to life then grunting and fighting." Kagome sniffed in disdain.

"Is there?" Kouga replied, his azure blue eyes intently focused on her and his voice a little huskier than usual.

Kagome was so annoyed she totally missed the warning, "Yes, there's plenty more. It just seems like everyone is into fighting this war or gaining this power, or… Kouga-kun? What are you doing?"

The youkai leader's hands wrapped about her waist and pulled her close once more, "So Kagome, you say they dance to music like this where you come from…"

"Uhhh… no not really anymore…" Kagome blushed profusely, this time she was clearly aware of Kouga's intent.

"Well… teach me how," he demanded softly.

"I… uhh… ummm…. I'm not sure how to go about it exactly and… and I don't know if it's a good idea to try…" the young miko's heart was pounding wildly and her chest as she franticly sought some route of escape.

"Here's a deal… You teach me how to dance to this music and I'll teach you… a thing or two about…" Kouga paused, effectively drawing out his statement, "fighting…"

Kagome pulled a face and then frowned, "I… uhh… I guess that would be okay…"

"You know what I like about you." Kouga smiled even as his grip tightened.

"… I wouldn't know..."

"You always get into trouble…"

Kagome gasped in outrage, "That's not something to good."

The wolf youkai only chuckled in response, "You're human and frail. Being able to protect you makes me feel stronger…"

She bit her lip in order to not point out that Inu Yasha not Kouga had ever taken the true responsibility of watching out for her safety.

"That's why I didn't want you to learn how to fight. I know that once you do there would be no use for me." Kouga continued gruffly, "Unless, you allow me to be your mate."

"Kouga… I can't…" Kagome began sadly.

He shook his head slightly and silenced her by gently placing the tip of his finger over her lips. "Don't answer now… Wait until this whole thing is finished. It's easier to think in peaceful times. Then, I'll accept any decision you choose to make. For now, let's just dance."

Kagome nodded in acceptance of his reprieve. She was not enthusiastic about dashing his hopes in the dust and she didn't mind so much having him around to be honest. However, she knew deep down that she didn't love him and maybe couldn't love him, not when her heart had not even begun to heal. She took a deep breath and smiled a smile that was too bright and enthusiastic to be real. "Okay, well first we have to do the proper greeting, that dancers do when they meet on the floor."

"Greeting?" Kouga said he stepped back at Kagome's coaxing.

"Yes. A gentleman always bows to a lady and the lady curtsies to her partner." Kagome instructed.

"You what to who?" Kouga rejoined in confusion.

"Just pay attention," she grumbled as she demonstrated. "The man does this…" She followed this with a deep bow. "The lady does this in response." Kagome then sank into deep court-style curtsy, all the while grasping her imaginary skirts.

"Well, that's an odd way to start…"

Kagome's eyebrow twitched and her teeth clenched into a tight smile as she continued, "Well, that's the way it is done or so I've been told. Would you like me to teach you or not…"

Kouga merely shrugged, "What the hell. We've gotten this far, we might as well get through the whole ordeal."

The young miko mentally boxed her "dance partner's" ears even as she spoke, "You have to bow first and then I'll continue."

He complied, bowing deeply and with much flourish. Afterwards, he quirked an ebony eyebrow and smirked at Kagome as if to dare her to comment. His companion complied readily for she realized that Kouga was being quite irreverent on purpose.

"You catch on easily…" she retorted, her voice liberally laced with sarcasm.

Kouga flashed a toothy smile as he spoke. "I couldn't help it. You look adorable when you're irritated."

Kagome bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling and glared, "If you think I'm adorable now, you'll think I'm a supermodel if you keep misbehaving…"

"Supermodel?"

The young miko threw up her hands in exasperation, "It's nothing… Can we speed this along please?"

Kouga let out a sharp bark of laughter at her pique but cooperated. Things began to move along smoothly with just a bit of awkwardness when Kagome had to step once again into the wolf demon's embrace albeit with more space between them. Kouga piercing azure–eyed gaze made her blush before she shook off her nervousness and queued him to begin the waltz.

"Remember," she reminded him a bit shakily. "Count the steps…"

Kouga only nodded in response and his grip tightened about her waist. It was no time at all before they were dipping and whirling in circles in the secluded clearing. Kouga proved himself to be quite the dancer as well; his movements were graceful and exact. Kagome found that she was enjoying herself immensely, enjoying herself so much in fact that she hadn't noticed that the sly wolf youkai had drawn her closer. She was far too busy laughing at the exhilarating feeling of being whirled about in such an elegant fashion. The music had ended before she realized how close together she and her partner. The enchantment of the moment melted away and she was left with a feeling of apprehension as her gaze met Kouga's. The wolf youkai's eyes were heavily lidded and even so, those bright azure eyes conveyed emotions that were far from familial and more extreme than friendly. The gravity of the situation finally hit Kagome's brain as his lips began their descent. Her mouth went dry and she struggled to say something, anything. Time seemed to move in slow motion as her mind raced with too many thoughts to count and her heart thumped loudly in her ears.

_I…_

She could feel the warmth of his breath on her face.

_I…_

He was so close that if she leaned in their lips would meet.

_I…_

By now most girls had their first kiss. Why not her?

_Because I…_

He was so close… so close…

_I just…_

Kagome felt her heart jolt as she nearly leaned in to him and then abruptly turned her face away. His warm lips landed on her cheek.

_I just can't do this…_

She felt her eyes well with tears and even though she wasn't looking at Kouga, she could feel his disappointment.

"Gomen nasai, Kouga-kun. You know I can't… Not just now…" she whispered still looking away.

His warm, calloused fingers gently gripped her chin and turned her face towards his as he spoke, "No… I should apologize. I got swept away… I said I would wait and I still will…" With that, he pressed a quick kiss on her forehead and released her entirely; "I'll meet you back at camp. I don't think I can trust myself to behave if I stay here with you any longer."

Kagome only nodded in response and then briefly watched him walk away. She knew deep down that even though he tried to make light of the situation, Kouga was wounded by her rejection. She could see the brief flash of pain in his eyes and it bothered her now to recall it. She turned away and wrapped her arms about her body because she suddenly felt cold.

"Kagome?"

She turned abruptly at the sound of Kouga's voice, sending her heavy and slightly damp ebony hair spilling over her shoulders, "Hai, Kouga-kun?"

"I…" He began and then paused as if uncertain what to say, "I don't know what that bastard did to make you so devoted to him but, know this… One day, if you allow me, I will make you forget him…"

With those parting words, Kouga walked away, leaving Kagome to her thoughts.

"I'm such a fool…" she sighed unhappily and then went about packing her things. She wanted no more of this privacy she previously sought. Her thoughts were too tangled and sad to contemplate.

She was so absorbed with quitting the once peaceful clearing; she was totally unaware that she was being observed. The awareness of a youkai's presence tickled the edge of her mind, but did not fully compute. She ignored it, just as she tried to ignore her own thoughts and forget the things that recently happened. Haltingly, the young priestess removed herself from the clearing quickly and did not turn back.

He hadn't meant to spy on her all that time. No, it wasn't his intent but once he caught sight of her he could not will himself to leave. She was so beautiful and graceful that he was mesmerized. Remembering the clumsy girl she once was and seeing the woman that she was becoming held him in awe. Gone were the supple curves of adolescence and soft living. In their place lie a lithe elegance and toned body that was still curvaceous. His blatant spying had not been out of perversion, well not really… There was many a time when he saw Kagome's naked body and he thought himself at least partially immune to the hentai habits and thoughts that seemed to circulate around his houshi friend, Miroku. Today, like so many days in the past, Inu Yasha appointed himself Kagome's personal, and secret, bodyguard when she decided to go out on her own.

It had been a routine of sorts that he'd been unable to break since they first met. After growing attached to the unusual girl, Inu Yasha developed this uncanny need to know that she was safe no matter where she happened to be. Even when she hopped through the well and into a time with which she was most familiar and safe, he needed to know, see, and hear that Kagome was out of harm's way. If she only knew… He'd probably be dead. The short tempered vixen that was Kagome would never let Inu Yasha away unscathed had she discovered that he was 'protecting' her even in the baths. Nowadays, he was sure she wouldn't think twice about sitting him into oblivion. Just the thought of that god-awful spell made him shudder. Recently, kissing the dirt had become his expertise.

_Not that I don't deserve whatever punishment Kagome decides to mete out… I've been a real bastard… Nowadays, I can't even help it anymore._

Inu Yasha suppressed a wince at all the pain he'd purposefully caused her. Someone with a weaker constitution would have left long ago but Kagome was far too stubborn, far too compassionate, and far to dedicated to just walk away. The half inu-youkai shook his silver haired head even as his amber eyes refused to wander away from the object of his thoughts.

_I took for granted just how stubborn and strong she was. To say I misjudged her would be an understatement. I know for sure now that it would have been simpler if I just told her the truth. It would have been easy on both of us to say the least. But I can never say exactly what I feel, can I? I would have managed to fuck up the truth just as I've fucked up everything else. It's nothing for it now, is there? No fucking time left for regrets… Times running out and I know it. I feel it in my gut… and yet she's still here. I wanted her to leave and not look back. I wanted her to be mad enough to forget this place, this time and me. I failed in this and I'm afraid that when the time comes I'll fail her then… By then, she won't want anything I have to offer…_

He watched from his perch high in a tree as Kagome's body cut through the water as if she commanded it to part. She moved as gracefully in the water as she did on land. He'd watched while she practiced with Sango more times than he cared to admit to anyone let alone himself. He was proud of the way she fought and saw her potential. Sango seemed to be an adequate teacher. He knew for a fact that Sango had somehow known he was there. The taiji-ya cast suspicious, warning glances at him every now and again but never asked questions. There was also puzzlement in her eyes when she chanced to look at him at all, so he knew that Miroku had not enlightened her any to the tangled mess that was his relationship with her friend.

_I almost wish he had… _

He was distracted from his train of thoughts as he watched Kagome abruptly stop swimming. She seemed bothered and it made Inu Yasha sniff at the air, wondering if she had somehow sensed a youkai in the area. Upon further inspection, the hanyou noticed that she seemed more irritated than alarmed.

_Perhaps she has just as much on her mind as I do… I dare not ask and somehow I don't think I want to really know. Then again, I know exactly where I stand in her eyes… It just hurts more when she says it. _

His sharp claws involuntary dug into the resistant bark of the branch on which he was perched while he watched her emerge from the water. Her lightly tanned body glistened in the sunlight and he could see her muscles flex beneath her smooth skin. Inu Yasha swallowed hard as his mouth went dry and then he shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. She was so beautiful… He'd known it long ago and he knew it now. She was so beautiful that it hurt. Unsuppressed longing for the young miko coursed through his bloodstream and his heart thudded loud in his ears.

_I really shouldn't be here… I should go… _

But, he didn't move, couldn't move. His body felt like lead and he could not summon the effort to make himself leave. Instead he shut his eyes tight, depriving him of the sight of Kagome. Even so, his ears were honed upon her. He heard ever rustle and soft sigh, every twig that she trod upon and every little song she hummed whilst she dressed. It was really too much and not enough to be honest. He missed the way she smiled at him and the way they used to talk. He missed the way she felt pressed so close to him when he carried her. He missed the little things she did: a glance, a light touch, a sigh. At one time, Inu Yasha was sure that Kagome could see straight into his soul when she looked him the eyes. It made him unsure of himself and scared that she would see all the blood that stained his past and he was deathly afraid that one day she would see him for what he truly was, weak and afraid, a useless half-breed orphan. This single insecurity made it hard for him to just be comfortable in her presence. He needed to erect those walls in order to keep Kagome out. However, his resistance to her crumbled gradually and far too easily. She managed to lay bare emotions he denied he'd known. Now more than ever, he wished that he hadn't grown so close. It would have been easier to set things right and make it so Kagome was safe and sound in her own time. He could have destroyed that well so long ago… but he hadn't. He'd set beside that well many times in the past contemplating whether or not he should seal her away for good. Each and every time he tried, his heart would wrench at the thought of not being near Kagome. He'd been weak then and now his inability caused her more pain now. He was failing her just like he'd failed Kikyo long ago…

_I really should not be anywhere near her. My body is unpredictable nowadays. I'm not so sure what's happening to me and… I wouldn't want to hurt her anymore than I have… I couldn't forgive myself if I harmed her…_

Inu Yasha's amber eyes opened and he blinked to clear his vision. His gaze returned to the subject of his thoughts instantly. Kagome lie on her blanket reading one of her books, probably for a test or weird task she needed to complete for school. The sound of music tickled his ears and lull of unfamiliar instruments puzzled him.

_This doesn't sound like any of the music I've heard her play on that thing before…_

Inu Yasha's train of thought jarred to a stop as a familiar scent drifted to him on the wind. _Fuck… _

He could tell that Kagome sensed it too. Helpless anger filled because he knew that there was nothing he could say or do to prevent his obnoxious rival, Kouga, from having time alone with his "woman". When Kouga arrived, the hanyou ground his teeth in barely restrained frustration and his claws went from digging into the tree upon which he perched to tearing it apart. Pieces splintered away and fell unnoticed to the ground below.

Everything became a red blur after that. Somehow, the pair's interaction went from casual conversation to touching. They were touching! Kagome seemed to be enjoying herself immensely, while Kouga simultaneously twirled her in tight circles and pulled her closer. Inu Yasha could not remember a time went he was so angry or so hurt. Jealousy poured through his veins like acid and he barely restrained himself. He'd felt this way only once before. The night of the new moon had left him shaken and deathly afraid of his own reaction to the mere thought of Kagome being with Kouga. Now it was real…

_How dare he touch her… I should kill him… No wait… I should make him suffer… then kill him… _

Inu Yasha clutched his head in agony as his head filled with a barrage of deadly confusing thoughts. He nearly cried out but his cry stuck in his throat. His demon blood surged through his body, leaving him gasping and shuddering for control.

_Go make him suffer... Make him suffer the way you suffer…_

_ No… I can't go… I can't… Might hurt Kagome…_

_ She's yours… She's yours by right… That bastard has to pay…_

_ I can't… No matter what, I won't put Kagome in harm's way…_

His inner battle blinded him to the scene below. It took all of his strength to fight off the blood lust of his demon half and by the time he managed this feat, Kagome and Kouga were gone. He collapsed against the tree trunk and his chest heaved in painful gasps. His thoughts clamored through his head and his initial rage simmered down until it was replaced with bitterness and anguish.

_Oh Gods… I can't believe I saw that… I can't believe she would want him… I don't want to believe…_

Inu Yasha's chest still heaved painfully and the beginnings of tears formed in his blood-shot amber eyes but he refused to let them fall. Instead, he wiped them away roughly and stood.

_I need to get away… I need to get away from here…_

He took off in the opposite direction of the campsite with unseeing eyes, hoping to put some distance between himself and the scene he just witnessed…

**_Yeah… this is the end of the chapter for now… Maybe the next chapter will be _"Fighting with Hanyous…"**_and maybe not._** _Whatever the case, believe me when I say things are going to get crazy. Sesshoumaru and the gang are going to make their appearance and perhaps we might get a glimpse of what the enemy has planned. Sorry for the delay. I'm still around. Never doubt it._**

****

**_Domo Arigato Gozaimasu!_**


	19. Blown in the Wind

**All things under heaven have a purpose and all things that happen are meant to happen when they do… Please forgive my absence… After all it does make the heart grow fonder… On another note… I tried to stay as true to the manga as I could but… I think it's time I veered off the path. Anyone who has any knowledge about the Inu Yasha Manga storyline would know that the plot is more twisted than a drunk at an open bar. The death of characters and the birth of new ones that are integral to the storyline are a little too complex to try to include in my little fan fiction. Unlike the Inu Yasha series, I would like to end this story in the near future. So there you have it. Don't worry; I won't add any weird characters. **

**Megami no Hikari**

**Spoiler warning…**

_At least I have my freedom… _

Kagura's head lolled back against the ancient tree she knelt before only minutes after her encounter with her former master Naraku. In one instant he'd awarded her with life and then the darkness of death. Now the once powerful wind youkai could not trust her knees to support her nor summon enough energy to focus let alone escape. Naraku had left her just as swiftly as he'd appeared and even if he hadn't, she highly doubted that he would have provided her with any solace.

"So it's just me, my heart, and the forest…" Kagura sighed brokenly. She could feel a burning sensation in the back of her throat and her eyes were watering constantly.

_It must be the miasma… _

"Well… old friend… you'll be the only one to see me off I suppose…" Kagura chuckled softly and weakly patted the gnarled tree that bit uncomfortably into the back of her raven-haired head. She was a sight for sore eyes, slumped in the shadows, her beautiful silken kimono pooled about her, rumpled and sullied with dirt. Her hair was down about her shoulders and bits of twigs protruded from the dark mass at weird angles. Her pale skin somehow appeared much paler than usual and dirt smudges, scratches and bruises stood out in stark relief. Her bright red eyes had dimmed as her life drained from her body and tears coursed unnoticed and unchecked down her cheeks. One of her hands weakly gripped the gaping front of her stained, singed kimono closed. Despite her diminishing strength, she was very aware of her heartbeat beneath her hand.

_So this is what it feels like to be alive… This is what it feels like to be free…_

Kagura gasped and a thin line of purple miasma dribbled from the corner of her mouth. She didn't bother to wipe it away, after all more would come and what little strength she retained she had no wish to waste on something so futile. "What reasons have I to care about my appearance? I'm about to die in obscurity…"

_Not that I had much faith that Naraku would just set me free… That bastard… He gives nothing without fully corrupting it first… But then again he's given me the only thing I ever truly wanted… not the way I wanted it of course… but still… I'll die knowing I had the one thing I risked my life for… I just wish I didn't have to go it alone._

"Not that you aren't excellent company…" Kagura laughed weakly as her fingers grazing the rough bark of her oblivious companion. The sorrow of knowing her own death was so near finally overtook her bitter humorless laughter and changed her chuckles to heart wrenching sobs. "Not like this… I don't want to die… I just wanted to be free…"

Just as Kagura's trembling chin fell against her chest, a strong wind rustled through the trees, distracting the waning youkai from her own sorrows. Her scarlet eyes rose as if to meet the heavens but stopped abruptly as they fell upon bright amber eyes. Time seemed to stop then and there as Lord of the Dog Youkai, Lord Sesshoumaru, came to a silent stop before Kagura. So many thoughts ran through Kagura's mind as stare silently up at the one man she'd ever looked upon with admiration, with hope, and a feeling she'd not been sure of when she had not the possession of her heart. It was a feeling that she never thought she could experience nor had she a need for really. But now it was the only feeling that sustained her when she should have faded to dust.

"You…" She whispered from trembling lips.

Sesshoumaru's face remained a calm mask and his eyes bore no hint of his thoughts as he looked down upon her. Suddenly Kagura became aware of what a sight she must seem to him and she weakly wiped at the smudges on her face and then the dribble of miasma tinted blood at the corner of her mouth. In doing so her bedraggled kimono gaped open, exposing the bruised, tender flesh beneath. Kagura's futile effort to neaten her appearance came to an abrupt end as Sesshoumaru moved his long pale fingers up to his side as if to reach for the hilt of his sword. Since the fatally wounded wind youkai did not have the energy to so much as flinch, she could only watch in wide eyed apprehension and wonder at her fate.

_What is he doing?_

She had not long to question his purpose as Sesshoumaru swiftly and expertly unsheathed his inherited sword, Tensiega. Kagura's heart leapt in her chest as she came to the realization that this very inu youkai meant to save her.

_So you do care for me a little, Sesshoumaru-sama? _Kagura could not voice her thoughts due to her own weakness and fear to divulge the secrets of her heart. She could only sit transfixed, lips slightly parted, as the Tenseiga descended upon. A moment passed… and then another… and then there was naught but the sound of the wind rustling through the treetops. A rare frown of confusion marred the brow of the lord of the dogs as he retracted his sword and stared briefly at it in disdain before placing it back in its sheath.

"Tenseiga will be of no service to you…" Sesshoumaru stated baldly as he leveled his sharp amber eyes upon her once again, "It can only bring back those on the brink of death who have a soul."

Kagura fingers weakly pressed to her chest, as she spoke, "It doesn't matter. I got everything I wanted… I have my heart… and…" A smile bloomed on her face even as her body rapidly began to fade into the wind, "I got to see you one more time…"

Sesshoumaru stood expressionless as Kagura became nothing more than wind blown dust. A gentle breeze caressed his face and lifted his heavy silver-white locks from his shoulders.

_I know what it feels like to be free now… Free like the wind…_

The Lord of the Inu Youkai stood a moment longer staring down at the empty spot where Kagura once rested before turning to join his companions he'd left behind.

"Sesshomaru-sama! Sesshoumaru-sama! You've returned! My Lord, you left so suddenly we had no idea how to find you." Jaken exclaimed as he rose from his seat by the small creek where they set up camp the day before.

"Sesshoumaru-sama?" Rin questioned as she looked up from the small fire that she'd been trying to rekindle only moments before.

The white haired youkai remained silent and unfazed by the questioning glances of his companions. Jaken's green skin broke into a sweat as he considered all the ways in which he might have angered his master. Rin tipped her head to the side thoughtfully, poking a small twig into the smoldering remains of her fire once more. Suddenly she stood, leaving her task behind to boldly stand before Sesshoumaru.

"Sesshourmaru-sama?"

"Rin! Do not bother our lord so! Find something to do with your time." Jaken scolded, more than a bit jealous of his small ward's boldness.

If the little girl heard Jaken's tirade, she gave no sign of it as she continued with her scrutiny of her caretaker. His piercing amber eyes were holding her brown ones in intense, unblinking gaze. Many would have cowered in fear from such an intimidating figure but not Rin. Instead, she searched his seemingly cold eyes for a hint of something; a something that she felt was awry.

"I felt Naraku was close by. It made my skin feel prickly and weird…" Rin began.

"Oh Rin, do not bother Lord Sesshoumaru with such trivial nonsense. We all know that Naraku was about… We are tracking him, you little fool." Jaken sighed in annoyance.

"I would stop bothering Sesshoumaru-sama if you would just allow me to finish what I have to say…" Rin responded coldly, pinning Jaken a stare much like his master's, so much alike that the underling shrank back a bit.

Sesshoumaru observed Rin's regal demeanor with some surprise and a tinge of pride though he refused to show it. A hint of something akin to a smile tugged at his mouth before he quickly wiped his expression clean. By this time, Jaken had already recovered from his initial shock and began blustering in anger.

"Now you see here, little missy. I see someone is getting too big for her britches. I see I have to cut you down to size. Such disrespect is intolerable, unheard of, obsce.."

"Jaken…"

"Yes, my lord?" Jaken's voice quavered a bit.

"I grow weary of interruptions…"

"Oh my lord, I am so sorry for her disobedience. I shall see to her right aw…"

"Jaken…"

Sweat formed on toad like youkai's green forehead as Sesshoumaru's amber stare fell upon him, "Y-yes… My Lord?"

"Silence…"

There was no mistaking the command or annoyance in Sesshoumaru's voice. After finally realizing that his very hide was in danger if he tempted the fates one more time, Jaken only nodded jerkily before backing away quietly and very quickly.

Silence once again fell upon the camp as if all of nature sensed his threat and complied with the taiyoukai's command.

"Rin?"

The little girl who barely stood higher than Sesshoumaru's waist met his unwavering gaze once more. She needed no more prompting to continue, "As I said I can feel it when Naraku is near… Only thing is… The wind lady is never that far behind him… and then she usually comes to us. This time she didn't. Did something happen to the wind lady?"

Jaken listened intently to her question; having realized that Rin's statement rang true. He dare not respond for he valued his life too much despite his tendency toward loquaciousness. He watched his lordship pause and then break eye contact with his curious young ward.

"Kagura is no more…" was his only response and then he turned away, "Rin fetch Ahn and Uhn. Jaken pack camp. We leave now."

"Hai…" Rin replied a bit woodenly. Although she traveled a long way with her new protectors, witnessing more than her fair share of bloodshed and death, she could not stem the tide of sadness that swept over her upon hearing that Kagura had met her end. Tears welled in her large brown eyes and she quickly wiped them away. "Warriors don't cry…" Rin chide herself quietly as she went about her task of rousing the two-headed beast known as Ahn and Uhn. The beast was found slumbering contently beneath a tree close to camp.

"Come… we must leave this place Ahn and Uhn. We have to find the monster who hurt the poor Lady of the Wind…" Rin sighed and wiped errantly at twigs and debris on the beast's hide.

"Rin, come."

"Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama…" Rin took off in the direction his voice, Ahn and Uhn in tow.

The group broke camp and headed off in the direction of Naraku's last known whereabouts. Somewhere along the way Rin instinctively paused and hopped from Ahn and Uhn back to the ground. Sesshoumaru never broke his stride as he glanced back at his ward. Jaken noticed as well and felt the need to make a comment as usual.

"Rin, what are you up to? Your shenanigans are holding us up, you know." Jaken nagged.

His comments rolled off the little girl's spine as usual, as she picked flowers from the forest floor, quickly accumulating a vibrant bouquet. She then lay them at the foot of a large, gnarled tree with bark that was eaten in places with dark, smoking craters.

Jaken sighed in exasperation before he tried once again to scold Rin, "You're wasting much of our time. Lord Sesshoumaru will leave you here in the forest where he found you."

The little girl spent a moment more staring at her impromptu memorial and then followed after her companions.


End file.
